I call some bullshit right there

My kids assured me they couldn't do their homework because we had, "NO PENCILS ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE MOM!!!!"

Well guess who went through all their pencil boxes, desk drawers, and art containers? Yep. MOMZILLA.
(That's me when I say, "If I find them you're in BIG trouble." See? Momzilla.)

Aaaaaannnnndddddd................look what I found.

And this didn't even include colored pencils, too-short-to-sharpen-anymore-but-you-can-still-write-with-them pencils, and mechanical pencils. Cause that's a whole OTHER box of writing utensils.

Little turds. They did their homework.

I love the end of November

Here's why I love this time of year. First off, my birthday has come and gone. No fanfare. Just a really awesome necklace from the kids and Ryan.

And baking for the Thanksgiving gut-busting-stuff-yo-face-with-carbs-roll-me-to-the-car event.
I was in charge of dessert. Or I was told to make PIE. And seriously. It was my mother who bossed me. She does that.

Then there's the shopping-palooza that I love to do the night after I stuff my pie hole. I know......I know...people bitch and fucking moan about Black Friday. But truth be told. I love it. I love the shit out of it. I get to hang out with my mom and sisters. I get good deals on things that I want to purchase. And one interesting thing you may not know, is that in MN, when you're standing your ass outside. In the middle of the night. In the freaking frozen tundra. You're not alone. And those other folks, 9 times out of 10 are super friendly and fun to talk to. I've stood in line and have met some really fascinating people over the years. I've laughed with strangers and bonded over the "crazy ass, who brought their baby, in an umbrella stroller, at 2am, in the freezing cold, to get a 50" LED tv for $349." Seriously people it's good shit. I love living in MN.

Oh and Claire did the robot. In a box. She made to look like a robot. And she "powers down" in the end. That's just classically good shit right there.

After the food/shopping fest, we decorate the tree and get the house ready for Christmas. Yeah yeah...I'm early. I always set things up the day after Thanksgiving. After I've slept for awhile. Because chances are I've been up for over 24 hours and need to sleep. But I also love, so much, decorating the tree with the kids.

Last year my kids decorated the Christmas tree all by themselves. But their OCD having mom "fixed" it once they went to bed. I mean...there were open spaces y'all!

But this year. Not so much. They did an amazing job. It was covered. All open spaces were filled. Multiple times over. I didn't even know we had this many ornaments. But we do and we have left overs! LEFTOVERS!!!

Last but really not least, everyone this time of year is wearing sweaters and fuzzy boots. I mean my favorite outfit. I like to be covered up head to toe. It's a comfort thing. (But I dont' like to be cold, and I hate hot so that's something to think about.) Claire is no exception. She thinks she's 6 going on 16. Ryan has other ideas about this decade jump in attitude.

Birthday Bonanza!

Well tomorrow is going to be my 39th birthday. I'm still a spring chicken. Take that to the bank. But my dear old sweet body has other ideas. What a jerk.

Ryan took me and the kids to the Roller Derby Saturday night to celebrate. I mean...seriously. How can you NOT have fun watching women in tiny outfits rollerskate and beat each other silly. It was pretty rad if you ask me.

Claire had so much fun. She was wide eyed the entire time. Thanks MN Roller Girls! A night of fun, hipster excitement.

So on my ACTUAL birthday I get to, take Miles to the oral surgeon to discuss pulling 10 of his baby teeth. *gag* And have my mother over for dinner. We're seriously rock stars over here. No shit.

Happy Birthday to me.

Another fun Halloween!

This year Halloween came and went without much fanfare. We were all recovering from "THE BUG". So it was cram dinner down their faces, dress them, parade them up and down and around the neighborhood, come home, investigate candy, eat candy, shower, brush teeth, brush teeth again, and go to bed. See...everyone survived. Everyone had fun. And this was all done by 8pm. Seriously. I streamlined the shit out of Halloween this year.

                                             Minecraft creeper and a Peacock Princess

 She came up with the idea, and designed things herself. I was just the slave labor. As usual.

Miles' costume was a family affair. We sat for hours/days coloring little boxes different shades of green. We trick or treated with our neighbors.

For Real?!?

Watch this commercial:


And tell me if you would EVER be ok with it.
Cause I sure as shit wouldn't be.

Let's break it down. You walk outside. It's a beautiful sunny afternoon. You look to the driveway and see your BRAND NEW CAR engulfed with bubbles, water, and toothpaste. TOOTHPASTE!

And then you say. "Oh sure...no big deal. Ha ha they're only young once." Fuck no you don't.

Let's be fair, if my kids EVER did this...they'd be dead. Pure and simple. Dead. So..there's nothing to be fair about I guess.

I just think this commercial is plainly and simply stupid. It's not cute. It's not endearing. It's not even realistic. It's just dumb. Do better Subaru.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Well it arrived with a flurry!

Stomach flu. Or as I like to call it, I-didn't-NEED-that-lung-or-that-one-either-barf-a-palooza-of-2012.

First it was me. Then it was Ryan. Then....free and clear. But...4 days after any symptoms had been "Silkwood style" bleached away, Claire decided it was her turn to get up close and personal with our rest room facilities.

Poor kid. Although she maintained pretty well. No crying, no freaking out, no panicking. Unlike her mother who, after dry heave hour 4, was on the floor crying for the, "Good lord to take me home!!!!"

It was pathetic. At one point there was a tiny little knock on the door as I was gasping for breath and I hear..."Mommy, do you want me to come in and hold your hand?" Seriously. That was some sweet shit. And I would have had her come in too, had I not been practically passed out under the toilet unable to move. Or speak. Or anything but dry heave again. And I knew she would be scarred for life. FOR LIFE!!

So I'm waiting for Miles to lose his stuff. And if us being sick was any indication of how bad it will be, he'll lose a whole lot of shit. Poor kid.

Awwww friends.

You know that post a few weeks ago? Of me? Just sitting there? Looking pathetic? Well...apparently someone did.

My dear friend KW called me, said I looked sad and lonely (paraphrasing) and asked me to join her for breakfast.

It was nice. We met and had breakfast together sans kids. Thanks friend. Next time I'll just call you. But in the mean time. Know you're a fab friend!

Night time trail running for old hipster dudes.

Ryan is at it again. God love him. I mean...for real. He's running through trails again. This last one was a 10K NIGHT time trail run. He ran it with our friend and neighbor.

Gosh they look nerdy with those lights on their heads. But....I love him. My husband, not the neighbor.

Then at the half way mark, the kids were so happy to cheer him on. He has red devil eyes. Apparently running with a few dozen other runners with headlamps in the dark through the dust makes you EEEEEEVIL.

But in the end. Of course they did fabulous. They had their victory beer. And we left. The end with that.

Next up, 50K trail run through the Superior Forest in the spring. No no no..I'm not running. I'm just going for the hotel stay.

Just me

Today is one of those days. The kids are in school. I'm just sitting here. Doing nothing. It's weird. It's lovely. It's lonely.

I've got to get out.

Nerdy fitness freak of a husband is up to his old tricks!

This past spring Ryan ran a 25K trail run. It was on the Superior Trail in Northern MN. It was called Superior Trail Race, and it was really pretty rad. He was able to run up a mountain and through the woods. He loved it. 

This is the half way marker. He looked pretty darn good. But he told me he paced himself with the guy in the yellow. Then after the half way point, he took off on his own. I knew he ran hard when we saw him at the finish line. He did NOT look as chipper.

After the race, he was able to collect himself. Rest. Get his feet washed off because of all the dirt, and pose for a photo with the kids. Miles brought his friend "J" on the trip. Claire said Ryan "smelled bad", and of course went full drama mode for the photo. What a butt.

Afterward we went swimming at the resort, out to dinner in Grand Marais and checked out Lake Superior. It was a really nice night.

Once home, Ryan learned he injured himself in the run. He's still rehabbing. But he's back on the road running like Forrest Gump in aqua socks. Yeah...Ryan runs in aqua socks. He's a fan of barefoot running, but I assured him that he'd get some kind of funky ass infection running the streets of St. Paul barefoot. He disagreed. I told him, "you'll step on glass and get dog shit in there or something." And sure as shit...he stepped on glass and it got all jacked up. So he wears stupid aqua socks.

But I digress. Ryan has informed me he is no longer going to run the 25K trail run again. He wants to run the 100 MILE trail run in 3 years. 100 MILES! That's a fucking long race. Apparently you have to complete it in 38 hours. Who stays awake, running, in the wilderness, IN THE DARK, for fun? I certainly don't.

But my crazy husband will. And is planning on it. I hope they make that human GPS chip available by then. I'm sure AT&T won't cover that area very well, and I'd hate to be THAT widow at the support group, whose husband died on a 100 mile trail run. I can imagine the comments now.

6 going on 16

This morning Claire changed her outfit twice. She first put on the clothes I had laid out for her. Then after a bit, announced she wanted to wear her new boots because her jeans were called, "Bootcut" therefore, she had to wear boots.

She tucked her little boot cut jeans into her boots and said, "They're too puffy here mom." Indicating to me that area around your knees where the jeans bunch up.

I said, "Hurry up! You're going to be late for school."

She said, "Just one second. I'm going to try my 'Skinny jeans'." And she did. She emerged very happily from her room. Jeans tucked into her boots with perfection.

Then she said, "Do you think I should change my shirt? This one doesn't match very well." Ugh.

Cut to her walking out to the car, all new outfit, looking about 10 years older, and happy as a fucking clam.

The teen years are going to be so hard for me. I just know it. Kill me now. No seriously. Kill me.

Back to school!

The kids went back to school. I don't know how I feel about it. It's the first time in 8 years that I don't have a kid with me. And when I say the first time, I mean...really....the FIRST time.

I think I can count on one hand how many times I've left my kids. It never happens. I don't like it to happen. I really really like my kids. I'm one of THOSE parents. But don't hold it against me. They can piss me off with the best of them. But I really do enjoy their company. They're funny little things.

So it's the first time I've been alone. I don't know how I feel about it. My girlfriend who is in the same boat as I am suggested we do something to keep our minds off not having the kids around. So we went to the Mall of America and IKEA. Eh. It kind of helped. But then I was surrounded by stay at home moms with their little kids whining and screaming about some sort of shit or another. And I was reminded how good my kids are and then I missed them again.

Anyway. Day two of my kids at school full time. I was worried that Claire would have a difficult transition. But I was wrong, and Ryan texted me after he dropped them off saying:

So that's good news I guess. It's Claire's first foray into full day school. She couldn't be happier. Better that, than her bawling her eyes out carrying on like a deranged lunatic with a weird sort of Oedipal complex. She said she missed me, but I bet she didn't. That little people pleaser.

Here are the kiddos on the first day of 1st and 3rd grade. Ugh. They're getting big and old. So am I for that matter.

At least I still have this. A reminder of our last day at the fair. Claire and I went again just the two of us. We met her best friend and her mom. We can't help ourselves. It was divine. I miss summer already. Yeah that's a big pickle!

The Great MN Get Together is here!!!!

Claire and I love the fair. Miles and Ryan could take it or leave it. But we always go.

We went with some friends again this year. We go with them every year. My girlfriend has 3 boys. Ages 10, 8, and 5. They are adorable, sweet, precocious, and have as she calls them, "happy feet". Which is code for, They-like-to-run-around-in-ridiculously-large-crowds-and-make-you-run-around-panicking-looking-for-them-until-someone-brings-them-to-YOU-assuming-they're-your-kids-cause-they're-Korean-and-their-mom-is-not. But seriously. I loved going with them. They're funny as hell.

We started off the fair by the boys asking if they could go into the haunted house. They debated it for about 25 minutes.

After I told MY kid about my experience in the Haunted House, they ALL decided, maybe next year. My experience involved me, crying, freezing on the staircase and having to be escorted out the back because I was paralyzed with fear. I hadn't actually "seen" anything yet mind you. And that was enough for Miles to start in with the himmming and haaahing....and the oldest boy said flat out "no thanks". But Claire was ready to go in. Crazy kid. She asked me if I cried really hard, and then laughed at the thought of me. What a jerk.

Then we moved on to food. Now, my kids know what the fair is about. Feeding our faces, and the partial freak show of Minnesotans. Here is the list of things that the kids wanted. We did get it all too. I know...gluttons. (PS we saw a man who was wearing a really short kilt, no shirt and a lei. And he was leathery tanned and about 75+ years old. Seriously! I love the fair.)

Cheese curds
French Fries
RootBeer
Lemonade
Hot dog
Pronto pup (corn dog)
Cotton Candy
Fried Greenbeans
Sno cones

The first food we got was Cheese Curds. My favorite. Claire's favorite. And now thanks to NO Hydrogenated Oils, Ryan's favorite.

First Claire was thrilled that she had a huge container of her favorite food. Fried Cheese. But then as Ryan reached for some, she said, "HEY! We're going to have to get more if DAD'S eating them too!" Ha ha...seriously what a B-rat. We did not get more. That would have just been stupid. So she just shoved many in her face then said, "Thanks for the cheese dad!" I don't know where she gets her sass from.

After losing my friend's youngest in the crowds of people more than once, we made our way to the DFL booth. My kids got a great photo op with the Governor of our state. Notice how Miles is zoning in on the camera crew following the Governor and NOT his mom's camera.

Politics will be in his future. I'm sure of it.

And then we hit some of the vendors. Now this is a new endeavor on our part this year. In the past the kids haven't cared a bit about the buildings. But this year....oh no, this year they were in heaven. It's like walking through building after building of AS SEEN ON TV advertisers. Every gadget you never wanted is there. With demos. And let me say that my kids were mesmerized. I mean, if I heard Claire or Miles ask the demonstrator, "Can you do that one more time please?" I was going to lose my shit. I swear Claire saw a dude shred cheese half a dozen times before he moved onto shredding Oreo cookies for ice cream toppers. That's when I said, "TIME TO GO!" Or I would have been bringing home several of those hand cranking shredders. Cause they were pretty cool.

We moved onto the Kidway for rides, and found that it is carney-rific! Claire asked me why so many of the people didn't have teeth. Ha ha...I just kept her moving along.  Now, usually Miles is not a ride kid. But due to peer pressure from the other two boys, Miles found his way onto the fast spin-y rides. And LOVED them.

Claire has always been our adventurer. Miles is more a lego/starwars/reader/videogame/outdoorsy kinda kid. But Claire loves rides, taking risks and all around making me nervous in general. But now...Miles is a risk taker. All thanks to peer pressure. Shit.

All in all, the day was a grand success. Lots of food, rides, booths, FINDING kids, and laughing. We had a wonderful time. Sadly I didn't get to some of mine and Claire's favorite places this year. So we're going back on the last day. Sans Ryan and Miles. They don't care to go again. Freaks.

And might I add that going on opening day, if the weather is acceptable, is probably the best idea yet. We'll be doing it from now on if time permits. I mean seriously! The restroom facilities are the cleanest ever! Can't wait to see what the last day will be like. I'm thinking of strapping a catheter bag on my leg and avoiding the bathrooms all together.

Korean Camp rides again

I'm volunteering at Korean Camp this year. I'm in the kitchen. It's kicking my ass. I made LITERALLY 3200 cups of rice yesterday. Today. I made more.

It's Claire's first year and she wasn't thrilled about going. Until after the first day, when she declared for all, "I LOVE CAMP!!!" So that's that.

I'm in the kitchen again tomorrow. I will have most likely made rice for every adopted Korean kid in Minnesota if not the whole Midwest. I hate rice. I hate washing rice. I hate scooping rice. I hate cooking rice. I hate serving rice. I hate eating rice. I.HATE.RICE.

The kitchen coordinator called me and my girlfriend, who also happens to be adopted Korean, the "Rice girls". I told him, "THIS is the only place you can call me that without me kicking you in the groin." I think he laughed. I know I did.

And it starts all again tomorrow. There'll be more later...but I'm so tired. I'm going to bed. To probably dream about stupid rice.

I did it!

I finally cut my hair. It's been 2 1/2 years of long black hair. And now it's gone. In one quick clip of the scissors. Over a foot and a half of hair...goodbye. And now....back to short. I like it. Not short, dude, short. But short.

Here it is.

Green eyed Monster rears it's ugly head!

Today I was friended by a VERY old friend on facebook. Ugh. We were more like kid friends growing up, then enemies during puberty, and ended up at the same college, where we made nice and went on with our lives. We were friends since age birth. We were adopted at the same time, and our families spent a lot of time together when we were kids.

She was the bain of my existence from age 14 to about 18. We loathed each other. A lot. We battled for the same kind of boy. We went to rival high schools. We were both cheerleaders. And we just about looked the same.

Cut to now. Haven't heard from or seen this woman in almost 15 years. And there it was. Not how I wanted to open my day. Friend request from so and so. Ugh. And she's gorgeous. And skinny and gorgeous. I think I went back into the loathing her stage. Ha ha...seriously. I hate her.

She's a fancy pants apparently. Big job. Big money. Living the big life in the big city. I mean.....I live in the big city. The big city of St. Paul Minnesota. Ha..take THAT fancy pants bigtime.

But I'm happy for her. She's just had a child. The baby is beautiful. And that's where it ends. Cause that bitch is gorgeous. Did I mention that?

*if you think this post is about you. It's not. What was that Carly Simon song again?

Today was a good day

I went to the beach today with Ryan and Claire. Miles was at a friend's house.
I got sunburned. I'm Korean. That doesn't usually happen. It's been hot here. But seriously. That doesn't usually happen.

Boundary Waters take three

Well we did it again this summer. We forged our way through the BWCA. It was beautiful.

Our trip began with me driving us through rain, wind AND hail. Yes hail. It was crazy, but we made it. And it wasn't raining when we got there which is a huge bonus. No one and I mean NO ONE likes to put up a tent in the rain. Everything stays wet. Forever. And ever.

The second we got there, I got all dizzy and vertigo like. Which happens everytime we get up there. Not sure why, but it happens.

The next day we did our big canoe trip. It was a really beautiful day. The sky was blue and it was in the mid 70's. Perfect canoe weather. The kids were ready and very excited to go!

Claire was really excited that she got her own canoe paddle.

Miles was wearing his mosquito hat. It did nothing, but make him sweaty. 

We made our way. The views were spectacular. And we had a fabulous day. 

Sadly by the next day, it was hot, sticky and planning on getting hotter. To top it off, we were planned to drive home in Grandma's Marathon traffic, as well as major road construction. So we all discussed it and decided to leave a day early. The kids were disappointed. However, not TOO disappointed, as they were being feasted on by mosquitos, gnats, and some kind of bitey black bug. Seriously, it looked like they were being attacked by flesh eating virus. It was so gross. By far the worst bug situation we've ever had there.

So on Saturday we packed up our stuff. It was getting close to 80 degrees and very sticky from the impending storm that was coming. And we left. Good thing to. We literally left just in time. As we headed to lunch several towns away the clouds opened and it began to downpour. And it didn't stop raining for days. This is what was left of roads and streets after the rain.

AND the zoo was flooded. And a poor polar bear, and sea lion were left swimming the city streets in Duluth MN. Many zoo animals passed away. It was scary and sad.

Thankfully, leaving on Saturday allowed Ryan to get home and into the Urgent Care as he thought he had strep throat. But nope. A virus. Which Miles got the next day, and I got 2 days later. 

We talked with the two families we go up there with and have decided that NEXT year, We're staying at a resort and then doing day trips. Not camping, but less bugs, and a shelter when the rains hit. 

I think it's because we're getting old, and don't feel sleeping on the ground is fun anymore. Cause it's just not.

Wanna see something REALLY gross?

As you know from a previous post, my parents have um.....eh......hem.....issues with throwing things out. Not so much issues, as it is virtually impossible for my dad to toss things out, and my mom keeps buying things. We call her a shopaholic.

Yesterday my sister Cindi and I were at my parents place to hang out and have dinner. I was making dinner and Cindi found her way into my mom's spice cabinet after I asked her for some pepper. It was an un-fucking-believeable-hot-mess.

Cindi must have tossed about 60 different old expired spices out. Spices that had clearly been there since before the dawn of time.  She also found 5 unopened bottles of Vanilla extract. Why 5? I have no idea. I can't even begin to tell you about the jam and jelly problem that my mom has, but that's a whole other post entirely.

But I found this one.

Most likely circa 1960's or 1970's. Because you KNOW that photo was hand painted with watercolor. NO one carries this shit anymore. NO ONE!

While I was snapping the photo with my cell phone, Cindi and I were laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes. My mom was sitting at the kitchen table laughing, crying, coughing, and yelling, "SJT! You better not blog about this!!!!"

Eh. Can't help myself I guess.

I.HATE.HOT

It's too hot for me today. Too hot. Too humid. And now I have have the lucky lucky LUCKY pleasure of escorting tons of kindergarten kids to a park. Walking. In the heat and humidity. Did I mention they were in Kindergarten?

And they aren't all my kids. So I can't yell at these kids if they're bad. And let me tell you. Some of these little darlings are quite a handful. QUITE!

Wish me luck. It's going to be an interestingly hot humid crabby day for me today. Just warning my husband. I know he reads this. *wink*

Well it's another day

So....the truth is, I've been sucked into reading another trilogy. Fifty Shades of Grey. Yeah. My girlfriend told me about it several months ago and I just got around to getting it on the Kindle. All I can say about it......Eh. It's not good. I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Sure there's sex. Dirty naughty S&M style sex. But it's stupid. It's annoying. And the writer is an awful writer. It's like she didn't have an editor AT ALL. I didn't care for it.

I hate getting stuck reading a trilogy that I don't care for. I have issues with closure. I need to have it. What can I say?

Some people are going bonkers for it. They either love it, can't get enough of it. Or there are those who are STRONGLY opposed to it. Feel it's degrading to women and supports violence against women. I say no to all of it. Basically it's a poorly written book. It's Twilight fan fiction. It's Twilight without vampires or werewolves and lots of sex. But not even good interesting sex. Just....meh. I feel that way about it.

Moving on. I've been getting calls from credit agencies asking for my ex husband. I know...right? He and I have been divorced since 1997. You'd think after all this time, being remarried and sealing some of my public records, would keep him out of my life for good. I mean really...Teepants isn't my last name. But no such luck. He has apparently been using my social security number on his credit applications. I know...."He's so cool SJT, why did you divorce him again?" Ugh. Seriously. Loser. I want to call him and say...."You loser. Get your shit together already!" But I don't. I haven't physically spoken to him since 1996 when I filed for divorce. But...wow. I got out of the shower and Claire had the phone to her ear and said, "Mommy, do you know who Douchebag McGoo is?" (of course this isn't his name, although I call him that) I swear I lost about 10 years off my life that day. After  grabbing the phone I found out it was a creditor. Ugh. Another reason I hate my ex husband.


And on a quite happier and much cuter note....little Claire had her Spring Fling this past week. God she's cute. And she's getting older by the minute. I don't like it. But I just adore her.

After the Spring Fling, we headed to get some ice cream with the kids and then to the park. It was a really great day.

Are sports REALLY that important?

Lately, I've been getting a lot of flack for NOT putting my kids in extra curricular activities. To that I say...screw you! Miles is just not that kid. He isn't athletically inclined. He's not terribly coordinated. And he really has had no interest at all.

Years ago I asked him if he wanted to try soccer or T-ball. He said very politely, "No thanks mom. Can I try a chess team?" And let me tell you, it's hard to find Chess for 4 year olds in Community Ed. So we just taught him ourselves.

Currently Miles is a 2nd grader. He's absolutely without a doubt the smallest kid in his class. And by kid I mean even smaller than the girls. But it doesn't phase him. I've told him for years, "You're going to be short. There's not much you can do about it. But you're smart and kind and that's cool with us." He's been riding that conversational wave for years now.

But this year, I've noticed other kids who treat him differently. They pat his head while they are in line to go to the library like he's a dog. Or they rest their elbows on his head. The kid who rests his elbow on his head is a little shit. When I see that happening I want to walk up to him, smack his elbow off my kid's head, and flick him right between the eyes. But I fear if I do that the teacher won't allow me to volunteer in the classroom anymore. Eh...who knows. That kid is such a little turd, she would probably give me a high five. But I don't want to test that theory.

Miles' closest friends right now are two boys who are hockey players. They are easily a head plus taller than him and are the proverbial jock. However. They are the nicest kids. NICEST! I would have them over to my house any day. I like them. A lot and I like their families a lot too.

Picking Miles up the other day from one of the friend's house I was talking with the mom about sports. She asked if Miles was in any. I said no. He hasn't shown any interest, and really I'm not terribly pushy with it. Her response is one I've heard before.

"How will he know what's available and out there if you don't have him try things?" What should my response be? "Because I don't WANT TO!" Or, "Because I loathe the idea of MAKING my kid do something that costs a billion dollars and he has no interest in it?" Or, "Do you really think making my kid play sports is gonna put him in the 'big show'?" Or, "I'm just lazy as fuck." Or, "Shut up!" Nah. I don't say that stuff. I just say, "Well I offer things to him and he says no thank you." End of story.

But for some reason, it is never an ok response. They keep lecturing me about it. Why?

Miles wants to do Tae Kwon Do. He has expressed interest in it. He is really fascinated with mixed martial arts. That's his dad's influence to be honest. But it is something he likes. The other stuff...not so much. So I'm researching different studios. And will most likely start him soon.

We asked Miles what he did with the boys and he said they played basketball.

Zoinks.

I asked him how he did, and he said, "Not so good mom." I asked him if the boys were mean about it, and he said, "No they helped me learn how to shoot the ball up higher." And then he told me they played PIG because then everyone had a turn. I seriously love those kids.

Next up. Explaining why I won't put my daughter in dance class. *sigh*

F-U Kimmy Gibbler!

Ha. I hated Full House when it first was on. I still hate Full House while my 5 year old drools over it. I hear a lot of, "You got it dude!" and "How rude!" from her very own sweet sassy mug.

GAH! Stupid 90's sitcoms that were made because stupid Three Men and a Baby made more than 1 million in the box office. I hate you 90's television. Worst ever in the world. (Except maybe Roseanne. But that's the white trash coming out of my Korean adopted ass.)

And the most amusing part of it all.....right after Full House.....comes the 700 Club. Claire doesn't even know how to process the switch. It's funny. Cause it's so stupid.

The Hunger Games: An open letter to the director or whoever makes the film look the way it does.

I know you've been waiting. Ha...I know I had been. Then I saw it. Oh lord indeed. First off...let me say, so GLAD I didn't eat before heading into the movie.

With that being said..here goes.

I love love LOVE Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games Trilogy. As does most of the world according to book sales and movie sales. I've read the trilogy at least 3 times if not more. It's a sickness.

I and my Bestie were so excited for the first movie to come out we were barely able to watch the trailers without losing our shit. Yeah so what? I'm a teenager on the inside.

We planned the time and place almost a month in advance. We had my god daughter/Bestie's kiddo, and a good friend who didn't have any other friends who would see it with HIM, come with us. Yes I said him. He was really excited too. He read the books at my suggestion. And some of his friends told me they were NOT going to see "this movie" with him. So RA came with us.

We got there early. We were going to get our dinner at the theater as well, but the cafe wasn't open. THANK THE LORD.
We got our seats. Sat our asses into the Tempur-pedic like seats and gazed anxiously at the ULTRA screen. Yes I said ULTRA screen. It's a big ass screen.

Then it started.

After the first 5 minutes I thought, oh boy! I'm so excited....and then in the next several 5 minute increments this happened....

Min 10: Wow..I'm so excited I'm getting a little nauseated. No big...this happens. Stupid digestive system.

Min 15: Whoa....is the camera really shaky?

Min 20: Shit...why are they moving around so damn much? *leaning over to RA* Is this moving around a lot?

Min 25: Oh GOD! Deep breaths...deep breaths....movie motion sickness is really kicking in.

Min 30: Fuck this...I'm out.

Yeah. Dear directors/editors/cinematographers or whoever...Stop with the shaky hand held camera work. I get it. You're trying to get me all stressed out and show the tension. I got it after the first 5 minutes. CLEARLY.

But to go the entire movie? Absurd. You WANT people to like the films don't you? And really. I stayed at the movie. Because of my love of the books. I wanted to see the story come to life. I did NOT want to do the following:

1: leave the theater 2 separate occasions for fear of barfing all over the nice new Tempur-pedic like seats. Cause you know that shit costs a ton.

2: keep my eyes closed and my head down for nearly 85% of the movie (strangely when the characters were on the train there was less movement)

3: deep breath throughout the entire fucking thing, most likely annoying poor RA who kept asking me if I needed a bottle of water.

So could you PLEASE consider stabilizers for the next three movies? I swear..I'll be the first person in line if you do. Otherwise I'm fearing you've lost several ticket sales of woman in their mid to late 30's. Cause as my one girlfriend said...We get it. You're running. Now quit with the shaky camera.

My friend

Remembering my friend Kent today. It's been many years since his passing, but I will always remember his great smile and his dancing!

Nick Jr. Raping our wallets since it's inception.

So...Claire is a victim of child marketing. Today while watching her morning cartoons on Nick Jr, there was a commercial for The Fresh Beat Band in concert. Now I think I have made it pretty clear I LOATHE this show. But Claire thinks it's the business. Eh...her demographic I suppose. And one dude has wobbly legs. Which makes him almost their generations Lucille Ball. I said ALMOST.

So Claire says to me:

"MOM! The Fresh Beat Band is in concert here!!! You just have to check their website and then you can see them ON A STAGE MOM A REAL STAGE!!! THE FRESH BEAT BAND MOM!!!!"

You hear the urgency and excitement?

So, I'm a good mom. I really am. And when my kids are THAT excited about something, the least I can do is check it out. So I google Fresh Beat Band in concert.

Thanks Google. The link to the theater in my city just pops right up. Creepy. Like Nick Jr. is IN my living room and knows. They just know. *shiver*

Like a zombie with no brain of my own, I click the link to see dates and ticket prices. Now...I really have no intention of purchasing tickets. Because the LAST thing I want to do is spend several hours in a small concert venue listening to millions of toddlers and kids Claire's age singing with these "teenagers". Who are really adults. Adults who have been dressed in "teen" outfits from the 1950's and are so coked up they are LITERALLY bouncing off the stage and walls.

But I check nonetheless. Cause I'm good that way.

And HOLY BALLS!!! The show is THIS Thursday. And tickets for the SECOND balcony are 125 dollars. Yep you read that right. 125 FUCKING DOLLARS PER TICKET!

Now to me this is just gross. I.....mean......GROSS! The pit tickets are 226 dollars per ticket. Laughable right? Do the kids leave with gold plated somethings?

Suffice it to say we are NOT going to see them. I lied to Claire and told her:

"They were already here and we should be mad at Nickelodeon for putting that commercial on our tv when they were already here. Don't they know how many kids in MN want to see them and that it's so mean to make the mommy's and daddy's look bad when it's really THEIR fault?"

She bought it hook line and sinker. Then agreed with me that it WAS an injustice. Then changed the channel to PBS. I figure I have about another year before she goes to the computer on her own and looks that shit up. Then I'm just screwed.

*Addendum. On "concert day" Thursday, Claire had a little friend over for a playdate. And little friend was in fact going to see the Fresh Beat Band in concert later that day. Busted. *sigh*

March already?

Well February just came and went. Wowza. I noticed I haven't posted in almost a month. That's unusual for me as I often have things to talk about. Ask anyone. I talk like crazy.

But February has been a tough month. The weather has been stellar. Although I want to have some snow. I heard a rumor we were supposed to get 12 inches tomorrow to Wednesday. We shall see.

My dad had his surgery to remove the colon cancer. It was seemingly a success. Although the surgery itself lasted 3 times what it should have due to "complications". Whatever those are. I imagine the surgeon just wanted a cocktail break. I would if I was elbow deep in someone's shit.

But recovery went NOT as planned. My dad ended up staying in the hospital for a full 2 weeks. He developed infections. Which I hear is what happens in hospitals. They say that one of the infections he had "spreads like wildfire in hospitals." I say WHAT THE FUCK! You're in the hospital to heal, not develop ebola. But whatever. He's home now and doing well.

My mom had a rough time with the surgery and the subsequent recovery time. Thankfully she was able to pull her shit together to and deal. But that didn't come until he was home. Safe and sound.

I haven't had much occasion to take photos of the kidlets either. I'm a bad mom now. I barely take snaps of them here and there with my iPhone. And those go straight to facebook. Next time you see a photo of them, it will be their highschool graduation. Or prison mug shot.

Coming up soon we have our Korea reunion. 7 years celebration. Holy crap. I love it. Maybe I'll have photos to share then. It will be tons of Koreans.

But I just have given up on posting any of the photos from Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, or anything else since the last time I took my camera out of it's case.

Dinner was highly entertaining tonight. We had pasta with italian sausage and kale. Claire did not care for the kale. Miles, he looked like I was slowly poisoning him from his mouth to his toes. He spit it out and shook his head. And then said to me, "uh uh". Resolution had set itself in. Miles was/is never going to eat kale. Oh well. I keep trying.

I went to Ryan and my old roommates wedding this winter. Here's a photo of me, Claire, BFF and Goddaughter. We did the bathroom photo. Claire looks smooshed.


And we have Claire's writers workshop from Kindergarten this past month. It says, "My brother screams like a girl." Can you feel the love?


Happy Leap Year!!!!

PS BFF I look taller than you. FINALLY!

Bag o' Crap Thursday

Welcome to the first ever edition of bag o' crap. It's basically a bunch of random things going on. I've been busy.

~My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had surgery to remove an enormous tumor and is currently in the hospital recuperating from the surgery. All I know is, I'm damn thankful I'm in therapy for this one. You'd swear my mother had never had a crisis in her life, or that she's never had to deal with one. Once again, I'm in charge. Well..me and my sister Cindi. Because Cindi lives 4 miles from them and I live about 30. Ha ha ha Cindi.

~I was thinking about my sweet dog Tucker today. He was a buff colored cocker spaniel who was the sweetest thing ever. Unless he didn't know you. Then he would bait you into petting him, so he could bite the shit out of your hand. Ask Ryan. When Ryan and I were just friends, I had a party at my house. I told everyone, "DON'T PET THE DOG! NO MATTER HOW CUTE HE IS." But my sweet Tucker would sit next to your leg, rest his head on your lap and then when you think, "Awww..he's harmless. SJT is crazy. I'm just going to pet this sweet dog." That's when he strikes. Bites you and usually will draw blood. Ryan came up to me, blood dripping from his hand and said, "I pet the dog."

I miss that dog. He was 14 years old when he died. Two things that made him amazing. 1: He would watch mice. I lived in a house with 6 guys and about 2000 mice. And my dog would just watch them WALK not scurry. WALK by him. And then he'd sniff their butts. Weird. Right? 2: If you were an Asian woman, who he'd never met, he would not bite you like everyone else. He loved himself the Asian female.

~My family has been dealing with a nasty cold for the past month. We seem to be passing it around to each other. Claire has the brunt of it. After 4 weeks of her being sick, I finally broke down and brought her to the doctor. She has another sinus infection. Her pediatrician told me it's common for Asian's to get sinus infections. We are a lucky race.

~I've been having random aches and pains lately. Some in my guts, and I attribute that to bad liver and digestive system. But I always go worst case scenario in my head. Unfortunately that's not where it always stays. I often will tell Ryan, "I'm dying! Something is wrong with me!" To which he'll roll his eyes and tell me I'm not dying. Or he'll just pat me and say, "I'm sorry sweetie." He's so sympathetic this one.

~ My doctors at the Mayo clinic have started me on a new homeopathic medication for my digestive system. Let me just tell you, IT'S FUCKING AMAZING! It's called Iberogast. It's been my savior. I no longer have nausea 6 out of 7 days a week, and the heartburn....in control. Sadly I can only get it though Amazon or the Iberogast website. I called every pharmacy in the Twin Cities. I mean every and they all said there was NO WAY they could get it. So thank you Amazon Prime. I love you too.


~We have had no winter this year at all. It's actually 40 degrees today. February 2nd. I say what the hell? I love snow. I love winter, and I'm getting jipped. Whoa is me.

~And that's about it. Not too much else going on. I do have Christmas and New Year's Eve photos and stories, but as you can see...things have been keeping me kinda busy. I'll get them up sometime. Maybe in the Spring.

She's no monkey.

Claire has been getting leg cramps lately. So we decided to have her eat a banana every morning.

Yesterday at a friend's house, my friend offered her a banana with dinner. This was her response.


Of course I saw this on Facebook this morning. I didn't know she wrote it. My friend posted it on her page. To be fair, Claire's a 5 year old who's learning to write. I say good job.

The most annoying sound in the world

One would think that snoring would be the most annoying sound. Or babies screaming their fool heads off. Or hipsters discussing what is the "up and coming" neighborhood. Or that this video for example could rank up there. But nope. No way. Nuh uh!

Being woken up at 2:30 am to the sporadic chirping of a smoke detector whose battery is dying, is far and away the WORST sound.
It's teeth-grinding-hair-pulling-out-sweat-dripping-freak-the-fuck-out-cause-I'm-tired-as-hell annoying.

Oh yes. I'm up at 4:05am typing this because I can't get back to sleep and I have a 5 and 7 year old up with me. I'm trying to get them back to bed, but me. I'm awake as hell.

Well let me begin by saying, I got just about some of the worst news today. It was "knock the wind out you" worst news today. And I thought to myself, "Self you need a good night's sleep after today." BTW, I haven't slept through the night in about 5 nights thanks to my little Claire. She likes to wake up frequently and stay up. But tonight, all signs pointed to a full nights sleep. Bah ha ha ha..fat chance.

I awoke to "chirp.........chirp.......chirp" One knows this sound. It's a smoke detector whose battery is going. It's frustrating as hell during the day when you're running around standing under each one trying to figure out which one it is. But to have it go off at 2:23 am? NOT.FUCKING.COOL. But hey. When you're exhausted, half awake, dizzy and have 2 kids up with you, you get creative at getting these things down.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out which one it was. Upstairs? Downstairs? Definitely up. So I have 5 to choose from. After trying, in vain, and with sanity, I lost my shit. I took every one of them off the ceiling, unhooked the hardwiring and ripped the batteries out. And what did I hear? Chirp fricking chirp!

So I did what the next logical step was...I called Ryan at 3:11 am in Dallas to bitch about it. He suggested that they still have the ability to chirp and to put them in my car. So I did. Still chirping. At this point, both kids are deep sighing, complaining about it. (I have no idea where they learned the "deep sigh" from *eye roll*) So I go all crazy swearing and yes, deep sighing to Ryan about how I can't find the "fucking chirp" and "why the fuck is this happening" and "I just want to go back to fucking sleep" and "GREAT! how am I going to get the kids back to fucking bed" Yeah. I know...but seriously....3:23 am at this point. And my kids have heard swearing before. Just not so much at one time. Poor things. They just hunkered down in bed and pretended to sleep at this point.

Very long story short, I found the culprit. It was the REPLACED smoke detector. In the linen closet. IN THE BOX. With the battery still in it. Yep. Ryan got a text after it was found. It went something along the lines of, "Next time you change smoke detectors, don't store the old ones with the batteries still in them. You will have lots of smoke detectors to put back up when you get home. Hope we don't have a fire, and if we do, hope it starts downstairs."


Look how it's mocking me. Jerkface.

Whoa 2012.

Well the New year began with me waking up dizzy AGAIN! Seriously. It's been a few years since this happened, but it's happening again. I don't care for it. I'm going to be super proactive about getting it taken care of.

If I can drive, I'm going to the doctor ASAP this time. I mean for real! Dizzy again? I feel like I have the spins on and off all day. It's the worst!

On another note, Christmas and New Year's was really spectacular!! Lots of family lots of friends and lots of fun. I didn't want it to stop. It was sad taking the tree down. But it was status quo pretty quick. I was sick and then Ryan left again.

Seriously you guys, I woke up New Year's Day dizzy as a mother fucker. Ugh.

Oh and I cut my finger open taking the trash out today. I probably need stitches, but like I said, Ryan's gone and someone has to take the kids to school. Thank god for bandages and Neosporin!

Come on 2012...it has to just get better from here. Right?