UW Stout and other stupidity.

Well friends. I did it. I finally headed out, overnight, without kids. For the first time in EVER. And it wasn't even with Ryan.

I headed East about 45 miles and landed square in Menomonie Wisconsin. My old alma mater. UW Stout. Polytechnic now. What the fuck is that? I have no idea. I graduated with a Vocational Rehabilitation degree. Weird.

Anyway I digress. It had been planned for a while. A few girlfriends of mine from college of whom I haven't seen for 9 years, and I decided to head out to see what had changed. Along the way, we invited a few more of our cohorts from the Fleming Hall days. And we only had one other taker. Our bold and daring friend Erik.

Here is Selena, me and Erik standing outside of the Student Center...no change by the way.

Even the seating in the Pawn (food dispensing locale) was exactly the same as it was when I graduated in 95. Gross....I ate there hung over. As a matter of fact I believe a friend of mine threw up on said chairs.

When we all started at Stout, we were on North campus. About a half a mile from the main campus. About a half a mile from any classes. And that half a mile was a bitch to walk when the temps got below 0 degrees Fahrenheit. Ooohweeee and if the wind was blowing...GGGAAAHHH!!!!

The only saving grace in the winter was on occasion the Swiss Miss factory close by would be wafting in the air. Otherwise in the fall, spring, and summer, you got the sewage plant.

The dorms are all crazy different. Our dear Fleming Hall is now being connected to the two other dorms behind it.

And just east of those dorms are these beauties! They have AC. Those lucky bastards.

We walked around campus for a few hours, in 91 degree weather. Kill me now. And I am sunburned. I'm Korean. I don't get sunburned...but son of a bitch if it wasn't hot.
Here is Andrea, Erik, and Selena at some kind of weird placard they "erected".

Oh and the Fortune Cookie is still there next to the Subway. Seriously. I'm not just pointing that out cause I'm Asian either. The damn restaurant looks EXACTLY the same. Anyone who lived on North campus has eaten that crap food and lived to tell the tale. Trust me.

So after our tour of campus, we drove by some of the old places we lived off campus. Not too thrilling. Just got us talking about all the dumb, illegal, immoral things we did back in the day. And we headed off to Eau Claire to have dinner and a few drinks and check into the hotel.

Once we headed to Eau Claire, there really wasn't anything going on. We went to dinner downtown. Then a few drinks. We tried to find places we wouldn't TOTALLY stick out in, but that's really hard to do in a college town when the three of us are circling the middle age drain. But we did ok. Until, that is, we decided to head to another bar called.....The Pickle. Jesus.

We walked down to it, and looked in the window. Harmless enough, but once we saw the plastic keg cups we were all, "fuck no!" Our days of, stashing plastic keg cups down our pants so we wouldn't have to pay the 5$ at the next party, are long gone. And we decided to mosey on back to the grown up bar. Which incidentally, drinks in Eau Claire Wisconsin..Dirt.Ass.Cheap.

Once we heard the tornado sirens go off, we decided to head back to the hotel. What a poor showing on our parts. But....meh...I was tired anyway.

Safely tucked into our hotel..the madness began. Talks of kids, marriage, boobs, showering, the olden days, and everything else under the sun were had. And before we knew it, it was 2:30 am. I had officially been awake for 22 hours at that point. Lame.

This is what the end of the night looked like....what a mess. I told you we were mature.

All in all a very nice trip down memory lane with a few friends. The only casualty we had was when Selena was imitating Kristen Stewart's hunch. She pulled a muscle in her neck and it was worse by the morning. God damn we're old.

Is this wrong? And that's rhetorical thank you very much.

So I have never been shy about my sickness. The Vampire saga sickness that is. Be it Twilight or The Sookie Stackhouse novels. I love them all.

I love vampires who are deep and emotional and would die all over again for their lady. I have read all these books over and over so much that the book bindings are breaking.

When I get another book in either of the series, my husband says, "See ya in a few days." He just knows. Smart man. Thankfully they are very easy reads, and I can pretty much finish them with all the distractions that being a stay at home mom entail, in about 2 days at the most.

I've seen the movies for Twilight. I have groups of people that I see them with. I ALWAYS see them with my BFF. The first Twilight movie, we were so excited to see how they were going to interpret the book. Once it started the acting was so bad we gawfawed out loud in the theater multiple times. Much to the chagrin of the tweens surrounding us.

I also see these movies with my 13 year old niece...who is NOW 13, but was 12 when we saw New Moon. She swooned. Like girls her age should.

And this year with Eclipse out, I saw it for the first time (yes I said the FIRST time) with a high school friend of mine and a college friend of mine. In complete luxury. Full bar, restaurant, and leather barcaloungers. Then again with my niece and soon to be with my BFF for her birthday. Yep. I will have seen Eclipse 3 times IN the theater in the month of July alone. I imagine I'm not alone or even near the record.

Now True Blood....that's where I swoon for the vamps. Love that Eric Northman. And really? It's on tv. I can watch the dirtiness that is True Blood in the privacy of my own home. I mean...it's basically Twilight with sex. Lots and lots of sex. Oh and lots of boobs. Ryan watches it with me. He, on the other hand, will roll his eyes till I just see the whites at Twilight. Eh...can't win em all.

Even my kid knows Twilight. When we are strolling through Target's toy aisle and there are Twilight Barbies, she yells out, "Look mom! Twilights!" She's 4 and should have no idea about it, but I guess she hears EVERYTHING!

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah....I have finished reading the last Sookie Stackhouse novel in the series, and will see Eclipse one more time this month. I have the rest of the season of True Blood to look forward to. And oh yes...I'm obsessed.

Summertime!

Doesn't this look like fun? Wish it wasn't totally out of the question for me to "slip and or slide". Most likely I would "bust and or break" my way down.

I have never been fond of this season. With all it's hot, and humid, and bugs that bite and leave huge ugly red welts. (By the way I have a mosquito bite in the middle of my forehead. I look like I have put a Tilaka on.) And I'm just not down with the lack of clothing that is required in the summertime. I like my turtlenecks, and jeans, and boots, and scarves, and heavy duty sweaters.

But my kids love the summer. They can prance around in very little clothing...cause don't all kids like to do that? And they don't have any responsibility. And they love the outdoors.

My kids are in love with this Slip -n- Slide. It's a double width, with some kind of inflatable boards to ride on. I never had one growing up, and so that must be why I am ALL OVER getting one for them.

We were at my parents house with cousin E. The Slip -n- Slide is travel ready too! I mean really. Best summer toy ever.

My favorite photo here is the one where E looks deranged. Don't know why it cracks me up. There are my two smiling all sweetly and there is E.....all his personality in one photo. I love that face he's making.

These kids will hopefully be close when they get older and look back at these photos and think...."man my mom/aunt was obsessed with the damn camera." Cindi and I will look back and think...."Damn those kids were cute." I am most certainly going to miss this. Things are easy now.

I am starting to like summer a little. I know....crazy.

Thinking...thinking....thinking....

What is a blog for?

I always thought my blog was to entertain, and to "get it down on paper". It usually just tells people of the trials and tribulations of being a mom to MY kids.

Cause really? My kids are hilarious. At times infuriating, but most likely they are doing or saying something that cracks me up. And I feel the need to share it with everyone. Because there is no way, any other kids, are as hilarious as mine. *note sarcasm*

Another reason I write this blog, is to keep track of things. To remember things that I would otherwise lose in my file-o-fax of a brain. There's just too much crap up in there to remember EVERYTHING.

I also write to complain about my stupid old giving out body. I hate it. It makes me so angry. And that has to go somewhere.

But recently, I have wanted to write about things that are going on in my life that stress me out. And I haven't. Why you ask? Because I am not comfortable with people I am annoyed with, stressed out with or just plain bitching about, reading about my annoyance in such a public forum.

Ok...sure, I talk a big game. And truly, I WILL tell you what's on my mind if it's not going to really hurt our relationship. But the big-blast-you-into-next-month crabby that I am capable of, so not ok. I don't want to totally alienate people who make me mad. I'm not a grudge holder. So once it passes I'm good. And if I wrote things here...it's out there. And once I'm past it, they may not be. See the problem?

And I know most people hold on to things. Also there's the whole...I'm not talking about you, but you think I am.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE SPECIFIC HERE TODAY. THIS IS JUST A TOPIC ON MY BRAIN.

Lately there have been things I have wanted to write. But I don't. Poor Ryan has just had to hear it. Incessantly, hear it. And he's been really great about it. But maybe just maybe I shouldn't hold back. I should just not worry about what people think. And I should start writing it all down.

Right?

Any way you can say it. Courtesy of the Potty Talk Fairy

Claire has taken to potty talk. Not a new concept in our house mind you. There's the "butt", "poop", "fart", and "private body parts", potty talk. Then there's the words "she can't say" potty talk.

There's this gem, and there's also the song the Stewart children taught her....."Cha cha cha cha cha CHA! We are big fat people!" Cause you know I'm not down with my kids talking about PEOPLE being fat. Fat is a naughty word in our house when talking about people.

I do on occasion encourage or participate in the potty talk. Only because I notice if we "let it all hang out" it ceases for quite a while. So we go into the whole...."did you see that monkey? He farted out his butt!" And of course double-over-snorting-laughs ensue. But it pretty much stops the potty talk for a while. It's almost like she gets it out of her system and is good for a bit.

Recently Claire has become enthralled with the Cooking Channel. Not the Food Network. Oh no...she is loving the old time cooking shows. Her most favorite is Two Fat Ladies. I figured it out though. Not only does she love the show, but it gives her legal license to say the word FAT.

What a butt.

Happy 4th!

Today was a spectacular day. We started off doing nothing. That's how I like to spend my weekends.

But we had people coming over so I had to get out of my pj's at some point. But really, they weren't scheduled until 3 so what was the rush?

We had a nice leisurely brunch. Then on to "getting ready" for company. That involves, cleaning the bathroom and shutting my bedroom door.

Friends came. Amy, her husband Ron and their 2 kids. Rachel and her husband Dan. I went to HS with all but Dan. It was quite an evening.

We ordered pizza, because accommodating all those people was out of the question. Besides, Ron is the pickiest eater this side of Miles. Truly. The running joke was that we were going to have 3 different pizza deliveries. The last time I had pizza with Ron and Amy, I was at their house, and I shit you not, they had two different pizza places pass each other on the walkway to the house. It's awesome.

Pizza satisfactorily devoured, and brownie sundaes. Seriously. I make a mean brownie sundae.

The kids trashed the house. No surprise. And the grown ups talked about old times, iPhone games, running, shoes, and whatever else we could think of.

We decided since it wasn't ever going to rain we would venture to the St. Paul fireworks display. Best idea of the night! We met at the Science Museum and they shoot them off right below where we were standing.

The crowd around us was interesting to say the least. I mean....I think for one of the first times the people I was with, were the minority. There were few white folks. Very few. I believe the Asians were the majority.

And some of the people there were just....classy. Wow. And by classy I mean...yowza. NOT CLASSY.

Once the first fireworks went off, Claire's face was like, "whoa!" and everyone settled down. Amy and Ron's daughter who is 9 was very concerned she wouldn't see the fireworks cause the guy in front of her was so tall. Eh...she was fine once she realized they were going off about 50 feet above her and the building we were standing by.

Pluses and minuses standing in such a large crowd. Plus...no bugs for some reason. And it was a hot a humid night. Minus....sweaty business, and stinky people all over the damn place. And when you're short like me...it's gross. And stinky. Plus, the kids stayed very close to us because they didn't want to get lost. Minus, still hot and it was still smelly.

In the end, I giggled like a little girl when the finale came, cause I love it. And Claire loved that part too. Miles was very inquisitive regarding the how and the what with the fireworks. At one point he asked Ryan if they were magic. I love that.

We waited downtown for traffic to clear. All the while watching the kids turn cartwheels in a big grassy area, and chatting with Dan and Rachel.

Great 4th of July. Thanks friends.

Success!!!!!! Strap in for the longest blog post of all time

Well. We made it there and back. Alive. No casualties. Unless you count the little red squirrels, who I am sure died from eating/stealing all of our snacks.

There was very very VERY minimal complaining. I think Miles said he was bored once in the canoe. And that was because Ryan and I kept talking about some kind of weird plant. Which I found out later was a Pitcher plant. AND it's carnivorous. So...once we told him the plant ate bugs and stuff...the bitching ceased.

There were several stops along the way. Duluth's pier to skip rocks. Two Harbor's lighthouse to walk onto the lake. Etc.

This is out on the walkway. Our friends the Stewart's joined us for the trip.

Once we set up and got our dinner out of the way, the fire was going, and then....boom...thunder. And then rain. Not downpour rain like folks in the cities got, but rain. And camping+rain+kids=meh...

We all went to bed. And then the rain really kinda kicked in. The first morning, Claire and I woke up at 4:00. Don't know how that happened, but it did. Not that I'm completely sure about that time because as anyone who camps can tell you, camp time is different than real world time.

Either way....no one else was up and Claire didn't want to go to the "outhouse" alone. (Geez wonder why? Couldn't have been her father's verbalization of his MAJOR fear of falling into the hole. Thus being covered head to toe in shit, and not being able to get out. The girl hung onto me for dear life each time. Thanks honey.) So we meandered down to the lake and looked for the loon calling out. It was a beautiful morning. And Claire loved the quiet time with me.



*Creepy side note...on the way back to camp, we passed some dude at a vacant site. He had a car and a huge duffle bag. No tent. I asked him what time it was and when he looked up, I wanted to run, but that would have left Claire to fend for herself, and that made me a bad mom. But the dude was creepy-kill-you-in-the-woods-and-bury-you-in-the-Boundary-Waters kinda dude. Oh it was 5am by then.*

Thus began the day of rain rain rain. It rained steadily all day long. We were wet. Soaked all the way through. But you know, once you're wet, you're wet and then who cares. Until you try to go to sleep and warm up. Now that's a bitch.

We took the kids on a "nature hike". There was not much else to do. We hiked all over the place. We hiked until we couldn't follow any trails anymore. Which was nice. The kids just played together the entire time. There were a lot of stupid songs made up.....example..."cha cha cha cha cha CHA! We are big fat people!" I didn't care for this one by the way. Also there was some kind of Gummy Bear song. I don't remember the words, but there was something about a gummy bear coming to kill you with a knife. All courtesy of the Stewart kids. Cause you know I don't teach my kids that shit. We're more of a bodily function song type of family. All class...all the way.

Well the day progressed with Glenn singing the Black Eyed Peas, and Ryan trying to eliminate the song from his head by telling everyone they had the "Final Countdown" in their head...and as soon as that happend.....we all busted out with ...do do do dooooo doodle do do doooooooo. Annoying. But constant non-stop rain can do that to a person.

I'm not kidding check it out.

In the evening the rain stopped and the sky cleared. And it was glorious! By the following morning, we did pancakes and the youngest Stewart was pacing back and forth yelling, "CLAIRE!!!! CLAIRE!!!!! ROCK!!!!" He's 2. And Claire was the last to wake up. Lorien was the only one who could get her out of bed by promising to make her Minnie Mouse pancakes.

We finally got to canoe. The kids were really excited about it. Glenn and Lor brought their own, we rented. We spent several hours on the water and then their youngest and Claire fell asleep. And the winds picked up. Makes for difficult canoeing when you're paddling against the wind with many kids in a canoe. But they loved it. Claire sat in front with me and told me, "she never wanted to stop." Miles on the other hand was itching to get back to his friends in the other canoe.


Just after portaging and the kids are waiting for Ryan to get in.

The Stewart family!

We ate lunch on a little island and the guys stayed in the canoes. There was no place to dock them. So we counted on them to hold the canoes in place. Aren't we nice?



We did pretty well canoeing wise. The kids seemed to be much happier when they were ALL in Ryan's and my canoe. I mean...I imagine we were sitting pretty low in the water.

That night was nice. The kids did a lot of playing together...and the adults, well, we tried to get ready to go. The kids were obsessed with the lightsabers and the bakugan games. Claire and E were reading the princess magazines too. And the littlest Stewart was over the top with the cleaning of the big rock at our site. He wiped the bird poop off the rock multiple times.




There was also an attempt at swimming, but once Ryan and Glenn got off the rocks and sunk shin deep in muck....the skirts came out and they were all, "Oh my God! Ugh...this is gross. Everyone out!"

We then showered after making dinner. Cause 3 days of bug spray and sunblock made for a very greasy looking SJT. It was NASTY. Upon arriving at the showers we ran into tons and tons of Chinese teens. I swear I was transported to Disneyworld with how many Asians were there. Who knew the hot spot for Asians with cameras was Disney and the BWCA.

On Sunday it was time to go. Ryan and I packed up super fast because we noticed the clouds were rolling in. And sure as shit...it started to rain as our friends were starting to pack up. Thankfully Ryan and I were done, so we were able to help our friends.

On the road again headed home. Everyone stunk and was tired. But we had 2 way radios and there was monkeybusiness to be had. Apparently we weren't the only ones with them. And we ended up offending some dudes with boats. Really. Lor and my conversation "upset" them. Seriously. And apparently they didn't care for 5 year olds asking each other, "What are you doing?" over and over again.

I have to say..the trip was amazing. Claire cried that we left. She didn't want to go. She's going to be our outdoorsy kid. Miles cried because he was lonely for his friends.

Two tips when travelling to the BWCA...when it rains there are few bugs and ticks! Win!!! And on the way home, it is imperative you stop to have lunch/dinner at Pizza Luce in Duluth. That or Hell's Burgers. Both delish.

Oh shit.

We are leaving for our first "official" camping trip of the year tomorrow. Ryan and I were super ambitious this year. We decided to take the kids to the Boundary Waters. Or BWCA for you Minnesotans.

I can't believe how much you have to pack when camping with kids. Especially kids with allergies. Ugh....hopefully we won't need any of the "stuff" I'm packing.

I know the kids are excited though. Miles and Claire were still up at 9:30. Laying in bed, tossing and turning, complaining they can't sleep. I love that. It's total excitement. Wait until they realize how much work they have to do paddling that canoe.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....oh wait. I bet they bitch and moan at least once in the canoe. And almost tip us over at least twice. On the bright side of things, the weather report says it supposed to be rainy with thunderstorms every night that we're there. Ah summer in MN.

We really are looking forward to it. I think it's just what we need to get away from all the monkey business going on in our lives. Just hoping we don't get eaten alive by ticks, mosquitoes, and bears.

Cause knowing me...I'm gonna run into one.

Wish us luck. Photos and a report to follow!!!!

Too far.

A while ago I dropped something on my foot. And I yelled out..."SHIT!"

To which Miles came running into the room and asked, "Are you ok mom?
I know...really sweet right?

Claire didn't react the same. She took advantage of the situation. These are her words of comfort:

"Mom you shouldn't say shit."
"Shit's a bad word."
"You know I would be in trouble if I said shit."
"I'm going to tell daddy you said the bad word shit."
"Is shit the naughtiest word ever?"
"When I grow up, I'm not going to say shit."

Maybe I need to work on my swearing, but it sure seems like my 3 and a half year old needs swear rehab.

Happy Father's Day Teepants style!

Father's day at the Teepants household is a lot different than mother's day. Here are some of the differences:

1: I like to lay about all day and have Ryan take all control of the kids and the house. Today, Ryan's agenda involves, running, mowing the grass, and helping me get ready to host a family party.

2: Ryan and the kids make me breakfast in bed, complete with waking me up with a tray of food and lovely mother's day gifts.
I have to wait to make breakfast until Ryan's done running. And he has to wait for his father's day gifts because I didn't have the chance to run out and get him a card yet. (I know...he's totally winning this one)

3: I really do whatever I feel like doing on mother's day. Ryan does what he wants, and a little of what I need today. Poor guy.

But Ryan knows we love him like crazy. Miles and Claire can't get enough of him.

Although we did have a long discussion with Miles the other morning. He was determined to tell Ryan and myself he wanted a "new" dad. And he was serious about it. I kept saying, "are you serious? You want to get a new dad?" And he was not kidding. He kept with it, that yes....he wanted a new dad.

Ryan, understandably, was starting to feel a little bad about this revelation. After further discussion, we realized, NO, Miles didn't want a NEW dad. He wanted his dad to be the same. But he wished his dad was Korean like the rest of us.

Hence, the "new" dad. Ha ha ....I don't know why, but Miles has ALWAYS been concerned about Ryan not being Korean. And to Miles, he wants to share everything with his dad.

So Happy Father's Day to my non-Korean husband. You are the best. And Happy Father's Day to my dad, my father-in-law, and my friends who are great dad's.



Not that this cartoon has anything to do with anything. But it's Star Wars and it's funny.

Breakfast DOES inspire.

This morning at breakfast, Miles told me he was going to be a chef. Now, he's been telling us for weeks he's going to be a Ninja because he's Korean. AND he's been practicing his Ninja skills for just as long. Ask Ryan's throat.

But......upon receiving his favorite breakfast, (hash browns, eggs, and sausage) he declared it. He wants all my recipes, although he was kind enough to ask if I would need them when I got old, "in case I forget them." Smart ass.

And his restaurant will be called MILES' PLACE. I think he can call it "Nudie Foodie." Especially if this photo is ANY indication of his cooking prowess. Ugh.



He also informed me he would allow me, Ryan and Claire to eat for free. But not our friends, unless he already was friends with them. So....folks, you'd better start kissing some almost six year old ass if you want free food in 20 years.

On the other end of the breakfast table, Claire told me, "I'm gonna be a bat."

It's been a shit day already.

It's only 11:44 am in the morning. But let me tell you. The day has sucked already.

Incident 1: Ryan left for St. Louis today at 4:30 am. Which pretty much woke me up too. Oh well.

Incident 2: While I was in the bathroom this morning, Claire woke up, stood in front of the closed bathroom door, say very quietly, "mom?" and then proceded to pee on the carpet. What The Fuck? So I dragged her into the bathroom and put her in the shower. Showered her off, cleaned the carpet, washed the bathroom rug, her clothes and bathrobe.

I asked her why she didn't go to the OTHER bathroom, and she said she was scared to go downstairs. ARGH!!!! That was the answer. I didn't get mad, cause accidents happen. But I told her it shouldn't happen again. Please Lord...It SHOULDN'T happen again.

Incident 3: Once I got off the phone with my friend, after planning a play date for later today, and after bitching to her about how my almost 4 year old peed on the carpet, I looked at Miles and noticed he was red behind his ear. Upon closer inspection, his whole head, neck, shoulders, torso, and on down to the tops of his toes were covered in hives. Again. What The Fuck? Then when I looked at his face (of course that was last) I saw his eyelids and lips were swelling. DAMNIT!

So I went for the Benadryl. But if you have little kids, you know all Benadryl, Zyrtec, and most all children's medication was recalled a month or so ago. So I called the pediatrician to see what I could substitue. Apparently nothing. They called back a hour later and said...Benadryl. Try find that shit now days. Not easy.

In the process I deduced he was having an allergic reaction to a friend's kid who was here yesterday. They have A cat. Not multiple. Just one. But that little shit of a cat was enough to trail it's allergen onto their clothes all the way over here. Said kid was laying on Miles' floor playing Bakugan with him yesterday. We usually don't allow kids with cats in Miles' room because he's soooo allergic to them, but whatever. The kid looked clean. Apparently not. Miles was laying in the same damn spot playing Battleship with Claire this morning. And there you have it!

Have you seen the movie Silkwood? Remember the de contamination scene? Well that's what I went through cleaning Miles' room. And after speaking with Miles I learned they were in the fort too. Great. It's small. And I had to lug the vacuum cleaner up into it. GRRRRRRRrrrr......I'm dewey from that business.

And now load two of laundry is in the wash. It's only 11:45. I had to cancel the playdate. Only because I didn't want my kid to slip into anaphylactic shock at Noodles and Co. Embarrassing!

It has to get better. It is going to storm today. We all love a good thunderstorm. However, with how the day is going......we'll end up huddled in the basement because a tornado is coming to visit. Maybe we'll end up in Munchkin land. That could be ok. At least we'd be going somewhere.

Miles is OFFICIALLY a first grader

Holy shit do I feel old. Not only did Miles' Kindergarten teacher say to me, "there's no way you're as old as me." But, I found out in fact, yes, I was OLDER than her. Ugh.

Either way. Miles finished his last day of Kindergarten last week. He didn't know what to make of it. He just said that the hug part was hard. Not hard emotionally, but that his teacher hugged the kids really hard. It was funny.

Then while Ryan, Claire and I were standing waiting to get him in front of the flagpole, one of his classmates dad's said, "Erica tells everyone that Miles is her boyfriend." ZOINKS!!!! And THEN Miles told me, "I think that Lily is really my girlfriend because she hugged me in the library for no reason. She must love me or something." Poor Erica.

Oh my damn! Really? He's not even 6 yet. I asked his teacher if it really started this young. And she laughed at me like I was the dumbest mom alive. I guess that laugh meant....duh-dummy-good-luck-raising-these-kids-you'll-need-it.

I think my kid is the cutest thing on the planet. Don't we all? But let's be realistic. He's easily the smallest kid in his class. He's a little pokey with everything. He loves Star Wars, science and thinks he's gonna be a ninja cause he's Korean. Not your typical dreamboat. But according to his teacher, many girls love my little guy. This will go down as my favorite age for "liking" someone. They like him cause he's the nicest kid. Not the most athletic. Not the best looking. Not the coolest. But because he's the nicest. Lord help me when THAT wears off.

But..he's done with school for the summer. He's had 2 playdates already and more to go. My guy is in heaven. He loves having NO schedule whatsoever. I do too.

On one of his very last days of class they celebrated his birthday. Only because his birthday is in August. Ryan and I went to watch and man oh man did he love it.



He doesn't embarrass easily, but they sing..."Happy Birthday to you...CHA CHA CHA!!!" And it cracked me the hell up. When he saw me laugh, his little mouth twisted into a knot, and he cheeks flushed crimson. Oh brother. I'm already embarrassing him.

Girls love him. And I embarrass him. I guess he's 5 and a half going on 15. It's ok. His sister is already practicing her teen years. Why wouldn't he.?

Claire graduated!!! Kinda.

Last week Claire had her preschool graduation. She's 3 1/2 going on 13 at this point. But that's not important.
What is a huge milestone for our family, is she will be moving UP next year. She's going to be in the Kinderstart program for her preschool. Which never happened with Miles. She's so excited!

Claire is one of those kids who doesn't like the spotlight unless she's the one telling you to look. So all these events the school puts on are, in her opinion, for the birds. She's the one who stands in the front, (cause she's short) and picks her nose, lifts her dress, turns around, stares into space and all around just doesn't care to be there.

Oh did I mention when she's nervous she's developed this AWESOME habit of picking her fingers bloody. Yep! Most likely another one of Diego's helpful hints. Rat bastard.

She of course held on for dear life to her little Chinese friend throughout the entire presentation. But thankfully, both girls were equally shocked into what-the-fuck-is-happening-right-now-I-hate-it-get-me-out-of-this-damn-place-pronto panic mode.



And the little blonde boy next to her Chinese friend was ALL ABOUT singing loudly and making large, VERY LARGE arm motions. When he WASN'T picking at his fingers. It was all awesome!



On the upside, Ryan didn't have to travel that day and so he was able to attend the graduation with Miles. Miles brought his little "girlfriend". She's adorable!



Tomorrow is Miles' last day of Kindergarten. I feel like someone should poke me with a stick just to make sure I'm really at this point in my life.........he's going to be a first grader. A FIRST GRADER!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!

Miles and Ax-Man

Miles is in LOVE with this science kit. Ryan got it at the Thrift Store last year, and Miles has finally shown major interest.

He will spend hours looking at random crap on glass slides. He loves this microscope. He loves looking at hair, dirt, blood, dead bugs, and spit.

The other day he was gently putting the kit back into it's case, and all the glass slides broke. Shit. The waterworks kicked in and we had to think about what to do. And quick.

So yesterday after school, we all drove to the "hood" and hit up Ax Man Surplus Store. Talk about heaven!

My kids didn't know what to do with themselves. If you've never been to Ax-Man...it's the best place for anything random and shitty. It smells like any old hipster walking around Uptown, sweat, rubber, and motor oil. There is any kind of science anything, car parts, computer parts, lightbulbs, rubber chickens, military surplus, manequins dressed in goggles and fur coats, and very random, very witty ad campaigns.

It is truly one of the coolest places to go if you have kids who are interested in anything other than sports. And even those kids would probably think it's pretty cool.

We were able to pick up more glass slides for the microscope, Star Wars glow in the dark wall stickers, a flashy magic wand, marbles, a sterling silver compact, and a carpet remnant for our tent. We passed on the beakers. Although I wanted one.

And now, Miles is back to looking at "stuff/crap" under the microscope. And Claire is loving her blinky magic wand.

Just a few more photos of Ax Man so you know what it is I'm talking about......my descriptions just can't do it justice.

Bra wings!

I usually would not be gung ho to post a photo of my undergarments, but I assume most, not all, of you who read this are women. So....here goes.

This morning Claire came out of my room with my bra on. Then she proceeded to jump of the sofa, fall on the floor and announce, "My bra wings don't work!"

She has tried several times to fly from the sofa or another high location. I have no idea where she gets this stuff. I imagine Diego told her to do it. As long as she stays in the house and doesn't try it off the deck, I'm fine with it.

Not sure why she has the stuffed tiger in the bra either. She's a weird kid. When she does this stuff, I tell Ryan she's HIS DAUGHTER.



The girl really wants to fly. With wings and stuff. At least she's color coordinated.

Ummm.....

Not much to say today.....but I found this.





Asians are silly. Oh, and upon closer inspection...so are Minnesotans.

I am SO that cranky old lady

Let me begin by telling you, my neighborhood is chock full to the rim of High school and Junior high kids. I mean we are full up over here in suburbia with them.

Now take a look at my back yard. Disregard the adorable children on the swing, and notice how my back yard opens into about 5 other back yards. It also is the other side of the large cul de sac.



So I imagine you can see the allure of cutting through the yards to keep from having to be seen on the street. Cause God forbid you walk the full distance. And as I am sure you can see. No fences. Makes cutting through easy.

I'm not going to begrudge these kids a short cut. Oh no. I hated that when I was a lazy preteen. I couldn't cut through at all....so I allow leeway.

I however don't allow the following. (And if for some reason you move into my neighborhood and have a tween/teen? Inform your children about my rules and point out my house.) Thanks so much.

THE RULES OF THE TEEPANTS YARD

1: Under NO circumstance are you allowed on my deck or my play equipment in the middle of the night. My homeowners insurance doesn't cover stupid ass kids falling off the monkey bars in the dark. So I would have to pay out of pocket.

2: You are NOT allowed to try and have sex under my deck at dusk. I CAN see you dumb asses. I watch tv downstairs at PRIMETIME and you are right in front of the window. Just because you are under a deck, doesn't mean you can "go at it" like the rabbits who really live under there. Plus, I don't want to explain what you are doing to my kids. And that loud knock on the glass you heard......means get the fuck out!

3: I WILL yell at you to "get out of my yard!" if in fact you are cutting though it, yelling like assholes at each other, in the middle of the night, under my 4 and 6 year olds open windows, in spring/summer/open window times. Didn't your parents teach you ANY manners? Next time I will FOR SURE bring you into my home and make you put my kids back to bed. P.S. yelling like that for an hour and a half once it's past 11 PM, will also get you the same result.

*sidenote: I do however like to hear whispering to each other, IN THE STREET, once I have told you to stay out to, "stay out of that yard you guys."

4: I DO know who you are. If you break these rules, I WILL talk to your parents.

In return, I will watch for the following.

Eggs, Toilet paper, and flaming bags of shit on my front step. But then again....rule number 4 will be in full effect. And most likely, unless your parents are complete donkeys, you will have to clean up the mess.

This concludes my rant.

I've lost that lovin' feeling.

One of my all time favorite things to do is grocery shop. I'm not kidding.

I love strolling down the clean aisles. Looking at new items. Checking to see what organic this or that was on the market.

The farmer's market? LOVE IT! Touching and smelling all that fresh produce. Delish!

Of course it was before kids. And it was when I didn't HAVE a budget. And I was only cooking one meal for one other person. So spending 5 dollars on fresh organic rosemary was not something I'd bat an eye at.

Boy was I in la la land.

These days. I loathe the super market. And by "supermarket" I mean.....Super Target, Costco, and Trader Joe's. Those are my go to staples. 3 stores. Once a week. Every so often I'll meander on into a Kowalski's. For those who aren't privy to Kowalski's...let me tell you. I heart this store. HUGE. They remind me how I used to love grocery shopping.

The Kowalski's by my house is huge. They have an Aveda salon in the middle of the store. So if you are so inclined, you can hand a personal shopper your list and then have a spa day. All done in a timely fashion. Plus their stuff is top notch. Also top notch price wise. But...it's a special treat. Not that I've ever done that. Cause really it's kinda ridiculous. But the idea that you CAN is luxurious enough.

But back to the real world. I know what aisle everything I need is in. Venturing to a new brand or God forbid a new food, may just bring Armageddon to my house and my house alone.

And the strolling around is not an option anymore either. I always have at least one if not two kids. Thankfully, neither of my kids are "those" kids. You know the ones who beg, and whine, and plead for whatever brightly colored, flashy, sour, toy included, thing they see at their level. (Thanks sTupid markets for that!) They just walk around and look at stuff. They look at me ever so hopefully when they notice that Cheerios has a book included. But we have Cheerios and I just move along. I know, what a bitch.

But I am usually trying to cram shopping in between school and some other sort of obligation.

I miss you slow leisurely grocery shopping. I miss you new products. I miss picking out the freshest of fresh when it comes to produce. Boo hoo hooo........On the upside...I can shop for food. Ryan doesn't have to go and forage for it.

Randoms.

Don't you hate it! When you sit down. Boot up the old computer. Click click click through to google reader. Log into the "blogs I read". And find out those fools who's lives you read about all the time, didn't have the gall to blog this past week?

Seriously! I hate that.

What I hate even more is going to my site, and seeing I am one of those fools.

As I write, I am sitting at the dinner table with the kids. Ryan is conference calling down in the office for a company that works on Pacific time. The kids and I are feasting on grilled Tilapia and mac and cheese. Round out with grapes, apples and carrots. I am not ignoring my poor little chitlins, oh no. When dad works at home during dinner, the kids get a special treat of eating dinner with cartoons on. It happens about once a month. But they love it.

Ryan won't eat fish or anything from the water for that matter, so we all indulge in seafood when he's gone. Or banished to the basement. Heh heh heh....

Today has been a very odd day for me. Here's why.

I hate the hot. I literally stay in MN for the simple reason that I.Hate.Hot. MN is cold 9 months out of the year. I love that. I am giddy as a school girl with the cold weather. This stuff? Not so much. It's been in the 90's this week. 90's!!!!! What the What?

I would rather stay at 30 below year round than have to slap shorts and a teeshirt on this body. I am a cover it from head to toe kinda girl. I even disklike flip flops. I know..what's wrong with me? Where do I start?

But today....odd. I spent the morning walking around a lake in jeans. Not hot. But 80 degrees out. Weird. Then came home and didn't hole up in the central air. I sat out in the yard with the kids doing the slip and slide. Granted the kids couldn't figure out the hose and turned it on me. And I was soaked. So that was *eh ehm* refreshing.

Double weird that I stayed out there. Usually I tell Ryan he should just sit out there with them. I head out to take a few photos and then scurry back into my cocoon where it's 70 and I can still wear a sweatshirt. 70 is hot for me indoors too. We keep our heat at 65 in the winter. And that's the highest it goes.

Still....this summer will be interesting if I can somewhat tolerate the weather. The world will open up with possibilities for me and the kids. Or it could slam shut in my face when the major humidity kicks in. I'd better watch my nose.

My beautiful Claire.

WHO SAYS CHOCOLATE MAKES KIDS HYPER?

SPRING FEVER!!!!

Seriously people. I had all these great intentions of writing to you about my week. I even have a whole post about the garage saleing I did with a girlfriend of mine, but alas. The weather has called my name. And I answered. It's been 70's and sunny. Anyone who has lived in, or grown up in MN knows, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS WEATHER!!!! How could I possibly spend time indoors with my computer? I must bring it outside. The computer that is.

Now understand. Ryan has been under the weather for the past week. Claire is bordering on sick, and Miles....well Miles is suffering some kind of apocalyptic allergy attack. I mean really. The world WILL end. All the damn snoring he does is epic. There are wild animals answering the call. I mean...his snoring is louder than when Ryan goes on a Surly (local beer) binge. It's absurd. I want to yell from my room, "ROLL OVER MILES!!!!" But he's 5 1/2, and I'm his mom, and it's rude, and it would wake everyone else up, AND it would interrupt all the corruption/coercion going on in Claire's room via creepy doll speak. I most definitely would have a lot to answer to. The who and what is what scares me into submission. I just roll over and deep sigh. At least that way Ryan wakes up and HIS snoring stops. I don't want to suffer alone.

Anyway.....bottom line, It's lovely here in MN. And the garage sales were mediocre. But my friend Shelley and I DID find this gem at one sale.

The woman told us it was a "cat toy". Yeah...and so was that sex swing she had dangling in her garage. AND the worst part...she wanted 2$ for it. USED! *shiver*

I tried to take an actual photo of said "cat toy", but the woman was watching me like a hawk. Like Shelley and I look like rogue sex toy thieves. But suffice it to say, it certainly changed the way I look at the folks living in the Stonemill Farms development. Eeegads!

Mother's Day 2010

My day began lovely. I was woken up by Ryan and Miles. They said they brought me breakfast in bed. I rolled over to see them dumping a sleeping Claire next to me. I thought...what a strange dream. Why would they tell me I was eating Claire for breakfast?

This is for all the moms who multitask everyday. I know it can make a girl crazy. But isn't it worth it in the end?

Happy Mother's day to my mom, mother-in-law, sisters, godmother, and my kids' godmother. You all help to make me who I am. A little crazy, but full to the brim with love.

Embarrassing on many MANY levels.

I saw this today on Facebook. I'm sure it's out there all over the place, but it made me laugh. Then feel really sad. What is going on anyway? I'm not a "politico" by any stretch. Hell...I just started voting so I could vote out Michelle Bachman....(that didn't work out so great). But I don't try to get political. Especially here. I reserve the right of this blog for rants and raves that aren't so controversial.

Oh trust me. I have many an uninformed opinion on this. But I will also keep that to my little old self.

But I couldn't NOT say something. We don't all agree with these politics. But some of us do. And I still love you if you try to defend it. We all have to have opinions.

I will say this...my in-laws winter in AZ. They love it and often ask us to visit. We miss them terribly when they're gone. But until this law changes...there's no fucking chance in hell. And my husband is white white whitey white white.

My girlfriend who posted this on her page (and who also happens to be Korean like me) just asked one question...."Where's the yellow?"

Good question friend. Maybe we can fly under the radar.

Unreal. Seriously! Un F*@%ing Real.

I'm sick again! It's this stupid sinus thingie that has been holding me nasal hostage for at least 5 months. Ugh! The disdain I feel for my sinus region has reached epic proportions. I feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer in the front of my face. And it's a huge face to begin with, so you can imagine the pain I'm suffering through. But enough about that....

My week has been somewhat uneventful. Just a little bit of family drama here and there....nothing that a few drinks with friends and much bitching about won't cure. Poor Ryan by the way, having to be the "listener" to all the bitching. But he signed on for it years ago and there's no going back now.

He is a wonderful guy though. Not only have I been feeling like my head is in a vice, but I have been ridiculously tired. So Ryan has been making dinner this entire week. No shit. He has made dinner everynight since Sunday. Granted, one of those nights I was incapacitated and pretty much comatose. And Monday I had a meeting. And Tuesday I had a doctor appt. But....he didn't complain and just did it. I love him. And he did the dishes. Now that's a man! Although when I made mention of it last night, he smiled at me and said, "happy mother's day early." Ha ha ha...he's SUPER funny. *note sarcastic undertones*

Really I don't care about mother's day. I just want to sleep in. That's really all I want. I don't need gifts or breakfast in bed. Just sleep.

Tonight we had Claire's preschool carnival. I volunteered at the games section. Yep. I'm a preschool volunteer. I love it. Cause I swore a blue streak that, "it's not my thing!" "I'm not a Stepford Wife." But once I helped start their PTO, and currently am poised to take over VP of the group...well....it's totally my thing now.

This is why my week is, as I said Unreal. Not only am I sick, but I have a million things going on this week and next. I have no time to stop. I have no time to be sick. Not cool.

And I have drama. Un-needed drama, but drama none the less. I don't know if you can tell through all this reading about "me" but I tend to lean towards the dramatic. I know I know...NOT YOU SJT. Yes yes...I do. However....when it's un-warranted drama. Or un-earned drama. I want to just puke. I hate it. I despise it. I loathe it. I want to hit it over the head with the vice that has ahold of my sinuses. But...as usual...I just smile and move on.

Hence....Un F*@%ing real.