4 years ago we got ourselves a baby

This is the first meeting we had with Miles in Korea.

We took him and left the country shortly after.



He seemed to like us, so we figured it was ok.

See what lounging in bed all morning gets ya?

My husband always makes the coffee in the am. I require it to function properly. But Ryan is up before the damn rooster crows here to run, and the coffee is made way too early for anyone's good. With the exception of his own.

So my daughter was up until an ungodly hour last night, due to the 30 minute nap she took in the afternoon. When I say ungodly, I mean oh....11pm. Which is too late if you ask me. I mean...I need time to sit sans kids, with a drink, and be able to smooch my sweetie without a peering eye. Kinda ruins the mood when a toddler moans...."ewwwww gross...why are you kissing?"

So she now is sleeping. It's 9:30 am. WE (the collective we) are usually up way before this. So I stay in bed watching infomercials, and checking the internet until she awakens. But...when I came out of my room at 8 am, I noticed once again the coffee timer is almost shutting off. Which indicates the coffee had been made for at least 2 hours and is now in turning off mode. Meaning....cold coffee.

I also notice 3/4 of the pot is gone. I thanked Ryan for saving me some. I notice he has switched to green tea. Interesting.

I point out that most of the coffee is gone. He said, "you're lucky I saved some."

Apparently Miles told him to save some for me. Cause the boy knows I NEED it.

So what DOES laying around all morning get me you ask?

Knowledge, my son realizes I can be a raging bitch if I don't get coffee in the morning. That's pretty much all I got.

Swiper the Box

My daughter has decided she will now watch Dora. She has loved Diego for I don't know how long. She even insisted on my purchasing the Diego pull ups and NOT the Dora ones. Heaven forbid I make the mistake.

But the one thing she just hates hates hates on Dora is Swiper the Fox. It's this stupid fox that tries to steal shit from Dora and her monkey named Boots. If you see it you're supposed to yell...."swiper no swiping!" 3 times and then the fox says, "oh man." and leaves said shit alone.

My Claire has gone a few steps further while she interacts with this show. Once the fox says his habitual "oh man" she will yell out in the most devious voice...."that's right! You'll never get it!!!!" Then she laughs like a deranged lunatic. It really is kinda cute. I'm real proud.

She also will tell us, more then once a day..."Watch out for Swiper the BOX! He's mean!" And to be honest, I think she is scared shitless of the damn fox. I mean box..no wait..fox.

Fun

Today I got to spend the day with some friends from High School. One girl I haven't seen since I left good ol' Heights. The other is a guy friend who I have seen a few times over the past 2 years.

We got the kids together at a HUGE indoor kids playland. Really it's just a petri dish of who knows what the hell. But great for the kids, and the hand sanitizer companies.

It was weird. The girl, who I haven't seen in almost a full 18 years looks exactly, I mean EXACTLY the same. I found myself looking over at her and feeling like I was back in time. It was weird. And of course I told her so. Several times. Over and over. During the whole day. Tee hee hee. I couldn't help myself. It was crazy. I am sure I sounded a bit batty. But she looked like she hadn't aged at all. And she was certainly just as darling and friendly and adorable as she ever was.

She filled me in on all the goings on with people I had known in the past. Like who got married to who. Who was divorced. Who had kids. And pretty much gossip that followed said individuals after HS. It was fascinating. I hadn't thought of many of those people for years.

Her kids are darling too. Miles and her son got along like you wouldn't believe. It was great.

My guy friend just sat there and put his 2 cents in once in a while. But he didn't seem to remember many of the folks we were talking about. So he just watched his 1 year old make googly eyes at the moms, and at one point, had to go to his son's aid, as he held his little chubby arms up to one of the mom's as if she should hold him. My friend's son not my friend. Shameless really.

But a fun day. I wonder if I will see this girl friend again? We said we would plan it again soon, but...maybe I scared her with the whole insistence she hadn't aged at all. Honestly. It was crazy!

Wow has it been that long?

Ok so today is Thursday and I noticed I haven't posted since Monday. Crazy. Not too much has been going on.

The kids have been on spring break this week. And their spring break is certainly not the fun-rip-roaring-drunk-fest-spring-break I remember.

As a matter of fact, spring break for pre-schoolers is a lot of fucking work for me. Talk about stress. I won't even try to bore you all with the details of trying to keep a 4 1/2 and a 2 1/2 year old entertained for an entire week. Suffice it to say...it's hell. And I have developed the worst case of insomnia. So not only am I having to schlep my kids around and find new creative things to do with them, I am so exhausted I can hardly see straight. Crap.

But do you remember what spring break was like when it was just you? Or just me for that matter.....I miss that time off. No responsibilities. I mean I could work that week if I wanted to. Or I could have gone on a 9 day bender. It didn't make a difference. I could do what I wanted to do. Even when I was out of school, when I worked. I could have taken a week off to go somewhere, drink till I puked, show strangers my "private business", and pretty much participate in all around debauchery. Not that I did ALL of that, but I could have. And I did some of it. That's the point of spring break. School or not.

Now....it's not the same. It's battling other parents in crowded "kid friendly" environments, who for all intents and purposes are longing for their own "lost" spring breaks. Trust me. I can see it in their eyes as they are shoving their kid in the stroller, to stand in line at McDonald's with a million other parents.

I imagine once the kids are a bit older, Ryan and I will be traveling with them to, I don't know...Disney, or some other obnoxious theme park. But really? Is that still the spring break you remember? Sure as shit isn't one I can think of.

And then, when our kids are old enough to go on their own spring break, I will be scared shitless of to be truthful, because let's face it, I know what they are going to be doing. This knowledge, will not make for a worry free spring break for me. I suppose I knew it would happen eventually. I did sign on to be a parent. And even this little rite of passage comes with the territory.

But for now....I hate other parents who don't watch their kids in these kid centric packed environments. If you kid pushes my kid one more time I apt to go ape shit. I hate spring break right now. Enjoy yours!

Just one of those days

Have you ever woken up just.....surly? I did. Today. It is just the way it is.

I have these days where I just feel like if ONE thing doesn't go the way I planned I will freak the fuck out. And today was that day. On days like this I usually do my husband the courtesy of telling him, "I want to pick a fight with you right now and I can't help myself." And he does what any man should do when faced with this sentence. He leaves the room and takes the kids.

Good man.

However, there are the days where I am not that insightful, or civilized, and he receives the full on brunt of surly pants Teegarden. Oh that's me by the way.

Today started out like most mornings. So I thought. I was a bit overtired. I haven't been sleeping well. My dreams have been so vivid I don't feel like I have been sleeping at all. But I digress....we had breakfast like normal.

Then started the whole paying bills fiasco......agony. You have to understand...Ryan and I have a very open communication relationship. When we are mad we talk it out. Boring I know. We also have the whole..."men are from Mars women are from Venus", misunderstandings too. Usually these are due to money.

He gets annoyed or angry about something totally unrelated to me, but I "hear" that he is blaming me or angry with me. And the cycle never ends. Of course we are both idiots at this point in the argument. We use a lot of phrases like, "I can never be angry?" Or, "that is the way it comes across to me!" But really we probably want to just say, "shut the hell up about it already!"

But when I am in "surly mode" it's not good to have these types of "discussions". I pretty much was bitchy all day with the exception of a few fleeting moments. So I watched Brothers and Sisters to quell my irritation. It kinda helped, due to the addition of a rather handsome new brother....blah...sorry.

So....all things considered, I did pretty well. Ryan and the kids are still alive. I count that as a victory. They spent much of the day outside. Away from me. I made dinner and didn't feel too put out. No more serious dialogue regarding finances. And Brian is over with beer so the night will hopefully go on without incident. We'll see. I prefer not to alarm friends with my bitchery. It's reserved exclusively for family.

It's Sunday Blah.......

Woke up at 9 am. Claire was up for almost 2 1/2 hours last night.

Had breakfast. Ryan made pancakes yesterday. Reheats.

Sorted kid's laundry. Forgot to start it.

Went out to lunch to celebrate "arrival" day for Miles. 4 years today!!!! His favorite restaurant....Red Lobster...*blech*puke*wretch*

Went to used book store and got some for the kids. My parents were along for the ride the entire outing.

Came home and kids played outside for MANY hours.

Started laundry finally.

Kids came in soaking wet. Claire peed her pants once. I think.

Grilled turkey burgers for dinner. Brian didn't come cause he was barfy. That bum.

Finished laundry.

Bathed kids.

Put meds in Miles' eyes 4 times today. We should get an award for being so diligent. Miles should get one for not bitching about any of it.

Watched some stupid Dora. Yeah....... I said STUPID.

Played with Playmobil Pirate stuff and Star Wars action figures.

Worked out while watching the movie "Saved". Love it. Fricking hilarious.

Waiting to put the kids to bed.......

THIS is a Sunday. And we have spring break this week. Let's hope I have more interesting things to post. At least the windows are open. I'm pretty excited about that. And...having Miles here for the past 4 years and celebrating it, has been the highlight of my day.

Ahhhhhhhhhh...........

Ok. I'm tired. I didn't sleep very well last night. If today me, told last night me about how today would go, I would have slept like a rock.

My kid is a medical freak of nature. First off...he woke up this morning and said...."is it my surgery today?" He was actually hopeful. Crazy.

Then he just played at the hospital and was very attentive when the anesthesiologist was talking. Weird. The doctor told us we may have to hold Miles down when the do the gas to put him out before the general anesthetic. I was not looking forward to that. But of course. Miles just laid there with party bear on his chest, (after he told the nurses that Pb can't be put under the hot blankets cause he was a polar bear and they only like cold). Well...he smiled as they gassed him. He told me he was floating. I asked him if he was flying the Y wing fighter and he let out a good giggle, and I felt his hand go limp. Then I cried. Shit...it sucks to see your little one pass out on a table with huge white lights on him. But I was assured I was not the first parent to get a little dewy. Let's hope his acceptance of the gas isn't an indication of him enjoying that feeling in the future....if you know what I mean.

Then about an hour later...done. His recovery time was weird. They kept him in the back alone until he completely woke up. That was about another 45 minutes. Then once we got back to him....he got dressed, had some juice, and asked to head home. I know, not many of us even adults, like to stay in the hospital longer then we need to.

Once home, I swear to you, it was like nothing happened. He didn't complain of pain. He started playing with toys and begged for some food. The docs had warned to start with clear liquids and soda crackers. We did. And after half a sleeve of soda crackers he was asking for more. Something that tasted better. Laughable.

We told him that this weekend would consist of a Star Wars movie marathon, and whatever he wanted to eat. We meant WHATEVER. I mean he's 4 1/2 and he had surgery for crap's sake. So if he wants Doritos and McDonald's for 2 days...he gets it. I did squeeze a bowl of grapes in there. (yay mom)

So...the promise of watching unlimited Star Wars and eating crap for 2 days helped him become one with his surgery and recovery. Huh...piece of cake. I would post a photo, but he said no.

I can't sleep.

My four year old goes under the knife tomorrow morning. I am stressed.

I have had many surgeries in my lifetime. 6 to be exact.

But having to have my little guy do it is so nerve wracking, I'm sick.

He is having eye surgery. I know....no big deal. It's not so much the surgery itself. It's the anesthesia. He has never had it. I have no idea if he has an allergy to it. I don't even know his family medical history to know if a distant uncle twice removed died from it.

So here I sit when I should be in bed trying to sleep. Shit.

Hopefully the only thing I have to worry about is what crazy monkey business he spews out when he is waking up from the anesthesia. I am sure it will be something about (and in no particular order), Star Wars, Red Lobster, and boobs.

Updates to follow tomorrow. Hopefully he won't let me down with the funny quotes.

PS.....my best friend is also having surgery tomorrow. Oral surgery. They are going to dremmel her mouth bones. *cringe* Good luck BFF.

Are your kids obsessed too?

My kids are strangely consumed with boobs. Breasts, knockers, jugs, hooters, melons, gazongas, rack, and my personal fave, twin peaks.

They really are. For example...you know my kid's favorite things are Star Wars and Hello Kitty.

Claire would call it Ta ta's and Ho ho titty. That's the kind of dual birthday party they had. A ta ta's and ho ho titty party. No longer said that way, but it will be an ongoing joke forever. I guarantee it. Ask Jill.

Miles was intrigued by nipples for most of his toddler life. He was actually really interested in what they were and if we all had them. He would ask random people if they had "their nipples on". To which the person in question would look at me like, "what the hell you teachin' that kid?" To which I promptly responded by blaming his dad.

Claire now likes to walk around the house just shouting randomly..."BOOBIES!!!" Or she will say, "are those your boobies?" And if Ryan is not wearing a shirt she will laugh her ass off and point at him announcing, "your nipples your nipples!"

Tonight Miles was sitting in my lap, hugging me cause he had just gotten in trouble and was apologizing. He said...."is that a boob?" And I said "yes". Then, "is that your other boob?" I said "yes". Then he hugged me and said, "now my pecks are touching your boobs!" Then he let out a hardy har har.

What. The. Fuck?

Really. What did we do wrong?

The pigs are in the air!

Let's hope they fly!!!

Claire has been in the "big girl" underwear for 3 days. No accidents yet.

Seriously?! This is a big deal. We have entered the kid area. No more baby crap in this house.

It makes me want to purge all the baby toys, toss out every stitch of clothing that doesn't have a "T" after the size, and give the finger to diaper companies for charging so damn much for something that is kinda necessary. Cloth or disposable, they cost a-frickin'-lot! And really people, do you want our kids peeing and shitting all over your stuff? I didn't think so.

So we are there. No more pullups or diapers. I am happy. And on edge all the time. For fear there will be an accident at the most inappropriate time. Like in the check out at Target, or in the car on a long drive. Cause that would be TOTALLY, WITHOUT DOUBT, convenient.

At least there is something funny about it....the pee dance is to die for! Claire's is one of the best I have ever seen.

Ahhhh.....potty humor.

Anonymity via paper square

So today I ran across these photos. The country bumpkin photo was from the 9th grade Sadie Hawkins dance. It was a girl ask guy dance. The third dance in my high school career. Hee hee. Check out those sweet "friendship" bracelets. ON MY ANKLE! That's right. Jealous?



The other was from my Junior prom. I mean really. Look at that dress. I have no idea what I was thinking. Except the fact it actually gave me cleavage. I guess I was trying to be different. Mission accomplished. Out of the many MANY prom type dresses that I lent out over the years, this one did not make that rotation. I wonder why?

I am sure my parents still have it hanging in some closet in their house. Where all the other formal dresses went to rest in peace.





Oh FYI I didn't cover their faces cause they were hideous. I just didn't want to get a call that said, "take that shit down!" Cause I don't like deleting my posts. And well......this one is just damn hilarious to me and anyone else who made the same mistakes I did. Wonder what those guys are up to anyway? Thinking about Sadies 89 and Prom 91? Probably not. Oh yeah...I DID date James Bond for my Jr. Prom.

I want to be in HIS head.

I asked Miles what he was doing....

He said the Storm Troopers and Clone Troopers were having the day off.
Apparently when not saving or destroying a galaxy far far away they go to the movies.
DUUUUHHHHH MOOOOOOMMMMMMM!




Imagination. Wonderful isn't it?

I could totally have another one.

We took care of our friend's baby yesterday. He is 9 months old. Just about the same age Miles was when we got him.

He is a happy baby. Cute, giggly, easy. He ate well. He never cried. He napped. We took him out and about on a kid-centric day. We took him with our 2 kids and another family of 5. It was remarkably easy. We had him for most of the day too.

I thought 3 would just about kill me. But not so much. I think it may be that Miles is pretty old now and can take care of himself. Claire is working on it, and that helps. They both loved playing with the babe too.

Now flip to Ryan's point of view....

WE ARE NOT GETTING ANOTHER BABY! Too hard to get 3 kids in the car. Done and done.

That is the reason. Ha......easy enough I guess. If you know Ryan...you know THAT is reason enough not to get another one.

On a completely random note....when we got together with our friends their middle child asked..."hey!!!! When did you guys GET another baby?" Not HAVE, or when were you pregnant, or I didn't know you were going to have a baby........
Only a group of 5 adopted kids can get away with asking that since we just saw him last week.

I guess it makes sense. One week it was me and Miles on the playdate and then all of the sudden...POOF.....we had Claire. It happened so fast, and there was no lead up like the big belly, or going to the hospital. Now I know why I thought all babies came from the airport until my cousin was "born". I was about 7 when that happened.

Incidentally, both kids have told me they DO NOT under any circumstance want another baby to live with us. Miles even checked in with me this morning to make sure we weren't getting another one. RUDE. I bet his dad set him up to ask me. Just to see.

It's gonna be St. Patricks day

I'm adopted. My kids are adopted. My 3 sisters are adopted. We were all adopted from Korea and we like it. Well.....I guess I can only speak for myself, and maybe my youngest sister. We like it. I am still trying everyday to convince my kids THEY too will like it. I guess it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of brainwashing...errrr......teaching my kids about life.

The reasoning behind this post you ask....easy.

I hate St. Patrick's day. And it's coming. Soon.

Maybe "hate" is a strong word. I have a very healthy hearty aversion to it. For the reason stated above. It will be a common theme throughout this post.

When chatting with my hair stylist last night, she was going on and on about how much she LOVES St. Patrick's day. The only holiday really where there is no family expectation, and no gift giving. She pretty much admits she likes the demand free holiday. Hey....who doesn't? But...this one I have to sit out for.

Like I said...I'm adopted. My parents are about as white as you please. My mother is 100% Irish and my dad just about that German. So...maybe you can see where this is leading? Maybe not.

When my sister and I were kids, say kindergarten through 5th grade, we had to wear green on the 17th of March. To school. With buttons, that said shit on them...like..."KISS ME I'M IRISH" or "POWER TO THE LITTLE PEOPLE". And of course at that age we were too small to fight back. Damn you small stature! Curse you and all you bring with you!

To make matters worse, we grew up in white suburbia in the 70's. Yep. No color to be seen for miles and miles. Just us. We were it. And sure as shit on the 17th of March we were made to "fit" in with the rest of the kids who probably were a small portion Irish. They probably didn't look completely ridiculous clad in kelly green with buttons all over the place. Did I mention we were adopted in the 70's? When parents were told to "acclimate" their kids and "make" them fit in?

I say, way to scar a girl for life. St. Patrick's day should be a day of fun and frolic and drunken antics. But for me.....I refuse to have any green within 10 miles of my kids and myself. I want to burn the little fricking headband my mom has with bobbling shamrocks on them. And I never answer the phone when the caller ID tells me it's my parents. I know if I do....on the other end will be the most torturous rendition of "Happy St. Patrick's Day to you" a la the birthday song. I shit you not.

So I will remain in my house. Shut off from the world that day, unless we get a call from a certain friend who loves his Irish beer and needs a ride home from Downtown St. Paul. The Irish capital of MN. Damn him.

That's all I can stand, I can't stands no more!

Got yet ANOTHER ridiculous email from a friend today. Same friend. So I'm just gonna go ahead and block her. I'm done with it. It basically makes me angry, and annoyed, and that isn't how I want to start my day. I should have just known better.

I replied to a friend via email regarding the previous post about this same person. He posted a comment, and made me feel kinda dumb for staying friends with her. And so I explained myself to him. But....now that I read another annoying email from her, forwarded of course, I think I am ready to call it quits with being her friend.

It will be hard because we see each other a lot in the summer and our kids like each other quite a bit, but.....I really am tired of the shit she is sending. I know she thinks it's funny. I don't

Done and done. Sorry friend......if you read this.....I can't control what you think about others, but I can certainly control what I hear and read from you. Let's stick to the weather.

Thanks.....friend who called me out for being dumb. You're right, and I don't like it but I get it.

God damn you 6 month mark!

They say that your kids cycle 6 months good, 6 months bad.

A friend told me her kids were great at 1,2,3 you get it, and at their half birthdays they turned into satan.

I don't know if she jinxed me with that tidbit of information, but crap if she isn't right.

Claire has "cycled" into the she-devil she is destined to be. It happens right about this time. Feb/Mar and it doesn't go away until sometime after her birthday. IN AUGUST!!!!!

Miles goes in cycles too, but his are much less hormone driven. He just crys a little easier then usual. Nothing I can't handle.

Claire on the other hand....shit.

If it is an indication of what the teen years are gonna look like...I'm moving out as soon as her 11 and ONE HALF birthday hits. Check ya later Ryan!

Poor Ryan. He is already being purposefully ignored. If she doesn't like what he has to say...she will turn her head and completely disregard him. Then say..."I'm going to my room!!!!!" Walk into her room, and yes people...slam her door. Then refuse to apologize. Until SHE is ready.

I hardly allow this to happen to me. Must be something we share. She can't ignore me. I get right in her face until she acknowledges me. Must be that we are pretty much the same personality wise. Although I am convinced I am not stubborn like her. Ryan begs to differ.

Oh well. Things will turn around in the late summer early fall. Until then I will drink dinner with friends, and bitch incessantly here. Ah.....free therapy for stress. Love it. Oh...to top it off....both kids go through the cycles at the same time. It could be because they both have August birthdays. I like to believe they are both out to get me.

The new baby Ike.

Tonight we visited with my friends Brian and Kara. They just had a baby. He is cute.

We also were able to see Warren. Our beloved Jewish Canadian. He is in town for a Bar Mitzvah.

I love them all. Brian, Kara the baby and Good ol' Zed. That is what I call Warren, cause he is Canadian and his last name starts with a Z. Get it? In french....Canadian.....Zed?

Baby Ike is so so cute. His name is not really Baby Ike. But that is what I will call him until Brian says it's ok to call him Vinnie. Which will never happen, so Baby Ike it is.

We also were able to see some friends we haven't seen in a while. It was a nice evening.

My kids were surprisingly well behaved with the occasional bellow of disagreement from Claire. She would cry when the basement door was shut. It seemed to put my friend Jerry in kind of a small tizzy, only because he didn't know what the big deal was. And Jerry is the type of dude who is so laid back he seems jittery. It's weird. You would know what I meant if you knew him.

But driving home Ryan and I figured out what was going on and why Claire didn't want to be shut into the basement with a room full of strange kids and a super tall dude. Our children were in a new house, and with people they haven't seen in about a year. Now, Claire is only 2. So you can imagine what it was like. I forget I shouldn't just expect my kids to handle this stuff so well. But they do. It's awesome. They are really great with new environments and new people. Blah blah blah...

Enough about my kids.

Brian's baby is awesome! Can't wait to tell him about his "old man". I have stories to tell. Believe it! Maybe when he grows up he will look like Fred Savage too.

I need a bailout to keep up with the Joneses

I keep reading it to see if it was meant to be tongue in cheek. But I don't think it is. I also don't get too political or even close to it here, but I almost can't help myself.

This morning between eggs and the Sunday paper, I read an article in the St. Paul Pioneer Press, page 5E. "Think you can live on $500,000 in New York? They can't"
By Allen Salkin New York Times.

Why you ask? Well the obvious, housing is insane in NY. Everyone knows that. But....the article talks about how the president wants to cap banking execs salaries of the banks that received a bailout. The cap would be $500,000.

Yes yes....we all could probably be just fine with a salary like that. We can have the house we want, the car we want and go on the vacas we want. However I know taxes would be high and expenses would be higher living in the house we want, driving the car we want, and going on the vacas we want.

This article basically says it would be impossible for the banking execs to survive because they have a "lifestyle" to uphold. Rent, Co-op maintenance, private school, drivers, nannies, charity ball gowns, personal trainers, 2 vacations a year (one to the beach and one to the slopes), and a house in Southampton. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many more items on their "must have" list, but really? I just.....well....I just.....blah.

I don't feel bad that these folks may have to cut back. They have had multi-million dollar salaries for years and years and NOW they have to cut back? Ok ok.....devil's advocate....Say our salary was instantly cut down to 1/4 of what it is.....yes that would suck. I get that. But I tell you what....I would cut back. And just be glad I still had a job in this economy. And hopefully those bank executives were kinda, a little bit smart about investing. They are bankers for fuck's sake!

There was a quote at the end of the article where Candace Bushnell said, "it's like the same thing that goes back to high school peer pressure. It's about fitting in."

Well...damn. I guess that explains it all away.

I just want to know....why did they put this article in our paper? I would venture a guess there is very little sympathy for these families. It's not like they will be out in the street right?

And if they will be....there will be a lot of middle aged men in Brooks Brother's suits and women wearing $15,000 ball gowns at the homeless shelters.

Why Friday's are my favorite day

It was like a girl's night. We had fun. Jose Cuervo loves us and we had shrimp dip. (FYI so crazy yummy! I'm kinda mad) The boys played Madden like the dorks they are and the kids romped through the house. All was right with the world on a Dian Friday.

Claire was with her beloved Sam, who has to be the best babysitter in town. And Miles was with Allie and Layla playing Barbies. He was the cat and dog. He loved the attention, and the girls were able to have someone breathe life into said cat and dog. And to be honest he was doing it willingly. My son can love to play with Star Wars AND Barbies. Makes him a better man in the long run. And his future wife or husband will thank me. At least that's how it goes in my head.

So as the kids were taken care of and the boys were doing their best to ignore us...cause let's face it, when we drink, WE BE LOUD, we.....well.....drank, took photos on iPhotobooth, and Facebooked. Well....Jill Facebooked. We just encouraged.

But....this has got to be my favorite photo of the night. Girl's only.



And Claire was so excited to get in on the action! I shit you not. The girl giggled like she was out of her mind. She realized it was JUST girls and was delirious. She was smiling SO huge into the camera. Until the photo was taken.

And she is looking at Jaime only.

I have the feeling Layla's girl crush is rubbing off on Claire. Well...at least the girls have good taste. Jaime is a looker. *wink*

Miles' 2 favorite things have come together

In the most annoyingly hilarious possible way, Miles has combined his two loves.

The first, Star Wars. The second, Cats.

Now, you all know how much I LOVE Star Wars. LOVE IT! *twitch* And how Miles will mindlessly hum the theme songs to all of it throughout the day. *twitch twitch*

AND how I will catch myself and Ryan doing the same thing once in a while. *twitch twitch aneurysm*

His second love is for cats....I'm allergic. (and they are evil breath stealers) Miles' answer to me being allergic to cats and not being able to have them is this, "Mom can live in the garage." I know he loves me.

Well......Ryan has installed a new fun exciting ringtone on his cell. The Morris the Cat Meow Mix theme song.

So now I hear........Meow...... Meow...... MeowMeowMeow, MEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW.......Meow.....

You get it right? Put them together....and VOILA! Torture a la 4 year old.

Oh Lord help me.

I was nervous

I canceled my occupational therapy today. I just didn't feel like driving in the snow with 2 kids.

With my luck I would spin out of control, careening into a guardrail, and need more then occupational therapy. Top that off with 2 kids yelling like stuck pigs.

No thanks.

So I canceled. I also found out there is a 100 dollar cancellation fee if you don't cancel within 24 hours. 100$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That seems like a lot to me. So I called with my tail between my legs, hoping against all hope it wouldn't apply to me. Cause let's face it, I can be convincing if I need to be. And I don't have an extra 100$ sitting around because of Mother Nature.

Wait...let me say before you judge, that I don't mind driving in the snow. I live in MN and have learned how to pump a break, give the person in front of me plenty of space, and turn into the spin. But I don't know if everyone else knows that, and I can't see across the street let alone around me on a highway.

So I was a little panicky. Well not panicky, but 'concerned' that I may have to just deal.

Thankfully I didn't have to pay the fee. The OT called me and said it almost never happens, but for some reason they go overkill in letting people know that possibility is looming. Well job well done. Scared the shit out of me.

Now if we can just convince our friend B.Skog to come over for dinner the day will be complete. Just kidding Brian. Don't drive here. It's nuts.

So I deleted it? So what?

I was gonna blog today about a friend who is a total redneck fool. But I wrote it, then felt bad. Asked my best friend her opinion, and was told, "if she would ever have the chance to see this, delete that shit!" So I deleted it. There may have been a small few of you who actually got to read it.

I am 99.9999% secure in the fact she would have NEVER read it. But if she had....it would have been real messy. I all but titled it with her full name and address.

Basically I talked about how surprised and disgusted I am about some of the things that she will forward me via email, as well as the shit that comes out of her mouth. I am all about freedom of speech. Trust me on that one, and some of you may think I exercise that freely all the damn time. However, when she spews her racist sexist rhetoric around me and my kids, I have to draw the line somewhere. And slapping the crap out of her while thumping her on the nose would be futile.

I have said things to her, but doing so produced more racist sexist verbal diarrhea. I know....I know.

I have friends who don't get it at first, then when I call them out they GET it. Example used today at breakfast with girlfriends....

We have a mutual friend who is just the nicest guy. He is a republican, but you would never ever know it. Except for this....He sent me an email. It said...sign this petition. It was a petition to send all immigrants legal and non-legal back to their country of origin. I responded, "Dip shit! Really?! You know who you just sent this to!!!! RIGHT????!!!" To which he responded...."Sorry. Won't happen again. Wanna bring the family for dinner?" And I never get that crap from him again. And we are still friends.

But.....today I was not so bold. I didn't let it fly. (Unless you saw it, and if that's the case.....kinda mean right?) I deleted it after I had spent about 20 minutes trying to make it NOT say...."you racist pig! But were still friends right?"

Cause I really do like my friends. Even if they are dicks sometimes.

My love for most things 80's and early 90's

Put aside all the greed and the gluttony that was the 80's, and hearken back to when you were running around with the neighbor kids playing kill the carrier into the night, riding your bikes to friends houses, and wondering when your parents were going to call you in for dinner.

Then remember......Puberty. It changes everything. Puberty is what made me love the 80's. Nice segue right?

John Hughes movies, Duran Duran. I mean Molly Ringwald was living my life. Drama, geeks, parents who didn't get it and everything else that went along with it. I love teen angst. I just love it and I was really great at it. Talk about DRA-MA!

I loved pretty much everything 80's. 80's music to this day will bring me back to any kind of kicking-bouncing-teen-movie dance. Another thing that embarrasses the shit out of Miles.

On my stereo at home the only thing besides MPR you will here is internet radio tuned to the 80's channel. "Pure 80's all the time!" Claire seems particularly fond of Culture Club and Wham. Love that girl! But me, I am more New Wave. I can't help it. The hair was rad!

I also loved the movies and the tv shows. The Brat pack were so....cool. Anything John Huges or St. Elmo's Fire-ish had me at the get go! And Hello? Square Pegs? Early Sarah Jessica Parker. LOVE IT! Also the old standards, Dukes of Hazzard, A-Team, Facts of Life, and Doogie Howser. Thank god for Neil Patrick Harris. Who knew he would turn out to be so damn hilarious?

But I have to say the early 90's bring lots of retro love to me too. Mostly musically. Ryan hates that I know all the words to Bell Biv Devoe's Poison. But I can't help that either. Good memories of riding around the summer before my JR year with the cheerleaders and singing it like a group of banshees. Yes I was a cheerleader. Don't be so surprised.

I often will be whisked back to things that happened to me, or the people I knew when I hear the music, or see a tv movie on a Saturday afternoon.

Whenever I hear REM, I remember a boy I "loved" Hilarious cause I was 13, but I thought it was love at the time. And every time a song by them comes on the internet radio, I smile. Cause come on....13 years old, innocent and cute.

I always get so excited if Kate and Allie is on the Oxygen channel. And will stay up way past what is a decent bedtime for a mom of two kids who need to be up and at 'em the next day. But I can't help that either.

I haven't even touched on the fashion but apparently it is big now in 2009, so you know what it looks like. And nothing NEW there.

There needs to be a day for all of us who loved the 80's and don't ever want to let it go. Who's with me? Anyone want to start the fan club?

My kids are not paste eaters

Today was conference day. All was good with the world.

Claire is 2 and in the "intro to pre-school" program. Her teacher told me today that she often forgets that Claire is only 2. Apparently she is advanced. She knows most of her letters, numbers, shapes, and body parts. She also has a very good vocabulary and is a talker. She is mindful of others around her and is sensitive to their feelings. LOVE IT! Her teacher went so far as to tell me that it is nice when the kids are young but don't eat the paste or crayons.

Huh? Who would have thought MY daughter was going to be a talker? Yes that IS really what I got out of the conference. She talks. A lot. No duh.

Miles did just as well. His teacher told me she loves to have him in class. He is a critical thinker. He takes his time with everything he does, and if you are patient, you realize he has a lot of interesting thoughts. That is if you take the time to wait a million hours to hear it come out of his mouth. The boy thinks out every scenario of what "could" be the outcome of what he says. Therefore taking forever to get the thought out. He is a plan-a-head kinda guy. He is also compassionate and very popular in class. I had no idea my kid was THAT kid. Oh well....he gets all new friends in kindergarten, so we will see.

But he knows all his stuff. His teacher is concerned he may be "too" sensitive to move to kindergarten, but I think he will be fine. He is a sensitive kid. He just is. He always has been. And me keeping him in pre-school when he clearly needs more of a challenge would be downright mean. And I kinda have the feeling his teacher doesn't want him to leave her class.

Either way......my kids are good. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to in school. They are smart, respectful, follow directions, kind, caring, and fun to have around. Yay! My kids are cool. I always knew they were all of the above, but it is nice to have someone else tell you.

I was going to say something about them being smart cause.....DUH.....Asian?! Or that the apples don't fall far from the tree. But that is just kinda dumb. And probably not true.

So I'm a little "LOST"

Most days for me is like entering the code and pushing the button on LOST.

They are pretty much the same. Even the TIMES I do things are the same.
Wake up. Get breakfast for me and the kids. Get kids dressed. Take them to school or playdate. Lunch. Play, read, books, art projects, tv time. Make dinner. Eat dinner. Bathtime. Lay out whatever for the next day. Put kids to bed. Watch tv with husband. Go to bed.

Of course you have the laundry, errands, and house cleaning to do on top of all that. And all the other miscellaneous crap that goes with having a family and house.

Today is kind of the exception. Sundays are lazy days. There is nothing really to do. Today in particular was extremely mundane. At one point I said to Ryan, "I am so B-O-R-E-D!" Cause of course I had to spell it. Don't want my kids complaining of that on top of the plethora of other things. And he said to me, which totally surprised me, "me too!"

So we did what any good parent does.

Torture our kids.

We were on the island. I shit you not. I was the smoke monster that scared the pee out of my kids. It was awesome. I would hide, they would seek, and I would chase them. They would run screaming and laughing like idiots. Then run to Ryan, who was waiting with his hands over his man business, cause they would jump up on it like it was a moon walk.

Then we built a fort with blankets and pillows, and just explored. Not very creative, but what else are we gonna do on a cold dull Sunday? Arts and crafts? Cultural events? Phhheeeewwwww.....Right. Then what do I do during the week?

But now all has returned to normalcy. I am making dinner. And blogging.

4 8 15 16 23 42 enter.

Ummmm.....yeah I did.

I wasn't going to post anymore today, but I couldn't NOT post this.

Our day was totally derailed today. No babysitting as I specified earlier, and then our bowling trip was canceled. Our friends have the stomach flu and we, having just had it, politely declined getting together. All the while in my mind...yelling and screaming as they were just at our house the other day. Time to Clorox wipe everything again.

We decided to take the kids to the Zoo. We have a membership and go at least once a month. The kids love it.

Today was crazy in their parking lot. Apparently everyone who arrived there, arrived BEFORE the plows went through their lot. It was madness. Cars were triple parked and facing the wrong way. It was bad bad bad!

Ryan and I were able to find a spot pretty close to the entrance of the zoo. Which if you have been to the zoo is kinda hard to come by. But it was getting close to the end of the day and people were leaving.

Ryan put on his signal waiting patiently for someone to exit their spot. THE COURTEOUS THING TO DO. And just and the car started to pull out, a huge SUV whipped around the corner and blocked them from getting out. It seemed as if they wanted that spot. But the van leaving realized we had been waiting and let us get it.

As soon as Ryan opened his door the huge SUV next to us rolled down their window and proceeded to lecture Ryan about how that other SUV had been "waiting" for that spot and that Ryan was being rude. So Ryan being the nice guy, moved. He said he wasn't sure if they had been waiting or not. But he is always the nice guy. Oh and the dude talking to Ryan was a dick.

So we ended up parking at least another 16 rows back.

Now....I don't usually pick fights with people over parking spaces. As a matter of fact I would have to say this would be my first. But as I carried, yes carried, a yelling-crying-squirming 2 year old from 16 rows back through slush...I started to get pissed. Why didn't I have a stroller you ask? Because...she's 2 and can walk. The only reason I was carrying her in the first place is cause she fell asleep in the car and was wobbly to begin with.

But after I walked by the 2 SUV's, still there with the dudes hanging out, I saw red. Now you have to understand. There were 3 HUGE dudes with a camera and a tripod, and one woman in their group. So for me to pick a fight with them was kinda dumb. But whatever! So I proceeded to say, "Thanks for the lecture about parking etiquette. I understand now. You are together." And it went on from there. He said at one point after trying to argue with me, "I'm not trying to be the parking lot monitor!" At which point I said, "REALLY! Cause it seems like you are."

Poor Ryan. Like I said....he doesn't get embarrassed by me, but this definitely could have been one of the times he did. But he didn't. He just said later he was surprised I said something at all.

Maybe it's the PMS. Who knows. Just know this...if you see a silver CR-V with a Korean lady driving....don't boss me around in a parking lot. I'm not afraid.

I am happy today

Per usual Dian Friday was a rip roarin' good time. Margaritas flowed quite freely. As did the clever and sassy banter. (Check out my facebook status around 6-7pm last night.) Ok maybe not so clever...but sassy and loud none the less. Oh and a lot of swearing occurred. But they are just words people and as Jill's friend said via facebook...."YOU GUYS TALK PRETTY."

We ate, drank, and were very merry. I love tequila. I didn't realize this until just now. I drank enough for me. Jill drank the other half of enough. Love it. And there was cute Jaime with her Miller light or Michelob light or something in a silver can.

I had decided pretty early yesterday morning to drink quite heavily because I was going to have 5 kids in my house in the early morning hours today. My plan was to be so hungover I just didn't give two shits about what these kids did, or to still BE drunk so Ryan had to care for them. Hee hee. He would have, too...cause he loves me and he loves his nephew and nieces, but eegads the payback!

But alas.....no kids as my sister refuses to drive on anything but purely dry and pristine roads. And NO HANGOVER! Hence, me being totally in love with tequila. And I was loud loud loud people. That means, the louder I am....the drunker I am. And I was LOUD!

So I have the day to just hang out with the kids and the man. Then it is bowling at 2. Yes bowling with friends and their 3 kids. Apparently today is a kid-centric day. But it could be worse. I could be hungover with 5 kids running around my house right this minute. Can't wait to see Claire try and bowl. That girl has an arm on her. I will be in the lane over for sure with a hard hat on.

It's only 8:45 am but I can tell it is going to be a great day in suburbia! And did I mention....I HEART Dian Friday.

Oh my.

Have you ever had a friend, who made you worry that when you returned home you would have boiling rabbit on your stove?

I did. I have had such a friend. She was creepy. Let's call her crazy-psycho-gives-a-bad-name-to-women-all-over-the-world. Too long? Ok....how about crazy bitch? She was the type of person who made it clear I couldn't have any other new friends but her. And anyone showing interest in becoming my friend was "honing in" on her territory. Almost like a jealous boyfriend, but not as adorable and far more un-nerving.

Before I really got to know her....I liked her. She was really nice. Very friendly. And seemingly open about things just like me. I thought for sure we would be life long friends. Just a feeling I guess. So I set her up with my roommate. I'll call him D. I loved my roommate. He was wonderful. Aside from being a really cool guy, we worked together for years. So I knew him very very well. I thought they would really hit it off. And they did.

Sadly as time went on I realized she was Cah-ray-zyyy! I felt bad that D had fallen head over heels with loony toons. And I tried to talk some sense into him, along with many other mutual friends we had. But to no avail. D was smitten.

I knew the dream was over when at work, said girlfriend, announced to me in front of other co-workers that, "I was not allowed to have any other work friends. Just her!"

Fuck me!

Pretty much everyone who was in ear shot, looked at her like she was a 10 foot tall she-demon walking into the room and pointing at me with a withered red finger saying...."YOU!!!!" Then they all backed away slowly so not to draw any attention to themselves. Wimpy bastards!

So...from then on I was careful. I didn't let her know if I had to train new staff, cause she would freak out in fear I would become friends with them. I didn't tell her what I was doing over the weekend for fear she would show up and freak me and my "other" friends out. I tried not to talk to her on the phone without Ryan listening in. He LOVED that. Hours upon hours of crazy talk. I couldn't even make up excuses cause D would know the truth. He was in love with her you know. And we were a small group of friends.

Basically I attract crazies. I don't know how. I don't know why. But we don't talk anymore. Classic borderline personality. Once I really made her mad...she shut me out. Completely. I love it. Sadly I also lost my friendship with D. With whom she has married and pro-created with. But...I guess it's a small price to pay at this point. Sometimes the rest of us (those who were friends with D) miss him a lot and want to talk to him. But then we realize it is far better to wonder then to have crazy bitch back in the picture.

End result......I like the friends I have now. I like meeting new people and I am not guarded, but I am careful not to be-friend anyone named after a Disney movie. Or anyone with the crazy bitch eyes. You know the ones I mean.

My friend bought an 800 dollar coat!

Yes you read that right. Holy shit you say? How could someone spend 800$ on ONE coat? I don't know....but HE did.

It's a Burberry coat. Nothing special. Wool, knee length, and black. Buttons. That's about it.

He tried to tell me that he first purchased a coat for 150$, but that it was crap and his wife told him so. And then they went to the MOA to shop for a coat, and his wife "made" him buy the coat. He also told me that he "needed" to get a black coat for a job he was doing. And he isn't some type of mob boss or government official. So why he needed a black knee length coat is beyond me. I guarantee he wasn't able to expense it either.

His wife was with us when he told the story and she assures me, that is NOT how it happened. Of course she shouldn't talk, she just got done telling me how she felt bad about spending so much on her new Coach bag. Not purse...bag. But needless to say...he walked out of the store with an 800$ coat. Oh wait....did I mention it was 50% off? So really he got himself a 1600$ coat.

I say....fucking unbelievable. I gave him quite a bit of shit for it. But then kinda felt bad, cause well....it's his money. He can do whatever he wants with it.

I guess it's all a matter of what your priorities are with how you spend your money. I, for instance would use 800$ to pay for, oh I don't know...bills, groceries, preschool. Nothing too fun or extravagant but necessary. To some. Like me.

Maybe I am a bit jealous. In this economy to be ABLE to spend money like that is a luxury. I do have to admit...I HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THIS. They have to have the best of everything. And usually the best requires the most expensive. And no, they are not in the poor house and using tons of credit. They just have the money. Ok, now, yes I am jealous. That must be kinda nice. To not have to think about money or worry about it. Nice. Little jealous.

I just wrote about it cause....damn. 800$ For a coat!

Huh?

So you know those little kid doctor kits? They have the pretend shots in them. It's a little syringe with a plunger.

Claire told me today she was going to get her, "crack butt thing."

I think she meant butt crack....but even so....

She ran to get it, ran back into the room, and proceeded to try and give her brother a shot in the ass.

I have weird kids.

My other life for a while

From about 19 years old to 24 years old, I lived an entirely different life. I always wanted, since I was little, to have kids, a nice husband and live in the suburbs. Because that of course was what I knew.

The 5 year tangent is what I will call......Me #2. And in that "me" there are sub-categories. There is "I don't recognize me, me" and then there is "don't share once you have kids, me".

First me was young, stupid and pretty much trusting of just about everyone. That is when I met my ex-husband. He turned "me" into "who the fuck are you?"

People who know me now, who didn't know me then would say.....you are so bossy, sassy, and I could never see you letting THAT happen to you. I say...being beat senseless everyday for NO reason, being treated like a prisoner in my own home and told I was worthless all the time, pretty much makes you bossy, sassy, and not a person who puts up with very much shit.

He moved me to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and yes...I was the only Asian there who didn't work at the Chinese restaurant in town. Thankfully, the old me didn't allow the stupid me to put up with it for more then 2 years. Then we both up and walked the hell away. NEVER LOOKING BACK! Can't say the same for the asshole who I left. He still tries to contact me. I say...get over it dude. You lost.

The next category of me, started dating someone who I had never thought I would date. He was a nice guy. Just not my type. I usually dated the jock type. This man introduced me to so many different things. It was the late 90's. He was a drummer in a punk band. A pretty popular one here in MN for that matter. I was immersed into a culture I had no idea how to navigate. Luckily some of the girls were more then happy to be-friend me. And with my new sassy frass attitude it worked out well.

I smoked heavily, drank just as heavily and went to shows all the time. I probably engaged in behaviors I shouldn't share as I am a mother of 2 young kids and this blog is public. I had hair all kinds of colors and lived like a vagrant in a cost effective house that had a lot of mice and a lot of dudes living in it. But they were my friends. And they protected me from my ex-husband when he would try to invade my NEW life. The dudes not the mice.

But of course everyone who knew me then, knew it wasn't really my scene. I was cut out to be a mom in the burbs. Or at least THEY thought I was. So when I left said man, there were really no surprises. I do miss the people I met during that time....some of them were so....rad.

Anyway.....I was thinking about it today, and hope my kids get to be someone else for a little while in their life. It really helped me become the mom in the burbs. Sadly after a 5 year stint living in St. Paul I re-thought the burbs part and just wanted the city. But it's ok. Full circle people. It's good.

It's happened!

I have officially become......dun dun dunnnn......THAT MOM.

Of course I was dancing around the living room with Claire today. Busting out the running man and the roger rabbit. Cause who doesn't love those sweet sweet moves?

And Miles said to me...."mom maybe someone can see you out the window." Then he looked at me like this....




Apparently I embarrass my 4 year old.
Subsequently, I got up on the window sill, and danced like mad.

He didn't look. But his cheeks were bright red. Poor Miles...you have years of this.....and it will only get worse. Trust!

Kill me now!

Teaching 4 year olds to use walkie talkies is annoying.

Nice Valentine's gift grandma! Sadly 2 adults can't figure the damn things out either. What the?!!!! It's not rocket science....or is it?

It's a conspiracy to make parents feel really stupid and like 4 year olds. I can totally understand the need to send them hurtling through the room. (Not the kids the toys.) Maybe I won't be so quick to judge when Miles freaks out about something pretty lame. According to me at least.

I'm secretly going to replace them with 2 tin cans and string. They are still young enough to think it is way cooler if I tell them it is so.

They can play with them like Miles says "in the old days when you were a kid. Right mom?"

Oh Jesus! Anyway......I don't like walkie talkies. Kids just don't get them. And then they just annoy me. I think I'm NOT going to win tolerant mother of the year.

Good thing I never entered my name in that contest.

Mead

Ryan and his best friend from childhood, Nick, make mead. They have been doing it for as long as I have known Ryan and probably longer then that.

If you don't know what mead is...it's a honey wine/beer. I am not such a fan. I hate honey so....there ya go. But everyone else who has tried it loves it. With the exception of Nick's wife. (That HAS to be the reason we are best friends too.)

Ryan and Nick have even won awards for their Hoppy Mead. They won 1st place in mead and 2nd best in show at the State Fair in 2003. I guess it's THAT good. They make it every year and sometimes if things are flush they do it 2 times a year.

They have made all different kinds. Berry, Hoppy, Spice, Wheat-Barley-Oak, Cranberry Pear, and the never ingested coffee mead. Yes yes that one was a mistake.

So....my point with this post. My husband and his best friend make booze. I don't like it. It is sticky and makes my kitchen a huge mess. Thank god they have started making it at Nick's house. Tonight we went over to their house to bottle. I do not bottle. I and Jill usually go shopping.

We leave the kids with the guys, and shop or go and see a movie. For some reason, we have to remind the guys when we leave, they are in charge of 3 kids and should not under any circumstance be drunk when we get back. Sad we have to "remind" them of this cause we have, on occasion come back to Ryan being intoxicated and kids running a muck. Why it's always Ryan is a mystery to me. Thank you Nick for remaining sober while my kids are in your care.

Tonight they bottled almost 4 cases of it. And it will be gone in the next few months. Easily. They assured us they made it less alcoholic this time to end up with more bottles. But something tells me they will be just as shit faced as they usually are when drinking this stuff.

Just a little glimpse into my life. My husband is a computer geek, who claims he is "within the law" with his liquor makin'.

I found a really cool photo I took years ago of their mead. Bottles and bottles of it. Isn't it pretty?

Love love love love

Why I love my sweetie pies.

I love Claire because:
~ she makes me laugh just about as much as she makes me crazy!
~ she is sassy like me.
~ she won't let people tell her she's cute. Only cool.
~ she will hug my leg for no reason at all. Usually making me fall down.
~ she will eat just about everything. My kinda girl.
~ she is my baby.

I love Miles because:
~ he tries so hard to get me to love Star Wars as much as him.
~ he has the driest sense of humor and he's only 4.
~ he is starting to be a sass pot like me.
~ he is sensitive and caring.
~ he always hugs me big in the morning.

I love Ryan because:
~ he knows how to tease me about leaving the scissors out without making me want to cut him.
~ he is never embarrassed by me, which I imagine isn't easy to do as I share everything with anyone.
~ he doesn't care what people think of him.
~ he loves my friends and family as much as I do.
~ he IS the love of my life.

Just because I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day doesn't mean it won't prompt me to share the love man!

Vestibular Therapy really sucks ass.

Finally I had my Occupational Therapy yesterday. My doctors have said I have inner ear damage and if I don't do OT I will be dizzy and nauseated forever. So I went.

I love my OT by the way. She is so funny and put me at ease right off the bat. And after the session I know why....she is the devil incarnate!

I am already dizzy pretty much everyday. The only way I can describe it is this....you have been on a boat all day and when you go to lay down at night you still feel like you are rocking. And yes...I get motion sick. You can imagine how that feels for me. Lucky I don't blow chunks whenever I take a step at this point. But I manage pretty well. And it is high high comedy for the kids when I mis-step and trip into the walls or down the stairs.

Back to the torture. The exercises I have to do are pretty simple. Supposedly harmless and will "cure" me of the dizzies.

The first one is for me to fix my eyes on a point in front of me at eye level and at arms length away. I then shake my head back and forth like I'm saying No, very quickly. Try it. I have to do it for a minute.

The next one, I have to have 2 points shoulder height on my left and my right side. Then yep...you guessed it, shake my head back and forth as fast as I can while still looking at said points. Try that one right after the first. One whole minute.

Last I have to close my eyes, and pretend there is a pencil at the end of my nose and I have to draw a circle 10 times one way and then 10 times the other way. All in one set. All these things have to be done with my feet close together too.

So I did them today and they totally kicked my ass. I was dizzier then I have been in months, and I was on the verge of losing my lunch, which incidentally was pretty damn good. So for at least 4 hours I did very little movement for fear of either falling over or puking. Or worse both at the same time. What a mess that would be. And then I just passed out and fell asleep for an hour. When I woke up I felt a bit better.

All I can say is GOD DAMN! I have to do this 4 times a day. Sure they seem easy. And yes maybe I am being a totally pussy, but I have to say...you do it and let me know how it goes for ya. Then imagine being dizzy already to start. Then having to do it again and again and again and again.

I go back in 2 weeks for "new" exercises. They should just rip my fingernails out one at a time. It would be less painful and the after effects wouldn't last as long.

Pure Romance? Be warned....sex talk here!

They call it a "lightsaber". Ha! I am sure my family would LOVE the Star Wars reference. Probably shouldn't let the kids see it....but I wonder why oh why there is the need for such a thing that involves you, sitting in a room full of strangers, drinking chocotinis, ordering sex toys.

In the mornings when I get ready I always listen to KDWB. It is the ONLY time I listen to it. I don't know why as I don't care for the music. I am more of The Current kind a gal, but I do like to listen to crap in the early morning hours. Today there was a commercial for Pure Romance parties. I have no idea what this is all about. I have heard about it a little via the commercials, but I decided to go online and check it out.

Basically it's like the Pampered Chef or Partylite party, but instead of cooking gadgets or candles, they sell sex toys, how-to videos, and miscellaneous paraphernalia that involves feathers and leather.

I can only imagine the scene. Stay-at-home-moms sitting around in someone's living room. Sipping some kind of fruity cocktail, laughing embarrassedly as they pass the "tickle and whip" or the "beginner's bondage fantasy" kit. Yes those are the real names. Check out their website if you don't believe me.

For some reason the dvd title of "ride em' cowgirl" and "tickle his pickle" don't strike me as romantic. But who am I to judge. And I am NOT a prude by any stretch.

I just don't think those kind of parties are for me. What happened to the good ol' days when you and friends went to Sex World, marveled at the "king dong" and the multi-colored vibrators, and checked out what was new and hip in the fetish section of the video rental area?

Oh....that's only me?

Why I have decided to exercise against my better judgement

So lately....I have found myself craving cigarettes! I mean.....serious craving. To the point, I am ready to go out and plunk down 6$ and one of my children for a pack of American Spirits. I would love love love love love....well you get it. I wanna smoke.

In order to NOT give in to the delicious lovely smoky treats, I have taken to eating. Eating anything I see. Anytime of day. Not so great, but it works for now. And sadly I don't want to eat fruit or vegetables. Of course not. Cause that would just be plain silly. I am eating chips and chocolate. An ex-smokers diet when craving I suppose.

Why have I been wanting to smoke after all this time? Search me...could be stress. Could be the fact that my mother is in the hospital AGAIN, my dad is sick and not the regular head cold way, my 2 year old daughter has pneumonia after just having the stomach flu, and I'm still frick fracking dizzy! I imagine it is just my vice. The one I turn to whenever I feel the need to "escape". I mean I get to spend 5 minutes kid free and alone, in the garage, in the dark, without anyone talking to me or demanding anything from me. The only vice I can turn to at this point in my life, cause drinking until I blackout is kinda out of the question with 2 kids in my care. Or is it? Yes yes it is.....

This is why I have started exercising again. My jeans are a bit snug thanks to stress eating. It's kinda embarrassing if Claire laughs at me when I get out of the shower. It can give a girl a complex. And....if I'm not going to smoke I might as well do something to help my lungs in the opposite way. But....I still want to smoke. Yeah yeah...I've heard it all.....but...I like it.

Of course!

Claire has pneumonia.

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

That's all.

This guy I know has spare time and extra money. Lucky bastard!

So I have a friend. A guy I went to high school and college with. Super nice. Really funny, and interesting, and quirky and all that good stuff.

I have recently "reconnected" with him via facebook,(like everyone else I suppose), and stumbled across his blog.

He is in fact a really talented photographer, cook, self proclaimed food critic, and hater of squirrels. But the latter is something entirely different altogether. And to be honest pretty damn fascinating. He offs said pests, then seemingly poses them. Hi-frickin-larious by the way.

Anyway....in a recent post he talks about how he has time off, doesn't eat out enough, likes to photograph food, and wants to boost the restaurant business. So he has gone out pretty much every day for lunch and photographed the food he eats. The photos make me want to reach out and grab whatever is on my laptop screen. YUMMY! The stories he writes to describe his meal or his meal experience are really entertaining. I think he should start his own "restaurant critiques" blog, but that is me. Living vicariously, people.

Of course he goes to places that I would go to, sans kids. Miles would never ever ever eat the lamb burger at The Modern Cafe. I assure you there would be tears and they would politely ask me to leave. And I would. After asking them to pack it to go.

I don't know for sure why I am writing about it, but I had to. I am compelled to. I feel like a voyeur in his lucky lucky lucky damn life of eating wonderful food. I don't know if said friend realizes how fortunate he is to be able to eat lunch out everyday. And at places that don't have balloons tied to the backs of chairs or pee smelling playlands next to the dining area. I am pretty sure he will now.

So if you want to be a tiny bit jealous of a single guy in his 30's who loves food and actually gets to eat it at a pace that doesn't require breakneck speed....check it out.

http://kellyloverud.blogspot.com

Like I said.....very talented photographer and lucky bastard!

Un-frickin-believable!

Yes....it is a tree house on the top of a bunk bed. We had to use the twin mattress for Claire. (see post...."garbage lady") So what to do with space un-utilized?

Have Ryan build a super awesome house on the top bunk!

Just a few finishing touches by mom....like curtains and a door to follow.

Ah Crap. I'm that old lady.

It started off ok. Dropping the kids off so we could have a date without kids. Hasn't happened in over a year.

We headed to Target. Cause what date doesn't involve shopping for light bulbs and breakfast food? Then we went out for dinner. At 5:15pm. It was just about 45 minutes shy of the early bird special I imagine. But dinner was nice.

We sat next to this family of 4. Mom, dad, a 5 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. Sound familiar? Well... if Ryan and I thought we were going to have a kid free night, we were sadly mistaken. The restaurant we went to isn't the traditional tables all over the place with adequate space kinda set up. The tables are all in a line against a wall next to each other. There is little space between each table. Just a little under arms length. Which is no big deal. Except for the fact, a few times during dinner I felt like we had OUR kids with us. Oh we went to Ingredients in White Bear Lake for those of you who know it.

The boy started humming Star Wars. Really. I shit you not. Humming the song just like Miles. Then the girl was making googly eyes at Ryan and me most of the night, while throwing her "blankie" on the floor by us. And....then the kids would just spontaneously start chatting with us. Just for no reason. And I have to say....the parents said..."I think they are on a date, you should let them be." But that was in the beginning of the dinner. Then not a peep from them for the rest of the meal when their kid started telling me all about his Star Wars video games.

Moving on....after dinner, straight to the grocery AGAIN cause I forgot something. But we had no kids so why not? Then on to the Dian's.

We got there around 7:30. The Dian's and the Breymeier's were already in party mode. Ryan and I were so full from dinner, we waited a bit to commence with the drinking. So we sat there kinda in a food coma. But the night wore on and yelling and shenanigans ensued. Still not much drinking. But I kid you not......about 3 hours into it...Ryan and I were done. It was like someone flipped a switch. All my yelling, insult throwing, sassy pants, and monkey business was gone. What was left was me missing my kids and wanting to go to bed.

I looked at Ryan and I could tell he was just trying to stay awake. Like years ago when he worked nights and we would hang out with the Dian's, and Ryan would do everything he could to keep his eyes open. This was like those nights.

So we left. Right in the middle of a full swing party. I justified it with....I'm tired, we have to get the kids in Fridley and drive all the way back to Woodbury. So yeah...I'm old. It's just down hill from here.

Unbelieveable! The sass!

At lunch today both my kids sassed me.

I was eating chocolate and so were the kids. We stuck our tongues out at each other and I said..."what does it look like?" They, being smart kids said chocolate. I on the other hand, being THAT mom told them, "nope it's poo."

Claire then announced, "mommy, that's potty talk!"

Yikes! Of COURSE it is. Of course it is.

Then when Miles was taking his dishes to the sink, I said, "be careful those dishes are breakable."

To which he, without thinking, said, "you told me that A MILLION times!" All he needed to make his statement complete was a deep sigh and an eye roll.

For real?!?! When did my 2 year old decide she could tell me what was what? And when did my 4 year old turn into a 13 year old girl?

I think I need more sleep or something

Every morning is the same. 5am I hear the treadmill. Ryan runs about 6-7 miles everyday. And of course the "running room" is directly under my bedroom. So immediately I am awoken by the fact that I am a lazy-not-very-motivated-individual. This also means I roll back over, cover my head with another pillow, and swear quietly in my head so as to not wake the kids.

Pretty much after that epiphany, I hear Miles run for the bathroom. When I am tired his little 4 year old feet sound like a herd of elephants. Partnered with the treadmill I get a lot of pounding before 6am. He usually goes downstairs to see Ryan running or to just veg out on the sofa, but basically he is up at the crack of dawn.

Claire soon follows, but usually comes into my room and pounces on me so she can get under the covers. Cause it's pretty darn cold in our house at that time in the morning. But today...a special gift. A cold wet body was snuggling up next to me. Her pull up leaked like nobody's business. Seriously?!

Then breakfast. But I had to "wake" up slowly. I have a raging headache today. Must have slept funny or something. And so I just laid there watching the Today show. Then I see Ryan come down the hall and look at me like..."are you GETTING up?" Although he says he was just looking in. But we all know.....THAT LOOK.

Then on to paying bills together. As a couple. Fun. Lots of fun! I mean it...SUPER FUN! *insert big fat sarcastic eye roll here*

Now I am crabby. Of course. It's only 9:21 am for crap's sake! I have decided all that monkey business should be reserved for later in the day when I have main lined coffee for at least 4-5 hours.

I really hope I get a nap or the day just somehow miraculously improves my mood. The kids are playing nicely together with light sabers. Oh...scratch that...Miles is now bawling cause Claire wanted her blue saber back and he wants it. GOD!!!!!

Need more coffee!

A quiet morning

Both kids were in school today.

I was able to run some errands alone.

I was able to stroll through a bookstore alone.

I was able to get a coffee alone.

I was able to drink said coffee, read a book, while waiting for the kids, in my car, alone.

I was able to spend 2 1/2 hours doing nothing kid related, and everything I wanted to do alone.

I like Wednesdays. They make me a better mom.

Asian....yep that's the title.

My friend JN, (let's call her that) is Asian. She is recently "moving on" in her life when it comes to men. Good for her. But she is encountering many men who are using the line...."I think Asians are hot."

Ok...there are variations on this line, such as:

"I have always wondered what Asians are like." To which I can only imagine deserves the response, tastes like chicken?

"I always wanted TO BE with an Asian." Hello, you are standing next to me right now. That counts...how is it?

Or my favorite...

"Asian women are so exotic!" Yes...we are just like fucking lotus flowers. All quiet and submissive and shit.

When I was in college it really worked in my favor to be Asian. There were still not that many Asian people in Wisconsin, so most men/boys thought I only spoke my native language. Which is funny cause God damn if I didn't speak Minnesotan, "don't cha know?"

Anyway....if some gross dude tried to pick me up in the bar or a house party I would pull out all the stops......

Imagine this scene:

"I think Asian women are hot."

Now I would cover my mouth, muster up the tiniest voice possible and squint my eyes all while saying, "Oh so sorry. I no speak English. You funny American boy. Hee hee."

Then would proceed to turn around and successfully ignore the boy. Don't judge. I had to do it. And I was usually drunk. So all sense of PC was out the window.

A little uncomfortable though, when later in the night, I was swearing like a trucker with my friends and the dude would look at me all perplexed. Oh well....serves them right for using a lame line like that.

Men.....it doesn't work. Don't use lines like that on Asian women. It makes you sound stupid. And desperate like all you do is search Asian porn online all day long.

Poor JN. Having to deal with that crap now. Thank god I have Ryan....he used the pick up line..."I'm drinking vodka!" The man had me at "drinking".

Gotta love that Cindi

Oh Cindi. When I called her to tell her I put the photo of her and her friend up on my blog's title, I was ready for her to fight me on it.

I didn't think it would be a big deal as this photo was up in her room for years before I swiped it. There is another one that is even MORE side splitting, but she would definitely shit herself if I put that one up. So I used some restraint.

But when I talked to her on the phone she didn't get mad. She just laughed it off and said..."I have to send it to Sara (the other girl in the photo)and I wonder what happened to those little Korean dolls in the background?"

That Cindi. She is fucking hilarious. I love her.

I'm kinda bitchy

This morning started off like any other day. The kids took FOREVER to eat breakfast and get ready for school. Claire was super crabby most of the day. Miles was not listening to me at all. I swear if there was a way to project what went through his mind on a screen, all we would see is fucking Star Wars.

In conjunction with the Lucas love fest, he pretty much ignored me whenever I spoke to him. Talk about driving me to drink!

That was most of my day. I hate it. It basically confirms that I should start smoking again to offset the stress, or at the very least drink heavily.

So at dinner, I am sure of it, I was a raving lunatic. I was micromanaging their dinner eating. Because let's face it....another 45 min or 1 hour mealtime was NOT in me. This is me....

"Sit down!"
"You have GOT to sit on your butt or knees!"
"Would you PLEASE eat? For the love?"
"Stop moving back and forth!"
"You said you wanted pasta!"
"Seriously! I am gonna freak out pretty soon!"

(Freak out is what I use lately. Seems to work pretty good. Me freaking out must be pretty damn scary cause the kids usually get their shit together fast.)

Even with me in a mood like this....my husband thought it would help to tell me I am "seemingly" perturbed. HA! This from a man who worked from home in the quiet of his office with no kids, no wife, no nothing around him for several hours. I mean...he was working. But....really. He had silence with no demands but that of work. The frickin' nerve! BUT I LOVE HIM!

So yeah...I am perturbed today. And also....a little bitchy tonight.

*****the new photo is courtesy of my sister Cindi and her friend Sara. Heights swim team at it's best!*****

Seriously?! I just aged like 5 years!

Over the past few months we have allowed the kids to watch cartoons during breakfast. Ryan has had a contract out in Minnetonka so he isn't here to eat breakfast with us M-F, so to keep the kids from whining about it, I have let them watch a cartoon while they eat.

Big....big.....big....HUGE mistake.

Miles gets SOOOOOOOOOOO distracted I have to threaten to turn the tv off. He will take a bite, let it sit in his mouth, and watch tv. Jesus!!! I have to say, "Miles you need to eat!" Then he proceeds to open his mouth to show me he has food in there. As if to say to me, "ha ha mom! Suck it. I have food in my mouth!"
I don't do well with this.

The other downfall to this tv/breakfast extravaganza is that it takes the kid freaking 45 min to an hour to eat 1 waffle. Or 1 bowl of cereal. He doesn't even attempt to eat his fruit until after I lose my shit and tell him to leave the table before I "FREAK OUT!"

But today.....topper!

Ryan and I were sitting at the table. No tv was on. We were having a lovely breakfast. Claire and Miles were eating. Kind of. Miles would take a bite, chew it, then look off into space. What the fuck? Seriously! Then the best part, and the part that almost made Ryan have a brain bleed.....with every bite Miles took, he would tell us he put food in his mouth. Oh Jesus save me now! Finally after him sitting there,, annoying the hell out us for 40 minutes we just told him he was done. And he said...."ok". The end.

I swear to God. I just sprouted like 10 more grey hairs. If you see me. The grey is breakfast related.