3 little grave stones all in a row

We've had an epic amount of dead squirrels in our yard as of late. When I say epic, I mean....3 in the past few weeks. Last year we had no squirrels to speak of. It was a bit odd, but who's complaining? I hate the things. They're dirty and they yell at my kids when they play on the playset in the backyard. Dirty little fuckers.

Anyway. Once all the snow melted away about a week ago, Claire came running up to Ryan and me and said, "Dad! There's a squirrel in the yard and he's sleeping and he looks like THIS! (this is when she stuck out fake buck teeth, bugged her eyes open, and put her little hands up under her chin like she was a beaver or something) And I think he's sleeping but his teeth scare me!" Sure enough, Ryan went back to inspect and the thing, and it was D-E-A-D. Gross.

Ryan did notice it was not bleeding or *gag* chewed on. It just looked like it had a heart attack and was preserved in the snow all winter. So he buried it under the pines in the backyard.

Earlier this past week, I was in the back with the kids and the neighbor. I looked under the deck for some reason and I noticed a dead squirrel! Seriously. Another one. So my neighbor looked at it and started laughing. It was "sleeping" just like the other one. Well, Ryan was out of town, and you can bet I left that little thing for him or whatever animal decided they wanted squirrel for dinner. Gross. Plus is snowed again this week so...there's that.

When Ryan went to clean it up today he said there were no indications of how it died. No maiming, no bleeding. Just dead. So he buried it next to the other one. He went about his time with the kids in the backyard. Planting hops for his mead and beer, and letting the kids run around. As he was heading in, he noticed ANOTHER FUCKING DEAD SQUIRREL right where he had been burying the others. It had died in the few minutes that he and the kids were back there.

Ryan went to one of the neighbors houses to see if they had noticed any dead squirrels. He asked them if they maybe had put down poison to kill them. Which would have been fine, but he didn't want the kids getting around it. But nope. That wasn't it. Our elderly neighbor said to Ryan, "I shoot squirrels. I got like 13 last year." I'm assuming that's why we didn't notice any last year. I thought it was pretty quiet.

But apparently this year, his aim is off or something and these little suckers are running off to die in our yard. He was concerned it was traumatizing the kids. However Ryan assured him the kids thought it was just "natural" to have that happen...gross by the way. But it was in fact traumatizing ME his wife.

Well we have our answers. No poison. Just a neighbor who has a pellet gun, some time on his hands, and much hate for those bushy tailed grey rodents. My kids however, as much as they dislike squirrels, and they do because I do, decided to put little stone markers for them. Under our pine trees. In the backyard. Gross.

Oh Cindi!

My youngest sister likes to sing. She sings loud and proud. She sings all the words, all kinds of wrong. I always noticed it when we were in the car driving together. She sings like she wrote the damn things. She doesn't make any apologies for her ridiculous made up lyrics.

Example:

Santeria by Sublime



Sweet dear Cindi sings the first line..."I don't practice in Korea!"


Manic Monday by the Bangles



She sang, "It's just another man named Monday!" Ryan and I about shit ourselves laughing.

Now this may be annoying and nonsensical for anyone else in the world. But for me, it's one of the things that I love about her. All the time, it will never change. She just can't get the words right to save her damn life.

Oh well..this is for Cindi because she just bitched and moaned about me not blogging recently. This is what you get dear sister for being impatient.

The soundtrack of my life.

It will either make me sound one of 3 ways.

1: Incredibly awesome, and why didn't you think of it?
2: Incredibly narcissistic, and why would anyone care?
3: Bat shit fucking looney tunes.

You be the judge.

Well. I'll admit it. Most of my life, I've had a soundtrack running through my head. When something of any significance occurs, I have a song chosen and playing quietly in the background of my mind. Like in the movies. As if someone where making a movie of my life, this would be the song playing at this point in the story. It's always at poignant times that the swell of music occurs. Like....this one...



This one plays when I think about my leaving my horrible first marriage, when I lost a baby late in my pregnancy, and when life just got the better of me. Not too sure why it plays in my mind, but it does. It keeps me calm and level headed.

Now this one...has been running through my head a lot lately. It's what I would love to tell people in my real life from time to time, but just can't. It's not ladylike. And I'm all about being a lady. Plus this song is catchy and hilarious. And it's not so much playing quietly in the background, as it's blaring in the forefront.



I don't know. These are just a few snippets that run through my head. They are the most prominent at the moment. But truly, I have songs running through my head every day depending on what is going on and who I'm dealing with. It keeps me from really going nuts. Or maiming people. Maiming is totally out of the question. So there's the mental soundtrack. It's safe, and will keep me out of prison. Can you imagine what that soundtrack would be like?

*if you think the "Fuck you" song is about YOU...you're probably wrong, but what did you do to think that? And should I be concerned?

My free personal trainer

Well...I've started AGAIN. Exercising. I hate it. I loathe it. In a previous life, I HAD to workout EVERYDAY 3 hours a day. So you can see why I might hate it. But at my age, it's time to get kinda serious about my body. Cause my body is serious about getting fat and sloppy. Stupid body.

Anyway, I've had a difficult time getting motivated to eat less and exercise more. Ryan's no help really, and I do appreciate that. It's not his job to get my fat ass moving. Besides, if he made it his job, well..let's just say the Teepants household would NOT be fun. He's really a smart guy afterall.

But I have scored a no-holds-barred-kick-my-lazy-bum-ass-junk-food-tossing-trainer.
Seriously. This trainer is the ONLY one who can get me to do things. And I don't even secretly want her dead. (You know she's good).

It's Claire. My 4 1/2 year old.

Examples of Claire being the BEST personal trainer of all time, in the world, EVER.

1: Sometimes during the colder days, I run up and down my stairs for 30 minutes. It's crude, but effective. I hate the treadmill. And when I start to feel myself get wobbly, I usually quit. I'm lazy that way. But this last time, I started to walk and I heard a tiny voice yell out, "Get movin' mama! Move your booty!!! You can do it!!! I'll race you slowpoke!" And with a small stinging swat on my ass...I was up and down the stairs for another 10 minutes.

2: I went on a 7 mile bike ride towing Claire on the tagalong bike the other day. We were following Ryan as he ran. It was the first of the season and let's say, I didn't fair well. My body was screaming in hot pokey pain when the following day, Ryan asked the kids if they wanted to go with him on a run. I was not conflicted in the least. Exercise with the family or do laundry sitting on my ass, (which incidentally was sore as a mother fucker.) I was going to do laundry and watch a movie with NO KIDS! Miles was going to ride his bike, and Claire was going to be in the jogging stroller. Besides, I was having a hard time walking. (Yeah I'm that out of shape..what of it?) Seriously...sore. While I was doing her hair for the run, she was blathering on about how she was going to pedal hard this time. I told her..."No no baby, you're going to be in the jogging stroller with daddy."
Tears. Major tears. She said to me, "Mom...I thought we were going to ride the double bike again. I won't have anyone to taaaaaaaaalk toooooooooo waaaaaahhhhhhhh." Yeah..you know my sore ass went on another 7 mile bike ride. *side note* once you're about 2 miles in, the pain goes away and a pleasant numbness settles in. Then you can't feel your thighs for a few hours afterwards.

3: This morning, I said, "Whoa...only one english muffin left. I should get some more today." Claire: "Mom, I'll take mine with butter please. You know they're two so they're for sharing."

I swear to all that is good and healthy in the world, this girl will help me get High school skinny if it kills me.

For the rest of this year I will...........

Spend as much time as I can outside with my kids this spring/summer/fall/winter. No matter the weather.

Not put up with petty crazy shit from people who should just know better.

Get these damn hormones under control.

WRITE letters to people I care about and send them in the mail.

Teach Miles to clean the toilets.

Teach Ryan to make dinner.

Teach Claire to not be so damn sassy.

Go out on dates with Ryan. Including but not limited to, dinners, hand holding, strolling, snuggling on the sofa with a good beer, movies, and pretty much anything that doesn't involve my children 24 hours a day.

Have Brian Skog make me dinner. Just one fricking time!

Spend one day twice a month and do things just for me. For only a few hours at a time, but it will be all about ME!

Beat J. Valley in just ONE Words With Friends game. JUST ONE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!

Tell my Bestie I love her more than just on her birthday or when I'm bawling about something stupid. Or drunk.

Start exercising more. (This one may just be the death of me. We'll see.)

Not put up with things that make me upset or NOT say anything about it.
(Warning...I WILL most likely be MORE verbally aggressive than I am now. Seriously..this will be my only warning. If you don't read this blog, that's tough shit for you. See it's already starting.)

Love my family and friends.
Guess that sums it up. Happy Spring!!!!

Spring!

Winter in Minnesota this year has been SNOWY! I kinda love it. I have no problems with snow, cloudy days, skies the same color as the ground, and or bitter cold. I really don't mind at all. This year has been particularly hard on people. People who never complain about the weather, have been bitching up a storm. We've had an almost record breaking amount of snow this winter.

But today my dear friends. Spring is showing it's lovely sun filled face. It was 50 degrees F today. Sunny with a bright blue sky. Ryan took Claire on a run and Miles and I sat outside playing. I called the neighbor over with her son, and the two of us just sat in the driveway chatting, while the boys ran about. It was LOVELY! See for yourself.











A great day with the neighbor kids. We were outside for, easily 5 hours today. There were about 3 families who ended up being here. We had lunch outside together. The kids had lollipops and the grownups partook in some of Ryan's home brew. Beer is good. Beer with friends outside on a sunny day is fantastic! Happy Spring!

Missing a friend.

Today I think on my friend Kent. Missing his silliness. His kindness. His dancing. Just....Him....