50K and counting

Ryan ran THIS again this year. And he did it with quite a bit of flair! He trained for months. And he did it. At the halfway point he told me and the kids he was "Great!" At the end, his quick pace wasn't as quick and I started to worry he'd been eaten by a bear. But he finished at 6 hours 45 minutes.

Amazing right?

Now he's training to run 100 MILES in September. OMG. It's ridiculous. 100 miles is so far. And so long.

He has 38 hours to complete it. He's asked a few friends who run AND can navigate the wilderness to run with him. One friend in particular is in the military and can navigate in the dark. Thank god because I can't do that. And when Ryan asked me to help him at night, (yes they run all night) I said, "But what if you want to actually RUN and you have to leave me in the woods. Alone. In the Dark. With wild animals.?" They would totally find me the next day with my face eaten off by something. I know it. And so he's asked me to help him with the last 10 miles. Which occur in the early evening. Ha ha..smart man.

I asked him. "How do I help you?" He said, "You run with me."

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...ha ha ha...me....running....ha ha ha ha..I mean I'll run if my life depends on it, and even then I most likely will just drop to the fetal position and pray that sweet death comes swiftly and without much pain.

But I love my crazy running fool of a husband. So I've been running. Well...I've been "training" to run. Like the couch to 10K app on my phone. And by couch it means....I sit on the couch all the live long day eating chips and what not. And then in 3 short months I should be able to run a 10k. Oh no? That's not how it works? Oh.

I've been bitching and moaning like mad about the "training" I've been doing because let's face it. I don't run and I'm almost 40. And starting to run at 40 is just stupid if there's not a good reason. But Ryan listens to it patiently. He understands that it's hard for me, but that I'm doing it out of pure love and support to him. And then he says, "I just ask that all the bitching and moaning doesn't happen on the run. Cause it won't help." Point taken sir. Point.Taken.

Either way. I'll be huffing and puffing along side my poor husband, who at the point that he meets me, will have most likely run 90 miles straight through the Superior Forest, on a tiny deer trail, up and down peaks and mountains, for many hours straight, no sleeping.

Here are a few photos of the weekend of the 50K. I had several kids with me. Our neighbor runs and I had his daughter and Miles brought his best friend J. It rained the whole time so we spent a lot of time in the pool and sauna.

Ryan at the mid way point. Looking pretty good.

 Heading off to the peak of the race

 Ryan finishing the race 6 hours 45 minutes

 Chicken fights after the race. I can't believe he's standing.

Claire and Ryan won the chicken fights!

Our neighbor after the race. He's not participating in the chicken fights, or looking thrilled about having his photo taken.

The kids loved the sauna. Not sure what J is doing.

Two things

I hate opening canned rolls. HATE.IT!

I avoided buying them for ever.  And then Ryan went all No Partially Hydrogenated Oils about 14 years ago. (They're riddled with them) So I dodged that bullet again.

Sadly Claire went to a friend's house about a year ago and they had crescent rolls with dinner. Thus began her obsession with them. I held her off as long as I could. Or as long as she couldn't read. Then she found them at Trader Joe's and read that there were NO PHO's in them. *sigh*

I bought them. I do believe this is going to happen everytime I open them though.

I will literally hand them to Ryan, then run from the room with my ears plugged. Not shitting you. But one night before dinner, Ryan was working late and I had no alternative planned. I panicked. I mean...really kinda got the flop sweats about it. I sat them on the counter. Looked at them. And touched the can. Nope they didn't explode with my touch. But I knew they were just waiting. Then all of the sudden, Claire came. Ripped it open. Set them in front of me and said, "See mom! I can do it!" And Voila! Easy Peasy!

Now THIS is how I open the rolls.

And then there's this. 

My girlfriend posted this on my facebook wall. She thinks I'm crazy because I can and actually HAVE to fold the fitted sheet to match the flat sheet and pillow cases. They have to be a perfect rectangle. All the same size people. (Remember? I have a touch of the OCD. Check out number 22.)

Ryan on the other hand, rolls it into a ball. I watched him do it last night. I almost had an aneurysm. He just said, "Don't worry about it." And it magically disappeared. I have no idea where he put those sheets. But when I find them. They WILL BE PERFECT!

Cancer sucks.

I'm so heartbroken today. Today I've learned that a very good friend of mine is dying.
He's sick, and there's nothing they can do about it. He has very little time.

His wife is devastated. His kids are young. I can't stop crying. I don't even know what to do or say.
Ryan and I love this family so much. Our kids grew up together.

I'm just heartbroken.

There's no crying at breakfast!

I'm the worst mom ever. In the land of ever in the whole of the world. Nay...the universe.

The scene:
Ryan, Miles, and Claire swaying side to side in unison, at the breakfast table, with their arms in the air, to Rocket Man, as if they WERE are the Elton John concert.

Then they start to peer pressure ME into doing it. I will not. I'm not in the mood. I start to joke about how, "no way am I doing that. Thanks for asking but no. You guys are totally weird!" I go so far as to do the wide eyed eye roll. You know the one. The one that says, "Wow! Just wow!"

And then they start REALLY getting into it. I mean....I think Claire's eyes were closed and all.

Then I said, "You guys are so weird, I'm going on the internet to find a new family." TOTALLY JOKING BTW.

And Claire stopped. Cold in her tracks. Put her arms down. Stared at me with wide eyes. Then in a split second started to cry.

*gulp* Whoopsie daisies.


(To be fair, this is a photo from when she was 1. But she has the same face when she cries. It's really upset and sad, and says, "WHY?!?!?!?!"  We used to call her the piranha because she had such a huge underbite and those two teeth only.)

Poor baby. She really thought I was going to do it.

Guess I have to do the stupid family arm sway at breakfast.

We are SOOOOO going to be famous!

My kids were chosen to be in the Children's Theater Company's 2013-2014 brochure and catalogs. They were both so excited, they went around the house for days exclaiming they were going to be famous.

Claire had done a photo shoot once before when she was 3. She did a handbag campaign for a friend of mine. My girlfriend owns the handbag company. It's called BCDesigns. She's a real talented lady. I adore her. And I covet her bags.

It took a while to get Claire "in the mood". But me falling over the photographer's gear cracked her up enough to get this shot.

But as we left, she said, "I hated that. I don't like how everyone was tellin' me what to do!"

Anyway. Cut to 3 years later. And my kids are dancing around blah blah blahing about fame. Kardashian's look out.

We get to the shoot and it's NO JOKE. Make up. Hair. Clothing/Costumes. With a really amazeballs photographer. From what we saw of his portfolio and the stuff on the walls he's a big deal. Claire is in a photo with another little guy and Miles is all alone.

I'm not sure if I can say what they did in the photos, because the ads aren't out yet. But I imagine it's going to be pretty rad. Hopefully I'll get a copy to post.

Needless to say, they kids were amazing. They were well behaved and had fun. It was several hours later and they were chatting about riches and fame....then Claire fell asleep in the car on the way home and once home, they had to clean their rooms.

Nothing like bringing them back to reality before school the next day. But for a moment. They were "famous."

No shit.

I read THIS story today. I mean...Jesus. 99 out of 100 women and probably some men would agree.

And in other news water is wet.

I can never make her happy

Well I changed my blog layout again. I do it from time to time. There was a period of time where I changed it just about every day. It drove my sister Cindi nuts. Ha ha ... she's such a little turd.

So I changed it again the other day. Cindi doesn't like it.

She made a point to tell me she didn't like it. I mean......totally rude. Right? Often she emails, texts, phones me to yell about me not blogging. Then when I do, I get this email from her.

I thought my response was pretty funny. She didn't respond after that. Ha. I love that girl.

Gone are the days.........

You probably don't remember this. I sure don't. But I bet my mom does. And I KNOW my grandmother would. The days of dressing to go anywhere.

Mad Men is coming on again this weekend. And let me tell you. It's fancy dressing all the time.  Even their leisure wear is fancy. 

I was at the market today. I had run there right after I brought the kids to school. And before I planned to work out. I was certainly NOT the only woman in the store wearing yoga pants, a sweatshirt, and running shoes. (Let me be clear though, I don't run. But I hate the term TENNIS shoes. Cause I don't play tennis either.)  It seems to be the outfit of choice when shopping for food at 8:30am in suburban MN.

But it got me thinking. I remember, people talked about getting "Dressed" for things. Like running to the market. To the corner store. Or out to dinner. I do none of that. I'm lucky if my jeans are clean and I've showered. 

Sure. I'm lazy. I could try harder. But I just said I'm lazy. And I never go places that warrant a fancy set of duds. I go places like Super Target, Trader Joe's, Costco. I rarely go out to dinner. And when I do, it's Wendy's night for school or pizza at the local pizza place. See...heels and a brocade dress wouldn't work. 

I want to wear clothes like in the photo above. I want to look stylish and retro and cool and chic. I haven't worn a dress since....well......hmmmm.....I can't even remember. But it's been a long time. The fanciest thing I do is get my hair cut every 6 months or so, and go to the chiropractor. 

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. It's full. And fun. But it really lacks in the glamour department. Anyone who knows me is saying....."SJT...you are not that fancy." I mean...I want to be. Maybe I'll make a change. 

Or maybe I'll just go to the Gap and get another pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

Miles is a cool MoFo

I love the 90's pandora station. I listen to it when I cook. It makes me happy. Apparently it makes Miles super happy too. He was a dancin' fool.



Seriously. He's not a huge music person, but he couldn't keep his little butt still. I love him so much for this. He makes me proud. Ha ha......

Just gross

So today I was getting dressed, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Not cool man.

It's said that mirrors add poundage. I'm going with that assessment. As I also go with the "camera adds 10 pounds" rule. Although mine seems to be added to MY FACE, and my face alone.

But whatever. I actually said, to myself, outloud..... "OH MY GOD GROSS".

For Easter this year, my cousin brought his new girlfriend to dinner. She's this cute, adorable Korean adoptee. She's young. Cute. Tiny. Awesomely nice. And did I mention cute and tiny?

I told my sister that she's going to make the two of us (my sister and me) look like heifers. I wasn't kidding either. That girl must have weighed like.....100 pounds. I hate her. Well. Not really cause she's cool as hell, but damn if I didn't see myself today in the mirror and think, GOOD GOD THAT'S TOO BAD FATTY.

Fuck.

Parking Lot from Hell!

Well. I have been spoiled having Ryan take the kids to school for the past year. I mean SPOILED!

He's back working far from home and leaves at 6:30 every morning. So I take the kids in.

I said this once. And now I take it all back. I DO go up there at 2:10. I DO sit in the parking lot waiting for my kids. I DO read. I  DO fucking look out the window, because I DON'T have anything better to do. And as a matter of fact, I HATE walking up to the school in the dead of winter to get my kids. My kids don't like it either. And let me tell you. If you're not there before 2:15, you're walking 3 blocks to get to the school from the street. It's laid out that stupid. But I digress.

I have noticed, and this is no joke, that people are out of their damn minds in this parking lot. They will cut you off without any hesitation. Because I'm pretty sure they have better places to go than I do.  They double park because they didn't get there early enough and it's too cold for them to park down the street and walk up. So they block you from leaving. I'm always hoping my kids get out AFTER their kids do so I can actually leave instead of WAIT. FOREVER.
Here. I've drawn a picture so you have a better idea of what I'm dealing with.

Notice the jankety parking job that some do? It's no joke. I'm really being quite nice about it too.

But this is nothing compared to the morning rush. It's seriously, hell. Like icy cold center core of hell, hell. Clearly people are in a hurry. Cutting me off and stuff. And I get that. But seriously, this other type of parent is the WORST. Sitting in the drive through lane because you want to watch-little-Sally-walk-in-oh-isn't-she-adorable-whoops-she-dropped-her-mitten-I-should-wait-to-see-if-she-got-it-oh-yep-she-did-oh-there-she-goes-into-school-down-the-hall-and-into-class. Oh.My.Fucking.God. I actually have lost my voice yelling in the parking lot at these idiots. I think that's where my vein ripping out of my neck fantasies enter my brain.

I've seen parents almost hit kids crossing the drive through area because they were too busy speeding out of their spot, or talking to another parent in tandem car driving in a single lane. (That one's my favorite. Can't be stupider than that.) But through all of this idiotic driving, and parking and waiting. One thing that disappoints me the very most, all the drivers I see doing really stupid shit are Asian. Like, eyes-peeping-over-the-steering-wheel-steering-wheel-in-their-chest Asian.

I'm not trying to be a racist. Cause hell, I'm Korean myself. But holy crap! They don't say Asian drivers are the worst for no reason. I mean. I have consciously, my entire driving career, tried to NOT be that driver. I sit further from the steering wheel. I sit higher in my seat. I make sure I'm smart about driving. I really try to pay attention to my surroundings. But sweet Jesus. I get it. That stereotype was manifested in the parking lot of South Washington County Schools. I know it makes me sound awful, but I'm pretty sure after you dealt with this for 4 years, you'd feel just about the same. I'm trying to be better about it though. I only give them the thumbs down when they almost hit my kid because they want my parking spot before my kid even gets in the car, instead of running out to their car with a baseball bat. Cause that's an idea that's crossed my mind a time or two.

Meanest.Mom.Ever

That's me.

After 30 minutes of playing with the kids this morning, I took them to school. Our morning was fun. We laughed. We joked. We had a really enjoyable morning together.

Then as I pulled into the parking lot of school I hear, "Oh no mom. My math homework isn't in my folder."

I said to dear sweet Miles, "That's too bad. You'll have to tell your teacher you'll bring it tomorrow."

And then the tears started rolling.

I mean shit. I'm mean. I could have turned around and got it. We live only a mile from the school. But it's the principle of it. He had ample time to collect his belongings. I even recall saying, "Get your backpacks ready!"

And last year this was a major problem. I can't tell you how many times I went back to school to pick up homework he forgot or back home to get homework he had to turn in. It was a lot. So much so, that this morning I wasn't willing to turn around.

He was devastated. I feel bad. And a bit guilty. But damnit! I won't be there for him when he's older. He should learn the hard lessons now. Right?

Shit. I'm totally going to bring him his stupid math worksheet. Argh!!!!

Oh youth

Thompson Twins - King For A Day by jpdc11

I love this song. I love this song a lot. I love everything about it. The hair. The look. The sound. The feeling it gives me. It reminds me of my 6th grade boyfriend. It reminds me of Esprit clothes and Aquanet hairspray.

And that's about it. I heard it today. Out of nowhere. And I loved it.

YIIIPPEEDEEEDOOODAAAAAH!

It's a snow day here in Minnesota. I mean...SNOW. I mean I can't find a map to show you, but rest assured it's a shit ton of snow. Not Halloween blizzard of 91 snow, but it's a lot.

Well, of course after months of moaning and groaning about having to "get up" for school. I mean, bitching and moaning, and using every fucking excuse in the book complaining, we have a snow day. AND to add insult to injury, both kids were up at the regular time happy as pigs in shit. And when they found out about no school, there was no going back to bed for the SAHM.

About 9 inches of snow fell last night. It's not bad. And it's continuing to snow, but unlike much of the US, we keep plugging along. I honestly was surprised when I found out school was closed. It never closes. EVER. But today it has. And they are so happy about it.

We plan on going outside all day. Eat junk food and watch tv when it gets too cold and the kids' little Korean faces turn beet red. Sledding is out as the snow is fluffy and will blind you the minute you try to go down the ice packed hill under all this fluffy stuff.

I'm not one of those parents who thinks, free day at home means study like you're in school. I hate those types of parents. Remember when YOU were a kid. Did you want to study? Fuck no.

You wanted to eat junk food watch tv and go out to play with the neighborhood kids until you got so cold you were convinced you had frostbite and would have to have toes and noses amputated and people would come to see you in the hospital and bring flowers and balloons and think, "Awwww poor SJT she was so awesome." But it didn't happen because you got some hot cocoa and all was right with the world.

So...yeah. I'm a SAHM who can let my kids have fun today. And Claire tap danced for me after yelling about being so happy it's a snow day.

Here's a quick shot of my neighborhood. I love Minnesota snow.

Free concert Sunday!

I watched the 2013 Grammy's last night. Pretty good. I mean. I can't tell you who won anything, because the show is a huge fucking concert with all kinds of artists singing with all kinds of other artists.

I love the Grammy's. And apparently so does Taylor Swift. That girl LOVES her some music. Like she's just a teenage fangirl of every artist who sings.

I should mention that Kelly Clarkson may not be my favorite singer, but OMG that lady can blow!


Also, I feel bad for the Lumineers. They have a great song out now. And it will probably be their one and only time performing at the Grammy's unless they really do something amazing in the next year or so. But those poor schmucks had to go on RIGHT after this shit:


Not cool Grammy's. NOT COOL. I mean...holy balls. This performance was AHHHHH-mazing. But I would think it should have gone at the end. Because....you just can't follow that. Although I could have done without Rhianna. I don't like her. I think she's stupid. As a person. I could care less about her music. I mean my favorite tweet regarding the Grammy's was brought to you by Richard Marx. Yes that Richard Marx.

"Risque" clothing banned at Grammys but guys who beat up women? Come ooonnn downnnnn.....#goodcallgrammys
— Richard Marx (@richardmarx) February 7, 2013

And in closing. I love that Lena Dunham is dating that dude from Fun. She's so cute I can't stand it. Oh and...Justin Timberlake wants to be Bruno Mars, but he will never be. And I love Prince. Anytime. All the time.

The Jerry O'Connell Syndrome!

You guys! Seriously!!!! Today I saw THIS movie. It was awesome.

My girlfriend and I planned to see it like months ago. I love all things Zombie. (In case you didn't know.) And so does she.

The movie is touted as a "Zombie Rom Com". It is. But it's also pretty funny. I really really liked it. So.....yeah.

Go see it! You'll be happy you did. Super cute. And super funny. And really? John Malkovich is in it. He's AHHH-MAH-zing anytime.

And...... I have a new movie boyfriend. (I get them from time to time) He's young. But that's ok. I think he's adorable. And that's all that matters.
Ryan's cool with it. Pretty much every time I tell him I have a new movie boyfriend he laughs and smiles. He's a good man that way.

My new movie boyfriend has what I call....... The "Jerry O'Connell syndrome". Cute little kid grows into a very handsome adult. It was like when I saw a photo of Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter as a grown up. WHAT THE WHAT?!?! Seriously.

Neville Longbottom!!!

This is my movie boyfriend. Before and after. See what I'm talking about?

So....go and see this movie. You'll like it. If not. It's not my fault you have bad taste in movies. And hate puppies and rainbows.

Happy Happy Happy

Even though my life has been stressful as fuck since, oh I don't know, forever.....I'm happy as can be right now.

I'm happy about pretty much everything. I like the weather. It's been cold. Below zero cold. Snowy. But I like it.

My kids are driving me crazy. It seems the happier I am, the shittier they are. What's THAT all about? Claire pouts about homework. Miles cries in the morning because he, "didn't sleep that well" and I won't let him stay home. (I'm such a monster).

But I wake happy as a clam every morning and it lasts throughout the day

Maybe it's the extra vitamin D I've been taking. Maybe it's the daily exercise I've been doing since spring 2012. Maybe it's early Alzheimers, and I don't even remember I should be stressed and crabby. Maybe Ryan's steeping weed in my morning tea. Whatever it is, I'll take it.

I like things and life right now.
To be fair though, I should probably do regular "happiness" checks to make sure my level of happy stays like

THIS:

and not drift into

THIS:

It's a fine line people. A very fine line.

Help!

This morning Claire said to me, "The tops of my legs are HUGE!" Then she looked at herself from the side, and smoothed her shirt down to show her non existant stomach. Then sighed and went back to watching tv.

What.The.Fuck.

She's 6. I complain about my size. I know I do. But I have made a very conscious effort to NOT talk about weight and size around my kids. Ever. When I see things on tv talking about size and weight or some girl complaining about her size, I say, "You know it only matters if you're healthy. NOT skinny!. Skinny ISN'T healthy all the time."

She gets that. But how do I keep the comparisons away? How do I encourage her to not worry about it. I mean...we are a fairly fit family. Ryan runs like a fool. I walk everyday and sometimes when the mood strikes I'll run for a minute or two. But I exercise. We eat pretty healthily. I let my kids eat snacks and junkfood once in a while. Cause Lord knows I love my McDonald's. It's a curse really. But I don't NOT ALLOW that stuff. I never diet. Ever. And I never talk about diets either. I don't exercise to lose weight. I exercise to not get fat. Because you know, I'm not dieting ever.

When I was a kid, my parents taught me to be a "member of the clean plate club". Which led to overeating. My parents never allowed us to have junkfood or go to fast food places. Partly because of money, but mostly because they only celebrated things with food. Good grades? Out to eat. Birthday? Out to eat. Having a bad day and need a treat? Out to eat. Everything good or comforting was treated with food. And when I was out on my own, you bet your sweet ass I ate whatever the hell I wanted too.

With my first marriage my ex was a fitness freak. He didn't LET me eat anything with fat. I mean I was eating fat free for 3 years. I did NOT like that. At all. Ever. I mean shit. I cried once, really and truly cried my eyes out in happiness, because he told me I could have a McDonald's hamburger. A plain old little hamburger. No fries, no mayo, (I LOVE MAYO), just a plain little 88 cent burger. His brother begged him for us to go. I loved his brother for that. But then had to work out for 3 hours the next day to "burn off the burger.". My ex would tell me everyday "I don't want a fat wife!"

When I'd go home for a visit, my mom would say, "SJT I have to show you something in the basement." And I'd follow her down and she'd shove a cookie or two in my mouth. 

After my divorce I went fast food crazy. I think it's a diagnosable illness. Or it should have been. I must have gained 20 pounds post divorce. 20 happy/PTSD induced pounds.

My parents are both obese. They are. And my kids know it. They understand it. But we don't talk about how "fat" they are. We talk about how unhealthy they are. It's all about the verbage I guess. But is that really working? I try to do just about the complete opposite of my parents when it comes to food and my kids. My dad HATES it when I tell the kids they don't "have to finish all their food." He will literally tell them yes they do. And then we battle. But I usually win out. 

So yes, I have issues with food and fitness. I just do. But I'm trying my best to not have my kids be prisoners of food and weight. But how do I keep it from happening? I'm worried. 

The flu

She's a cruel cruel bitch.

Because I was fever ridden, and apparently delirious, I ended up watching THIS show. With Ryan no less. (I'd blame him but he's sick too)

I don't know what to say. All I can do is apologize to my brain. Sorry Brain. I made you a bit dumber last night. I can't make up for it, because I have a few shows on DVR that may or may not constitute you just shutting down completely. Don't do it. I've got stuff to do when I get better.

I call some bullshit right there

My kids assured me they couldn't do their homework because we had, "NO PENCILS ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE MOM!!!!"

Well guess who went through all their pencil boxes, desk drawers, and art containers? Yep. MOMZILLA.
(That's me when I say, "If I find them you're in BIG trouble." See? Momzilla.)

Aaaaaannnnndddddd................look what I found.

And this didn't even include colored pencils, too-short-to-sharpen-anymore-but-you-can-still-write-with-them pencils, and mechanical pencils. Cause that's a whole OTHER box of writing utensils.

Little turds. They did their homework.

I love the end of November

Here's why I love this time of year. First off, my birthday has come and gone. No fanfare. Just a really awesome necklace from the kids and Ryan.

And baking for the Thanksgiving gut-busting-stuff-yo-face-with-carbs-roll-me-to-the-car event.
I was in charge of dessert. Or I was told to make PIE. And seriously. It was my mother who bossed me. She does that.

Then there's the shopping-palooza that I love to do the night after I stuff my pie hole. I know......I know...people bitch and fucking moan about Black Friday. But truth be told. I love it. I love the shit out of it. I get to hang out with my mom and sisters. I get good deals on things that I want to purchase. And one interesting thing you may not know, is that in MN, when you're standing your ass outside. In the middle of the night. In the freaking frozen tundra. You're not alone. And those other folks, 9 times out of 10 are super friendly and fun to talk to. I've stood in line and have met some really fascinating people over the years. I've laughed with strangers and bonded over the "crazy ass, who brought their baby, in an umbrella stroller, at 2am, in the freezing cold, to get a 50" LED tv for $349." Seriously people it's good shit. I love living in MN.

Oh and Claire did the robot. In a box. She made to look like a robot. And she "powers down" in the end. That's just classically good shit right there.

After the food/shopping fest, we decorate the tree and get the house ready for Christmas. Yeah yeah...I'm early. I always set things up the day after Thanksgiving. After I've slept for awhile. Because chances are I've been up for over 24 hours and need to sleep. But I also love, so much, decorating the tree with the kids.

Last year my kids decorated the Christmas tree all by themselves. But their OCD having mom "fixed" it once they went to bed. I mean...there were open spaces y'all!

But this year. Not so much. They did an amazing job. It was covered. All open spaces were filled. Multiple times over. I didn't even know we had this many ornaments. But we do and we have left overs! LEFTOVERS!!!

Last but really not least, everyone this time of year is wearing sweaters and fuzzy boots. I mean my favorite outfit. I like to be covered up head to toe. It's a comfort thing. (But I dont' like to be cold, and I hate hot so that's something to think about.) Claire is no exception. She thinks she's 6 going on 16. Ryan has other ideas about this decade jump in attitude.

Birthday Bonanza!

Well tomorrow is going to be my 39th birthday. I'm still a spring chicken. Take that to the bank. But my dear old sweet body has other ideas. What a jerk.

Ryan took me and the kids to the Roller Derby Saturday night to celebrate. I mean...seriously. How can you NOT have fun watching women in tiny outfits rollerskate and beat each other silly. It was pretty rad if you ask me.

Claire had so much fun. She was wide eyed the entire time. Thanks MN Roller Girls! A night of fun, hipster excitement.

So on my ACTUAL birthday I get to, take Miles to the oral surgeon to discuss pulling 10 of his baby teeth. *gag* And have my mother over for dinner. We're seriously rock stars over here. No shit.

Happy Birthday to me.

Another fun Halloween!

This year Halloween came and went without much fanfare. We were all recovering from "THE BUG". So it was cram dinner down their faces, dress them, parade them up and down and around the neighborhood, come home, investigate candy, eat candy, shower, brush teeth, brush teeth again, and go to bed. See...everyone survived. Everyone had fun. And this was all done by 8pm. Seriously. I streamlined the shit out of Halloween this year.

                                             Minecraft creeper and a Peacock Princess

 She came up with the idea, and designed things herself. I was just the slave labor. As usual.

Miles' costume was a family affair. We sat for hours/days coloring little boxes different shades of green. We trick or treated with our neighbors.

For Real?!?

Watch this commercial:


And tell me if you would EVER be ok with it.
Cause I sure as shit wouldn't be.

Let's break it down. You walk outside. It's a beautiful sunny afternoon. You look to the driveway and see your BRAND NEW CAR engulfed with bubbles, water, and toothpaste. TOOTHPASTE!

And then you say. "Oh sure...no big deal. Ha ha they're only young once." Fuck no you don't.

Let's be fair, if my kids EVER did this...they'd be dead. Pure and simple. Dead. So..there's nothing to be fair about I guess.

I just think this commercial is plainly and simply stupid. It's not cute. It's not endearing. It's not even realistic. It's just dumb. Do better Subaru.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Well it arrived with a flurry!

Stomach flu. Or as I like to call it, I-didn't-NEED-that-lung-or-that-one-either-barf-a-palooza-of-2012.

First it was me. Then it was Ryan. Then....free and clear. But...4 days after any symptoms had been "Silkwood style" bleached away, Claire decided it was her turn to get up close and personal with our rest room facilities.

Poor kid. Although she maintained pretty well. No crying, no freaking out, no panicking. Unlike her mother who, after dry heave hour 4, was on the floor crying for the, "Good lord to take me home!!!!"

It was pathetic. At one point there was a tiny little knock on the door as I was gasping for breath and I hear..."Mommy, do you want me to come in and hold your hand?" Seriously. That was some sweet shit. And I would have had her come in too, had I not been practically passed out under the toilet unable to move. Or speak. Or anything but dry heave again. And I knew she would be scarred for life. FOR LIFE!!

So I'm waiting for Miles to lose his stuff. And if us being sick was any indication of how bad it will be, he'll lose a whole lot of shit. Poor kid.

Awwww friends.

You know that post a few weeks ago? Of me? Just sitting there? Looking pathetic? Well...apparently someone did.

My dear friend KW called me, said I looked sad and lonely (paraphrasing) and asked me to join her for breakfast.

It was nice. We met and had breakfast together sans kids. Thanks friend. Next time I'll just call you. But in the mean time. Know you're a fab friend!

Night time trail running for old hipster dudes.

Ryan is at it again. God love him. I mean...for real. He's running through trails again. This last one was a 10K NIGHT time trail run. He ran it with our friend and neighbor.

Gosh they look nerdy with those lights on their heads. But....I love him. My husband, not the neighbor.

Then at the half way mark, the kids were so happy to cheer him on. He has red devil eyes. Apparently running with a few dozen other runners with headlamps in the dark through the dust makes you EEEEEEVIL.

But in the end. Of course they did fabulous. They had their victory beer. And we left. The end with that.

Next up, 50K trail run through the Superior Forest in the spring. No no no..I'm not running. I'm just going for the hotel stay.

Just me

Today is one of those days. The kids are in school. I'm just sitting here. Doing nothing. It's weird. It's lovely. It's lonely.

I've got to get out.

Nerdy fitness freak of a husband is up to his old tricks!

This past spring Ryan ran a 25K trail run. It was on the Superior Trail in Northern MN. It was called Superior Trail Race, and it was really pretty rad. He was able to run up a mountain and through the woods. He loved it. 

This is the half way marker. He looked pretty darn good. But he told me he paced himself with the guy in the yellow. Then after the half way point, he took off on his own. I knew he ran hard when we saw him at the finish line. He did NOT look as chipper.

After the race, he was able to collect himself. Rest. Get his feet washed off because of all the dirt, and pose for a photo with the kids. Miles brought his friend "J" on the trip. Claire said Ryan "smelled bad", and of course went full drama mode for the photo. What a butt.

Afterward we went swimming at the resort, out to dinner in Grand Marais and checked out Lake Superior. It was a really nice night.

Once home, Ryan learned he injured himself in the run. He's still rehabbing. But he's back on the road running like Forrest Gump in aqua socks. Yeah...Ryan runs in aqua socks. He's a fan of barefoot running, but I assured him that he'd get some kind of funky ass infection running the streets of St. Paul barefoot. He disagreed. I told him, "you'll step on glass and get dog shit in there or something." And sure as shit...he stepped on glass and it got all jacked up. So he wears stupid aqua socks.

But I digress. Ryan has informed me he is no longer going to run the 25K trail run again. He wants to run the 100 MILE trail run in 3 years. 100 MILES! That's a fucking long race. Apparently you have to complete it in 38 hours. Who stays awake, running, in the wilderness, IN THE DARK, for fun? I certainly don't.

But my crazy husband will. And is planning on it. I hope they make that human GPS chip available by then. I'm sure AT&T won't cover that area very well, and I'd hate to be THAT widow at the support group, whose husband died on a 100 mile trail run. I can imagine the comments now.

6 going on 16

This morning Claire changed her outfit twice. She first put on the clothes I had laid out for her. Then after a bit, announced she wanted to wear her new boots because her jeans were called, "Bootcut" therefore, she had to wear boots.

She tucked her little boot cut jeans into her boots and said, "They're too puffy here mom." Indicating to me that area around your knees where the jeans bunch up.

I said, "Hurry up! You're going to be late for school."

She said, "Just one second. I'm going to try my 'Skinny jeans'." And she did. She emerged very happily from her room. Jeans tucked into her boots with perfection.

Then she said, "Do you think I should change my shirt? This one doesn't match very well." Ugh.

Cut to her walking out to the car, all new outfit, looking about 10 years older, and happy as a fucking clam.

The teen years are going to be so hard for me. I just know it. Kill me now. No seriously. Kill me.

Back to school!

The kids went back to school. I don't know how I feel about it. It's the first time in 8 years that I don't have a kid with me. And when I say the first time, I mean...really....the FIRST time.

I think I can count on one hand how many times I've left my kids. It never happens. I don't like it to happen. I really really like my kids. I'm one of THOSE parents. But don't hold it against me. They can piss me off with the best of them. But I really do enjoy their company. They're funny little things.

So it's the first time I've been alone. I don't know how I feel about it. My girlfriend who is in the same boat as I am suggested we do something to keep our minds off not having the kids around. So we went to the Mall of America and IKEA. Eh. It kind of helped. But then I was surrounded by stay at home moms with their little kids whining and screaming about some sort of shit or another. And I was reminded how good my kids are and then I missed them again.

Anyway. Day two of my kids at school full time. I was worried that Claire would have a difficult transition. But I was wrong, and Ryan texted me after he dropped them off saying:

So that's good news I guess. It's Claire's first foray into full day school. She couldn't be happier. Better that, than her bawling her eyes out carrying on like a deranged lunatic with a weird sort of Oedipal complex. She said she missed me, but I bet she didn't. That little people pleaser.

Here are the kiddos on the first day of 1st and 3rd grade. Ugh. They're getting big and old. So am I for that matter.

At least I still have this. A reminder of our last day at the fair. Claire and I went again just the two of us. We met her best friend and her mom. We can't help ourselves. It was divine. I miss summer already. Yeah that's a big pickle!

The Great MN Get Together is here!!!!

Claire and I love the fair. Miles and Ryan could take it or leave it. But we always go.

We went with some friends again this year. We go with them every year. My girlfriend has 3 boys. Ages 10, 8, and 5. They are adorable, sweet, precocious, and have as she calls them, "happy feet". Which is code for, They-like-to-run-around-in-ridiculously-large-crowds-and-make-you-run-around-panicking-looking-for-them-until-someone-brings-them-to-YOU-assuming-they're-your-kids-cause-they're-Korean-and-their-mom-is-not. But seriously. I loved going with them. They're funny as hell.

We started off the fair by the boys asking if they could go into the haunted house. They debated it for about 25 minutes.

After I told MY kid about my experience in the Haunted House, they ALL decided, maybe next year. My experience involved me, crying, freezing on the staircase and having to be escorted out the back because I was paralyzed with fear. I hadn't actually "seen" anything yet mind you. And that was enough for Miles to start in with the himmming and haaahing....and the oldest boy said flat out "no thanks". But Claire was ready to go in. Crazy kid. She asked me if I cried really hard, and then laughed at the thought of me. What a jerk.

Then we moved on to food. Now, my kids know what the fair is about. Feeding our faces, and the partial freak show of Minnesotans. Here is the list of things that the kids wanted. We did get it all too. I know...gluttons. (PS we saw a man who was wearing a really short kilt, no shirt and a lei. And he was leathery tanned and about 75+ years old. Seriously! I love the fair.)

Cheese curds
French Fries
RootBeer
Lemonade
Hot dog
Pronto pup (corn dog)
Cotton Candy
Fried Greenbeans
Sno cones

The first food we got was Cheese Curds. My favorite. Claire's favorite. And now thanks to NO Hydrogenated Oils, Ryan's favorite.

First Claire was thrilled that she had a huge container of her favorite food. Fried Cheese. But then as Ryan reached for some, she said, "HEY! We're going to have to get more if DAD'S eating them too!" Ha ha...seriously what a B-rat. We did not get more. That would have just been stupid. So she just shoved many in her face then said, "Thanks for the cheese dad!" I don't know where she gets her sass from.

After losing my friend's youngest in the crowds of people more than once, we made our way to the DFL booth. My kids got a great photo op with the Governor of our state. Notice how Miles is zoning in on the camera crew following the Governor and NOT his mom's camera.

Politics will be in his future. I'm sure of it.

And then we hit some of the vendors. Now this is a new endeavor on our part this year. In the past the kids haven't cared a bit about the buildings. But this year....oh no, this year they were in heaven. It's like walking through building after building of AS SEEN ON TV advertisers. Every gadget you never wanted is there. With demos. And let me say that my kids were mesmerized. I mean, if I heard Claire or Miles ask the demonstrator, "Can you do that one more time please?" I was going to lose my shit. I swear Claire saw a dude shred cheese half a dozen times before he moved onto shredding Oreo cookies for ice cream toppers. That's when I said, "TIME TO GO!" Or I would have been bringing home several of those hand cranking shredders. Cause they were pretty cool.

We moved onto the Kidway for rides, and found that it is carney-rific! Claire asked me why so many of the people didn't have teeth. Ha ha...I just kept her moving along.  Now, usually Miles is not a ride kid. But due to peer pressure from the other two boys, Miles found his way onto the fast spin-y rides. And LOVED them.

Claire has always been our adventurer. Miles is more a lego/starwars/reader/videogame/outdoorsy kinda kid. But Claire loves rides, taking risks and all around making me nervous in general. But now...Miles is a risk taker. All thanks to peer pressure. Shit.

All in all, the day was a grand success. Lots of food, rides, booths, FINDING kids, and laughing. We had a wonderful time. Sadly I didn't get to some of mine and Claire's favorite places this year. So we're going back on the last day. Sans Ryan and Miles. They don't care to go again. Freaks.

And might I add that going on opening day, if the weather is acceptable, is probably the best idea yet. We'll be doing it from now on if time permits. I mean seriously! The restroom facilities are the cleanest ever! Can't wait to see what the last day will be like. I'm thinking of strapping a catheter bag on my leg and avoiding the bathrooms all together.

Korean Camp rides again

I'm volunteering at Korean Camp this year. I'm in the kitchen. It's kicking my ass. I made LITERALLY 3200 cups of rice yesterday. Today. I made more.

It's Claire's first year and she wasn't thrilled about going. Until after the first day, when she declared for all, "I LOVE CAMP!!!" So that's that.

I'm in the kitchen again tomorrow. I will have most likely made rice for every adopted Korean kid in Minnesota if not the whole Midwest. I hate rice. I hate washing rice. I hate scooping rice. I hate cooking rice. I hate serving rice. I hate eating rice. I.HATE.RICE.

The kitchen coordinator called me and my girlfriend, who also happens to be adopted Korean, the "Rice girls". I told him, "THIS is the only place you can call me that without me kicking you in the groin." I think he laughed. I know I did.

And it starts all again tomorrow. There'll be more later...but I'm so tired. I'm going to bed. To probably dream about stupid rice.

I did it!

I finally cut my hair. It's been 2 1/2 years of long black hair. And now it's gone. In one quick clip of the scissors. Over a foot and a half of hair...goodbye. And now....back to short. I like it. Not short, dude, short. But short.

Here it is.

Green eyed Monster rears it's ugly head!

Today I was friended by a VERY old friend on facebook. Ugh. We were more like kid friends growing up, then enemies during puberty, and ended up at the same college, where we made nice and went on with our lives. We were friends since age birth. We were adopted at the same time, and our families spent a lot of time together when we were kids.

She was the bain of my existence from age 14 to about 18. We loathed each other. A lot. We battled for the same kind of boy. We went to rival high schools. We were both cheerleaders. And we just about looked the same.

Cut to now. Haven't heard from or seen this woman in almost 15 years. And there it was. Not how I wanted to open my day. Friend request from so and so. Ugh. And she's gorgeous. And skinny and gorgeous. I think I went back into the loathing her stage. Ha ha...seriously. I hate her.

She's a fancy pants apparently. Big job. Big money. Living the big life in the big city. I mean.....I live in the big city. The big city of St. Paul Minnesota. Ha..take THAT fancy pants bigtime.

But I'm happy for her. She's just had a child. The baby is beautiful. And that's where it ends. Cause that bitch is gorgeous. Did I mention that?

*if you think this post is about you. It's not. What was that Carly Simon song again?

Today was a good day

I went to the beach today with Ryan and Claire. Miles was at a friend's house.
I got sunburned. I'm Korean. That doesn't usually happen. It's been hot here. But seriously. That doesn't usually happen.