Black Swan = Barf-o-rama

Well. After bitching incessantly on facebook AND twitter, to my BFF, about wanting to see this movie, it finally happened. (Yeah..that sentence didn't make much sense to me either, but go with it.)

This past Friday we were able to sneak away and see Black Swan. From what I remember, the movie was very good. The acting was amazing, and the story itself was mesmerizing. However...I don't remember much. I DO, however remember thinking to myself, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

The movie was so herky jerky, in the first 5 minutes of the movie, I was freaking out. I knew I was going to be in bad shape soon, and found myself praying through most of the movie for it to be over. It was worse than The Blair Witch Project, when it came to the motion of the camera.

Wikipedia ACTUALLY says THIS when you check out motion sickness:

Motion sickness due to films and other video

"In regular format theaters, an example of a movie that caused motion sickness in many people is The Blair Witch Project. Theater patrons were warned of its possible nauseating affects, cautioning pregnant women in particular. In this case, a camcorder was used to film the movie. As the camera was hand held, the camera was subjected to considerably more motion than the average movie camera."

Not cool right? Well it's taken me a day at least to get my bearings. I have no fucking idea what happened. I hate it. I mean...it was not right at all. Then Ryan reminded me, I had much difficulty watching this director's other movies due to the motions. The guy must think, "Oh I should totally use the hand held camera to make people uncomfortable. Yeah yeah...I am so going to win an Oscar for this shit!"

I was uncomfortable because I didn't want to barf my guts out in the theater. Talk about embarrassing. My BFF who can get motion sick, said she didn't have any problem with it. I was really shocked. I kept thinking, "What the fuck?" Either way, I drove home, and went right to sleep. That's the OTHER weird thing. We also had to cancel our plans for the night because I still didn't have a calm stomach. It was messed up.

Well...the movie itself was ok. It was sad and dark and compelling. I however, will remember it as the time I tried for 110 minutes NOT to barf in public.

Of course I was all about getting back up on the horse. Tonight we went to see an Omni Theater movie at the MN Science Museum. And during this movie, I have learned that my poor little Claire also gets motion sick from movies. We were soaring over the Rainforest, and I had my eyes closed. Then I felt a little tap on my arm and Claire's hot tiny breath whispered in my ear, "Mom, I feel kinda fall-y. My tummy hurts." So I closed her eyes and popped a little candy cane in her mouth and all was right in our motion sickness world. Poor kid, and she's adopted. It's just not right.

Not sure what to do here.

Well....I've been volunteering in Miles' classroom this year. It's been awesome. I love watching these kids learn. I love seeing him with his friends. I love hearing about what a great kid he is. I love knowing he is friends with EVERYONE in his class. I love watching other kids WANT to be his friend. He is a great, kind, friend to everyone in his class. Girls and boys.

And the girls really do love him. He's kind of unassuming. He's little and sweet. So they love him. I got a call from the gym teacher a few months ago telling me they had to ask some of the girls to stop kissing him during class. I mean...it could have been something like, "Miles can't run, jump or climb a rope. Sorry. He's puny." But no. I get, "Mrs. Teepants, I wanted to let you know Miles has had a couple of the girls kissing him. We've asked them to stop, but we had to inform you." Ha ha ha ha...I told Miles to enjoy it now. Cause well, and I didn't tell him this, but Miles is going to be a little guy, not athletic. He's going to have glasses, most likely braces, and he's got asthma. He loves Star Wars and video games. He is...in all reality going to be the cutest little Asian nerd in the world. He WILL be Sam Weir a la Freaks and Geeks. And I love it.

But...I also see how his "friends" behave. We had one of his little friends over one day after school, and I noticed, he's a little pistol. And when I say pistol...I mean he's kind of a little shit. But Miles and he have been friends since kindergarten. This is the boy who told Miles at the end of Kindergarten, "You know you're my best friend, and I'll miss you a lot. I'm moving to Florida." And then at open house for first grade, we saw that his little friend's desk was sitting right smack dab next to him. Wacky kid I tell ya.

This boy is very territorial over Miles. He is also, what I'm learning from other kids, the class bully. He pushes kids. He's rude to other kids. He name calls. He tells the other kids they're "stupid, dumb, idiot" and so on. Not sure what to do here.

On one hand, I don't want to be that parent who is all, "Over my dead body can you hang out with so and so." Cause knowing Miles he would listen to me and never talk to the kid again. And then do I really want Miles to be just one more kid this other boy picks on? Not sure Miles could handle that.

But...I would hate for people to eventually think that Miles isn't that nice boy. You know. Guilt by association? Ack! Too much to worry about. I know there are other things that will be much worse in the future when it comes to Miles and his friends. But for now, this is it.

In other not so shocking news, Claire is fascinated with her little baby boobs. She thinks she has them. And loves to show people. Oh lord, help.

Zombie kids and other stories

My kids were chasing Ryan and I around the house tonight yelling, "We're Zombies! We're going to eat your brains!" Remember my kids are 6 and 4.

Ryan dutifully and truthfully to Zombies everywhere, informed the kids that Zombies don't run. The kids then told him, "They were alien Zombies, and yes in fact they DID run."

Ha ha ha..suck it dad. And the chase continued.

Earlier today I was getting a movie from the Redbox, and Claire decided she should "help" me pick the movie. After scanning the list, she yells out, and I mean YELLS OUT IN HER LOUDEST 4 YEAR OLD VOICE, "MOM! THEY HAVE TWILIGHT!!!!"

Oh, yep. I'm that really good mom who allows their 4 year old daughter know about all things Twilight. Either that or I'm slightly obsessed. You decide.

Ok ok...obsessed, but who are you to judge? Oh yeah....right. Anyway...

I was pondering the "how" of it all, as I was watching my adorable kids run through the house with their arms in front of them, moaning and groaning, talking about brains, and being hungry. Like...How did they know about what Zombies do? They've never SEEN a Zombie show. Or for that matter, they've never really seen anything to do with Zombies. And how did they know they eat brains? Seriously. They ARE sponges. They hear everything we talk about, and then, can you imagine what goes on in those little brains of theirs?

As for the Twilight stuff, I'm totally guilty. I was soooo that Twi-mom. *shiver* Ugh. I hate that term. But honestly. I did really love the books. And a lot of my girlfriends loved them too. It was something to talk about that WASN'T kid related. Heavenly break from reality for about 3 days. That's how long it took to read all 4 books. I am sure I talked about it a lot. At the time I was out of my ever loving tree. But that's for another time.

To top it all off, tonight at dinner, Ryan told me that Miles has been playing this game called Scribblenauts, and that he chose to get a magic wand, cut the wizard with a sword and then shoot him with a gun.

My swift response, (mind you I mouthed it with a head whip towards Ryan, cause it's TOTALLY his fault!!!), "WHAT THE FUCK?!" And not put so eloquently either. My sweet innocent Miles. Talk about latent violence. Sheesh!

I am going to have to do some major re-vamping (no pun intended) with my kids and their horror fest. Thankfully they aren't afraid of any of it. What they are afraid of is, the dark, bees, mom yelling so loud they break ear drums, and for Miles...something for dinner he doesn't like. But Zombies, Vampires, Guns and Wizards? Nothing. Not even a little case of the Willies.

I suppose it could be worse. I have a friend who let her kids watch Dunston Checks In, and he's STILL afraid of orangutans in the heat ducts of their house. The kid barely sleeps through the night. And he's 6. Can you imagine what would happen if he spent the night at our house? Poor kid.

Wendy's Night!

We did it. And oh my freaking God!!!

Miles' school has this thing called Wendy's Night. Our local Wendy's sponsors a school night. Where a percentage of the proceeds from a specific night goes to the school.

Tonight was Miles' school's night. All the kids from his grade and all their teachers were there. There are prizes, and first graders running around the place like they were once caged monkeys, but have been let free for an hour. Top it off with burgers, fries, and ice cream. And wow. You have a whole lot of loud.

Miles has always asked us to go. But Ryan and I don't usually eat that food for dinner. Ryan will probably tell you he NEVER eats fast food. Ever. (Maybe Arby's but that's a whole other post.) But this time, we thought we'd give it a go.

Ok...let me set the scene. First we walk in, and there are a few kids from his class. Seems harmless enough. Everyone is all, "Hi...how are you? Oh you're so and so's mom...." Pleasantries really.

Then as I go to get the food, I can feel the heat creeping into my face. I swear to you..it's like I'm going through the change. My face gets redder than a baboon's ass. It's really embarrassing to be honest. I am convinced I'm allergic to florescent lights. But anyway....I turn around from the food counter, and HOLY SHIT BALLS!

The restaurant is FILLED to the fucking brim with 1st graders, their parents and their siblings. All of them running around the restaurant like it's their playground and we're just there to watch them.

It gets hotter and hotter in there to boot. I thought I was going to die. My friend was there, who happens to be my BFF's sister, and she said it looked like my cheeks were getting purple. FUCKING PURPLE!

I'm Korean for God's sake. My skin should not be purple unless I'm choking on a fucking chicken nugget, and then, I STILL shouldn't be purple.

Oh...so then we decide to leave. After 2 hours. No shit. 2 hours. And Miles was happier than I had seen him in a while. He was surrounded by his friends, and they were all able to just play. No real rules. Just play. And he was happy. And the little girl who keeps kissing him in gym class was there, so Miles' face was a red assed baboon too. Poor kid. My little Korean man has an admirer who is whiter than any other white kid I've ever seen. She's opaque. And about 2 heads taller than him. But she's really does like him A LOT.

Miles asked us to go again. Thankfully they only do it twice a year, and this one we went to tonight, was the second for the year! Whoooo....dodged that fast-food-hot-as-fuck-yelling-kid-extravaganza.

Upon returning home, I brewed up a huge pot of Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner tomorrow. I kinda want to eat it tonight, but it's probably not a good idea.

At least I have 9-10 months to prepare myself for the next installment of hell on earth. I really do love my kids THAT much.