I'm gonna do it.

Yep. That's little ol' me in the middle. Blowing out someone else's birthday candles. She didn't mind. She even told me so. Haha....

This is a very good representation of my childhood. I grew up in middle America. White suburbia. With white parents. In a white community. White white white. But my parents were awesome at making sure I was able to spend my childhood with other Koreans. There were probably 3 or 4 families we spent our time with.

We all were adopted from Korea and we all were about the same age. I didn't know any different. I was lucky.

I've decided to start writing a book. Not for the public, but for my kids. As you probably know both my kids are adopted from Korea too. Lucky me again. And I have found it terribly hard to find any books that shed positive light on Korean adoption.

I myself was so fortunate to grow up with so many people of color in my house. My 3 sisters are adopted from Korea, and my parents made sure we knew the world wasn't made up of just Koreans and white folk.

Growing up we had social workers from all over the world stay with us for months at a time. I've learned about so many other cultures it's, as Claire says, "Astounding!"

A few years ago I read a book by a Korean adoptee. She clearly had a negative outlook on her adoption and her adoptive parents. And I have to say...there was quite a lot of bru ha ha going on about this book. One of the largest adoption agencies in MN was pushing this book as something fantastical. I bet they thought, "OH SHIT" when they actually read it. I did not like it. It was so negative. I was upset that her story was so sad. And once again felt lucky that mine was not the same.

So I'm going to write a book about my experiences growing up Asian in a white world. There are very few negatives. I promise. I was sooooooo lucky to have been able to learn about my culture and not have it hidden from me. I want others to know there is a positive way to raise children of another race. It's not that hard people.

Just please......don't be afraid to tell you kids what some of the derogatory terms are for their race. I'll leave you with this little anecdote:

When I was 12, all the elementary schools were merged into one Middle School. The 6th grade! I had grown up with all the same kids. So when I moved into the "big" school, it was new and exciting.

One day a 7th grader yelled at me in the hall...."Hey Chink!" I had no idea what the hell he was talking about and proceeded with my day. When I got home, my sister Cindi was in front of the tv. She was 4 years old. So I decided to bust out with my I'm-so-cool-now-that-I'm-in-Middle-school-phrase, and said, quite loudly I might add, "Get out of the way Chink!"

My dad heard me. Yelled at me. Grounded me. And THEN explained what it meant.
Oh well...live and learn.

*The book has been started...I just have to get the motivation to finish it. Ugh.

Dreams

Ever have a dream about something, and when you wake up, you are so pissed off, you can't even stand it?

Or you wake up and you're literally crying? Or yelling? Or other scary goodness?

I have. I dream like a mother fucker. I don't like it either.

My BFF will have dreams about her husband and some improprieties, and she will not and cannot speak to him when she wakes up. She is seriously that pissed off at him when she wakes up. Because of something he did in a dream. I too will have the same reaction with Ryan if my dream was vivid enough.

Poor guy.

Or I will wake up crying my eyes out because my mom died in my dream and I couldn't dial the phone to call people about it. I have major performance anxiety in my dreams when it comes to dialing a phone. Go figure.

When I was younger, I used to dream about Freddy Krueger. He would mess me up. But as I got older, the real monsters crept their way into my life. I started dreaming about "him". Again poor Ryan. He would wake up to me yelling and pounding on things. Apparently I was trying to "get away" from my ex. And in my dreams I was not very successful. So I was fighting like hell. I went into therapy for that, and came out the other side a little better. But now I have dreams about "him" stealing my kids. And I wake up crying like a fool. For some reason I can't fight. I hate that.

My kids will laugh in their sleep. I love that. And from what I can tell, the only thing that is somewhat nightmare-ish to Claire, is Miles not letting her do something. I hear a lot of, "NO MILES!!!! LET ME DO IT!!!" It's kinda funny. Especially when she's in her room alone at 3 am.

Ryan dreams like crazy too. He panics. He dreams of creepy bugs getting him. Or giants looking into the house. He will also re-enact video games in his sleep. I DO NOT LIKE THIS....repeat...I DO NOT LIKE THIS. The end result in this, is Ryan being banned from some video game.

Example.

One night, Ryan was up playing Call of Duty. I was sleeping. Once he fell asleep he must have started dreaming about the game. I woke up to Ryan army crawling across me yelling, "GET DOWN!!! GET DOWN!!! OH MY GOD!!!!"

SERIOUSLY!

I thought we were being robbed and he was trying to protect me. So when I yelled my fool head off, it must have woken him up and he said, "What? Why are you yelling? Are you ok?"

So.....dreams in this house are interesting to say the least. I like the nights I sleep and don't dream at all. I do often dream about John Cusack (see # 18). But that's just weird.

I'm sure someone who can "read dreams" will read this and think, "this chic is weird." And you're probably right. I didn't even get into the bloody floor dreams. I don't know. I think I need help.

Valentine's Day

I know it's not "the big day" yet, but I have been bombarded with Valentine's mumbo jumbo.

Claire has told us Valentine's Day is her "most favorite, because of the pink and red." Makes sense to me. Miles loves it because he gets candy. Duh. And both kids have had parties this week. I have assisted with 40 valentine cards and valentine gifts for kids at school.

I don't remember my parents doing that. I do however remember telling Chad Sellman I "luuurved" him because he was blonde and cute, and I was in the 5th grade. And he better love me back damnit because I,ME, I joined the chess team to spend quality time kicking his ass in chess. And this all happened on Valentine's day.

But as I got older, I have never really cared for the holiday. Some say it's a "Hallmark holiday" for consumerism. Others say it's a way to make single people feel bad about themselves thus upping the junk food sales for about a week. I just really never cared.

My mom loves the holidays, and goes ape shit for everything including Arbor day, but she told me, she loved me everyday and that Valentine's Day was just another day for her to tell me that. I love my mom a ridiculous amount.

Talking to a friend of mine, I asked her if she was a big Valentine fan. I thought she wouldn't be, but she said, "I love Valentine's Day. It means flowers and chocolates. And I have to have a heart shaped pizza!"

I never thought of it that way. Funny. I mean really funny. A 30 something who HAS to have a heart shaped pizza for a holiday.

Well she and her husband are coming over here Saturday night, and of course we are having a heart shaped pizza for them. And the kids are going bananas for it. I mean who ever thought of shaping pizza was a genius in my children's eyes.

So this year Valentine's will be kind of a big deal around the Teepants household. Due mostly in part to my friend Rachel. But....the kids are making a point in telling me how much they love me and Ryan. EVERY DAY. It's kinda nice.

And Chad Sellman didn't love me back. I must have beat him in chess one to many times.

I need a serious break

It's been a while. I know. But like I said, we've been sick. I think we are at the tail end. Miles is still coughing, but he's not dying. So we're good.

I need a vacation. A real vacation. Like far away. Where someone waits on ME.

I'm getting crabby. Because of all the sick going on in this house, there has been a lot of "togetherness". I love my kids. I do, but really? I can only handle so much. There is a lot of fighting going on. They are bored out of their minds.

Yesterday we shoveled the driveway 3 times. So that meant we were outside 3 times. For hours. Yes it was fun, but it was a lot of work. Snow clothes on and off 3 times. If you do this, you know what a pain in the ass it is when the kid can't do it themselves yet. I have 2 of them. And then they fight to see who gets to go outside first. So not only do I have them arguing, I have them half walking out the door while I'm trying to get their stuff on. ANNOYING.

The one thing they are doing these days....competing. Who is the best? When Claire tells us a joke, Miles has to tell one that is a slight variation of her's just to prove he can do it better. Or when Miles is reading, Claire will talk over him and say "SHE CAN READ BETTER...Listen mommy!" It's constant competition here. I, just this morning during breakfast, heard this "transaction"

CLAIRE: I have to go to the bathroom.

MILES: I already went to the bathroom before breakfast!

ME: Well you haven't been eating your breakfast as well as your sister, so NO ONE WINS!!!!

AGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! That was the sound of me yelling, but also choking on the left over phlegm in my throat.

I really love my kids. I said that already I know, but there are some days I think I really need to reiterate that. To myself. Because sometimes, I just want someone else to take over with them for the day.

Someone else can make them take their medicine and nebulizers. Remind them CONSTANTLY to eat their meal. Get them in and out of the car a million times because they have school all over the metro area. (granted, the last one is kinda my fault.) Listen to them argue about who's better at everything. Make them clean up their messes. Get them to stop whining about every little thing because they woke up too early. And make dinner for 3 different people, cause Lord knows Miles won't eat whatever we're having. EVER.

Yes.....I need a break. I've decided. Thanks.