I am SO that cranky old lady

Let me begin by telling you, my neighborhood is chock full to the rim of High school and Junior high kids. I mean we are full up over here in suburbia with them.

Now take a look at my back yard. Disregard the adorable children on the swing, and notice how my back yard opens into about 5 other back yards. It also is the other side of the large cul de sac.



So I imagine you can see the allure of cutting through the yards to keep from having to be seen on the street. Cause God forbid you walk the full distance. And as I am sure you can see. No fences. Makes cutting through easy.

I'm not going to begrudge these kids a short cut. Oh no. I hated that when I was a lazy preteen. I couldn't cut through at all....so I allow leeway.

I however don't allow the following. (And if for some reason you move into my neighborhood and have a tween/teen? Inform your children about my rules and point out my house.) Thanks so much.

THE RULES OF THE TEEPANTS YARD

1: Under NO circumstance are you allowed on my deck or my play equipment in the middle of the night. My homeowners insurance doesn't cover stupid ass kids falling off the monkey bars in the dark. So I would have to pay out of pocket.

2: You are NOT allowed to try and have sex under my deck at dusk. I CAN see you dumb asses. I watch tv downstairs at PRIMETIME and you are right in front of the window. Just because you are under a deck, doesn't mean you can "go at it" like the rabbits who really live under there. Plus, I don't want to explain what you are doing to my kids. And that loud knock on the glass you heard......means get the fuck out!

3: I WILL yell at you to "get out of my yard!" if in fact you are cutting though it, yelling like assholes at each other, in the middle of the night, under my 4 and 6 year olds open windows, in spring/summer/open window times. Didn't your parents teach you ANY manners? Next time I will FOR SURE bring you into my home and make you put my kids back to bed. P.S. yelling like that for an hour and a half once it's past 11 PM, will also get you the same result.

*sidenote: I do however like to hear whispering to each other, IN THE STREET, once I have told you to stay out to, "stay out of that yard you guys."

4: I DO know who you are. If you break these rules, I WILL talk to your parents.

In return, I will watch for the following.

Eggs, Toilet paper, and flaming bags of shit on my front step. But then again....rule number 4 will be in full effect. And most likely, unless your parents are complete donkeys, you will have to clean up the mess.

This concludes my rant.

I've lost that lovin' feeling.

One of my all time favorite things to do is grocery shop. I'm not kidding.

I love strolling down the clean aisles. Looking at new items. Checking to see what organic this or that was on the market.

The farmer's market? LOVE IT! Touching and smelling all that fresh produce. Delish!

Of course it was before kids. And it was when I didn't HAVE a budget. And I was only cooking one meal for one other person. So spending 5 dollars on fresh organic rosemary was not something I'd bat an eye at.

Boy was I in la la land.

These days. I loathe the super market. And by "supermarket" I mean.....Super Target, Costco, and Trader Joe's. Those are my go to staples. 3 stores. Once a week. Every so often I'll meander on into a Kowalski's. For those who aren't privy to Kowalski's...let me tell you. I heart this store. HUGE. They remind me how I used to love grocery shopping.

The Kowalski's by my house is huge. They have an Aveda salon in the middle of the store. So if you are so inclined, you can hand a personal shopper your list and then have a spa day. All done in a timely fashion. Plus their stuff is top notch. Also top notch price wise. But...it's a special treat. Not that I've ever done that. Cause really it's kinda ridiculous. But the idea that you CAN is luxurious enough.

But back to the real world. I know what aisle everything I need is in. Venturing to a new brand or God forbid a new food, may just bring Armageddon to my house and my house alone.

And the strolling around is not an option anymore either. I always have at least one if not two kids. Thankfully, neither of my kids are "those" kids. You know the ones who beg, and whine, and plead for whatever brightly colored, flashy, sour, toy included, thing they see at their level. (Thanks sTupid markets for that!) They just walk around and look at stuff. They look at me ever so hopefully when they notice that Cheerios has a book included. But we have Cheerios and I just move along. I know, what a bitch.

But I am usually trying to cram shopping in between school and some other sort of obligation.

I miss you slow leisurely grocery shopping. I miss you new products. I miss picking out the freshest of fresh when it comes to produce. Boo hoo hooo........On the upside...I can shop for food. Ryan doesn't have to go and forage for it.

Randoms.

Don't you hate it! When you sit down. Boot up the old computer. Click click click through to google reader. Log into the "blogs I read". And find out those fools who's lives you read about all the time, didn't have the gall to blog this past week?

Seriously! I hate that.

What I hate even more is going to my site, and seeing I am one of those fools.

As I write, I am sitting at the dinner table with the kids. Ryan is conference calling down in the office for a company that works on Pacific time. The kids and I are feasting on grilled Tilapia and mac and cheese. Round out with grapes, apples and carrots. I am not ignoring my poor little chitlins, oh no. When dad works at home during dinner, the kids get a special treat of eating dinner with cartoons on. It happens about once a month. But they love it.

Ryan won't eat fish or anything from the water for that matter, so we all indulge in seafood when he's gone. Or banished to the basement. Heh heh heh....

Today has been a very odd day for me. Here's why.

I hate the hot. I literally stay in MN for the simple reason that I.Hate.Hot. MN is cold 9 months out of the year. I love that. I am giddy as a school girl with the cold weather. This stuff? Not so much. It's been in the 90's this week. 90's!!!!! What the What?

I would rather stay at 30 below year round than have to slap shorts and a teeshirt on this body. I am a cover it from head to toe kinda girl. I even disklike flip flops. I know..what's wrong with me? Where do I start?

But today....odd. I spent the morning walking around a lake in jeans. Not hot. But 80 degrees out. Weird. Then came home and didn't hole up in the central air. I sat out in the yard with the kids doing the slip and slide. Granted the kids couldn't figure out the hose and turned it on me. And I was soaked. So that was *eh ehm* refreshing.

Double weird that I stayed out there. Usually I tell Ryan he should just sit out there with them. I head out to take a few photos and then scurry back into my cocoon where it's 70 and I can still wear a sweatshirt. 70 is hot for me indoors too. We keep our heat at 65 in the winter. And that's the highest it goes.

Still....this summer will be interesting if I can somewhat tolerate the weather. The world will open up with possibilities for me and the kids. Or it could slam shut in my face when the major humidity kicks in. I'd better watch my nose.

My beautiful Claire.

WHO SAYS CHOCOLATE MAKES KIDS HYPER?

SPRING FEVER!!!!

Seriously people. I had all these great intentions of writing to you about my week. I even have a whole post about the garage saleing I did with a girlfriend of mine, but alas. The weather has called my name. And I answered. It's been 70's and sunny. Anyone who has lived in, or grown up in MN knows, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS WEATHER!!!! How could I possibly spend time indoors with my computer? I must bring it outside. The computer that is.

Now understand. Ryan has been under the weather for the past week. Claire is bordering on sick, and Miles....well Miles is suffering some kind of apocalyptic allergy attack. I mean really. The world WILL end. All the damn snoring he does is epic. There are wild animals answering the call. I mean...his snoring is louder than when Ryan goes on a Surly (local beer) binge. It's absurd. I want to yell from my room, "ROLL OVER MILES!!!!" But he's 5 1/2, and I'm his mom, and it's rude, and it would wake everyone else up, AND it would interrupt all the corruption/coercion going on in Claire's room via creepy doll speak. I most definitely would have a lot to answer to. The who and what is what scares me into submission. I just roll over and deep sigh. At least that way Ryan wakes up and HIS snoring stops. I don't want to suffer alone.

Anyway.....bottom line, It's lovely here in MN. And the garage sales were mediocre. But my friend Shelley and I DID find this gem at one sale.

The woman told us it was a "cat toy". Yeah...and so was that sex swing she had dangling in her garage. AND the worst part...she wanted 2$ for it. USED! *shiver*

I tried to take an actual photo of said "cat toy", but the woman was watching me like a hawk. Like Shelley and I look like rogue sex toy thieves. But suffice it to say, it certainly changed the way I look at the folks living in the Stonemill Farms development. Eeegads!

Mother's Day 2010

My day began lovely. I was woken up by Ryan and Miles. They said they brought me breakfast in bed. I rolled over to see them dumping a sleeping Claire next to me. I thought...what a strange dream. Why would they tell me I was eating Claire for breakfast?

This is for all the moms who multitask everyday. I know it can make a girl crazy. But isn't it worth it in the end?

Happy Mother's day to my mom, mother-in-law, sisters, godmother, and my kids' godmother. You all help to make me who I am. A little crazy, but full to the brim with love.

Embarrassing on many MANY levels.

I saw this today on Facebook. I'm sure it's out there all over the place, but it made me laugh. Then feel really sad. What is going on anyway? I'm not a "politico" by any stretch. Hell...I just started voting so I could vote out Michelle Bachman....(that didn't work out so great). But I don't try to get political. Especially here. I reserve the right of this blog for rants and raves that aren't so controversial.

Oh trust me. I have many an uninformed opinion on this. But I will also keep that to my little old self.

But I couldn't NOT say something. We don't all agree with these politics. But some of us do. And I still love you if you try to defend it. We all have to have opinions.

I will say this...my in-laws winter in AZ. They love it and often ask us to visit. We miss them terribly when they're gone. But until this law changes...there's no fucking chance in hell. And my husband is white white whitey white white.

My girlfriend who posted this on her page (and who also happens to be Korean like me) just asked one question...."Where's the yellow?"

Good question friend. Maybe we can fly under the radar.

Unreal. Seriously! Un F*@%ing Real.

I'm sick again! It's this stupid sinus thingie that has been holding me nasal hostage for at least 5 months. Ugh! The disdain I feel for my sinus region has reached epic proportions. I feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer in the front of my face. And it's a huge face to begin with, so you can imagine the pain I'm suffering through. But enough about that....

My week has been somewhat uneventful. Just a little bit of family drama here and there....nothing that a few drinks with friends and much bitching about won't cure. Poor Ryan by the way, having to be the "listener" to all the bitching. But he signed on for it years ago and there's no going back now.

He is a wonderful guy though. Not only have I been feeling like my head is in a vice, but I have been ridiculously tired. So Ryan has been making dinner this entire week. No shit. He has made dinner everynight since Sunday. Granted, one of those nights I was incapacitated and pretty much comatose. And Monday I had a meeting. And Tuesday I had a doctor appt. But....he didn't complain and just did it. I love him. And he did the dishes. Now that's a man! Although when I made mention of it last night, he smiled at me and said, "happy mother's day early." Ha ha ha...he's SUPER funny. *note sarcastic undertones*

Really I don't care about mother's day. I just want to sleep in. That's really all I want. I don't need gifts or breakfast in bed. Just sleep.

Tonight we had Claire's preschool carnival. I volunteered at the games section. Yep. I'm a preschool volunteer. I love it. Cause I swore a blue streak that, "it's not my thing!" "I'm not a Stepford Wife." But once I helped start their PTO, and currently am poised to take over VP of the group...well....it's totally my thing now.

This is why my week is, as I said Unreal. Not only am I sick, but I have a million things going on this week and next. I have no time to stop. I have no time to be sick. Not cool.

And I have drama. Un-needed drama, but drama none the less. I don't know if you can tell through all this reading about "me" but I tend to lean towards the dramatic. I know I know...NOT YOU SJT. Yes yes...I do. However....when it's un-warranted drama. Or un-earned drama. I want to just puke. I hate it. I despise it. I loathe it. I want to hit it over the head with the vice that has ahold of my sinuses. But...as usual...I just smile and move on.

Hence....Un F*@%ing real.