This was NOT one of those times.

This past weekend was filled with fun! I went out with my bestie. Who I never go "out" with. We were celebrating a friend's 35th birthday! She's young a beautiful. Lucky bitch!

Anyway....as the night wore on..my dear old bestie and her sister "be-friended" a couple at one of the bars. They were the standard type of couple you'd see from this particular neighborhood. Very suburban, and thin and beautiful. But Good God Damn were they drunk. AND looking for a good time. And when I say a good time. I mean they were in search of some serious naughty swinging business. YUCK. I think they were initially interested in having dear bestie and her sister home for the fun, but...then the crazy saw me.

Now, just that night we were chatting about how men have a "thing" for the Asian persuasion. I have my theories, but basically, any movie about Vietnam in then 60's and 70's made Asian women seem like slutty-do-anything-you-want-five-dolla-make-you-holla kind of women. And let's face it, men can be pigs. Especially when drinking cheap beer in a townie bar.

As I was telling my bestie we were heading out, this drunk woman, let's call her Big Drunk Horny Blonde was all up in my face...blabbing about how exotic...blah blah blah..then she made THE PROPOSITION. Ugh. And now my REAL story.

Last night I was out with another group of friends. I picked up one of my friends before I dropped the kids off at my parents. As she got in the car she did the the polite, "what'd ya do last night?"

I told her it was kinda crazy and that I would share it with her later. Cause it was not something the kids should hear. To which Miles my 6 year old pipes in, "Mom, we already know what happened. You can tell her now."

Here's the conversation. And it's pretty much verbatim:

ME: Ok then smarty...what happened?

MILES: You went out and um, then you went to another place, and um J was there, with the neighbor and J's sister and umm. and umm....(and um was big here)

ME: And?

MILES: And then a lady you didn't know said you were HOT and that she was going to let you sleep with her husband and she wanted to watch.

ME: *crickets chirping*

Yep. I had nothing, but tears streaming down my face. And my friend in the car was trying, without success, to not laugh loudly in the car.

The ONE thing of the night he didn't need to hear. He heard. And I know for a fact I didn't tell Ryan that when I thought the kids were even in ear shot.

I will say this, when he was stammering through the first part of the story, I was watching him in the rearview mirror. When he got done saying is peace, I looked at his face and he didn't really comprehend what he said. His face said, "Why would she want to watch you sleep? And with her husband?"

There was a scrunched up forehead and then I said, "MILES! Don't EVER tell that story to anyone again! PLEASE! Especially don't tell grandma and grandpa!" He agreed it was a weird story and that he would forget it.

Sadly after his last conferences we find that stories that he "overhears" at home, are put into words in his writing class. Isn't that awesome? The last thing was about beer and Ryan. I can't quite put the details here, cause let's face it. I was mortified. But his 1st grade teacher assured us it was normal and ok. Yeah right.

I made him promise under penalty of destroying all Star Wars things, that he would NEVER repeat that story again. Then I told him how that woman was crazy and really being silly and weird. It still works on 6 year olds. They're gullible.

However....I love his ability to recall things. Just not this.

well well well...

Claire is writing and reading now. Well she's trying to.

Today she wanted to help me write out the grocery list. So here we have it...


Notice how she changed MILK into Miles and then wrote BOOBS. I have no idea where she's gonna find those two things, but I'm not looking or helping her.

In other news, we got hit with snow again this past weekend. I love snow. I love Minnesota. It makes me happy to be here. During the, I don't know...4th or 5th blizzard this winter, we super cleaned the house. No help from the kids by the way. I baked a chocolate cake with Claire, because when you're trapped indoors for the millionth time in a 2 months, you want chocolate damn it. And then had pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. Not the healthiest of foods for the day, but I'm sure we threw a salad and some carrots or apples in there someplace. Who cares. It was a fucking blizzard outside.


Yes I made it. Remember I used to be a baker? And now Claire is my OFFICIAL assistant. However she likes to dip her fingers in the batter and the frosting while she's whisking. She's now a pro at washing her hands.

Happy Valentine's Day Crazy style!

http://www.funnyordie.com/slideshows/22f612bc13/vintage-valentine-s-day-cards-that-prove-we-were-all-a-bunch-of-rapists?playlist=featured_pictures_and_words

Yikes!

The other day, Claire and I were getting ready for school. She was in the foyer getting her boots and jacket on. I told her I had to run to the bathroom, and that she should just get ready.

While in the bathroom, I heard the garage door open and shut. Good girl. She didn't need me to yell at her to get ready and in the car.

So I proceeded to get my jacket on, when the front closet doors whipped open and she yelled ,"BOO!"

What the Fuck?

ME: AAAHHHHHHH DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!

CLAIRE: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...you almost fell!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!"

Yes. She continued laughing and hasn't stopped yet. She said, "Mom. You should put this on facebook or on your blog. I totally tricked you!"

That turd actually opened and shut the door to make me think she was in the car. I didn't teach her that. Payback is such a bitch.

This is NOT how we did things back in the day

I tweet. And I follow friends and celebrities there. Celebs are funny. Steve Martin is hilarious. He's entertaining, and clever. I'm sure I wrote about this before, here, somewhere. And I follow John Cusack, because like I've noted before, I have a weird secret crush on the man apparently. But he is BAT SHIT LOONEY TUNES! Which for the record, I love.

Anyway. I see that some celebrities have millions of followers. MILLIONS. I can see what my "movie star boyfriends" are up to and what they have to say. Usually it's stupid shit. Shit I could care less about. But hey, they're entertaining, and it's nice to know they're "normal". Well kind of.

You know if you're a kid these days, you can learn and know everything you want to know, AND MORE, about your celeb crush in just the swipe of the keyboard. I mean set aside Twitter, there's all the IMDB's and the personal web pages, the Official web pages...or just the World Wide Web at it's best. You could even venture into celeb crush overload. But that's another topic. Way back in the stone age, we had to write a good old fashioned stalker letter.

When I say stalker letter, I mean pen and paper. Sometimes cut out magazine letters. Oh, and your dirty old underwear. Not that I EVER did that. No no no... I was more of a refined kinda gal.

I remember when I was 12, I had mad love for River Phoenix. Who the hell didn't? The man was beautiful and way "deep". *sigh*
Anyway, I saw in my Tiger Beat, that he had an address I could write to. I actually believed he would read MY letter. Even now you say, "yeah right SJT.." But I was 12 so shut up.

I wrote the letter. I tried to be all, deep and thoughtful about what I wrote. And I tell you what....that letter was pure.....shit. But I thought it was awesome, and I knew in my heart that he would read it, hop a plane to MN, find my house (because DUH...he was carrying the envelope with my return address), and announce his love for me. And it didn't hurt that I was for some reason having a party at my house, JUST AT THAT MOMENT, and all my friends got to see how much he loved me. Boyfriend at the time be damned. (Sorry J.M)

Yep, well..........that never happened. I didn't even get a pre signed photo of him. I got zip. And after thinking on it long and hard as a 37 almost 38 year old woman...seems about right. My Say Anything moment never happened. (Side note: This could be part of my obsession with John Cusack. Hmmmm....)

But today, you can actually get a message to your celeb crush via twitter. Right this second if I wanted Ian Somerhalder to know how much I loved his last episode of The Vampire Diaries, and that he was my favorite character on Lost because he was HOT....well I can. And he would most likely see it, not care, and move on with his day. But, HE WOULD SEE IT! (he's actually the reason I thought about this topic.) Seriously....look at the boy!

Getting back to it....
So.....kids of today...you're lucky. We had to actually write letters to our celeb crushes. We had to check the mailbox everyday, in hopes that they might write us back. And after 25 years, we now know that we will never get that damn autographed photo, let alone have them fall in love with us via letter writing. Sadly my teen crush has passed, but..there's always Ian. And I don't have to be a teen to appreciate a handsome (eh ehem) young gentleman.

In MN we do shit like this

Yep. It's Winter Carnival time once again!

I love it. Where else do a bunch of level headed people go out in below zero weather and stand around to look at ice and snow sculpture? That or stand on the streets in a howling wind tunnel (because you know that when you're downtown ANYWHERE the wind blows like a motherfucker) and watch a parade. FOR HOURS?

This year we went with our friends Rachel and Dan. We met for lunch at Pizza Luce, and then headed on down the hill for the event.

We usually go to see the ice sculptures, and attend either the Grande Day Parade or the Torchlight Parade. You literally stand outside for hours and watch a parade that should be done in the summer, like most places. But it's in late January. The coldest part of the year. I LOVE IT! I'm not kidding either.

Well this year we saw the ice sculptures in Rice Park. They're pretty damn cool.



Check out this chick wielding the chainsaw!


This year they created a huge ice wall. The kids thought it was glass. Miles had to really look through it. We were able to watch some of the sculpting competition.



The whole "legend" of the carnival is such: crazy-creepy-makes-us-seem-like-a-bunch-of-freaks-but-lack-of-sun-will-do-this-to-people

But the gist of it, the snow/ice king (King Boreas) is battling the fire king (Vulcan King). There's Snow and Ice royalty. A whole court of royalty and then you have the Vulcans. But before I get into the "Vulcan run in" , yes it's an event all of it's own, check back at those photos that show all the people. I saw a dear old friend in passing. And when I say passing...I mean 2 seconds of recognition..."Hey! How are you?" And then you can't stay for the answer, because the crowd keeps moving, and it WILL swallow you whole. You and your kids. But I digress.....

We ventured into the Landmark Center for all the kids activities and the second we do, we here it. The dreaded siren of the Vulcans. Seriously. That sounds brings fear into me. I mean look at these dudes. They're creepy as hell and they have WAYYYYY too much testosterone coursing through their bodies for anyone's good.


My girlfriend Rachel and I talked about when we were kids, and they would run up to you at a local city's parade and rub their cheeks on your face. It was called "the mark". They'd leave black grease paint all over you. It sucked. And they were creepy fuckers. Well, poor Rachel subconsciously hid behind her husband as soon as the siren went off. It was hilarious. But my poor little Claire? Not so lucky. She couldn't hide fast enough.

She was accosted by the entire group of red dressing, grease paint smearing fools. They got her. The king of the Vulcans no less. They can't really smear their faces on you anymore. There was some kind of lawsuit that involved sexual assault. And people wonder why I fear them. So now they use some kind of black grease lipstick tube. Sadly this was the result of Claire's meet and greet with them.


She was so pissed off about it, she didn't smile for an hour. We didn't know what happened, but when we stopped for hot cocoa, she asked Ryan if she could, "finally take off the V". We said yes, wiped it off, and it was happy times once again for our little Claire.

Miles however really thought they were cool. He liked the mask they gave him. And so Claire tried it too, but really....nothing could help.


All in all a good time. We spent a few hours there, and the kids loved it. Claire especially once the V was removed. She could have been one of the REALLY lucky girls who had a black grease paint goatee and mustache drawn on their faces. I think it's just downright mean. The moral of this story? The Vulcans suck.

Black Swan = Barf-o-rama

Well. After bitching incessantly on facebook AND twitter, to my BFF, about wanting to see this movie, it finally happened. (Yeah..that sentence didn't make much sense to me either, but go with it.)

This past Friday we were able to sneak away and see Black Swan. From what I remember, the movie was very good. The acting was amazing, and the story itself was mesmerizing. However...I don't remember much. I DO, however remember thinking to myself, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

The movie was so herky jerky, in the first 5 minutes of the movie, I was freaking out. I knew I was going to be in bad shape soon, and found myself praying through most of the movie for it to be over. It was worse than The Blair Witch Project, when it came to the motion of the camera.

Wikipedia ACTUALLY says THIS when you check out motion sickness:

Motion sickness due to films and other video

"In regular format theaters, an example of a movie that caused motion sickness in many people is The Blair Witch Project. Theater patrons were warned of its possible nauseating affects, cautioning pregnant women in particular. In this case, a camcorder was used to film the movie. As the camera was hand held, the camera was subjected to considerably more motion than the average movie camera."

Not cool right? Well it's taken me a day at least to get my bearings. I have no fucking idea what happened. I hate it. I mean...it was not right at all. Then Ryan reminded me, I had much difficulty watching this director's other movies due to the motions. The guy must think, "Oh I should totally use the hand held camera to make people uncomfortable. Yeah yeah...I am so going to win an Oscar for this shit!"

I was uncomfortable because I didn't want to barf my guts out in the theater. Talk about embarrassing. My BFF who can get motion sick, said she didn't have any problem with it. I was really shocked. I kept thinking, "What the fuck?" Either way, I drove home, and went right to sleep. That's the OTHER weird thing. We also had to cancel our plans for the night because I still didn't have a calm stomach. It was messed up.

Well...the movie itself was ok. It was sad and dark and compelling. I however, will remember it as the time I tried for 110 minutes NOT to barf in public.

Of course I was all about getting back up on the horse. Tonight we went to see an Omni Theater movie at the MN Science Museum. And during this movie, I have learned that my poor little Claire also gets motion sick from movies. We were soaring over the Rainforest, and I had my eyes closed. Then I felt a little tap on my arm and Claire's hot tiny breath whispered in my ear, "Mom, I feel kinda fall-y. My tummy hurts." So I closed her eyes and popped a little candy cane in her mouth and all was right in our motion sickness world. Poor kid, and she's adopted. It's just not right.

Not sure what to do here.

Well....I've been volunteering in Miles' classroom this year. It's been awesome. I love watching these kids learn. I love seeing him with his friends. I love hearing about what a great kid he is. I love knowing he is friends with EVERYONE in his class. I love watching other kids WANT to be his friend. He is a great, kind, friend to everyone in his class. Girls and boys.

And the girls really do love him. He's kind of unassuming. He's little and sweet. So they love him. I got a call from the gym teacher a few months ago telling me they had to ask some of the girls to stop kissing him during class. I mean...it could have been something like, "Miles can't run, jump or climb a rope. Sorry. He's puny." But no. I get, "Mrs. Teepants, I wanted to let you know Miles has had a couple of the girls kissing him. We've asked them to stop, but we had to inform you." Ha ha ha ha...I told Miles to enjoy it now. Cause well, and I didn't tell him this, but Miles is going to be a little guy, not athletic. He's going to have glasses, most likely braces, and he's got asthma. He loves Star Wars and video games. He is...in all reality going to be the cutest little Asian nerd in the world. He WILL be Sam Weir a la Freaks and Geeks. And I love it.

But...I also see how his "friends" behave. We had one of his little friends over one day after school, and I noticed, he's a little pistol. And when I say pistol...I mean he's kind of a little shit. But Miles and he have been friends since kindergarten. This is the boy who told Miles at the end of Kindergarten, "You know you're my best friend, and I'll miss you a lot. I'm moving to Florida." And then at open house for first grade, we saw that his little friend's desk was sitting right smack dab next to him. Wacky kid I tell ya.

This boy is very territorial over Miles. He is also, what I'm learning from other kids, the class bully. He pushes kids. He's rude to other kids. He name calls. He tells the other kids they're "stupid, dumb, idiot" and so on. Not sure what to do here.

On one hand, I don't want to be that parent who is all, "Over my dead body can you hang out with so and so." Cause knowing Miles he would listen to me and never talk to the kid again. And then do I really want Miles to be just one more kid this other boy picks on? Not sure Miles could handle that.

But...I would hate for people to eventually think that Miles isn't that nice boy. You know. Guilt by association? Ack! Too much to worry about. I know there are other things that will be much worse in the future when it comes to Miles and his friends. But for now, this is it.

In other not so shocking news, Claire is fascinated with her little baby boobs. She thinks she has them. And loves to show people. Oh lord, help.

Zombie kids and other stories

My kids were chasing Ryan and I around the house tonight yelling, "We're Zombies! We're going to eat your brains!" Remember my kids are 6 and 4.

Ryan dutifully and truthfully to Zombies everywhere, informed the kids that Zombies don't run. The kids then told him, "They were alien Zombies, and yes in fact they DID run."

Ha ha ha..suck it dad. And the chase continued.

Earlier today I was getting a movie from the Redbox, and Claire decided she should "help" me pick the movie. After scanning the list, she yells out, and I mean YELLS OUT IN HER LOUDEST 4 YEAR OLD VOICE, "MOM! THEY HAVE TWILIGHT!!!!"

Oh, yep. I'm that really good mom who allows their 4 year old daughter know about all things Twilight. Either that or I'm slightly obsessed. You decide.

Ok ok...obsessed, but who are you to judge? Oh yeah....right. Anyway...

I was pondering the "how" of it all, as I was watching my adorable kids run through the house with their arms in front of them, moaning and groaning, talking about brains, and being hungry. Like...How did they know about what Zombies do? They've never SEEN a Zombie show. Or for that matter, they've never really seen anything to do with Zombies. And how did they know they eat brains? Seriously. They ARE sponges. They hear everything we talk about, and then, can you imagine what goes on in those little brains of theirs?

As for the Twilight stuff, I'm totally guilty. I was soooo that Twi-mom. *shiver* Ugh. I hate that term. But honestly. I did really love the books. And a lot of my girlfriends loved them too. It was something to talk about that WASN'T kid related. Heavenly break from reality for about 3 days. That's how long it took to read all 4 books. I am sure I talked about it a lot. At the time I was out of my ever loving tree. But that's for another time.

To top it all off, tonight at dinner, Ryan told me that Miles has been playing this game called Scribblenauts, and that he chose to get a magic wand, cut the wizard with a sword and then shoot him with a gun.

My swift response, (mind you I mouthed it with a head whip towards Ryan, cause it's TOTALLY his fault!!!), "WHAT THE FUCK?!" And not put so eloquently either. My sweet innocent Miles. Talk about latent violence. Sheesh!

I am going to have to do some major re-vamping (no pun intended) with my kids and their horror fest. Thankfully they aren't afraid of any of it. What they are afraid of is, the dark, bees, mom yelling so loud they break ear drums, and for Miles...something for dinner he doesn't like. But Zombies, Vampires, Guns and Wizards? Nothing. Not even a little case of the Willies.

I suppose it could be worse. I have a friend who let her kids watch Dunston Checks In, and he's STILL afraid of orangutans in the heat ducts of their house. The kid barely sleeps through the night. And he's 6. Can you imagine what would happen if he spent the night at our house? Poor kid.

Wendy's Night!

We did it. And oh my freaking God!!!

Miles' school has this thing called Wendy's Night. Our local Wendy's sponsors a school night. Where a percentage of the proceeds from a specific night goes to the school.

Tonight was Miles' school's night. All the kids from his grade and all their teachers were there. There are prizes, and first graders running around the place like they were once caged monkeys, but have been let free for an hour. Top it off with burgers, fries, and ice cream. And wow. You have a whole lot of loud.

Miles has always asked us to go. But Ryan and I don't usually eat that food for dinner. Ryan will probably tell you he NEVER eats fast food. Ever. (Maybe Arby's but that's a whole other post.) But this time, we thought we'd give it a go.

Ok...let me set the scene. First we walk in, and there are a few kids from his class. Seems harmless enough. Everyone is all, "Hi...how are you? Oh you're so and so's mom...." Pleasantries really.

Then as I go to get the food, I can feel the heat creeping into my face. I swear to you..it's like I'm going through the change. My face gets redder than a baboon's ass. It's really embarrassing to be honest. I am convinced I'm allergic to florescent lights. But anyway....I turn around from the food counter, and HOLY SHIT BALLS!

The restaurant is FILLED to the fucking brim with 1st graders, their parents and their siblings. All of them running around the restaurant like it's their playground and we're just there to watch them.

It gets hotter and hotter in there to boot. I thought I was going to die. My friend was there, who happens to be my BFF's sister, and she said it looked like my cheeks were getting purple. FUCKING PURPLE!

I'm Korean for God's sake. My skin should not be purple unless I'm choking on a fucking chicken nugget, and then, I STILL shouldn't be purple.

Oh...so then we decide to leave. After 2 hours. No shit. 2 hours. And Miles was happier than I had seen him in a while. He was surrounded by his friends, and they were all able to just play. No real rules. Just play. And he was happy. And the little girl who keeps kissing him in gym class was there, so Miles' face was a red assed baboon too. Poor kid. My little Korean man has an admirer who is whiter than any other white kid I've ever seen. She's opaque. And about 2 heads taller than him. But she's really does like him A LOT.

Miles asked us to go again. Thankfully they only do it twice a year, and this one we went to tonight, was the second for the year! Whoooo....dodged that fast-food-hot-as-fuck-yelling-kid-extravaganza.

Upon returning home, I brewed up a huge pot of Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner tomorrow. I kinda want to eat it tonight, but it's probably not a good idea.

At least I have 9-10 months to prepare myself for the next installment of hell on earth. I really do love my kids THAT much.

EUREKA!!!!

I won't bore you with all the details of my holiday. I've been MIA. Suffice it to say, it was awesome! The kids had a blast. There were gifts galore, food galore and a nasty ass bout of kick-your-mother-fucking-ass food poisoning. Your's truly got that last gift from Santa. But it turned out to be a wonderful Christmas.

Moving on...Happy New Year! I'm getting ready to have a house full of people. It's gonna be food, drinks, music, games, kids, grownups acting like kids, and so on. Can't wait!

I did want to throw this out however. It's a pseudo resolution. (I hate New Year's resolutions, but what the hell.)

The other day a good friend of mine was over with her kids. We had a multi family playdate over here, and while the kids were basically trashing our house, us moms were enjoying conversation in the kitchen.

She informed me of something I had never thought of....NEVER IN MY LIFE! The three of us are stay at home moms. You know...we stay.at.home. with our kids. Well....our kids are getting older and whatnot, but that's another story.

She told me she doesn't feel like she NEEDS to keep her house clean everyday. If something doesn't get put away, it's no biggie. I said to her....."Seriously!?! You don't pick up the house and do all your household cleaning daily?" She said no.

Now this was a whole WTF moment for me. She clearly saw that I was stunned and said this to me. And trust me SAHM's when you read this, you'll be all...Shit! That's fucking brilliant!

She said, "I'm a STAY AT HOME MOM! Not a stay at home housekeeper. My job is to be a mom. Raise my kids. And if I have time, the other stuff can get done. But being a mom all day is my job. And when my husband comes home from HIS JOB, we clean stuff together."

Gone is the pressure to make sure my house is pretty clean and picked up when Ryan gets home. Not that he EVER put those rules on me (laughable really if he did) but I really just thought it was "part of the job". But no more friends. It's my "Good God Almighty Oprah AH HA" moment.

So......the house may be a mess in 2011, but my kids will be damn happy.

Happy New Year friends and family! I love you guys!

Whoops...a little late.

Merry Christmas!

4 years ago

I had to toss this one in...the other day was Claire's arrival date. December 12th 2006. We picked her up at the MSP airport with family and friends. Thanks Punky Brewster for being part of my life....I love you huge!

A&E Here they come!

Today I spent the bulk of the day with my youngest sister, my parents, and my completely disgusted daughter. My sister and I had decided to tackle the unimaginable. My parents pool table.

You must understand that my entire life I grew up with a pool table. And for that entire time of my life, I played pool on it, MAYBE 3 times. EVER.

But recently, my youngest sister, Cindi and I have been fearful of the impending doom that is my parents lean towards hoarding. Not hoarding in the A&E Hoarders. But getting closer than I would prefer.

We mostly spent the day laughing at all the ridiculous sear sucker my mom owned. That, and the multitude of sweatshirts and tee shirts that have holiday and seasonal appliques. I could so win the ugliest Holiday sweater contest if I snagged one of those bad boys. They were, in a word....Hideous. But my mother insists, she "had to do it because she was a teacher and the kids liked it." Bullshit. My mom is THAT old lady. Plain and simple. She still buys them and she hasn't taught in years.

My mom spent the day in a major panic. One thing is for sure. My mother is a shopaholic in the clinical sense. And seeing all her "stuff" get shoved into bags for Savers or Goodwill almost killed her. Most of the clothing was hers. And most of it was too small for her. I am assuming that's why it was all on the pool table. But holy shit woman!

Claire was just visibly stunned into submission from the large quantity of clothing towering over her. She said and I quote, "I'm so out of here. This.Place.Is.NUTS!" Yep. And she's four.

When Cindi and I started the, what I like to now deem as, THE EVENT, my dad who is over 6 feet tall was standing on one side of the pool table and I was on the other. I couldn't see him. Not shitting you.

The following photo is a re-enactment of what was. And I seriously, Shit.You.Not.



(Like I said THIS IS NOT my parents pool table, but it's damn near close.)
I actually found a sweatshirt I shared with my other sister Sara, back in High School. How long ago was that SJT? Let's just say the SWEATSHIRT had shoulderpads. *shiver*

When I posted something about doing this on Facebook, a couple of my friends and Cindi's friends said...
"Oh my WORD!! You have been cleaning that thing off for decades! Were any of my clothes there? Haha!" AND "oh my god- I know that table. I know why it took all day" AND "That's hilarious. I remember coming to your house and thinking "Wow, that is a shit-ton of clothes on that pool table". hahaha".

I told Ryan I was afraid of mice crawling out. Ryan said he would be afraid of midgets crawling out. But for now it's clean as a whistle. Too bad you can't play pool. There's too much other shit AROUND the table.

Winter Storm warning INDEED!

I should probably write about the Winter Storm that blew through Minnesota this past weekend. But to be honest I haven't had time. I've been digging us out for the past several days.



And this is nothing compared to the total it was the next day. All in all we got 22 inches of beautiful white snow.

I have stories, and whatnot to share, just no time. Snow makes everything move at a very alarming pace. One second it's as slow as Miles' digestive system, (more on that another time) and we have all the time in the world, and the next thing you know it's the end of the week. What the hell?

So I'll leave you with this for now. The snow plow went through again. And the snow BANKS that are on the sides of my driveway are at least 4 if not 5 feet tall. Happy Winter!!!

Oh yeah...and THIS happened here too.

The holidays

Well...we are in full swing for the holiday season. However, sadly, we are not in the full swing holiday mood. For numerous reasons, this season seems...flat.

I mean..we decorated the tree



And we are going to the Holidazzle Parade on Saturday. Before the parade, the kids and I will be baking holiday cookies with a dear friend. Christmas music is piping throughout the house like we're some kind of department store on Christmas steroids. Playdates have been made for the week off of school, and New Year's Eve plans are being set in motion.

But for some reason, there is very little Christmas cheer coursing through our veins. Please don't get me wrong. The kids are bat shit bonkers for the holidays, and we are putting on a good show for them. They know nothing is awry. Well I suppose I can only speak for myself really. I'M not very cheery. Things just aren't the same as they were. I'm bummed I won't see my sister for the 3rd year in a row. (She's in California and it's are-you-fucking-kidding-me-you-want-how-much-AND-my-first-born-for 2-tickets? Expensive)

And our plans, once again this year for Christmas have been.......altered. But we have no control over that. We just keep on going like we always do.

*SIGH*
(yeah that was a big sigh)

But I'm going to "soldier on". I'm happy that my health is almost a moot point. I'm relieved the kids are no longer sick with the stomach bug. Ryan is here and not traipsing around the country. And I have some of the most wonderful friends ever. So I guess I should shut the hell up and be thankful. And I am. I'm just having a pity party for now and it will stop.......now..no wait...NOW....no......yeah...ok.

I'll leave you with this. This time of year calls for this type of snuggling. Trust me.

Inappropriate humor at the expense of little kids

Well...I have to admit it....this is HIGHLY suspect. I am warning those of you who are friends of mine from the preschool....you may not particularly appreciate this. But I, my dear friends, laughed my damn ass off when I saw it. And so did a girlfriend of mine, who Claire was showing this book too.

The kids bring home something called a Blessing Book. It's a book that tells about each kid in the class. They color a picture and tell things about themselves. It's based on the "theme" that the year is following. This year's theme has something to do with cowboys and Jesus. (It's a Lutheran preschool.) What the two have in common? I have no fucking idea, but I love this preschool. LOVE IT!

Anyway....the book has this photo of a farm that the kids color. This is what I found. Also this photo was NOT Claire's. It was the page next to hers. HER silo was purple. It looked...painful.

It's all very questionable. I figured they didn't know what they were doing when they put this photo on the sheet for kids to color. That or I have the dirtiest mind ever. I'm going with both.

However this IS the school that had a basket with pot leaves in the playhouse.

Our Holiday Traditions

There are three things I do the day after Thanksgiving.
1: Shop like a mother fucker.
2: Get Christmas Ornaments (more on that)
3: Set the house for Christmas. Tree and all the stuff.

Let's begin with number 1. It was a cold son of a bitch today. I woke at 2:15AM, showered, and left to get my mom and sister to stand in front of Target 1 hour before it opened. We were there at 3 am. I wanted to get Claire a keyboard. It was half price and it was the EXACT one she wanted. I didn't HAVE to go, but I love her and I wanted to.

It was cold. So cold that when you sniff in, your nostrils freeze together. I think it was 9 degrees with a wind chill below zero. And yes, we stood outside of Target for 50 minutes. Dumb. But I do it every year. I've done it since I was 17. Today was my 20 year anniversary of stupidity and saving money. Meh.

So there is this long line of folks. And some howdy-do woman comes sauntering up and cuts off at least 150 people. There was quite a kerfuffle, and then when security came up to ask her to go to the END of the line, she said, "I didn't know you had to stand in line." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha........wait for it.........ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That woman was on some kind of crazy shit. The guy behind us said, "lady...seriously? There are 300 people standing here. IN LINE!"

I was able to make very nice purchases. Ryan and I make a list. Then I go for it. It's almost a full contact sport.

Then on to number 2. Get Christmas Ornaments. When Ryan and I first met, we decided we wanted to have our own little tradition of sorts. He used to join in the shopping torture with me and my mom, but after the second year, he knew he was in with the family and had no need to impress. So we decided when I was done with all my shopping, we would go to Target (those corporate-monopolizing-giants-who-get-all-my-money-weekly) and we would pick out an ornament. It's been years now, and we have a really cool collection of ornaments.

When we got the kids, we allowed them to choose one too. They love this tradition and we hope to keep it going.

Guess who's is who's.





And third, we always put up our Christmas decorations and tree the day after. It's something my parents did when we were kids, and I love it.

This year was especially different and pretty damn amazing. The kids decorated the ENTIRE tree by themselves. It looks fabulous! And I got to drink wine. Best Christmas Tree puttin' up EVER!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Life lessons from Charlie Brown

Screw Peppermint Patty. I'm going old school next year!!




Happy face-stuffing-belly-busting-eat-till-you-puke day!

Tweetle dee dee

I'm a sheep once again. BAAAAHHHHHH...Twitter has sucked me in. Granted I only did it cause I was bored as hell the other night, whilst the children and Ryan played Lord of the Rings Monopoly.

Or was it the time Ryan and the Skog brothers were sitting around partaking in Ryan's new homebrew. UGH. Either way, suffice it to say I was bored. And just decided, "I'm going for it!"

Social networking monopoly be damned. (You do know I've only been a Facebook user for a bit.) It's like stay at home mom crack. And with the iPhone. Oh my damn. It's ridiculous.

I have about 8 posts. Oh I'm sorry....tweets. 2 of which are replys to my BFF and to Steve Martin, who incidentally is hilarious and clever all at the same time!

I have big shoes to fill. However, I feel that twitter is a good way to say things that go into my head and usually head out my mouth, but only to Ryan and some of my closest friends. This way, I won't offend 60% of my Facebook friends. Cause...I can be offensive. Just saying.

I'm excited to begin this NEW format of sass. Although it's nice to see it's well established. Screw being the guinea pig. I want to be a follower and see how it goes. And now after HOW many years? I feel that Twitter is safe. And....look out.

It's been a rough couple of weeks

I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say, my family has had the stomach flu. It started with Miles last week. Then at the end of the week, Ryan and Claire got sick. Then this past Monday......your's truly got it. And I still "got" it. Boo.

This is what we are doing tonight.

Eating frozen pizza. Watching, in this particular order, Billy The Exterminator, iCarly , and Star Wars The Clone Wars. Because we are all feeling crappy still, we are having a sit-on-the-sofa-and-veg night. It's perfect.

Now if we were all feeling stellar, we'd be aces.

37 today. *sigh*

Things I did/am doing on and around my 37th birthday. In chronological order.

~ Meet up with 12 amazing women. Drink. Eat. Play inappropriate board games. Win inappropriate gift for being 5th in the door. Laugh. Hug. Laugh. Drive home in a blizzard at 2am.

~ Wake up to a 4 year old yelling at 7am...."IT SNOWED MOM!!!! GET UP!!! Oh yeah..Happy Birthday. GET UP!!!! SNOW!!!!"

~ Take photos of kids and husband in the snow at 7:45 AM.

~ Go back inside to watch tv and drink more coffee.

~ Fix hot cocoa and popcorn for a mid morning snack

~ Un-tangle the It-should-never-get-tangled-but-we-lied-cause-we're-apple-and-we-can-do-whatever-the-fuck-we-want iPod cord.

~ Clean out entry way...cause oh my GOD there's a lot of wet snow clothes.

~ Sweater shave the bathroom rug. Seriously. I can't stand little nubbies on my feet. It's just gross.

~ Try to talk to the kids...but they are so mesmerized by the snow it's like this..."Hey kids...blah blah blah"...their answer..." blah blah bla...ooh snow..."

~ That's about it. I may throw some laundry in for good measure, but I still have Sunday to be snowed in too. Wouldn't want to overdo it.

I'm going to start making a HUGE deal out of my birthday. More than ever!! Friends...Family....get ready.
I spend about 99.9% of my time putting my family and friends first. I do. All the time. And this is going to be the ONE day of the year that is ALL ABOUT ME. Selfish? Sure. But it's gonna be great. Now if I could just get my family and friends on board with this...I'm all good.

I'm happy.

Here are two songs that make me happy. Not sure why, but they just do.





Happy Weekend.

Don't call me crazy.

When I go to a movie, I have to see the previews. If I miss one, I will do the following.

Leave, exchange my ticket for the next show, wait, see the next show with ALL the previews. I have only had to do this once, and no matter who I go to the movies with, they know I will do it. And we're always early. ALWAYS.

When I'm in the bathroom taking a shower, and there's a magazine on the counter, I will turn it over so the faces aren't looking at me when I get out. It just freaks me out. And NO...I'm not kidding.

When a green arrow light STAYS green for me to get through it, especially if there's a long line of cars, I will say, OUT LOUD, "Thank you green light thank you green light thank you!" Can't hurt right?

I have to check on my kids every night before I go to bed. No matter what time I go to bed or how tired I am. I have to see if they are sleeping and breathing.

If I have a dream that Ryan's been cheating on me (it doesn't happen all that often) I'm mad at him for the rest of the day. Even though I know it was a dream. Poor guy.

I still cross my fingers like it will REALLY work. Not the "hope you don't know I'm lying" cross my fingers, but the "please please PLEASE!!!??!!" crossing of the fingers.

When I've seen a scary movie, and when I say scary movie, I mean scare the shit out of me scary, I will look around my house and make comparisons from the movie to my real life. If there are similarities, I will do what I can to change it so it won't happen to me too. Example: I had a creepy hand made clown that my grandma got me. It was so much like the Poltergeist clown, I gave it to my sister. Cause, there was no way in HELL that thing was gonna get me. And so what if it got her? She was annoying to me on a pretty regular basis. Sadly, I still make the comparisons.

Now..this one I know is weird. But...when I'm at someone else's house or in a public bathroom, I will put a piece of tp in the the toilet before I go. Just in case there's a camera in the bowl. No kidding. I saw a movie that it happened in and now I think, "It could happen, so I might as well prevent embarrassing things from popping up on Youtube.

I DO realize that professing these things, makes me sound exceedingly paranoid, and at the very least certifiable. But...I'm not crazy. I at least know that. I like to think of myself as "quirky." It's a much more endearing term that looney.

And...I also get that I have major bathroom hang ups. Oh well. You don't have to live with me. (Oh wait, Ryan, you do, but you love me for my quirkiness.)

Yeah..and I'm bossy. But everyone I know is bossy. That's nothing out of the ordinary.

Real talk vs Tech talk

I'm going to start off by saying...BOTH of these types of communication get me into trouble at some time or another. Be it me and my big dumb mouth, or me typing something and not putting a "smiley :) face" next to it. And the recipient getting offended.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE all kinds of communication! If I knew how to send carrier pigeons, you can bet your sweet ass you'd get a message from me that way, REAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

But lately, I've noticed people don't know how to communicate IN PERSON anymore. Why the hell not? I've heard on some lady talk show yesterday (not really sure which one either) that people just put it out there, and it's out there. No explanation, no real conversation. Scary. Are we raising a generation of kids who can't hold a conversation? Who can't have a debate? Who can't take criticism and process it, rather than shut the laptop or the cell?

I know teens who don't even talk on the phone anymore. They just text. Like their fingers are completely independent from their bodies. I've never seen anyone move their fingers as fast as a teen "texting" to a friend. (Holy shit do I sound old right now.)

I'll say this. I'm a talker. There's no doubt about that. I would rather talk to you on the phone than email. The reason? I have a lot to say. And I can't type that fast. It takes me FOREVER to text anything. I have an iPhone and I am constantly sending the wrong words. Stupid fat fingers. Plus...I'm a very opinionated person. Oh NO not you SJT! I know you're thinking that. RIGHT. NOW.

But I talk a lot. And....to be fair....I will listen to you a lot too. However, know this. If you don't preface your conversation with, "I just want you to listen. No advice please. " You're gonna get it.

I will say this. Most of my girlfriends talk a lot too. When you get some of us together it gets sooo loud. So not only do we talk incessantly, we are about 10 decibles above what the "norm" is. Ryan always says he knows when I'm talking to my BFF on the phone because I'm yelling. Not yelling AT her. Just yelling cause we're most likely excited about something absolutely stupid.

The times I almost always hold my tongue is when I'm with my husband's family. Seriously. If those people knew how much I REALLY talk and how opinionated I really am, they'd ALL disown me. Ryan's family is very subdue most of the time. Unless there is a discussion about politics. Then all bets are off. But that's when I really shut up. Our politics are WAAAAYYYY different.

Anyway. I think I'll always be that person who would rather TALK to you in person or on the phone rather than just email or text. That's just me.

Don't even get me started on REAL mail vs Email. Oh man. I would kill to get a handwritten letter from a friend. I love it!

*My sister was bitching about me not blogging lately. So the photo is for her. Totally unrelated and it's awesome. Oh and....

:) Cindi. I love you.

Don't like it one bit!

So...I'm my sister's guardian. She's 35 and has special needs. And FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS FUCKING GOOD IN THIS WORLD, her group home staff are a bunch of fuck nuts.

I get calls all the time for stupid shit. I mean the dumbest things. "How much money can A take out for lunches this week?" And my standard answer is "how much does she USUALLY take out, every single week that you never call me?"

GAH!

Last night, it was boyfriend things, birthday party things, and the like. After 2 hours of being on the phone with her program director, her work place, and my sister, I was ready to just tell everyone, "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER PEOPLE!"

But in the real world, that's not allowable.

My sister is pretty high functioning. And in real people talk, she doesn't seem to have any disabilities. But she does. And after a bit of talking with her, you too will realize she's functioning at about a 12 year old. Yep. I am guardian of a perpetual pre teen. Hormones and all. And she LOVES her some boys.

But with this, she also has a lot of things working against her in the dating world. She IS a 35 year old WOMAN. And so once in a while her staff seem to forget that she is in the group home for a reason. And things happen that shouldn't. Like for instance, her dating a man she dated when she was 19 and it was ALL KINDS OF MESSED UP. It was bad. Really bad. Let's just say my sister didn't walk away unscathed. But recently it's been brought to my attention that she is currently working with said young man. And is once again scheming to see him outside of the house.

My sister is a danger to herself. You can pretty much talk her into anything. And so she is never to be left alone. She has what the county states, "24 hour staffed supervision". This means...she is NEVER out of anyone's sight. And now her staff is telling me she's been dating this dude.

It's bad. And I can't "really" keep her from dating him. But seriously. She's a sneaky one. And I know there's trouble brewing. Something somewhere is going to happen. And the worst part is...her group home and her workplace are going to suffer the brunt of it. But I've warned as many people of what is happening as I can.

I'm being pretty vague. And you can completely understand why. But UGH! I don't like where things are headed. I don't like it at all.

I'm going to watch it even if it kills me

This year is the first year in......15 years that I have decided to voluntarily watch football. One tends to avoid such a sport that involves being beat senseless by your asshole of an ex husband if a specific team lost. And let me tell you...at the time, the losing team in question, was the Green Bay Packers. They were not great. And I had many a black eye from the losses. Yuck. Basketball season was even worse. But that's another story, and I will NEVER be interested in that sport.

But I am and have always been a Vikings fan. Secretly of course. But when Ryan and I met, he, out of complete courtesy, avoided watching football at all around me. Seriously...Best.Man.Ever.

A few years ago, I said to him, "you CAN watch football. I really don't care." And so it was.

Ryan began watching the Vikings with ferver. He really does love football. And I can't believe he held off watching for so many years. I never asked him to either. He just did it.

So this year I said, nay....announced, "I'm so going to watch the Vikings this year!"

I watched a bit last year. Just because, watching Brett Favre play for the Vikings was so in-your-face-stupid-abusive-ass-wipe-who-worshiped-Brett-Favre-so-much-when-he-lost-you-had-to-beat-your-wife. BEST GAME EVER when they killed Green Bay. Twice. Heh heh heh. But I digress.

Ryan and I watched the "big game" last night. The Vikings vs the Jets. So many things were built up about this game. New players that "should" help them win big. The dirt that is surrounding Brett and his old team the Jets. (Just to clarify, I don't agree with the article posted, I just think it explains what happened pretty well.) And so on.

But seriously. It was horrible. Like watching a train wreck. Ryan and I stayed up to the bitter end. Then I decided this:

MN football is like having sex for the first time. It's built up to be awesome, you have great expectations, everyone talks about it like it's gonna be the best thing of all time. And then....wah wah wahhhhhh...it's SO disappointing. But you always go back and try it again.

I'll still watch. Just for fun. But the cheerleader in me is not necessarily emerging.

Oh Poo!

5:45 am: wake up

6:15 am: get breakfast for kids

6:30 am: Miles sick. Call pediatrician

7:00 am: call in sick at school and preschool

7:25 am: drive to doctor

8:00 am: Target run (Of course. What doctor appointment DOESN'T include one of these?)

8:30 am: Home

And....Dishes, 2 loads of surprise laundry, un pack an impacted bowel *shudder*, bake 2 batches of chocolate chip cookies to entertain Claire, vacuum, clean the bathroom, put laundry away, PTO emails, facebook fun with HS friends to keep my sanity, make lunch, clean up after lunch, wait hand and foot on 6 year old who has "bowel" issues today, and then pretty soon...get started on dinner.

It's only 2:30 and I need a nap. Stupid bowels screwing up my whole day. Poop.

Just not me

Not feeling very bloggy lately. Ryan's been gone for what's going on 5 weeks now. Home on the weekends. But...I'm overwhelmed, and tired. And for some reason, Claire has decided to skip 4 years old and land right into her teen years.

Example:

Claire was mad at me for after telling her to go wash her hands before lunch. She stomped into the bathroom, and proceeded to open and SLAM it shut. 6 times in succession. When I stopped in the hallway to see what she was doing, I said, "Claire...what are you doing?" She told me this, "I'm slamming the door cause I'm MAD AT YOU!!!!" Then she kicked the door shut in my face.

She's fucking four.

That is how it's been. Miles has kept to himself with the occasional, "tear up" because things are just that shitty here once in a while.

Oh my. I am trying not to be "that mom". You know the one who freaks out at the drop of a hat. But seriously. A person can only take so much..and on average 4 hours of sleep a night.

I give credit where serious credit is due. Single parents. Kudos. I don't know how you do it. I don't like. I don't want it. I actually LOATHE it.

On the upside, we had a perfect fall day on Sunday with friends. Apple Orchard and major comfort food for dinner. And then it started all over again. Ryan left at 4:20am Monday morning.

I will be in the half way house sooner than later if this continues.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A!

Today was Claire's big preschool Bike A Thon. It's the big huge fundraiser for LADC.

It was lots of fun! It's 2 of the preschool's locations gathering together for a bike parade, and family fall festival. Super fun for kids.

Ryan knew he would have to spend most of the time with the kids ALONE. Thankfully he planned ahead. I was pretty much not to be seen for 95% if the day. Oh well. It was fine. The kids have a lot of fun.

Claire started off very stoic with the bike parade. Miles decided to jog along side of her the whole time. But Claire was NOT messing around with the "earning her pledges". The kid rode a circle at least 10+ times. She was S-E-R-I-O-U-S!! And Miles totally gave up after lap 3.



They did "Crazy hair". Which is basically, back combing your kid's hair until you KNOW it's not coming out without the weed whip and then spray painting it the most hideous colors known NOT in nature. In the past Claire has been adamant about not having it. She thought it was "dumb". But her friends did it and so she had to do it too. If you click on the photo and see her face in the mirror...she's totally having buyers remorse.


Among the rest of the things to do were, carnival games, a jumper, mini golf, arts and crafts, and major playground time. Then lunch. They also had a DJ putting out great hits such as, Black Eyed Peas "I Got A Feeling" (Loathe), all the KIDZ BOP crap, which BTW..is kinda creepy. And of course the all popular wedding circuit run. All the Disco and 50's music you can stomach...and then they keep on going after you clearly have had enough.

However, I found it odd, the most popular song to date, the one that gets the kids and the parents up, shaking their booties, and thinking they are too cool for a Lutheran pre school? The Y.M.C.A. Yes yes....it's a party song. Major. But it's my understanding it was written as an homage to all the gay "encounters" you can have at the Y.M.C.A on the DL. And all these folks at Claire's preschool are bustin' a move to it. And let me tell you, the white man overbite was in full effect!!!! Ah well. Who doesn't love a good gay anthem? I can't think of anyone...and if you are one...time to move on from THIS blog. We don't want any of your crazy hating here. Off the soap box now.

Basically, the Bike A Thon was a huge success! I'll totally miss this next year when Claire is rockin' Kindergarten. This preschool is kind of amazing!

It's a sad day in suburbia.

Today Ryan and I took the kids to our local "kids hair cutting place". And it's in our neighborhood. A very diverse neighborhood for suburbia, thank you very much.

But today. It was like we were in some kind of fucking-racist-alternate-suburban-universe.

Here's what went down.

When the stylist called us up, Claire and I walked to the desk. Then this wack job of a lady had her little boy with her and asked the stylist, "Do you have specific stylists for each kid?" Our lady said, "No, who ever can get to them in the order they arrive is how it works. Did you want some one specific?" The woman said, "No, I just don't want my son sitting in the seat after THAT girl."

All the while she was looking at Claire like she had flesh eating virus, or like Claire was covered in shit and smelled like it too. Our stylist didn't quite get it, and in the split second that she did, you could see it spread across her face, like...WHAT THE FUCK LADY?

Then they got her kid another stylist.

Now......I've dealt with racist idiots many times in my 36 almost 37 years. HOWEVER. Let me be CRYSTAL clear. I have NEVER had anyone give my kids the stink eye like that, and flat out refuse to have her kid near mine. I was so shocked, I couldn't do anything. But I sadly admit I cried in the car on the way home.

Not because Claire had any idea about what happened.....and I kept my voice down when telling Ryan. But because, really bitch? It's 2010! I was so frustrated and saddened by the whole thing. Ugh. I just wanted to rant and rave and tell her how her racist attitude is going to get her "hurt" in the parking lot. But I'm an adult, according to Claire. And I have to be able to set the GOOD example for my kids. Because they will have to deal with it on their own eventually.

And damnit if Ryan didn't take the high road by saying, "She's the one who has to live with herself." Fuck that. I wanted to cut the bitch.

Private School

We eat pretty much all our meals together at the table when Ryan's home. Usually breakfast. And we have the most interesting, hilarious conversations EVER. I wish there was a video camera on us at all meal times. The shit my kids come up with...wow.

Ryan: What bus is that?

Me: It's 6:30am. It's one of the private schools.

Claire: Private schools are for naked people.

At dessert tonight.

Miles: You're adopted too Claire!

Claire: I know how you get adopted.

Me: Oh really? How?

Claire: A mommy in Korea has you and then the mommy here says, "That baby is cute. I want it!" And then the Korean mommy has to give her to you.

Me: That's REALLY not how it works.

Claire: Yes it is. I've known it for years.

Miles: *eye roll*

First grade and Kinderstart. And a mom with no sleep

Oh brother. Where to begin with THIS post. Ugh.

Miles started First grade on Tuesday. Drop off was NOTHING like last year. He was a happy Star Wars clad fool! Seriously. I don't think he could have been happier, or more excited for all day school, lunch, and recess. Not to mention seeing a friend of his who told him last year, "I'm moving to Florida. I'll miss you best friend." We found out last week at Meet the Teacher night that his friend would sit just 2 rows over from him in class. Hilarious.

So this is my happy Star Wars kiddo. I'm not joking about the Star Wars. He was wearing his Star Wars shirt, Star Wars backpack, Star Wars lunch box, and I'm pretty sure he was wearing his Star Wars underwear.

Claire's first full day without her brother was tough. I think she had a hard time. The kids play together all the time, and she just kinda watched her movie, sighing now and again, and then looked over at me with a face that said, I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself-I'm-all-alone-in-the-world. She was almost as pathetic as this scene from The Jerk minus all the collecting of shit.



She just watched her little Barbie movie and hung out with me and my mom. It was pathetic.


Once Miles got home, he was bouncing off the ceiling. This boy LOVES school! He loves every single thing about it. WHEW! I wasn't sure. The all day school thing was a bit nerve wracking for me, but...he's still alive and still loving it.

Claire also started a new class at her preschool. It's called Kinderstart. She loves it too, but after the end of last year, I wasn't sure how she'd do. She cried every day last year from March until just about the last week of school. It was very odd, since she was fine for the first part of her year. Oh well...

Claire feels like she is a "big" kid now that she can: write her own name, my name and Miles' name just from memory, recite her phone number and address, and tie her own shoes. I am not kidding. I have no idea where she learned all this stuff. Miles can't tie HIS own shoes even if there was a Star Wars blaster to his head.

Claire on her first day!

Claire in mid shoe tie. She's serious about this shoe tying business.

I know you're all dying to know, "how did mom fair during this transition?" Let me tell you. I faired shitty. S-H-I-T-T-Y!

I got no sleep. None. Ryan was out of town for the week in South Carolina, and the kids slept in my room. Claire didn't go to sleep until after 10 every night. I have NO idea why. And I had to be up by 5:45 or 6 every morning. And let me tell you. It was usually 5:40 because I was sweating the whole getting the kids to school on time thing.

Miles has to be in the car ready to go at 7:50. It doesn't seem that early, but when you have a kid who eats breakfast like it's their last meal, and savors every bite they take, even when every bite takes 10 minutes each to put in his damn pie hole....*sigh* breathe......it takes a while. And I have to wake crabby, tired, no going to sleep at a decent time, little miss morning tantrum, Whoooo hoooo! It's a great time in the Teepants house at around 6:15 am. Thank god most people's windows are shut. How embarrassing. For them.

Eh..set aside all the sleep issues, I had meetings up the wahzoo. Who knew being the VP of the preschool's PTO would involve so much "meeting". I mean, don't get me wrong. Most, if not all, the meetings were necessary. We have the big fall fundraiser coming up, so we're all kinds of kicking it into high gear...but...I'm tired. So I'm salty about it.

And then I met with an attorney to get some estate planning done. Don't even get on me about NOT having that done yet. It's not the most pleasant thing to be discussing when my husband is out of town. But we decided it was time. Well...it involved yet another meeting. And I had to bring Claire with me. Mistake.

She's usually a good kid. But for some reason, sitting in a sterile office with a lady who spoke major monotone, juuuuussstttt about killed my kid. Because I was gonna kill her. She was crazy interrupting us. Ugh! And then find out a few thousand dollars later...yes THOUSAND dollars, I told her I'd get back to her. Because holy shit balls! She changed her rates from the last time I spoke with her. What the hell lady!?! Another thing Ryan and I need to talk about.

So....here it is...the kids survived the firsts of school. I survived. And we do it all over again tomorrow. Ryan leaves today for South Carolina AGAIN. But...I have no meetings this week. And I get to go power walking with my friends when Claire is in class.

Should be an easier week for all. Let's fucking hope so.

First day of school...

So..... here is the truth. I have no time to tell you about the start of school. I will get to it this weekend. But as I said before...Ryan's been out of town, and I have been "meeting-ed" out!

It will happen. I promise. But not until I get more than 4 hours of sleep a night, and someone takes these tired crabby kids off my hands for an hour or so.