Happy "BURP" Day

Miles turns 5 today. He woke, less sick then yesterday, which is wonderful. He went downstairs, slapped on his little eye patch, and proceeded to play video games with Ryan, who has taken the rest of the week off in preparation for working out of town for the next 5 weeks. *BOO*

We started the morning with my "world famous pancakes". Labeled so by Miles. They are his favorite. Turkey sausage, grapes, and whatever juice they wanted. (For some reason we have a crazy big array of juices this week.)

Claire decided to break her sausages apart, making them kiss, and tell each other how much they love each other. Then proceeded to eat them. While saying, "ahhhh don't eat me...." In the tiniest of voices too. Miles insisted on announcing it was his "burp" day. Over and over and over. Until his sister was laughing uncontrollably, and his dad burped so loud the windows shook.

Miles' first gift was matching running shorts with his dad. They like matching things.

He got Lego kits, and Star Wars. That's all. And he was sooo happy.

I can't believe he is 5. I'm sad but happy at the same time. Next stop....kindergarten. *sigh*

Claire turns 3

With very little fanfare, my little girl has turned 3. She woke up happy. Got sick. Opened her gifts. And is currently playing with said gifts. Her day is the same as every other day. With the exception of new toys.

For a sick kid, she sure looks happy. Must be due in part to the BBQ sauce she just tried to sell Ryan for $400.

ANOTHER public service announcement that You should all pay attention to damn it!

If your kids are sick. Or have been sick, with fever, within the past 24 hours. Keep them the hell at home! I don't care if you THINK they are ok. They aren't.

When you bring your sick kids around my healthy kids. My kids get sick. On their birthdays. Like Claire is sick today. ON HER BIRTHDAY! And Miles is getting. And will be I am sure of it, by Thursday. Which is his birthday!

And you explain to my daughter why she can't have her tea party with friends on Saturday. Tell her, you didn't care that other people were around, you just wanted to have your fucking fun.

So in conclusion. Pay attention to your kid's health, and start having some consideration for other's who do give a shit about having sick kids.

Thanks. The management. OF TWO SICK KIDS!!!!!

*note....this post is to everyone who has kids. Everyone*

Purple fingers....not a new fashion statement

Last night I SLAVED over Miles' birthday cake. R2-D2. Oh my lord. I am not a cake decorator, despite my baking ability. But I attempted to use fondant.

It was terrible. It was like rolling out a very nice pie crust. However, coloring it? Whole other story.

You have to use this gel food coloring. Fine. Just a little bit and then kneed it into the fondant. Gross. The colors were blue and black. Then I used silver edible paint for the silver part.

My fingers are purple. Under my nail bed? It looks like I was gardening and just didn't give a shit about washing my hands. Ugh.

And to top it all off....when I was done, my almost 5 year old informed me I didn't do a part correctly. He wasn't being a dick. He was being a geek. A 5 year old Star Wars geek. If you have one, you know what I'm talking about. If you ARE one...sorry.

Anyway...here it is. In it's Star Wars glory.

Like I said...I am NOT a cake decorator. But I have a semi happy almost 5 year old.
And for Claire's cake, which needs to be made for next week's "girly birthday tea party"? I will be ordering cupcakes. Shaped into a butterfly. Thank you Super Target.

And yes, I have 2 kids with birthdays 2 days apart. I know you feel a little sorry for me.

*I also hate my kitchen floor. Just putting that out there.*

Lasagna dinner and other adventures

Last night we had the neighbor girl over for dinner. I don't know how it happened. One minute her and her dad were here to play Wii. And the next, she is running off with Claire telling her dad to "go home!" So he did. And she stayed for dinner.

She's 2.

I told the girls dinner was almost ready. We were having lasagna and stuff. They both seemed pretty happy about it. Miles made his regular oh-shit-you-know-I-don't-eat-that face, and our friend Brian just sat on the sofa and drank beer. (He had already eaten. I didn't just ignore him.)

Per usual, Miles got a different dinner, cause I sure wasn't going to sit through another hour and a half bawl fest over lasagna. *note to self.....knock that shit off*
And we all commenced eating.

Now I have been told that our little dinner guest rarely eats, and has atrocious table manners. Uh....at who's house? Certainly not ours. She used her fork, she used a napkin, and said please and thank you. Best I can ask for. And dinner was a go.

Then they started to get a little giggly. But that is ok, cause it's cute. Suddenly Claire busts out with this gem. Mind you, I have no idea how the train of thought went.

"I looooove Pasagna!"
"Pasagna!"
"LaJana"
"Vasagna"
"VAJANA!!!!" "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm eating vaJana!!!!"

Then her little friend said, "hee hee hee hee VAJANA! VAJ!"

Ryan was red faced holding in the laughter.

Miles joined in and threw in the token, "penisJana." I have no idea how it went on so long. I guess it just happened really fast and when I type it out it seems longer. Yeah...that's what I'm going with.

So "mom" had to step in, and say, "Ok girls..that's enough potty talk."

And they were done. For a second.

Little neighbor then announced she needed her booster seat. To which Claire quickly assured her what she really needed was a "booty seat". Loud laughter.

And then, the pièce de résistance, little neighbor girl yells out, and I mean YELLS OUT, "STINKY BUTT HOLE!" Over and over.

I swear to you Miles almost lost his milk. He laughed so loud I was surprised it didn't fly across the table. Now, understand, my kids don't say that. They say other things, but they know for a fact, THEY CANNOT SAY THAT. Why? I have no idea. But for some reason they didn't repeat it, they just laughed their fool heads off.

And that is how my dinner was last night. How was yours?

Un-fricking-believe-able

Ha.....I have a friend who is Vietnamese. She and I have been comparing stories about how people...yes probably even you....assume we are Chinese.

We aren't.

It's quite possibly the rudest thing ever. My friend Sk3tch always tells me I'm Hmong. And he doesn't pronounce it like it should be. He puts the emphasis on the H. So it's more like....Ha mong. But...he's an idiot. That's why I love him.

My girlfriend and I just think it's a joke. Would you go up to someone, randomly, not know them at all, and demand to know if they were a certain ethnicity? I sure wouldn't.

And white people? Really? Please don't do it. It's bad enough when other Asians ask, but it's just as bad when Caucasians do it.

Don't ask us, "WHAT ARE YOU?" with a look of pure disgust. Or....ask the same question with eager anticipation like you're gonna win some fucking prize on a gameshow if you get it right. Again. You won't. Most likely you will receive "the face".

The "face", is a polite, sympathetic, side smile. We tell you very nicely, "no I'm not". I certainly don't think you deserve to know "what I am", and in my head I'm thinking, "you fucking idiot. I should ask if you have a mental defect." But all the while....I'm smiling at you.

Just tired of it I guess. And for the record, I'm Korean. Adopted by Caucasians. Raised in suburban MN in the 70's.

This has been your public service announcement for today. Thanks.

Why I love him.

When Ryan and I first met, we were just friends. Drunk friends. For 2 years we only saw each other drunk. No, we didn't drink for 2 years straight. Of course I can only vouch for myself. We just saw each other at parties. And he was dreamy. But, I was dating someone else at the time.

Fast forward to 13 years later. (We've been together for 11 of those years) I have to say...I'm pretty darn happy with things. He's adorable. And awesome. He loves the kids a ridiculous amount. When I see him I think....hmmm.....yep, lucky girl.

Why am I gushing about my husband? Here's why. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine today, and we were re-hashing some old gossip. It's what we do. And I realized that after 11 years, Ryan is on the same page as me when it comes to our friends. He sees the same shit I do. Especially when it is fucked-up-beyond-recognition-shit. I can't be specific as there are no specifications...but suffice it to say, in the years past Ryan has been what I like to call...."oblivious to social situations". And this particular incident, HE was the one to bring up the "monkey business". I was just thinking it when we got into the car, but Ryan was the one to say..."what the fuck was that?"

See? LOVE HIM!!!!!

Minneopa State Park

We took the kids camping this weekend with our friends D and B. It was a first for the kids.

Holy shit!!! As I write, Claire is watching "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch" and some bug just flew across the screen and said..."I have the brightest bottom in Sunny Patch!" Ummmm....time to turn off the television. What the frickety frack?!

Speaking of lightening bugs...there were tons of them. And the hugest daddy long legs I have ever seen. I mean, not leg wise, but body wise. It was like they all had baby spider sacs ready to bust open. Ugh....it was disgusting. and they were EVERYWHERE!

We hiked by the falls. Falls...hilarious notion since the "falls" were like if someone had turned on a drinking fountain and let it drip over the space where the "falls" should have been.

We hiked on the trails through the woods and ended up by the MN river. But we had to turn around or risk walking the train tracks. When I say train tracks, I should start out by quoting Vern from Stand By Me, "You guys wanna go see a dead body?" I mean sincerely. It was just like it. I opted for "NO", as I would hate to tell the kids to, "move their fuckin' asses!" as the train comes barreling down the tracks towards us, while we are meandering over the bridge, singing Lollipop. Cause that would happen. I know it. The singing part too.

My favorite quote from the trip is Claire's. I took her to the bathrooms. Which were not flush....and she looked in the bowl, looked back at me, and said, "I sure wouldn't want to fall into there! That's a lots of poop." Smart girl that Claire.

The camping part was awesome. Claire hated it the first night, as she wet herself in the tent. I told the kids they were either in or out. I didn't want all those huge killer daddy long legs in the tent, let alone mosquitoes. So once they went in, they were in. She took it literally and peed herself cause she didn't think she could leave the tent. SERIOUSLY!!! That girl very rarely listens to me in the first place. Gah!!! Leave it to her to chose THIS time to listen.

The second night we were able to go into St. Peter for B's mom's "Boogie for Boobies" at some townie bar. She is doing the 3 day walk for breast cancer and had one of her fundraisers. It was the kids' first time in a "real" bar. And when I say real...it was just a bar. And the kids loved it. They played Ms. Pac Man. Drank kiddie cocktails until it was unhealthy. Ate peanuts in the shell and m&m's. Had people tell them they were "soooo cute". Then Miles promptly passed out once the jukebox came on at 8:30. Reminds me of my college bar nights. Tee hee....

Top events for camping.....the campfires, and the light saber fights with D and B's son N. It was a full fledged war. Their goal was to 'protect the queen.' And not D or B. Ha ha...just Claire. (direct quote from D by the way)

I don't have photos either. With the exception of my camera phone. In my mad rush to pack us up I forgot the camera. Thank goodness B had his, but I don't have photos on hand at the moment. I can post them when I get them from B. There are a lot of photos of dirty kids and trees. Oh and some of the "old haunted mill".

Great first camping trip with the kids. Why did we wait so long? Eh...who knows. Next up on the travel itinerary....more camping and a fun filled work trip to Omaha NE with Ryan. That trip will be full of 'special' memories I'm sure.

On a totally unrelated note, I started reading the Zombie Survival Guide. Very entertaining and informative. Not the best choice of literature to bring while camping next to a historic cemetery or haunted windmill. Just an FYI people.

I don't heart you Sk3tch!

Here is the reason he is the thorn in my side. Watch this video. Imagine your husband going around singing it all damn day long. Then have Sk3tch come over for dinner, and sing it all damn night long. THEN.....have your friends all over facebook post how much they love it in their status. And then thank Sk3tch for allowing them to see it. Damn you viral video!!!! I really do detest you.

BAT FIGHT

And damn you Sk3tch. You suck. I still love you though.

Wanna see two kids spontaneously combust?

Take them to the Mall of America.

Bring the 3 year old girl to the Sanrio (Hello Kitty) store and let her go.

Bring the 5 year old boy to the Lego store and let him build until his little fingers bleed.

Let them pick out a birthday gift for each other from respective stores.

Wait until August 4th and August 6th.

Hand out gifts.

Clean up pee pants.

My kids know what they each like. Miles got Claire a stuffed Hello Kitty doll. Claire got Miles a Star Wars Lego kit.

I promise....photos to follow. Cause that shit will be priceless!

Oh and this is there too....it's kinda weird. These stores are right next to each other. Claire loved it. Look real close.

Not too much lately

What's on my mind as of late? A few things. Nothing that has anything to do with my kids. Except for the fact I can't wait for them to go to bed so I can watch my newest obsession.

True Blood.

It is NOT for awake children. They shouldn't even be awake to HEAR this show. But I love it. With it's vampires, potty talk, and gratuitous sex scenes. Oh and the Luuurve story.

Like I said before. I do like the vampire story.

I'm not a freak. I'm not. I just find vampires interesting.

Now if you want to talk about freaks, my husband is on some kind of freaky zombie kick. As is my friend Kelly. His blog tells the tale of what type of weapon he would find most effective in a Zombie Apocalypse.

So Ryan is watching True Blood with me. He likes it, but doesn't loooove it like I do. He has been reading World War Z by Max Brooks. Some book about the Zombie Apocalypse. I also have been on the look out for a used version of the Zombie Survival Guide. Today I picked up, via request, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Freaky I tell ya.

I have been living the pseudo-supernatural entertainment life these days.

Oh to top it off....I saw the new Harry Potter with my BFF for her birthday on Sunday. Good movie.

Vampires, Zombies, and Wizards! OH MY!

I fogot to put this one in

I forgot. When I told the kids they could each bring ONE stuffed thing....Miles brought "Party Bear" and of course...Claire brought....you know who.



Little bastard got his own side of the bed at the hotel too. Jerk. I hate you Diego.

THE TRIP *Longest post by far*

*WARNING* This post's spacing will totally suck. Bear with me please.

We started out our excursion to the Black Hills South Dakota on a Tuesday. And of course we had bad weather most of the trip.


The kids were awesome in the car. Before we left, I told them that a road trip involved many things. Music, singing, movies, games and eating whatever you want. And man did they take that to heart. I swear they ate the entire time we were in the car. Crackers, cheese, carrots, snap peas, and of course...Nerds. They love those little pebble sugar bits. We played a lot of "I spy". Which kinda sucked with a 2 year old. All I heard was...."I pie wit my liddle eye sumpin gween!" When we would guess what it was....she always said no. Then when we asked her what she spied...she would tell us whatever we first guessed. It drove Miles ape shit. He kept saying..."that's NOT how to play Claire!!!" Ha ha ha....it was the only time in the entire car trip here and back that they argued.

We stopped off half way and stayed over night. The kids swam and we were able to meet up with my parents and my sister. Oh yeah...we were headed to a family reunion on my dad's side. Holiday Inn Express in Mitchell SD? Not bad for an overnight stop. Clean. And that's all I care about. I prefer not to get the herp from a hotel blanket BEFORE I am on a weeks vacation.

We saw the Corn Palace. Which is basically a small history lesson in corn and then a huge gift shop. Eh...take it or leave it. But there was an American Indian statue the kids thought was weird cause..."he didn't move the whole time, and his thumb is missing."
Next was the Badlands. Miles kept asking us if there were rattle snakes there. And he was scared shitless of going over the edge. Claire and I just trotted out, no biggie. The kids loved the climbing. And it was hot! We ran into my aunt and uncle there as well. Miles also told us he was excited to see the Grand Canyon. We told him it was the Badlands that we were in. Throughout the drive he kept saying..."I really love the Bad Canyon!"

Next stop, after multiple bathroom breaks, was Wall Drug. Talk about shit hole. So campy. I love it. It is such a strange place. But the kids had a bit of fun and we ate lunch there. Apparently South Dakota is a hotbed for teens from other countries to work for the summer. I don't know why...but there were many a transplant in Wall Drug. And at our cabin for that matter. But that is a whole other story.
More bad weather as we got closer to Rapid City South Dakota. There were multiple tornado warnings.

We finally arrived to the cabin at Sylvan Lake South Dakota. It was beautiful there.


Our friends D and B met us there. We vacationed together for a few days. It was so nice. We drove to Mt. Rushmore. Cheesy. We drove all around the Needles Highway. Barfy/Dizzy inducing. We bonfired and we just hung out. It was awesome to have friends along. They came from Wednesday night until Saturday morning.





After D and B left....I was dizzier then a mo fo....so we stayed up in the mountains and I had to do my exercises. That really sucked. The altitude messed with my brains. Ugh. So we stayed in the area and did a lot of rock climbing and hiking. Ryan made it a point to run to Harney's Peak every morning before the rest of us got up. That healthy freak. I love him. Apparently one morning he got trapped in a thunder storm and had to hide under some boulders. Poor guy.







As I said....it was a family reunion. But I didn't get the "ok" to post photos of said family members...so you don't get to see what they all look like. But we did spend a lot of time with about 50 or so family members. It was really nice to see them. They are spread out all over the US. Why South Dakota you ask? Because my grandmother and her family are from this very area. It is where it all started.

We left with very little fanfare. We had dinner with some cousins in a place called Hill City. The restaurant is called the Alpine Inn. The only question at dinner is 6 oz or 10 oz. As in steak. That's it. And it's good. If you get a chance to have dinner there, go early, stand in line with a drink and chat up the other tourists waiting like cattle to eat....well....cattle.

After dinner we headed out. We planned to stop half way again for the night. And of course there were more tornado warnings around us. And I mean AROUND us. We were just about 15 minutes ahead of the storm the whole time. Ryan didn't want to stop to let the kids go to the bathroom, for fear we would blow away. But we did stop in the Badlands. The gas station was closed so the kids went outside the way the old timers did it.

I guess....oh that reminds me...when we were in Deadwood, we went to the graves of Wild Bill Hickok and Calamity Jane. It is way WAY up there. We drove part of the way and then had to hoof it the rest. It's almost straight up. Once my parents saw the hill...they said no thanks and stayed down. D and B went with us too. The only stipulation D had, was that we be out of the cemetery by dark. Ha ha.

So we get up there with the kids and sure as shit, Claire bellows.."I gotta go pee!!!!" Of course. And there is no bathroom, as the reception area is closed for the night, and we are probably entering the cemetery illegally. We knew she would have to go outside, but for fear of tempting the cowboy spirits, we took her out and down the parking lot to go. God. Can you imagine what kind of "ghosts" would be chatting her up in the middle of the night if she peed on their graves?

Anyway......home....we left for home on Monday. Big storms followed and gulped us up. But we made it home.

Along the way, somewhere near Mitchell SD, there were tons of little turtles on the side of the road. All I heard while driving was Ryan.....
"turtle"
"turtle"
"turtle"
"squished turtle"
"turtle"

Thus ends our trip to Black Hills South Dakota. And I did all the laundry too.
*sigh*

Oh and the story about our cabin staff? I was.... in the ladies room of the cabin. I heard a voice say.."housekeeping?" I politely said....just one moment. Then upon exiting said ladies room, I was promptly met by 4 Asian men. The "leader" of the cleaning crew smiled at me and asked...."Are you Chinese?" I said no. He said, "Are you sure?" I said....pretty sure. Weird.

We went here

Black Hills South Dakota. For a week. With my parents.

More to follow. And I do mean MORE. I'm just too damn tired now and the laundry really stinks. Two day car ride with two kids under 5. Not priceless. I can price it pretty god damn high.

Doesn't Miles look thrilled?

Love Game

"Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick"

That's the chorus to Lady Gaga's song "Love Game"

Love it. But that's neither here nor there.

While I was making breakfast I landed on VH1. They actually have videos on in the morning. And Lady Gaga's video for this song was on.

Claire was glued to the tv. Now, I don't advise letting your almost 3 year old watch this video. But it happened. Call child protection. Whatev.

I asked her if she liked the song. I knew the answer, as she was bopping her little head up and down, she said, "Yeah!"

I asked her if she thought Lady Gaga was cool. She was very contemplative, scrunched up her face, and said, "well....well....Lady Gaga....SHE'S CRAZY!"

Ha ha ha ha....... I just don't need my kid telling people she wants to "take a ride on their disco stick."

Last days in Minnetonka.

My friends D and B moved to Texas many years ago. They made their triumphant return a year and a half ago, and moved into this lovely condo that over looked Lake Minnetonka. I know....brats.

Their place was stunning. D with Miles.


But they are moving this week to a new place in Eagan. And from the photos, the place is just as gorgeous.

When we would visit D and B, it was like going on vacation. We would plan on staying for lunch and then we would go for a walk, to bike ride, or to the beach, and then end up staying until well past dinnertime. It was resort-like, and would just suck you in. We always felt so welcome. Being they were about 50 min away, we didn't do it a whole lot, but when we did, we made a day out of it.

Our last trip out before their moving, was biking down the Three Rivers Trail from Minnetonka to Wayzata. It think it was about 15 miles, but it was wonderful. I was sent these photos from D and B. It is from our stop at the ice cream shop.

It was hot. We were grubby. But we were with friends, and it was so fun.

D and B with the kids.

*in honor of D and B's big move*

AHHHHHHHHHHHH.........................

Bliss. Pure unadulterated bliss. The weather is glorious. It's 70 degrees, breezy, not humid, and I can wear clothes head to toe!

This is MY kind of summer. Beaches? Bikinis? Shorts and tank tops? Be damned!!!

Give me my jeans and Chucks any old day. Oh, and the ratty old t-shirt from the thrift shop. Low maintenance mama. That's me.

Well...the shower went off without a hitch. Unless you count the flooding in our laundry room. From the ground. UGH! I guess it's karma for bitching about having to do the shower in the first place. I probably deserved it. (For those of you who missed that post *I deleted it*, I hosted a bridal shower for my cousin who lives in DC. She was in for the week.)

Our drain that goes out to the nether regions of the sewer system, seemed to have picked THIS day to back up. Oh lucky day. The day I used the garbage disposal more then I should. The day I washed tons of dishes. The day many an "older" women used my powder room. The day I had 30 people over for a bridal shower. And I had wine. Thank God for the many many MANY bottles of wine my cousin Liz brought over.

I called Ryan and gave him the OH-SHIT-THE-BASEMENT-IS-FLOODED panic call. And I called my neighbor for a wet/dry vac. Apparently we had one, but damn if I knew where it was or how to use it.

So after seeing the basement, it looked like someone threw up fresh herbs and milk, I wet/dry vacced the shit out of it. My sister helped thank the Lord. My mom finished up the rest of the shower business. Then Ryan got home. He promptly took over. Angry as hell cause now the carpet is trashed. Angry at NO ONE, but angry nonetheless. Poor husband. Here he was doing me a favor by taking the kids out of the house for hours, and then gets a call that, "OH flibberty jibbit! The basement is flooded. And with food." *gag* (No foul language was being used as I didn't want to offend any of the 75+ club in my living room.)

Shower....good. Basement.....bad.

Ryan said it's because, for "some fucking reason", the drain in the laundry room is the highest point in the floor.

Sounds like a lot of work to me. But it also sounds fucking stupid. Damn living in a swampy area.

Someone call the WAAAAmbulance!

It's mother fucking hot out! I hate heat! I am one of those people who don't bitch in the winter when it's 30 below...but anything over 80 with humidity...all bets are off.

And it's been in the 90's here. HERE! In Minnesota. I know it's 'summer' but seriously!!!! 90's???!!!???!!! And it rained this morning so there is dewiness in the air. It's gross.

I spent the morning with the kids at a park with a friend. She had with her, her 3 boys and her "grandson". Ok..I'll explain that for a sec...my friend adopted 3 boys from Korea. They are 7,5,and 2. Her foster son had a boy who is 2. Hence the grandson in quotes. She isn't old enough to have a grandson per se....but she has one nonetheless.

So we were at a park all morning. Not too bad considering the park was completely shaded. Then we came home after lunch. The kids wanted to play outside. It's hot out now. My thermometer says it's 91 out already. GAAAHH!!!

Because I hate hot, here we sit in the garage with the door open. The kids are "fixing" the old broke down treadmill with tools. With bike helmets on. Don't ask.

I'm fixin' to go inside and cool off. (That was for you Jill...did I use it right this time?)

I hate hot. I think my ass is sticking to the Star Wars chair in the garage. Shit.

Ah Breakfast

So today at the breakfast table I was singing......Lost in Emotion...you remember that old 80's song by Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam? Well either way, Miles covered his ears, smiled at me, and said..."Please mom. Just. Don't."

Claire looked at me and said, "I don't like that! I DON'T LIKE THAT!!!"

I mean seriously. I have a BEAUTIFUL *eye roll here* voice. And that song.....it's a classic.

No wonder my kids like to sing OVER me.

I'm no Simon Cowell, but I am pretty sure Lost in Emotion is better then their rendition of Spider Man. Which I am now being made to listen to at top volume. Jeez...it's 8:30 am for crying out loud.

Why my parenting is not too shabby.

I'm sick again. I swear no one believes it can happen to one person as much as it does to me, but it does. Just your standard, queasy stomach and ridiculous fatigue. If I didn't know better, AND I DO, I would think I was pregnant. But since that is impossible....I'm just sick.

Anyway....as I am sick, I have decided, I'm an ok parent. Here's why.

Yesterday I was in the shower, and Miles had to use the bathroom. We DO have more then one bathroom in our house, but he must have had to go BAD! I'm really not a fan of my kids being near me when I'm in the buff, but....he WAS pounding on the door like a maniac. So I let him in.

This is our conversation.

MILES: Mom, is it super steamy in here to make you feel not sick anymore?

ME: Yep. Sounds good to me.

MILES: I don't like it when you're sick. I feel bad for you. And we don't get to see you, cause you are sleeping and not feeling good.

ME: Yeah, I know. I don't like it either.

MILES: I don't ever want you to go to the doctor either.

ME: Thanks. Can you turn the overhead fan on when you leave please?

MILES: Yes. And I won't flush so the water gets crazy. And I will shut the door tight to keep the steam in. I love you mom.

Now...I normally don't get all squishy about my kids here. Cause, I usually will start my posts with....What the Fuck?!? And this is regarding my children. (As I am typing, Claire is stripping down naked. Jesus! I have to tell her.."would you put your dress back on please?")

But Miles warmed my heart yesterday. As he is getting older, I am noticing along with the not listening, he is becoming a very compassionate person. I like this a lot. He is very protective of his sister as well. When he's not trying to UFC style wrestle her, he is making sure she is safe. I love this.

And Claire is becoming a little care taker too. When Miles gets hurt, she always tells me, "I feel sorry for my brother." And it's not cause SHE is the one who inflicted the pain. She genuinely worries about him if he is upset.

I think it is my role as their parent to help them become productive citizens who think for themselves, and love big. I want my kids to be compassionate and care about other peoples feelings. Cause Lord knows there isn't a lot of that around these days.

So......knowing my kids can even love me and worry about me when I am gross, sick, crabby, and tired, leads me to believe Ryan and I are doing just fine thanks.

*As I finish this post, Claire is whipping me with a washcloth yelling, "I'm hitting your booty mom!!!!!" God damn it! What the Fuck?*

Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

This friends, is my mantra as of late. Then I turn into a big-green-don't-fuck-with-me-Korean.

It's only mid June and the kids are making me want to off myself. I can only hear, "MMMOMMMM!!?" so many times. It's not that I don't like being called mom. Oh no. It's the shrill, come-fix-this-shit-NOW voice that accompanys it.I plan things to do with the kids. To keep them happy and entertained, and yes, once in a while I try to throw some educational element into it. No reason other then, the voice in my head that says, "lazy too?" So I do it.

But it doesn't seem to be enough. I mean...who doesn't enjoy an hour trip to Costco. I am teaching them about marketing, economics, and some other shit. I'm sure of it.

I have found if we have ONE at home day a week, where we go nowhere, wear our jammies until dinner, and just do whatever we want, the kids love me a little more then if we didn't do this lazy hazy thing. But now, they are getting restless. The simple suggestion of an at home day, encourages whining, complaining, and all around unpleasantries. Mostly from me. After hearing all the whining and complaining. I provide the unpleasantries.

They usually end up sitting in their rooms for a few minutes, just so I can prove who's boss. And then I give in. Tell them they can play together while I figure out what to do. Brats. And yes, I'm a sucker too. I only give, when I forsee a day of fighting, messes, and me yelling so much I lose my voice. (It's happened.)

The worst part about this whole thing? Miles has stopped listening to me. Utterly and completely. He does it with no apologies, and no sense of doing it. Ugh. I say, "Do you even care I *insert whatever*?" His response is usually, "NO. I don't." So matter of fact. I loathe this attitude.

His sister is NO better. NO BETTER! She is almost worse. With her sassy talking back. Ignoring me and swinging at me when she's mad. And not swinging like punching. More like a windmill. It's wierd. But effective. She always gets me. And I have to say, I can only hear, "WHATEVER!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH!" so many times before I go fucking postal.

Yes, in fact I am warning most everyone who knows me. Please for the sake of my sanity and whatever kind of relationship we have......don't piss me off this week. Next week may be ok. But just not this one. Thanks. The management appreciates it. And by management, I mean Ryan. Cause he hates when I'm crabby, and the poor man has to come home to me at the end of the day.

Odd photo of the day.

I have decided to post odd photos of the day. Mostly photos of crap my kids do. Cause let's face it.....they're odd kids. Case in point......

This is Miles' Barbie doll sized Han Solo. Miles, my almost 5 year old dressed him. So maybe my, techie-geek-star-wars-convention-goin' son has fashion designer on the horizon instead. Either way.....LOOOOVE the scarf. And yes, he pulled the jacket down like that too. Ryan says it's "funny a-a-a-nd a little confusing."

Some bitches are crazy stupid!

So, my sister in law and her husband are trying to adopt a little girl domestically. She is 2 and lives here in MN. Things are moving along slowly. They are hopeful. At this point in the game, the have temporary guardianship. Better then nothing I must say.

My SIL and her husband are posting photos of them with this little girl on their facebook pages. Seems ok to me. Just keep in mind, they were the couple you knew would NEVER have kids. NO MATTER WHAT. But things change. People change and they have fallen in love with her. The response they are getting from people is kinda surprising.

Most of their friends seem happy for them. Shocked, but happy. Then my brother in law starts this thread with some crazy fucking hose beast, who has decided that she will "circle the wagons" to save this child. Cause apparently she knew my BIL long ago and knew he wasn't keen on kids. Back in the day. Anyway...she began telling him how he needs to be careful because this girl may have attachment issues. Cause you know, "All adopted kids, mostly international, have attachment issues." Dumb bitch.

I know plenty of adopted people. I AM an adopted person. My kids are adopted. We are ok. I hate people like her. I guess she works as a "screener" for children with attachment disorder. And sadly most of them are adopted. But what does that say? That all adopted kids have it? Or that she just sees a majority of them? God...she is stupid. I wanted to blast her, but Ryan, being the practical adult in this relationship, encouraged me to, "leave it alone".

Either way, I know my SIL and her husband will be good parents. They already love this little girl. They are doing the best they can, and they don't need some psychotic bitch telling them they are making a bad decision. She is basically telling them they are making a mistake cause they didn't want kids before. And that they will be bad parents. AND she is trying to scare them away from it. I want to scratch her dumb bitch eyeballs out.

I'm not mad. I'm just saying.

Here's a photo of MY ADOPTED kids. Don't they look totally un-attached, un-healthy, un-loved, and un-happy to you? *Note* I did not say they looked sane. But neither am I.

Thanks for letting me rant and rave. That lady is a dumb bitch. In case that wasn't clear.

I would kill for this right now.

Yeah. I'm dreaming of cupcakes. The plain, good ol' fashioned, yellow cake with delicious chocolate buttercream. Not the shit in a box and out of a can. The real-honest-to-goodness-kill-someone-to-eat-these-fresh kind. And I would kill.

In a previous life I like to call BNS (before no sleep ie: kids) I was a baker. Not trained at a culinary school mind you. But I loved to experiment with different flavors and I loved to bake. And...Ryan can't eat PHO, Partially Hydrogenated Oils. Well, can't is not really true. He just won't. And I don't blame him.

Either way, Ryan has this inborn thing about desserts. All the "teepants" family has to have their sweets. So in an effort to make my husband love me even more *not possible* I began baking. It was also a huge career change for me. I was working in the Vocational Rehab field for years. And at the time I left it, I was working with felons. Mostly sex offenders. And needless to say, Ryan preferred my change of career.

I say career cause, my baking turned itself into a small teeny tiny little business. I made cakes and tarts. All my own recipes. And sold them to a restaurant in the cities. Ryan worked for a large financial internet company back then, and I would bring samples to his team, get their feedback, and start to sell. Nothing like getting a bunch of super rich techies to love my baking. I was able to provide desserts for the company functions as well. So. My baking wasn't terrible. It didn't kill anyone. And it kept me busy waiting for my little Miles.

I even won an award for a tart I developed. Yes, 'toot toot'. Horn I own tooted, but God damn! I was able to sit at my kitchen table, figure out a dessert, test bake it, test run it, submit it, and win $2500 to Kitchenaid.com. I liked it. And I was in some kind of chef publication. Dessert and recipe done and done. Oh...it was a dark chocolate mousse tart with fresh raspberries. I know. Yummy.

I had some really good ones too. Have I made even one of them in the past 5 years? Nope. Not even the thought of it. I have made the chocolate cake. But.....that's about it.

So every once in a while. I dream of yummy homemade stuff. I happen to be on a cupcake kick right now. But for some reason I have little to no motivation to make anything. Could be lack of sleep, but I venture a guess.....I just want someone to do it for me. Or if I go really deep into the recesses of my mind.....I want to have that 'alone' time I was afforded then. Just me, my stand mixer, and some 80's tunes. Oh lovely day.

Wish you were here. Love Miles and Claire

M: This is my tent

C: That is MY tent. It is my Hello Kitty tent. It says HELLO KITTY!

M: No it's mine. Heh heh heh.

C: IT'S MINE! IT SAYS HELLO KITTY HELLO KITTY!!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH! HELLO KITTY!

M: It's mine. Ha ha ha ha...Mom use this in your blog today.

Done and done. Verbatim.

It's happening again.

No sleep. Woozy head. Sick tummy. Yep...I'm re-reading "the books".

The woozy head and sick tummy are from the reading. The no sleep is due to Claire. But am I surprised? No. Not in the slightest.

She has been waking up every night at the dead hour. She comes into my room, whispers, "mommy", and then proceeds to lay in her little bed on the floor, whispering to God knows who. It really does drive me fucking batty.

I have no patience in the middle of the night. Let alone for a 2 year old who is talking to "spooky Diego". Who, by the way, IS NOT in the room anymore! I don't even tolerate Ryan's snoring at 3 am. I just bellow out..."you're snoring!" And then I poke him with my elbow. Some people call that abuse. But whatever. There aren't bruises and you would never be able to prove it in a court of law. Also are you getting 6 hours of sleep a night with a 2+ hour wake up call half way through? That's right. I didn't think so.

So....that is keeping me awake. Does it wake Ryan? Sometimes. Does he handle it? Not usually. Once in a while I will hear him say very sleepily, "Claire go to sleep." The end. That's it.

Well for the woozy and wonky head and tummy? It is totally my fault. I am re-reading the twilight books. Only because, I have to. And I heart them. Don't judge.

But, the back and forth of my eyes is messing me up. It happened before. Why and how your eyes and what you see are connected to your inner ear and getting dizzy I don't know. But they are. So I have to be careful not to make myself sick again. Seriously....don't judge. I mean it.

Maybe I need to read the books in the middle of the night when Claire gets up. How that will relieve my head and stomach issues due to reading, is beyond me. But it will entertain me, and keep me from hiding under the blankets in my own bedroom like a 6 year old girl. And I won't be in the dark with a whispering kid.

Sometimes, it just has to be said.

I have PMS. I know....TMI. But I don't care. Cause...well....I have PMS. So there.

This weekend we have been running around town. Going to 3 birthday parties for kids. It is great for the kids. It was nice for us. Yesterday I was able to help my girlfriend with her son's 1st birthday. We were there from 1:30 till about 10PM. Ryan won the watermelon seed spitting contest. And we have the trophy to prove it.

Today we went to a double birthday party for friends from pre-school. It was at an indoor playground. Then cake and other assorted activities, outside. In the cold. But all was well. We ended up having dinner with the in-laws tonight too. I don't know how that happened. But it was nice.

Tonight, after the kid's baths, we were drinking some hot cocoa and having cookies. It was quite lovely. It's been super cold here even though it's June. So hot cocoa was in order.

I have been a bit short with the kids. I think it has to do with the weather and the watermelon daiquiri's my girlfriend's dad made last night. Well either way, both contributed to my "sleepy" nature today. And with all this activity over the past few days, it has been very family oriented. Sometimes I just need to have some....oh.....say.......sassy-pants-alcohol-induced-lady-talk-with-my-BFF-and-her-BNE's. Which by the way I got none of this weekend. Shit!

As I was ruminating over this fact, Ryan, in the only way he knows how says this.

"You're kinda crabby today." At this point he is laughing at himself and then says, "I have to laugh after that even though I really mean it, cause then it's funny."

Yep. It is. And don't forget the fact, if you laugh when you say that, even though it's true? I won't kill you with my fork.

*a bit of a disjointed post today, but I wanted to emphasize, that after 11 years of being together, Ryan knows he can still call me out, and how to do it without bodily harm*

Can we say....EASY?

Ok...some of these following images will be blurry. Only because there is major motion involved, and I have a shit camera.

So.....that being said...here's what happened.

Ryan took the kids to the Home Depot Kid's workshop today. As he does every first Saturday of the month. It gives me a few hours of quiet time. I love it.

Today however consisted of an impromptu visit to the Valu Thrift Store. Basically East St. Paul's dumping grounds for shit-you-don't-want-anymore. The kids fricking love it. I stay far far away. It smells like your grandma's attic. *gag*

Ryan did the right thing before he came home though. He called to tell me he DIDN'T do the right thing at the thrift store.

Observe the two purchases I was NOT ok with. Look closely. You will know. And keep in mind. I have a 2 and 4 year old. Well almost 3 and 5 but, WHATEVER.




The last/third purchase, I was ok with. Miles has been asking for a microscope forever. He is that science-y nerd-y type. Just like his dad. And now they are dragging Claire down with them.












So either way. Ryan + shopping with the kids= S-U-C-K-E-R.
I told him he can't EVER tell me, "did the kids really need that?"

What I have been up to.

I don't have much to talk about. It has been kid-centric over here. Kids activities. Kids needs. Kids wants. Kids sassing me. Kids fighting. Kids playing. Kids exploring. Kids not sleeping. Kids not listening. Kids driving me fucking nuts! Kids kids kids. So here are a few photos from my week.

*note* There aren't any with me pulling my hair out. Yet.

Our visit to the Flint Hills Children's Festival. We went with Ryan's WHOLE family, including our "hopefully soon to be" niece. (My sister in law and her husband are hoping to adopt her.) It was fun...but you can tell how Claire felt about being photographed. Plus it was hotter then a bitch out there in the blazing sun.

End of the year class picnics for the pre-school. There were tons of 2, 3, 4, and 5 year olds running around the park. The kids had so much fun playing at the playground with friends they have made. They had a picnic lunch. It was Miles' last year at pre-school. Next year....Kindergarten.

Miles monkeying around

Claire kinda eating lunch.

Claire and her friend Anya. I have a really cute photo of just their little feet in the sand...but....I don't like to admit I let her run in the sand at a public park barefoot. There was all kinds of shit in that sand.

Screw it...here are the chubby little piggies.

And last but not least....my beloved wild rose bushes. Ryan has been landscaping this area for the past few days, and he finished it today. It looks lovely. These rose bushes are from my Grandmother's homestead in SD. I took them after she passed away 2 years ago. I miss her. And these roses have thrived here. *sigh*

Welcome to My Morning.

Breakfast conversation in the Teepants household.

MILES: I never get Taffy....

ME: What did you just say?

MILES Nothing. (sly look of course)

ME: No really....what did you say?

MILES: Nothing. (still slickery sly)

ME: I didn't hear you.....what don't you ever get?

MILES: Nothing! (laughing his damn fool head off now)

CLAIRE: He said he never gets taffy! (said very sassily I might add)

*as soon as she said this Miles stopped laughing, dead in his tracks and gave his sister "the look"*

ME: Ha ha!!! Your sister will tell me everything. And by the way you just had taffy after lunch yesterday with your cousin. Remember?

RYAN: It's from that show Lazytown . I guess Stingy says it. (Stingy is a bratty character who is...stingy. I loathe him)

ME: I hate that show.

CLAIRE: How many times do I have to yell at you?

RYAN: Hmmmmmm......? (looking right at me no less)

ME: Uh...oh yeah....that MUST be from Lazytown too. Tee hee.

Are you a drunk smoker?

Brian S. is. I have decided a drunk smoker is someone who has quit smoking, but only smokes when they are "drunk" or in Brian's case, pass a bottle of beer someone else is holding. Heh heh heh.

Years ago when Ryan and I FIRST quit smoking, we did well. We really quit. And then it started. I said, "I'll only smoke when I am drinking or drunk." Which was a pretty damn good plan to me as I didn't drink all that much anymore. Liver disease you know. Anyway......I loved smoking.

I found myself drinking every weekend. EVERY WEEKEND. I was a certifiable drunk. Tee hee....whoops a daisies. But I wasn't alone. Ryan was too. Team work!

And then...we realized not only were we spending money we didn't have on cigarettes, we also added beer on top of that. Yikes.....so....Hello quitting for real. And for good. *sigh*

Anyway, my good friend Brian has quit smoking. I was proud of him. But he has gleefully admitted to me, he knows he will always be a drunk smoker. I called bullshit on that. I told him he's just lazy. I also told him that he has no will power. I don't know why I did this. I really don't care one way or the other if he smokes or not. I want to. Can't blame the guy. So basically I give him shit, just to give him shit. We have that kind of relationship, that I love. I fuck with him for no reason. He laughs at it, and we move on. He knows I am ALWAYS kidding. At least I think he does. Cause he laughs a lot. A LOT.

I think I should be a drunk smoker. Last time I got drunk it turned out bad...very bad...very very very bad. Maybe I just should be a smoker again....Nah...Miles would definitely give me a bad time about it. He hates the smell. And he tells my sister that, "smoking makes your lungs black and you will die." From the mouths of babes. And his pre-school teachers who run frickin' marathons.


*this post is Brian's punishment for ditching us for his girlfriends the other night. Girlfriends named Ryan A. and Jeff F.* Yeah I named them.