A Teepants Christmas

Christmas this year was good. The kids had so much fun. We got stuck at my parents house over Christmas Eve night. The four of us slept in a tiny room. And my mother had a Santa hat that was so ridiculous it was unbelievable. Not to mention, my uncle put it into a context that was just....well....inappropriate.

First and foremost...the gifts.
Miles got himself a DS. He loved it until he realized it wasn't like other videogame systems, and proceeded to tell us, "Maybe I'll like it a lot when I'm 6." Not likely. He just kept playing if for a while and was finally comfortable with it.

Claire on the other hand....LOVED her gifts. Her favorite was this Sleeping Beauty Vanity that I stood in line for, no shit, 3 hours to get her. Ugh. Just the memory of that gives me the shakes and the sweats. But the girl sat in front of it, no kidding, for 2 hours admiring herself. Watching herself eat an apple. Putting makeup on herself. Watching herself watch television. It was absurd. And now it's in her room. She keeps it very tidy. And her grandparents gave her a fake princess CD player. She set it on the edge of the table and now has music whilst primping. Oh brother.

We did some cookie baking with friends and family.


We got snowed in at my parents house....(there was a blizzard here, or what some call a blizzard.) We totally could have made it home, but it was useless to try. We just had to turn around the next morning and head back to my parents house, so we stayed.


And Miles made sure I called Santa to leave a message as to where our location would be. He didn't want Santa to be confused. Well Santa WAS in a complete state of holy-shit-I'm-exhausted-and-can't-stay-awake-one-more-second-Oh-wait-I-gotta-fill-those-stockings-where-is-Santa's-fucking-helper-RYAN?
And OF COURSE we had Diego with us. Can't go anywhere without that spooky little shit.

The topper was my mother's Christmas hat. I don't have a photo of it, because only video would do it justice. Let me just tell you, it was a Santa hat, that the point of it moved around. Side to side, up and down. And it wiggled around. Erect. Oh my lord. It was hideous! My mother was just pleased as punch with it. I couldn't figure out what it looked like. I loathed it. That much was for sure. And then my uncle came in, saw it, pointed, laughed, and told my mother, "It looks like something for penile enhancement! You have a penis pump on your head!!!!" And he proceeded to double over in laughter.

I love this time of year. Family, friends, cookies, gifts, sleepovers, and penis pumps. Happy Holidays!

Nice!

We were talking about Christmas coming up. Claire is so excited she's going to burst into Christmas-y goodness. She doesn't understand all the gifts, but she really loves it. And thinks we should have Christmas gifts all the time. Duh!

Miles on the other hand, told me, "I like the gifts, but I'm most excited to see my friends for playdates, and see my family!"

I love that kid.

Oopsie Daisies

The other night, Ryan and I were....let's just say we weren't on the same page with something. And we weren't hiding that fact. Miles had toys all over his bedroom floor, and Ryan wanted him to clean them up.

I on the other hand, thought, who cares? He's 5. Let him have them on the floor for a while. Needless to say, Ryan and I weren't even going to agree to disagree, and Miles ran to pick up his room.

Off he went, when he noticed his dad was picking up his toys.

Ryan told me later that night, that during the clean up, Claire waltzed her little butt in there, and asked Miles,

"How did you get Mom AND Dad mad at you?"

Ryan was quick to let both kids know we weren't in fact mad at Miles at all. WE were arguing with each other.

But leave it to Claire to find out what her brother did, so she wouldn't make the same mistake.

Eh...smart kid.

I'm not gonna complain

It's pretty chilly here in MN. Today's high was 6. Not bad for mid-December.

I have many friends on the book of face who, on a regular basis in the winter, complain about the weather. I don't begrudge you friends. I do however, get a bit worn of the same complaints. Here's why....

It's fucking Minnesota. They don't call it Minne"snow"ta for no good reason. It's gonna snow here. It's gonna be cold. We are very close to Canada, which I am sure is MUCH colder then here. We aren't that close to the equator. Winter + Minnesota = Ridiculous fucking cold and snow. Oh and there's wind too. Added bonus.

But people...really? Geez give it a break...there's a lot of complaining on a daily basis from some of the same people. Buy a parka! Wear a hat, gloves, scarf, boots and something else warm. Drink hot cocoa, hot tea, hot coffee, or just swig some booze. It's what we do.

One of my friends, always complains. I said to him, "Stop complaining, you live in MN! Get over it already!" He replies with, "I have the right to complain even though I know I live in MN! Blah-blah-blah-reason-I'm-complaining." I like this friend a lot. We went to college together and he is a really cool guy, but seriously with the winter complaining. I think he's lived here his whole life. This or Wisconsin, so he really should just get over it. But friend if you read this...I really do have lots of love for ya!

Either way....I love MN winter. I like when I read that someone loves this weather. Another friend wished E-brake shittys for everyone the other day when it snowed buckets. Awesome of course. I know it's cold. But shit....so what? And on that note...here is a true story from today. And keep in mind it was a whopping 6 degrees today as the high.

~Driving Claire home from pre-school today, I witnessed something truly ballsy. A woman was driving down the highway, smoking a cigarette, with her head hanging out the window. She was probably going 65 mph and looked completely at ease. Either she loves MN winter too, or she is trying to keep from getting busted smoking. I don't care why. I just thought it was pretty damn amazing. All things considered.~

I've had enough thank you very much

Last night was horrible. I took poor little Miles to the doctor yesterday after school because he was clearly sick. Yep...all indications were for sinus infection. How an infection got into his little tiny nose I'll never know, but he has one.

The pediatrician prescribed some med I haven't heard of before, and off we went. He was fine after some Motrin. The doctor said, "he's not contagious with sinus infections, go ahead and do what you want...he should be fine." Famous last words.

So, Miles hearing this, decided he felt good and wanted to go to my parents house for dinner. He was fine until mid dinner time.

He stopped eating, put his fork down, and told us, "my chest hurts." Ugh. I had given him one dose of the medication. And because he had never had it before, I was worried he may be having a bad reaction to it. So I had him sit down and watch tv for a bit. But his breathing got really labored. I called the clinic. They said, "get him to urgent care or the ER."

So we were about 25 miles from our house, and my parents had no clue as to where an urgent care clinic was. So we packed Miles in the car and tried to drive home.

This...was not happening. For some reason, it was bumper to fucking bumper at 7pm last night. I don't know what was going on, but it was freaking Ryan out. And at that point in the drive, Miles was having a tough time staying awake...so HELLO ER!!

We found our way to a hospital about half way between my parents house and our house. Ryan's parents came to pick up Claire, and we sat.

After some work up and all, it was decided by the physician, that Miles spiked a fever so fast and so high, his body went into a bit of shock, hence the shaking, labored breathing, and all and all panic. No panic on my part however. I'm like a rock, until it's all over, then I turn into a sloppy pile of melted jello. But damn-it if I'm not cool as a cucumber when it all goes down.

So he's home. Medicated. No fever now, but that's all thanks to Motrin and Tylenol. Hopefully the antibiotic he was given will get rid of the sick. He's NOT allergic to it either. Thank god.

But...I don't ever want to do this again. Having my kid in the ER looking like he is passing out cause his breathing isn't good...No thank you. I know many people have dealt with this before, and I am certainly not the first, but I would prefer to never have to do it again.

The perfect Christmas photo, and I'll tell you why.

Yes yes, they're cute and all, but this photo, this ACTUAL photo sums up my kids perfectly.

Miles IS this kid. He tolerates. He tolerates just like his dad. He tolerates his sister hanging on him, bossing him around, yelling at him, hugging him, and loving him all the day long. Miles is the epitome of big brother.

He smiles politely. He literally "puts up" with everything. With a smile on his face. And he loves his sister. You can see it. You can see the tolerance in his face, as well as the love he has for her.

Claire on the other hand doesn't put up with much she doesn't like! She is theI'm-gonna-do-it-and-I-don't-care-if-you-like-it-or-not! kinda kid. That attitude is clear. But she is happy. And she loves her brother a lot. A LOT. She relies on him. She trusts him. She thinks he is soooooo cool.

She is loud and boisterous and bossy. Just like someone she's related to. She does what she pleases, and she smiles BIG while doing it.

This is why I chose this photo as our holiday card this year. Cause it IS my kids, my family, and my whole every day.

I'm a lucky mom.

Worst. Christmas. Songs. EVER.

Ok..here's the deal. My kids and I LOVE Christmas music. I don't know why. But it makes me feel happy to hear all these silly old traditional holiday tunes. My favorite thing to do, is to decorate the house for the holidays with my kids and listen to Christmas music. I Heart the old songs by Perry Como or Bing Crosby. And who doesn't like Elvis' Blue Christmas? They make me feel warm and fuzzy.

But recently I have heard these two songs incessantly! These songs make me angry. Very angry.

The first one is ridiculous. What makes me the most angry is I cried the first time I heard the damn thing. Ok...to be fair, I had PMS, and I was sick.....so....there's that. But EVERYTIME after that I loathe it. Basically, I don't think that Christmas songs should make you think of death. I'm just sayin'. I have copied the chorus of this song below.

Christmas Shoes By Bob Carlisle
"Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight."

SERIOUSLY!!! And they have a little kid singing that part too. And it's a *gasp* country song. Gah!

The second isn't so much a bad song, but one line annoys the hell out of me. We all know it. It raised a shitload of money for people in Africa living with AIDS back in the early early 80's, but just read the line I posted. I don't need Bono telling me that I'm lucky. I know I am. It just seems like rubbing it in at that point in the song.

Do They Know It's Christmas Time? By Band Aid
"Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you"


NOW to put things back where they belong....


Don't you feel warm and fuzzy now? I do.