THE TRIP *Longest post by far*

*WARNING* This post's spacing will totally suck. Bear with me please.

We started out our excursion to the Black Hills South Dakota on a Tuesday. And of course we had bad weather most of the trip.


The kids were awesome in the car. Before we left, I told them that a road trip involved many things. Music, singing, movies, games and eating whatever you want. And man did they take that to heart. I swear they ate the entire time we were in the car. Crackers, cheese, carrots, snap peas, and of course...Nerds. They love those little pebble sugar bits. We played a lot of "I spy". Which kinda sucked with a 2 year old. All I heard was...."I pie wit my liddle eye sumpin gween!" When we would guess what it was....she always said no. Then when we asked her what she spied...she would tell us whatever we first guessed. It drove Miles ape shit. He kept saying..."that's NOT how to play Claire!!!" Ha ha ha....it was the only time in the entire car trip here and back that they argued.

We stopped off half way and stayed over night. The kids swam and we were able to meet up with my parents and my sister. Oh yeah...we were headed to a family reunion on my dad's side. Holiday Inn Express in Mitchell SD? Not bad for an overnight stop. Clean. And that's all I care about. I prefer not to get the herp from a hotel blanket BEFORE I am on a weeks vacation.

We saw the Corn Palace. Which is basically a small history lesson in corn and then a huge gift shop. Eh...take it or leave it. But there was an American Indian statue the kids thought was weird cause..."he didn't move the whole time, and his thumb is missing."
Next was the Badlands. Miles kept asking us if there were rattle snakes there. And he was scared shitless of going over the edge. Claire and I just trotted out, no biggie. The kids loved the climbing. And it was hot! We ran into my aunt and uncle there as well. Miles also told us he was excited to see the Grand Canyon. We told him it was the Badlands that we were in. Throughout the drive he kept saying..."I really love the Bad Canyon!"

Next stop, after multiple bathroom breaks, was Wall Drug. Talk about shit hole. So campy. I love it. It is such a strange place. But the kids had a bit of fun and we ate lunch there. Apparently South Dakota is a hotbed for teens from other countries to work for the summer. I don't know why...but there were many a transplant in Wall Drug. And at our cabin for that matter. But that is a whole other story.
More bad weather as we got closer to Rapid City South Dakota. There were multiple tornado warnings.

We finally arrived to the cabin at Sylvan Lake South Dakota. It was beautiful there.


Our friends D and B met us there. We vacationed together for a few days. It was so nice. We drove to Mt. Rushmore. Cheesy. We drove all around the Needles Highway. Barfy/Dizzy inducing. We bonfired and we just hung out. It was awesome to have friends along. They came from Wednesday night until Saturday morning.





After D and B left....I was dizzier then a mo fo....so we stayed up in the mountains and I had to do my exercises. That really sucked. The altitude messed with my brains. Ugh. So we stayed in the area and did a lot of rock climbing and hiking. Ryan made it a point to run to Harney's Peak every morning before the rest of us got up. That healthy freak. I love him. Apparently one morning he got trapped in a thunder storm and had to hide under some boulders. Poor guy.







As I said....it was a family reunion. But I didn't get the "ok" to post photos of said family members...so you don't get to see what they all look like. But we did spend a lot of time with about 50 or so family members. It was really nice to see them. They are spread out all over the US. Why South Dakota you ask? Because my grandmother and her family are from this very area. It is where it all started.

We left with very little fanfare. We had dinner with some cousins in a place called Hill City. The restaurant is called the Alpine Inn. The only question at dinner is 6 oz or 10 oz. As in steak. That's it. And it's good. If you get a chance to have dinner there, go early, stand in line with a drink and chat up the other tourists waiting like cattle to eat....well....cattle.

After dinner we headed out. We planned to stop half way again for the night. And of course there were more tornado warnings around us. And I mean AROUND us. We were just about 15 minutes ahead of the storm the whole time. Ryan didn't want to stop to let the kids go to the bathroom, for fear we would blow away. But we did stop in the Badlands. The gas station was closed so the kids went outside the way the old timers did it.

I guess....oh that reminds me...when we were in Deadwood, we went to the graves of Wild Bill Hickok and Calamity Jane. It is way WAY up there. We drove part of the way and then had to hoof it the rest. It's almost straight up. Once my parents saw the hill...they said no thanks and stayed down. D and B went with us too. The only stipulation D had, was that we be out of the cemetery by dark. Ha ha.

So we get up there with the kids and sure as shit, Claire bellows.."I gotta go pee!!!!" Of course. And there is no bathroom, as the reception area is closed for the night, and we are probably entering the cemetery illegally. We knew she would have to go outside, but for fear of tempting the cowboy spirits, we took her out and down the parking lot to go. God. Can you imagine what kind of "ghosts" would be chatting her up in the middle of the night if she peed on their graves?

Anyway......home....we left for home on Monday. Big storms followed and gulped us up. But we made it home.

Along the way, somewhere near Mitchell SD, there were tons of little turtles on the side of the road. All I heard while driving was Ryan.....
"turtle"
"turtle"
"turtle"
"squished turtle"
"turtle"

Thus ends our trip to Black Hills South Dakota. And I did all the laundry too.
*sigh*

Oh and the story about our cabin staff? I was.... in the ladies room of the cabin. I heard a voice say.."housekeeping?" I politely said....just one moment. Then upon exiting said ladies room, I was promptly met by 4 Asian men. The "leader" of the cleaning crew smiled at me and asked...."Are you Chinese?" I said no. He said, "Are you sure?" I said....pretty sure. Weird.

We went here

Black Hills South Dakota. For a week. With my parents.

More to follow. And I do mean MORE. I'm just too damn tired now and the laundry really stinks. Two day car ride with two kids under 5. Not priceless. I can price it pretty god damn high.

Doesn't Miles look thrilled?

Love Game

"Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick"

That's the chorus to Lady Gaga's song "Love Game"

Love it. But that's neither here nor there.

While I was making breakfast I landed on VH1. They actually have videos on in the morning. And Lady Gaga's video for this song was on.

Claire was glued to the tv. Now, I don't advise letting your almost 3 year old watch this video. But it happened. Call child protection. Whatev.

I asked her if she liked the song. I knew the answer, as she was bopping her little head up and down, she said, "Yeah!"

I asked her if she thought Lady Gaga was cool. She was very contemplative, scrunched up her face, and said, "well....well....Lady Gaga....SHE'S CRAZY!"

Ha ha ha ha....... I just don't need my kid telling people she wants to "take a ride on their disco stick."

Last days in Minnetonka.

My friends D and B moved to Texas many years ago. They made their triumphant return a year and a half ago, and moved into this lovely condo that over looked Lake Minnetonka. I know....brats.

Their place was stunning. D with Miles.


But they are moving this week to a new place in Eagan. And from the photos, the place is just as gorgeous.

When we would visit D and B, it was like going on vacation. We would plan on staying for lunch and then we would go for a walk, to bike ride, or to the beach, and then end up staying until well past dinnertime. It was resort-like, and would just suck you in. We always felt so welcome. Being they were about 50 min away, we didn't do it a whole lot, but when we did, we made a day out of it.

Our last trip out before their moving, was biking down the Three Rivers Trail from Minnetonka to Wayzata. It think it was about 15 miles, but it was wonderful. I was sent these photos from D and B. It is from our stop at the ice cream shop.

It was hot. We were grubby. But we were with friends, and it was so fun.

D and B with the kids.

*in honor of D and B's big move*

AHHHHHHHHHHHH.........................

Bliss. Pure unadulterated bliss. The weather is glorious. It's 70 degrees, breezy, not humid, and I can wear clothes head to toe!

This is MY kind of summer. Beaches? Bikinis? Shorts and tank tops? Be damned!!!

Give me my jeans and Chucks any old day. Oh, and the ratty old t-shirt from the thrift shop. Low maintenance mama. That's me.

Well...the shower went off without a hitch. Unless you count the flooding in our laundry room. From the ground. UGH! I guess it's karma for bitching about having to do the shower in the first place. I probably deserved it. (For those of you who missed that post *I deleted it*, I hosted a bridal shower for my cousin who lives in DC. She was in for the week.)

Our drain that goes out to the nether regions of the sewer system, seemed to have picked THIS day to back up. Oh lucky day. The day I used the garbage disposal more then I should. The day I washed tons of dishes. The day many an "older" women used my powder room. The day I had 30 people over for a bridal shower. And I had wine. Thank God for the many many MANY bottles of wine my cousin Liz brought over.

I called Ryan and gave him the OH-SHIT-THE-BASEMENT-IS-FLOODED panic call. And I called my neighbor for a wet/dry vac. Apparently we had one, but damn if I knew where it was or how to use it.

So after seeing the basement, it looked like someone threw up fresh herbs and milk, I wet/dry vacced the shit out of it. My sister helped thank the Lord. My mom finished up the rest of the shower business. Then Ryan got home. He promptly took over. Angry as hell cause now the carpet is trashed. Angry at NO ONE, but angry nonetheless. Poor husband. Here he was doing me a favor by taking the kids out of the house for hours, and then gets a call that, "OH flibberty jibbit! The basement is flooded. And with food." *gag* (No foul language was being used as I didn't want to offend any of the 75+ club in my living room.)

Shower....good. Basement.....bad.

Ryan said it's because, for "some fucking reason", the drain in the laundry room is the highest point in the floor.

Sounds like a lot of work to me. But it also sounds fucking stupid. Damn living in a swampy area.

Someone call the WAAAAmbulance!

It's mother fucking hot out! I hate heat! I am one of those people who don't bitch in the winter when it's 30 below...but anything over 80 with humidity...all bets are off.

And it's been in the 90's here. HERE! In Minnesota. I know it's 'summer' but seriously!!!! 90's???!!!???!!! And it rained this morning so there is dewiness in the air. It's gross.

I spent the morning with the kids at a park with a friend. She had with her, her 3 boys and her "grandson". Ok..I'll explain that for a sec...my friend adopted 3 boys from Korea. They are 7,5,and 2. Her foster son had a boy who is 2. Hence the grandson in quotes. She isn't old enough to have a grandson per se....but she has one nonetheless.

So we were at a park all morning. Not too bad considering the park was completely shaded. Then we came home after lunch. The kids wanted to play outside. It's hot out now. My thermometer says it's 91 out already. GAAAHH!!!

Because I hate hot, here we sit in the garage with the door open. The kids are "fixing" the old broke down treadmill with tools. With bike helmets on. Don't ask.

I'm fixin' to go inside and cool off. (That was for you Jill...did I use it right this time?)

I hate hot. I think my ass is sticking to the Star Wars chair in the garage. Shit.

Ah Breakfast

So today at the breakfast table I was singing......Lost in Emotion...you remember that old 80's song by Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam? Well either way, Miles covered his ears, smiled at me, and said..."Please mom. Just. Don't."

Claire looked at me and said, "I don't like that! I DON'T LIKE THAT!!!"

I mean seriously. I have a BEAUTIFUL *eye roll here* voice. And that song.....it's a classic.

No wonder my kids like to sing OVER me.

I'm no Simon Cowell, but I am pretty sure Lost in Emotion is better then their rendition of Spider Man. Which I am now being made to listen to at top volume. Jeez...it's 8:30 am for crying out loud.

Why my parenting is not too shabby.

I'm sick again. I swear no one believes it can happen to one person as much as it does to me, but it does. Just your standard, queasy stomach and ridiculous fatigue. If I didn't know better, AND I DO, I would think I was pregnant. But since that is impossible....I'm just sick.

Anyway....as I am sick, I have decided, I'm an ok parent. Here's why.

Yesterday I was in the shower, and Miles had to use the bathroom. We DO have more then one bathroom in our house, but he must have had to go BAD! I'm really not a fan of my kids being near me when I'm in the buff, but....he WAS pounding on the door like a maniac. So I let him in.

This is our conversation.

MILES: Mom, is it super steamy in here to make you feel not sick anymore?

ME: Yep. Sounds good to me.

MILES: I don't like it when you're sick. I feel bad for you. And we don't get to see you, cause you are sleeping and not feeling good.

ME: Yeah, I know. I don't like it either.

MILES: I don't ever want you to go to the doctor either.

ME: Thanks. Can you turn the overhead fan on when you leave please?

MILES: Yes. And I won't flush so the water gets crazy. And I will shut the door tight to keep the steam in. I love you mom.

Now...I normally don't get all squishy about my kids here. Cause, I usually will start my posts with....What the Fuck?!? And this is regarding my children. (As I am typing, Claire is stripping down naked. Jesus! I have to tell her.."would you put your dress back on please?")

But Miles warmed my heart yesterday. As he is getting older, I am noticing along with the not listening, he is becoming a very compassionate person. I like this a lot. He is very protective of his sister as well. When he's not trying to UFC style wrestle her, he is making sure she is safe. I love this.

And Claire is becoming a little care taker too. When Miles gets hurt, she always tells me, "I feel sorry for my brother." And it's not cause SHE is the one who inflicted the pain. She genuinely worries about him if he is upset.

I think it is my role as their parent to help them become productive citizens who think for themselves, and love big. I want my kids to be compassionate and care about other peoples feelings. Cause Lord knows there isn't a lot of that around these days.

So......knowing my kids can even love me and worry about me when I am gross, sick, crabby, and tired, leads me to believe Ryan and I are doing just fine thanks.

*As I finish this post, Claire is whipping me with a washcloth yelling, "I'm hitting your booty mom!!!!!" God damn it! What the Fuck?*

Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

This friends, is my mantra as of late. Then I turn into a big-green-don't-fuck-with-me-Korean.

It's only mid June and the kids are making me want to off myself. I can only hear, "MMMOMMMM!!?" so many times. It's not that I don't like being called mom. Oh no. It's the shrill, come-fix-this-shit-NOW voice that accompanys it.I plan things to do with the kids. To keep them happy and entertained, and yes, once in a while I try to throw some educational element into it. No reason other then, the voice in my head that says, "lazy too?" So I do it.

But it doesn't seem to be enough. I mean...who doesn't enjoy an hour trip to Costco. I am teaching them about marketing, economics, and some other shit. I'm sure of it.

I have found if we have ONE at home day a week, where we go nowhere, wear our jammies until dinner, and just do whatever we want, the kids love me a little more then if we didn't do this lazy hazy thing. But now, they are getting restless. The simple suggestion of an at home day, encourages whining, complaining, and all around unpleasantries. Mostly from me. After hearing all the whining and complaining. I provide the unpleasantries.

They usually end up sitting in their rooms for a few minutes, just so I can prove who's boss. And then I give in. Tell them they can play together while I figure out what to do. Brats. And yes, I'm a sucker too. I only give, when I forsee a day of fighting, messes, and me yelling so much I lose my voice. (It's happened.)

The worst part about this whole thing? Miles has stopped listening to me. Utterly and completely. He does it with no apologies, and no sense of doing it. Ugh. I say, "Do you even care I *insert whatever*?" His response is usually, "NO. I don't." So matter of fact. I loathe this attitude.

His sister is NO better. NO BETTER! She is almost worse. With her sassy talking back. Ignoring me and swinging at me when she's mad. And not swinging like punching. More like a windmill. It's wierd. But effective. She always gets me. And I have to say, I can only hear, "WHATEVER!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH!" so many times before I go fucking postal.

Yes, in fact I am warning most everyone who knows me. Please for the sake of my sanity and whatever kind of relationship we have......don't piss me off this week. Next week may be ok. But just not this one. Thanks. The management appreciates it. And by management, I mean Ryan. Cause he hates when I'm crabby, and the poor man has to come home to me at the end of the day.

Odd photo of the day.

I have decided to post odd photos of the day. Mostly photos of crap my kids do. Cause let's face it.....they're odd kids. Case in point......

This is Miles' Barbie doll sized Han Solo. Miles, my almost 5 year old dressed him. So maybe my, techie-geek-star-wars-convention-goin' son has fashion designer on the horizon instead. Either way.....LOOOOVE the scarf. And yes, he pulled the jacket down like that too. Ryan says it's "funny a-a-a-nd a little confusing."

Some bitches are crazy stupid!

So, my sister in law and her husband are trying to adopt a little girl domestically. She is 2 and lives here in MN. Things are moving along slowly. They are hopeful. At this point in the game, the have temporary guardianship. Better then nothing I must say.

My SIL and her husband are posting photos of them with this little girl on their facebook pages. Seems ok to me. Just keep in mind, they were the couple you knew would NEVER have kids. NO MATTER WHAT. But things change. People change and they have fallen in love with her. The response they are getting from people is kinda surprising.

Most of their friends seem happy for them. Shocked, but happy. Then my brother in law starts this thread with some crazy fucking hose beast, who has decided that she will "circle the wagons" to save this child. Cause apparently she knew my BIL long ago and knew he wasn't keen on kids. Back in the day. Anyway...she began telling him how he needs to be careful because this girl may have attachment issues. Cause you know, "All adopted kids, mostly international, have attachment issues." Dumb bitch.

I know plenty of adopted people. I AM an adopted person. My kids are adopted. We are ok. I hate people like her. I guess she works as a "screener" for children with attachment disorder. And sadly most of them are adopted. But what does that say? That all adopted kids have it? Or that she just sees a majority of them? God...she is stupid. I wanted to blast her, but Ryan, being the practical adult in this relationship, encouraged me to, "leave it alone".

Either way, I know my SIL and her husband will be good parents. They already love this little girl. They are doing the best they can, and they don't need some psychotic bitch telling them they are making a bad decision. She is basically telling them they are making a mistake cause they didn't want kids before. And that they will be bad parents. AND she is trying to scare them away from it. I want to scratch her dumb bitch eyeballs out.

I'm not mad. I'm just saying.

Here's a photo of MY ADOPTED kids. Don't they look totally un-attached, un-healthy, un-loved, and un-happy to you? *Note* I did not say they looked sane. But neither am I.

Thanks for letting me rant and rave. That lady is a dumb bitch. In case that wasn't clear.

I would kill for this right now.

Yeah. I'm dreaming of cupcakes. The plain, good ol' fashioned, yellow cake with delicious chocolate buttercream. Not the shit in a box and out of a can. The real-honest-to-goodness-kill-someone-to-eat-these-fresh kind. And I would kill.

In a previous life I like to call BNS (before no sleep ie: kids) I was a baker. Not trained at a culinary school mind you. But I loved to experiment with different flavors and I loved to bake. And...Ryan can't eat PHO, Partially Hydrogenated Oils. Well, can't is not really true. He just won't. And I don't blame him.

Either way, Ryan has this inborn thing about desserts. All the "teepants" family has to have their sweets. So in an effort to make my husband love me even more *not possible* I began baking. It was also a huge career change for me. I was working in the Vocational Rehab field for years. And at the time I left it, I was working with felons. Mostly sex offenders. And needless to say, Ryan preferred my change of career.

I say career cause, my baking turned itself into a small teeny tiny little business. I made cakes and tarts. All my own recipes. And sold them to a restaurant in the cities. Ryan worked for a large financial internet company back then, and I would bring samples to his team, get their feedback, and start to sell. Nothing like getting a bunch of super rich techies to love my baking. I was able to provide desserts for the company functions as well. So. My baking wasn't terrible. It didn't kill anyone. And it kept me busy waiting for my little Miles.

I even won an award for a tart I developed. Yes, 'toot toot'. Horn I own tooted, but God damn! I was able to sit at my kitchen table, figure out a dessert, test bake it, test run it, submit it, and win $2500 to Kitchenaid.com. I liked it. And I was in some kind of chef publication. Dessert and recipe done and done. Oh...it was a dark chocolate mousse tart with fresh raspberries. I know. Yummy.

I had some really good ones too. Have I made even one of them in the past 5 years? Nope. Not even the thought of it. I have made the chocolate cake. But.....that's about it.

So every once in a while. I dream of yummy homemade stuff. I happen to be on a cupcake kick right now. But for some reason I have little to no motivation to make anything. Could be lack of sleep, but I venture a guess.....I just want someone to do it for me. Or if I go really deep into the recesses of my mind.....I want to have that 'alone' time I was afforded then. Just me, my stand mixer, and some 80's tunes. Oh lovely day.

Wish you were here. Love Miles and Claire

M: This is my tent

C: That is MY tent. It is my Hello Kitty tent. It says HELLO KITTY!

M: No it's mine. Heh heh heh.

C: IT'S MINE! IT SAYS HELLO KITTY HELLO KITTY!!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH! HELLO KITTY!

M: It's mine. Ha ha ha ha...Mom use this in your blog today.

Done and done. Verbatim.

It's happening again.

No sleep. Woozy head. Sick tummy. Yep...I'm re-reading "the books".

The woozy head and sick tummy are from the reading. The no sleep is due to Claire. But am I surprised? No. Not in the slightest.

She has been waking up every night at the dead hour. She comes into my room, whispers, "mommy", and then proceeds to lay in her little bed on the floor, whispering to God knows who. It really does drive me fucking batty.

I have no patience in the middle of the night. Let alone for a 2 year old who is talking to "spooky Diego". Who, by the way, IS NOT in the room anymore! I don't even tolerate Ryan's snoring at 3 am. I just bellow out..."you're snoring!" And then I poke him with my elbow. Some people call that abuse. But whatever. There aren't bruises and you would never be able to prove it in a court of law. Also are you getting 6 hours of sleep a night with a 2+ hour wake up call half way through? That's right. I didn't think so.

So....that is keeping me awake. Does it wake Ryan? Sometimes. Does he handle it? Not usually. Once in a while I will hear him say very sleepily, "Claire go to sleep." The end. That's it.

Well for the woozy and wonky head and tummy? It is totally my fault. I am re-reading the twilight books. Only because, I have to. And I heart them. Don't judge.

But, the back and forth of my eyes is messing me up. It happened before. Why and how your eyes and what you see are connected to your inner ear and getting dizzy I don't know. But they are. So I have to be careful not to make myself sick again. Seriously....don't judge. I mean it.

Maybe I need to read the books in the middle of the night when Claire gets up. How that will relieve my head and stomach issues due to reading, is beyond me. But it will entertain me, and keep me from hiding under the blankets in my own bedroom like a 6 year old girl. And I won't be in the dark with a whispering kid.

Sometimes, it just has to be said.

I have PMS. I know....TMI. But I don't care. Cause...well....I have PMS. So there.

This weekend we have been running around town. Going to 3 birthday parties for kids. It is great for the kids. It was nice for us. Yesterday I was able to help my girlfriend with her son's 1st birthday. We were there from 1:30 till about 10PM. Ryan won the watermelon seed spitting contest. And we have the trophy to prove it.

Today we went to a double birthday party for friends from pre-school. It was at an indoor playground. Then cake and other assorted activities, outside. In the cold. But all was well. We ended up having dinner with the in-laws tonight too. I don't know how that happened. But it was nice.

Tonight, after the kid's baths, we were drinking some hot cocoa and having cookies. It was quite lovely. It's been super cold here even though it's June. So hot cocoa was in order.

I have been a bit short with the kids. I think it has to do with the weather and the watermelon daiquiri's my girlfriend's dad made last night. Well either way, both contributed to my "sleepy" nature today. And with all this activity over the past few days, it has been very family oriented. Sometimes I just need to have some....oh.....say.......sassy-pants-alcohol-induced-lady-talk-with-my-BFF-and-her-BNE's. Which by the way I got none of this weekend. Shit!

As I was ruminating over this fact, Ryan, in the only way he knows how says this.

"You're kinda crabby today." At this point he is laughing at himself and then says, "I have to laugh after that even though I really mean it, cause then it's funny."

Yep. It is. And don't forget the fact, if you laugh when you say that, even though it's true? I won't kill you with my fork.

*a bit of a disjointed post today, but I wanted to emphasize, that after 11 years of being together, Ryan knows he can still call me out, and how to do it without bodily harm*

Can we say....EASY?

Ok...some of these following images will be blurry. Only because there is major motion involved, and I have a shit camera.

So.....that being said...here's what happened.

Ryan took the kids to the Home Depot Kid's workshop today. As he does every first Saturday of the month. It gives me a few hours of quiet time. I love it.

Today however consisted of an impromptu visit to the Valu Thrift Store. Basically East St. Paul's dumping grounds for shit-you-don't-want-anymore. The kids fricking love it. I stay far far away. It smells like your grandma's attic. *gag*

Ryan did the right thing before he came home though. He called to tell me he DIDN'T do the right thing at the thrift store.

Observe the two purchases I was NOT ok with. Look closely. You will know. And keep in mind. I have a 2 and 4 year old. Well almost 3 and 5 but, WHATEVER.




The last/third purchase, I was ok with. Miles has been asking for a microscope forever. He is that science-y nerd-y type. Just like his dad. And now they are dragging Claire down with them.












So either way. Ryan + shopping with the kids= S-U-C-K-E-R.
I told him he can't EVER tell me, "did the kids really need that?"

What I have been up to.

I don't have much to talk about. It has been kid-centric over here. Kids activities. Kids needs. Kids wants. Kids sassing me. Kids fighting. Kids playing. Kids exploring. Kids not sleeping. Kids not listening. Kids driving me fucking nuts! Kids kids kids. So here are a few photos from my week.

*note* There aren't any with me pulling my hair out. Yet.

Our visit to the Flint Hills Children's Festival. We went with Ryan's WHOLE family, including our "hopefully soon to be" niece. (My sister in law and her husband are hoping to adopt her.) It was fun...but you can tell how Claire felt about being photographed. Plus it was hotter then a bitch out there in the blazing sun.

End of the year class picnics for the pre-school. There were tons of 2, 3, 4, and 5 year olds running around the park. The kids had so much fun playing at the playground with friends they have made. They had a picnic lunch. It was Miles' last year at pre-school. Next year....Kindergarten.

Miles monkeying around

Claire kinda eating lunch.

Claire and her friend Anya. I have a really cute photo of just their little feet in the sand...but....I don't like to admit I let her run in the sand at a public park barefoot. There was all kinds of shit in that sand.

Screw it...here are the chubby little piggies.

And last but not least....my beloved wild rose bushes. Ryan has been landscaping this area for the past few days, and he finished it today. It looks lovely. These rose bushes are from my Grandmother's homestead in SD. I took them after she passed away 2 years ago. I miss her. And these roses have thrived here. *sigh*

Welcome to My Morning.

Breakfast conversation in the Teepants household.

MILES: I never get Taffy....

ME: What did you just say?

MILES Nothing. (sly look of course)

ME: No really....what did you say?

MILES: Nothing. (still slickery sly)

ME: I didn't hear you.....what don't you ever get?

MILES: Nothing! (laughing his damn fool head off now)

CLAIRE: He said he never gets taffy! (said very sassily I might add)

*as soon as she said this Miles stopped laughing, dead in his tracks and gave his sister "the look"*

ME: Ha ha!!! Your sister will tell me everything. And by the way you just had taffy after lunch yesterday with your cousin. Remember?

RYAN: It's from that show Lazytown . I guess Stingy says it. (Stingy is a bratty character who is...stingy. I loathe him)

ME: I hate that show.

CLAIRE: How many times do I have to yell at you?

RYAN: Hmmmmmm......? (looking right at me no less)

ME: Uh...oh yeah....that MUST be from Lazytown too. Tee hee.

Are you a drunk smoker?

Brian S. is. I have decided a drunk smoker is someone who has quit smoking, but only smokes when they are "drunk" or in Brian's case, pass a bottle of beer someone else is holding. Heh heh heh.

Years ago when Ryan and I FIRST quit smoking, we did well. We really quit. And then it started. I said, "I'll only smoke when I am drinking or drunk." Which was a pretty damn good plan to me as I didn't drink all that much anymore. Liver disease you know. Anyway......I loved smoking.

I found myself drinking every weekend. EVERY WEEKEND. I was a certifiable drunk. Tee hee....whoops a daisies. But I wasn't alone. Ryan was too. Team work!

And then...we realized not only were we spending money we didn't have on cigarettes, we also added beer on top of that. Yikes.....so....Hello quitting for real. And for good. *sigh*

Anyway, my good friend Brian has quit smoking. I was proud of him. But he has gleefully admitted to me, he knows he will always be a drunk smoker. I called bullshit on that. I told him he's just lazy. I also told him that he has no will power. I don't know why I did this. I really don't care one way or the other if he smokes or not. I want to. Can't blame the guy. So basically I give him shit, just to give him shit. We have that kind of relationship, that I love. I fuck with him for no reason. He laughs at it, and we move on. He knows I am ALWAYS kidding. At least I think he does. Cause he laughs a lot. A LOT.

I think I should be a drunk smoker. Last time I got drunk it turned out bad...very bad...very very very bad. Maybe I just should be a smoker again....Nah...Miles would definitely give me a bad time about it. He hates the smell. And he tells my sister that, "smoking makes your lungs black and you will die." From the mouths of babes. And his pre-school teachers who run frickin' marathons.


*this post is Brian's punishment for ditching us for his girlfriends the other night. Girlfriends named Ryan A. and Jeff F.* Yeah I named them.

My husband DOES NOT HEART this.

Today I was reading through blogs, and one of them has music on her page. I didn't know this. Weird. I've been reading it for a while too. But whatever.

So one of the songs she has on her site it that Rob Pattinson song. You know him right? Edward Cullen from the Twilight movies? He's become a tween girl's and 30 something's item of lust. People are going bonkers for him. I mean, to quote Gwen Stefani, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! I am sure you know who he is, unless you don't have a tv, radio, internet, and have been held hostage, in a deep dark hole with no light to speak of for the past 10 months. I mean look at him. I must say, he IS DREAMY. My friend Heather calls him Robward for all you Twilight folks. Ha ha.

Anyway. His music? Eh...not so great. Ryan heard it. And proceeded to comment. Here is a snippet of our conversation.

RYAN: Is that Johnny Lang?

ME: No. Rob Pattinson.

RYAN: Who?

ME: That guy from the Twilight movies.

RYAN: Oh. He must be a DB (douche bag)

ME: No. I don't think so.

RYAN: Yeah he is...I've decided anyone who thinks THAT is good enough to be made, is a huge DB.

ME: They used it in the movie I guess.

RYAN: Bigger DB.

I love Ryan. He is funny. Too bad he is jealous of my movie star boyfriend. Tee hee.

Are pigs flying?

I have a good friend who has changed so drastically, I can't even believe it. I tell her on a regular basis she should knock it the hell off, and bring me back my friend. I will admit, she is great either way. I consider her a friend no matter what.

When I first met her, she was a no nonsense kinda lady. She was this little spit-fire, who wore clicky heels that, clickety-click-clacked down the halls at our job. She always wore dresses or skirts. She wore jewelry. Her apartment was clean. Very clean.

And when she talked about kids, she would tell me she thought they were "not cute". And that she didn't want any, cause they don't talk. She claimed she would hate to be stuck with one who couldn't tell her what they wanted. This is the same woman who told me, "I never tell my friends their kids are cute. I just tell them, I'm happy for you."

She is the one, who at barely five feet tall, could drink just about any guy under the table while playing pool or darts. She also smoked like a chimney.

Jump ahead, oh say, 6-7 years. She has 3 kids. All girls. Very girly. She stays at home with her 3 girls. They are 5, 3, and almost 1. And they were all planned. I have to say, her friends, the collective "we", were so shocked at the first kid, when the second was born we didn't know what to do. Had the world gone mad?

My friend has started, and this is hard for me to write out, so hold on.....

has started, baking homemade breads, sewing, gardening, and, quit smoking and drinking. I know I know....seriously. Talk about shift in lifestyle. She wears jeans now. And sometimes when I go to her house for a playdate, *gasp* the house isn't clean! Oh my damn!

So I wonder. How have I changed? I always knew I would have kids. That I would be THIS mom I am now. Not that I would have known I would stay at home with them. But I knew I would be very involved with their lives.

Does everyone make such dramatic changes in their lives when kids and marriage are introduced? I didn't think so, but hey....she is proving me all wrong.

Here is one of our Facebook exchanges: I commented on her becoming a fan of sewing. SEWING! For the love!

ME: Oh my god. I never would believe this. EVER. I refuse to believe it. REFUSE!!!!!

HER: really? After curtains, pillows, skirts...if the kids would just watch movies all day long I'd get a lot sewn! ;)

ME: No. I just don't want to hear about it. You can't be into sewing. I just witnessed the baking, and I am still reeling from that...No to the sewing.....Just say no friend (I changed this. I had her name here)

HER: would gardening be too much for you?

ME: Oh Jesus...you're killing me.

HER: LOL :)

Well....friend.....I still love ya. Even if you have de-throned me as the Korean Martha Stewart. All hail the new queen. And watch out for people who may spontaneously combust. Cause apparently, anything old fucking thing can happen now.

Sometimes being a mom is not so cool

I try not to get all squishy schmoopy about my kids here. Hopefully it is clear from my writing, I love them. More then anything. However....this medium is for me to vent when I can't say some of this stuff to them. Cause I know it will come back to haunt me when my children are adults, and in therapy, because I told them, "I don't fucking care if you don't like THIS kind of mac and cheese! Shut up! Eat it or starve for all I fucking care!" Which, by the way...has never happened. But it happens in my head sometimes. When I am deep breathing with my eyes closed and my fists clenched.

So...Ryan has been gone. (Haven't drilled that into this blog enough *eye roll*) And the natives are going to stage a coup. I believe I heard plotting and scheming yesterday in the backseat. Either way...I always think I am prepared for things.

Today....not so prepared.
Example number 1: My almost 5 year old was caught lying. For the first time. He and his cousin were doing monkey business today at my parents house, and broke something. Miles protested so strongly that he in fact "DID NOT DO IT" I believed him. But because I am mom, I threw in..."if you're lying to me I will know and you will be in big trouble!" His tiny little shamed voice then said..."yes I did it." Not with as much conviction but I heard it. And damn! I almost believed him. I really was ready to let him off the hook. Damnit. now I have to second guess, cause he knows HOW to lie. Shit.

Example number 2: Claire said to me, "I don't like you!" She's almost 3. I wasn't sure how to take it, cause well, Miles has never spoken to me like that. I turned to her with "the big eyes", told her I was sorry she was stuck with me, and then began to be somewhat petty. Cause, I had hurt feelings. I did. I won't lie. I told her a girl who doesn't like me must not want to have a sleep over in my room. She cried. Of course. Then she asked how she can have a sleep over. I told her she had to apologize. And not like her cousin does...he just says.."APOLOGIZE!" She had to tell me she was sorry. And why she was sorry. She did. Then I said to her, "you don't always have to like me Claire. You DO NOT get to tell me that." I think she understood that. So instead of telling me she didn't like me. She peed the floor in the middle of the night. Awesome.

Two examples of how my children are trying to overthrow me as queen of the land. They are doing things I would never see coming. And to which I have no good responses. Only because, I AM THROWN OFF MY GAME! I am going to have to start, already, with the "sneaking suspicions". Shit shit shit!

Where are those sweet agreeable children that were here this past weekend when their dad was home? They must smuggle themselves into his luggage when he travels, and leave me with their Doppelgängers .

I DO NOT HEART THIS. Send help.

I love this crap.

Today driving home from a friend's house I was behind a huge semi.

It was a biggie. The back didn't have a trailer. So basically, it was just the semi cab and the flat bed part.

On the back of the semi's cab in HUGE lettering was this....

"IF YOU'RE LIVIN' THE DREAM, LEARN THE LANGUAGE!" And flanking each side of this gem were American flags.

I thought they should have used the Confederate Flag. Seems more apropos.

Either way, I called my friend, who I just left. We had a good ol' fashioned chuckle, because we are both Asian AND livin' the dream. But we SPEAK THE LANGUAGE, so maybe it doesn't apply to us. And we were both raised by white people so....I guess we don't count.

Then she told me she saw one that was an all white semi truck. And the only writing on it was....

"JESUS CHRIST IS NOT A SWEAR WORD"

To which my friend promptly informed me she yelled..."Jeee-sus Christ!" Classic.

I think bumper stickers, no matter how big or small. Are ALWAYS hilarious! Even if they are stupid.

Really Jon and Kate?

I just watched the Season Premiere of Jon and Kate plus 8. Annoying.

I used to think this show was really cute. There aren't that many Asians on tv, and my kids loved to see it. Miles thought one of the boys on the show was him for a long time. At one point we had to assure him he was not doing the show in his sleep. Hee hee.

I liked this show because it was a stay at home mom who was 'normal'. She yelled at her kids and her spouse when she was pissed. Who the hell doesn't do that? They scrimped and saved and calculated all throughout a grocery store cause, they, like most of us with kids didn't have tons of money. They lived in a house that was far to small for all their damn kids. But they were cute. And I liked it.

As the season's progressed, they were given free trips. No biggie. But then the free plastic surgery. Really? Plastic surgery? Jeez.

And then last season they somehow were able to afford a huge ass house. With acreage. ACREAGE! Come people. Not so much with the 'normal' anymore if you ask me. Oh, but the yelling at the kids and husband continued. But it isn't so cute anymore when they are yelling in a big beautiful home and she looks like a "Real Housewife of the OC". Why that is I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just jealous.

But, amidst all the gossip and monkey business....I am annoyed. I don't care that they are both cheating on each other. I don't care. Like we didn't think that was ever going to happen. I mean for God's sake. They had 8 kids before they were 30. But what I can't stand is this.

In the season premiere this year, Kate talks about how she will do it 'alone'. Well the 78492 PA's, nurses, nannies, and other assorted lackys don't count apparently. And they are doing separate interviews. Jon, looking like a, beat into submission puppy, and Kate, doing the verbal beating. I say verbal cause they haven't REALLY caught the other kind on film. Yet.

And she doesn't stop talking about the "paparazzi" being around.

Double annoying.

If she didn't want the attention, then why the hell would she dress up in heels to go shopping with 8 kids to the party supply store? I certainly don't do that. And I only have 2 kids.

Ehhh...maybe I'm just a schlep who doesn't pride myself, on well, myself. So ok.....change of attitude. Good for you Kate, mother of 8. You are a put together woman. You have a fancy haircut and fancy clothes and can wear heels while wrestling 6 five year olds, and 2 eight year olds, while carrying in 10 party supply store bags. You should have your own show.

So Cool.

You have to check out my friend Kelly's blog . He is an amazing photographer, who was, until recently, doing a food critique. Now he is photographing one of my favorite parts of Minnesota. NE Minneapolis. I know. I know. You may not get it. You think...NE Mpls? Really? Yes really. It is an old area with some really cool old buildings, but also is being "re-invented". It's artsy, it's hip, it's got cool history. He sees things most of us just drive by. He is witty and insightful with is commentary. I love it.

And he's a sass. I love that too.
Once again, Kelly......you are so cool.

Diego update

Due to being a 'bad influence' Diego is on a time out. He is currently in the linen closet for an undisclosed amount of time.

If in fact Diego continues to entice Claire with naughty behavior. He's out. In the trash. For good.

Sorry creepy stuffed doll that spews bad ideas. Peddle your spooky shit somewhere else.

I think she has a sixth sense.

Well friends. It's official. We have a ghost who likes to stay up late. And annoy me. And tell my kid to do naughty things. And all together make my life hell. For now at least.

If you don't believe in this stuff...that's ok. We can still be friends. But believe me when I say......I hate you spooky thing who whispers to my 2 and a half year old in the middle of the frickin' night! You are keeping me up and I am losing my beauty sleep, and I will not fulfill my destiny to be a regular Asian woman who doesn't age a day until I am 60, if I don't get my sleep. 3 hours a night isn't cutting it anymore. *I see wrinkles* (I whispered that)

It happened AGAIN last night. I woke to whispers at 3:33 am. I opened my eyes and saw Claire sitting up, looking at the wall and saying, "Shhhh....you will wake up my mommy."

I'll give you a minute.




Fucked up right? So I say, "Claire?" She laid down quickly. Then started whispering again. For hours. 2 and one quarter to be exact. I caught a little of it here and there. It was a lot of, "No, that's naughty. I can't! I'll get in trouble. That would hurt."

THAT WOULD HURT? What the FUCK?

I don't really dig this. And I will clarify. SHE IS AWAKE. At one point in her private conversation, she stopped to whisper, told whoever to "wait one second", and then asked me to take her to the bathroom. Once again...I don't like this.

I had a friend today tell me that kids her age are prone to hearing angels talking to them, cause they are so young they will forget it when they are older. I'm not a religious person to begin with, but really? With the shit she is saying back. What the hell kind of angel is that? No thank you God.

On another lighthearted note, (hardy-har-har) Ryan came home a day early today. He just showed up at 8am. Apparently his back and neck are SOOOOOOO messed up, he left his hotel at 3:30 am, called in and canceled the rest of his trip, and drove himself to the Detroit airport to be put on standby to come home.

So off to the Chiropractor and the doctor. He was given some good muscle relaxers. And I bet, with any luck, he will be out cold when Claire starts in on...oh say.....

Carrying out Diego's evil plan to take over the world. One toddler at a time. Damn you Nickelodeon and your mind melting characters.

Diego...I hate you

Last night you ask? Not so cool. As you know, Ryan is out of town. As you also know, I despise, hate, and strongly object to whispering kids in the middle of the night. It's just too creepy for me.

Well that being said. I awoke at 3:23 am to Claire, sitting up, facing away from me, facing the wall, WHISPERING!

ME: Claire....who are you whispering to?
HER: *silence* she promptly laid down
ME: Claire....who are you talking to? You need to go to bed. You have school.
HER *whisper whisper whisper*
ME: Seriously Claire...Honey...who are you talking to?
HER: *whisper whisper* Diego is talking to me...shhhhh mommy I can't hear.

Ha ha ha....yeah.....not cool.

I asked her to come into my bed, because I thought, maybe she just wasn't tired. But the whispering continued. For 2 and one half hours people. All the while I am saying things like, "Claire, sweetie you have to go to sleep. No more whispering please."

I was trying to stay calm, as I didn't want to provoke 'whoever' she was talking to. Cause I was tired and my brain was going bonkers. Like....who is ACTUALLY talking to her? Why is Diego holding 2 hour conversations with my daughter? Can I burn Diego and not have her cry? Can I burn Diego and not have something 'bad' happen to me?

Diego is a full child sized stuffed thing. Given to Claire by my 5 year old nephew. He didn't want it anymore, and just handed it over to Claire. I NEVER AGREED TO IT. CINDI!!!!! But Claire loves Diego. More then Dora. So it's here. She takes it all over the place.

This is a photo of my friend's son. See how much he HATES this Diego too?

Anyway....I called Ryan at 3:45 am. Yes that's right. I called him. Cause in my infinite wisdom, and freaked out self, I was not about to deal with this shit alone. Travel be damned. Besides, it was almost 5am where he was. And I knew he would be up. And he was. But help? No. He just laughed. Just wait until you get home pal.

I wonder if....

DIEGO + Creepy whispering to my kid = CHUCKY?

Awwwww crap.

"Korean ladies are crazy"

According to Ryan that is. I just think they are bossy mother fuckers. When I say bossy...I mean....B-O-S-S-Y!!!!!!

I have to admit, they are sort of crazy too. Current author excluded of course. But here are some prime PRIME examples of this comment.

Ryan and I have a friend who lives in Korea. She is the one who tells me I am fat, and that I need to put frozen spoons on my face everyday. The reason? "Cause your cheeks are too round, and your husband is too good looking to have a fat faced wife." Direct quote. I shit you not.

Well, another family friend from Korea was visiting this past weekend. She has already TOLD my parents they are picking her up, what time, where they are going, when they are going, and what errands she wants them to run for and with her. Bossy right? I thought so too.

Then she started in on me. Of course, I warned Ryan before she got out of the car that she would tell me I was fat. But, surprise! She didn't. She did however tell me that I needed to put my 4 1/2 year old on growth hormones. Her exact words were, "He's a FIBE-A? He is a too little! He needs grow up to be a big man, not a tiny one." When she said FIBE-A, she meant five. And I can tease about it cause..... well.... I just can.

I told her, "Well, there are millions of short Asian men in the world, he'll just be one more." She insisted his life would be easier if he were taller, and that the doctors in Koreatown in New York (where she lives) just dole this stuff out willy nilly. But that I must talk to my doctor, cause they probably need a prescription.

?????????????????

Right.

Then she told me I had to start dinner at 3:30 cause my mother, who wasn't there, was going to be home soon and it would be disrespectful to NOT have dinner ready and waiting for her.

My mother...was at a play and dinner with her, brace yourself, Red Hat Ladies. So the simple fact I was somehow, not only to be subjected to the verbal abuse that occurred, but expected to make dinner for 12 people out of nowhere really didn't sit well with me. Especially with a bossy Korean standing there, watching my every move, and BOSSING me around. Oh...FYI, my mother NEVER asks....she just expects. And like a good daughter I do. But...this day, I found myself saying..."hell no!" But of course 10 minutes after I was given, 'the eye' I was in the kitchen cutting potatoes. DAMNIT!

This friend, her name is Ihnnie, told me that I have to respect my parents. Do what they want me to do all the time, and to never be confrontational. Was she talking to my mother already? Did she not know I was 35 years old and have been making my own decisions and choices for years? Was she confused, because I was Korean and was expected to behave like all Korean women, even though I was raised by two White Minnesotans? God. Who the hell knows?

All I know is this. I made dinner at 3:45, even though we weren't going to eat until 5:30. I will NOT EVER put Miles on growth hormones. I am not fat. Ryan now believes that all Korean women are nuts. And damnit if she doesn't look my age, but is 57 years old. I guess there is 'that' silver lining.

When will I learn?

So...I really really really REALLY need to pay closer attention to Ryan when he talks to me about work.

But it's sooooo hard. (And yes I was whining when I said that.) Be me for a moment. Ryan is a techie. A major computer geek. He does some of the most progressive internet security that I imagine is out there. He works for a contract company and usually ends up working for huge companies. I mean huge! So huge I am NOT ALLOWED to give examples. But just know...big.

So when he starts in with all the BlueCoat, PKI, Intrusion Detection mumbo jumbo...I hear this....."wha wha wha wha wha.....wha" Ala trombone/Charlie Brown grown up speak.

But as of late it has really burned me. Last week, I found out he would be in Michigan for 2 full weeks. So we are one week down, one to go. He leaves again Monday morning. But yesterday as he was talking to me on his way to the airport, he was 'wha wha-ing' about some other trips. Something about DC and then Boston.

*EEEEERRRRRR* Did you hear that screech? Well I did.

ME: "You mean to tell me you are going to be gone for another 3 weeks on top of the one you were just gone?!"

HIM: "Yeah. I told you that before I left for Michigan."

ME: "NO YOU DIDN'T!"

HIM: "Yeah, I did."

So I guess I believe him, but I don't like it. Really. I don't like this at all. I thought, well I can handle a week and maybe half of another one. But oh no. 4 weeks in a row?!?!?!

Seriously! If I didn't know my husband so well, I would say his 'imaginary' girlfriend is getting some serious face time. It's laughable really. If you knew Ryan it would be laughable to you too. We joke about it. It's funny because, she would have to be super boring to want to go where he is going. Cause lord knows. My husband is NOT the adventurous type. He never leaves his hotel room except to work, run, eat and shop for the kids. Otherwise he is on the phone with us, or the webcam. And really, what female wants to eat at Subway for an entire week, for every meal but breakfast? Not even me friends. That's for sure. And I married the man. I will say...there is no way Ryan has a woman on the side. The only thing getting in between me and Ryan, is all this damn work. CURSES to you travel!

Here I am. Annoyed at myself. I didn't listen, and now I haven't sufficiently prepared myself to be a single parent for the next month. Crap.

This means, NOW I'm going to have to listen to him when he talks to me about work stuff. Or start out each work conversation with, "Do you have to go anywhere?" Not cool people. NOT COOL.

I'm the BEST mom!

(My friends Jaime and Jill have said, when you capitalize, you are showing sarcasm. I am utilizing this rule in the title.)

As you may know Ryan is on a work trip. This means many visits with my parents to just hang out. And poor little Miles was having a blast at my parents house last night. Playing with his cousin and racing Claire in the driveway.

When this happened.


It looks far better then it did last night. Last night I was cleaning up the dinner dishes at my parents house when I heard Miles bawling.

Usually when I hear him crying, it's because he has been fighting with his cousin. But not this time. It was THAT cry. You know the one, where you drop everything cause your kid is really REALLY hurt.

And sure as shit he was. I came into the dining room where my mom, sister, Claire and Ethan were all hovering over a screaming Miles. Who when the wash cloth was removed, had blood streaming and gushing down his face. Both nostrils were bleeding and his mouth looked like he ate glass.

Poor kid. It took him a long time to calm down. When his nose stopped bleeding we had already gone through 3 washcloths. And the lips...well I had to call the clinic about it. I asked them if he may need stitches. They said no. His lips had been 'punctured' *gag* and the rest had a layer of skin scraped off thanks to the blacktop driveway. Then they told me I had to get the rocks out of his lips.

Jesus! So I did my best. Laid him on the kitchen table with peroxide, water, tweezers, LED flashlight, and a magnifying glass. And got myself to work. Thank god the shock had numbed his mouth. I was able to get most out. With the exception of a few grains of dirt. But not altogether bad. I think I did pretty good. I almost lost my dinner more then once, so.....yay me.

All the while, I heard Ethan crying hysterically cause he had never seen so much blood, and Claire kept coming in and out to "check on her brother one more time".

When I actually called Ryan, the tears began to flow. Not Miles, me. I was so calm throughout the entire incident that I know it freaked my sister out. But as soon as he was fine, and I was talking to Ryan, I bawled.

It was bad. Very bad. So......5 blood soaked cloths later, we bathed, jammied up, went home, and just hung out watching cartoons, dabbing blood away the entire time. We all went to bed at 10 and woke at 8am. Talk about trauma. For us all.

Can't wait for Ryan to come home tomorrow afternoon. I promise this. I will be on break. Friday night, I will be off duty. Between the hormonal surge, the weather, the accidents, and oh I forgot to tell about how Claire has decided to pee her pants, just because. Oh and that....I'm done for the week.

Travel sucks.

Ryan is out of town again. He has been able to NOT travel for a while. A week here and a few days there, but this is gonna suck. He is in Michigan for this entire week and probably all next week.

Whoa is me. Thankfully we are all healthy. (I am doing any superstitious thing you can think of to NOT jinx myself at this point, cause I went ahead and said it out loud. DAMN ME!) And we have a full week of activities. But still....I have to admit. It's not easy being the only one.

I give credit where massive credit is due. Single parents......you rock. I am amazed none of you go postal. I sure as hell want to after 4 straight days of...."do this, do that, don't yell, that's potty talk, stop fighting, I'M SERIOUS! Really? Tell your brother you're sorry, tell your sister you're sorry, cut it out!!!!!" And so on. You get it.

Well, the kids can be good. They are for the most part, well behaved kids. It comes with years of molding and bending to my will. But they do get lonely for their dad. And pretty much take that out on me.

So it's only Tuesday. I have to really, as they say, Buck up! But this is how I feel right now.

Maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet today.

Until they're gone....it's all about them.

Today is Mother's Day. I'm a mother. Ha ha.... a bad Mother Fucker!
No no no......just a little Mother's Day humor to get the day started.

My kids woke me up with breakfast in bed today. It was nice. Ryan actually made the breakfast, but the kids brought in the gifts. A book I love, and a garden gnome. I love garden gnomes. They crack me up. They look to me, like my uncle Tom. Ha ha ha ha.......

But Mother's Day, and Father's Day for that matter doesn't mean celebrating me or Ryan. No matter what WE want to do, it's all about our parents. Always has been.....always will be.

No matter what we want to do that day, we have the family obligations. No exceptions. Up until I was a mother, I was responsible for planning and usually hosting the family get togethers. Both sides too. Once I became a mom, that ended.

I'm not really sure why? Maybe it was the obvious sleep deprivation. Maybe the seething venom that came out my mouth, whenever anyone asked me a question or made a comment about anything. Or the "I WILL cut you" look I gave off, every time anyone asked me to do anything other then breath. Or the simple fact, my side of the family, knew better then to ask me. They JUST KNEW BETTER.

But.....like the title indicates, it's not about me or Ryan even though we are moms and dads. It's about THEM. At least until they're gone. And then...knowing MY mom...it will still somehow be about her. She's like that. And I love her.

Ransack and run!

Yesterday was THE BIG DAY! Once a year our city has citywide garage sales. I love this. I only started loving them once we were 'blessed' with children. Who the hell knew you could get brand new baby stuff for dirt cheap? I sure didn't. Thus began my obsession with garage sales.

Our city's Lion's club hosts this event. It is insane. Close to 600 sales city wide. And those are just the ones listed in the brochure. According to a friend, it is one of the biggest citywide garage sales in the country. The area hotels have specials for people who are here from out of town. I'm telling you. It's nuts.

Thursday night I was helping my neighbor with her sale, and a full on conversion van loaded with women pulled up, told us they were from Willmar, and were staying at the hotel. Where is Willmar? I don't know. I really don't care either. But suffice it to say, THEY, were women on a mission!

I don't do the matching t-shirts, the animal hats that match, the van or the trailers. I just meet my friend Shelley at a coffee house, at an un-Godly time in the morning, with brochure in hand. We stake out our territories in the brochure based on what we may need or want. Then we hop into my little SUV and off we go.

This year however I was discouraged. I left the house at 7am. The sales don't officially start until 8, but I saw a ginormous truck with a trailer, pull out of our neighborhood filled with kids stuff. So it was gonna be THAT kind of day.

Last year I was with another girlfriend along with Shelley. Funny thing...Shelley was like.....2 thousand months pregnant. Poor thing. So it was a good thing my friend Katie joined us. We did a lot of drive bys, or dumped Katie at a sale and had her scan it for us. Ha ha ha...a perk of being the driver. I didn't have to run all over the place for 'preggers' in the back seat.

This year was different. We were without our friend Katie, and without babies. Either in tow or in belly. Plus....we were looking for bigger kid stuff. And if you garage sale....you know it is mostly baby stuff, and stuff you find in your parents basement.

So we kinda had a bust. And Shelley, with 2 boys, was very disheartened that our fine city only provides girls. Everywhere you looked, pink and purple, as far as the eye could see. Shelley must have called people "bastard" a thousand times for having girls only. THIS is one of the reasons I love Shelley.

Well...as you can guess I was able to gather a few gems for Claire. She has some nice sweaters for next year. Miles got some sweet, white, linen pants to match his geektastic dad's sweet, tan, linen pants. Did I tell you it's been Ryan's dream to have him and his KOREAN son match, clothing wise? They now have the same red Chucks, and the same matching stupid linen pants. All thanks to me of course. What the hell?!?

All in all, I think next year will be tough. It will be all about the toys rather then anything else. The kids don't care about anything else. Although I have to say I got Miles the COOLEST Indiana Jones play set. Complete with destructible village and many action figures. It was only 3 dollars for a 50 dollar set. Score. And he loves it. I also had a luxurious smoked ham, white cheddar, and apricot, sandwich. Wow it was delish!!!!! Wish I had taken a photo of it. It tasted a lot better then it looked though, so it's a good thing I didn't. Besides, I will leave that stuff up to my friend Kelly.

Next year, Shelley and I have decided to wear our hootchie shorts, hooker heels, and tube tops. Apparently, this is what all the stay-at-home-soccer-moms are wearing these days. Oh! And full sets of nails and makeup. It will be classy all the way!

We ended the day when the last sale we went to looked promising from the road, and when close up, was like if MY parents had kicked the bucket and I was left to deal with all their shit. I mean....ALL their shit. WWII books about planes. Embroidered sweatshirts complete WITH collar and birds. Christmas sweaters that QVC wouldn't even sell. Nicks and knacks, bricks and bracks. Like I said.....shit. We knew it was over. GAME OVER.

Awwwww.....geez.

So I asked my dad, who did not have indoor plumbing growing up, what in fact they did when one would get the stomach flu or food poisoning. He said, and with a smart ass tone I might add, "I never had food poisoning growing up."

But then he proceeded to tell me about THE BUCKET.

DAD: "My brother and I got in trouble a few times for knocking 'the bucket' over."

ME: "Dad! I was asking about being sick. Was it a pee bucket? Cause if so, that isn't what I was asking about."

DAD: "Nope the poop bucket."

Gross. Then purely in my dad's fashion, he elaborated. I will not. Then I ended up getting a lesson in history about his house growing up, about how it was the oldest in the county, and how there were slats in the side of the house for guns to "shoot the Indians."

Jesus!

That will teach me to talk to my dad about that stuff.

Thank god for indoor plumbing.

I just want to start this out by saying....those of you who know me, in real life, know I am not always the healthiest person. Thanks to genetic liver disease, and a bout with cervical cancer, I have a minuscule immune system. But...I have to say.....in all the years of dealing with that shit? This is by far, the sickest, I and my family have been in years! What the fuck?!?

Let me just say, in the past 2 1/2 months, there has not been one week where we all have been healthy. I don't understand it. We wash our hands to the point, if someone was spying on us, (which they very well could be), they would think we all had OCD. And that I was the yelling-est mom about hand washing. I also am continuously Clorox wiping down door knobs, light switches, toilet seats, faucets, and anything else that my grubby kids touch. Not to mention vacuuming, and changing bed sheets an obnoxious number of times. We should not be sick! That being said....here is the run down of my weekend.

I was getting over a cold this week. And by Saturday it was glorious. Just a touch of a stuffy nose. Thank God! Our family was on the way to health. Claire had a runny nose, but her doc said that was gonna be normal cause her sinuses were draining. Gross. And Miles had a cough, but that has been for a while now. We just chalk that up to allergies.

Saturday night was fun. We had a good ol' fashioned Dian Friday. On a Saturday. But everyone was there. The kids played together. We all had dinner together. We had a bonfire together. It was awesome. Then when we got home. Miles spiked a fever. I don't know why. He just did. Seemed to go down after Motrin and sleeping. Then....I started to feel not so great.

I just wrote it off as...inhaled too much fire smoke. Since quitting smoking.....all smoke makes me feel kinda woozy. But.....I went to bed. Then woke up. Immediately. My guts were telling me something was NOT COOL. And then began a 5 hour yuck fest. I ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor as I was too tired to run back and forth. Stupid food poisoning. And now I hate the tiles on our bathroom floor. Must replace those.

So...Miles recovered from fever. He played outside all day Sunday like nothing was ever wrong with him. I laid in bed trying to recover and get some sleep. Ryan cleaned out both cars. And Claire, well she just mosied around, happy as you please. With chocolate, and marshmallows all over her face. I don't know where she got either.

Then at dinner, Miles complained of a sore throat. GAAAHHHH!!!!! Seriously. So today I talked to the clinic. He is going in tomorrow. Could be strep. Oh brother. But they have NO appointments today cause of the whole...H1N1 virus that people are panicking about. Damn you hypochondriacs! Now my kid can't see the doc cause you MAY have been in contact with someone who MAY have been near a pig in Mexico. Bastards. My kid only has strep.

But Saturday night I was thinking, in between trips to expel more of my dinner. How much would it suck if we didn't have a bathroom indoors. What did the pioneers do when they had food poisoning? Or my parents for that matter? I think I'll ask them. Did they have a bucket? Cause damn if my bucket wouldn't have been filled in mere moments. Gross right?

Earworms are the worst!

Do you hate earworms?

I do. The worst is when I don't know all the words to a stupid song, and I can't sleep until I sing the whole thing in my head. And never in my entire existence have I had an earworm that I liked. Ever. Never. I damn, Britney Spears, Tom Waits, and Kimya Dawson all to hell. Not that I hate all those artists. I just hated the song that was looping.

So Miles has had an earworm for a few weeks. I know...weird. How old do you have to be before it happens to you? A couple of nights ago he said to me...."Mom do you ever get a song stuck in your head, and it doesn't go away, and it makes you really mad?" Poor baby. Then he just laid down and started humming it. He looked pretty pissed off, but also a little beat down.

He told me the song was the theme song to a video game called Little Big Planet. When I went to find a link so, you too, could in fact have this pleasure, I was unable to find the specific one Miles was being tortured with.

Basically the words are this...."We're here, we're there, we're everywhere." Set to repeat. And Ryan tells me it is with creepy voices. Yikes. Poor man.

Maybe video games for Miles, not such a good idea. But on the other hand, when I play Guitar Hero, I dream of colored dots and Aerosmith. So....it could be worse.