Caramel corn is the tradition!

Today we went to the Winter Carnival. Really...we went to see dripping ice sculptures. Or what was left of them. I had planned on going with the kids but thought below zero weather would be a bit much for them. So today was the day.

I had heard the weather would be 30 degrees today. Yay! Just cold enough to enjoy a hot cocoa but warm enough to have some feeling in my fingers before the day started. We decided to leave after lunch. Then I read from a Facebook friend's status that it was fricking 45 degrees out. Ah shit. It was going to be crowded as hell and....probably not much ice left to see.

But we packed the kids up sans hats and gloves, cause let's face it, they only wear that stuff if the threat of losing digits is used multiple times. Once downtown we found a great parking spot. My husband gave himself mad props for most of the day because of the parallel parking job he did. Lame. I could have done the same damn thing with my eyes shut and both kids screaming bloody murder in the back. But whatever. I'll give him this one.

Once we schleped up to Rice park we saw what was left of what I can only assume were beautiful ice sculptures. Most were falling apart. The ones that made it, had crowds around them making it impossible for 2 kids under 4 feet to see anything. Then we walked around the Landmark Center for what seemed to take all of 5 minutes. But shit...we paid 2 dollars in quarters for parking and we were going to get our 48 minutes worth! Needless to say there was little to be seen where we were at.

But we always get to the Winter Carnival. ALWAYS. We usually go to the Grande Day Parade, but didn't this year due to whatever. And at the end of the day we go to the Candyland shop to get swedish fish and caramel corn. I mean...Ryan and I did this before we had kids. Did I mention I love winter? Anyway...the line for the damn candy store was bigger then anywhere else we saw all day. So with treats in tow we headed back to our car. 8 minutes left on the meter.

Happy Winter Carnival to you, stranger who got our parking spot after us. You're welcome for a free 8 minutes. And suck it for honking at us to move faster!

Climbing the walls would be something to do

I feel like I am literally climbing the walls of my house. I have been inside this house since last Friday. I left on Monday night for a few hours and then yesterday for 1 hour. That's it. For a whole entire week. Talk about cabin fever. I wish someone would come by with that flesh eating virus from the movie Cabin Fever. With acclaimed actor Ryder Strong. Ha ha.

Anyway....today once again the kids are sick. Just a head cold, but sick nonetheless. I was unable to take Miles to school and then was unable to see my friend and go to the grocery store. Stuck. AGAIN.

So today I did all the laundry, cleaned the bathroom like I had cooties crawling in the tub, and cleaned the kitchen. Then did arts and crafts with the kids and now the living room is a huge "fort" ie: chairs with sheets over them. But they wanted it.

I am just going crazy. I need to talk to other adults. I need to see things in a store. I need to get fresh air besides that which I get, getting the mail.

I really really really love my kids. I do. But we have had a lot of together time lately. A LOT. Just wanted to explain why I may be calling you incessantly. Just to hear an adult voice. Or call me. I need some sanity.

As seen on TV

A friend of mine from college just got his Snuggie from tv. You know the one.....the big blanket with arms? You also get a free mini book light and if you call now, you get double the Snuggie for the price of one.

I totally want one. I love fleece! And I do find it annoying that my arms get all jumbled up in a blanket when the phone rings.

Anyone who comes to our house probably wants one too. It is always a balmy 59 degrees in our basement in the winter.

I also want the Shamwow! I mean.....that thing is magic! It cleans up anything. Just think how clean my kitchen and bathroom would be with it. WOW!

Another friend's husband is a major sucker for informercials. I mean...he likes them, and is highly impressed with the abundance of wonders that modern science and Ron Popiel come up with. Apparently he can't NOT buy the things he sees. They have at least 3 Magic Bullets in their house. I love it!

There are two things that make me not so impressed. The first....that guy who sells Kaboom...you know the one. Billy Mays. That guy yells A LOT! I often have to turn the volume down on my tv when he comes on. He bugs. The second...my friend who got the Snuggie, said he is getting tons of solicitations. Bummer. That is the biggest reason I think.

Thank god I can get this stuff at the "As Seen on TV" store at the Mall O' America or on the end caps at Target. God....I love Target. But that's another story.

See what being sick for a few days, sitting in front of a tv does to me?

Try explaining it to the garbage lady

This is going to be a TMI post. If you have a weak stomach, I recommend you just skip this one altogether.

Claire has had the stomach flu since Saturday morning. Barfing all day Saturday then the schmotz since Sunday. Still going strong in case you were wondering.

Ryan was up ALL last night sick sick sick......violently sick. I just shudder. Let's leave it at that.

And of course....TA DA!!!!! I got something that is making me NOT OK. Sort of in between what Claire and Ryan have. Either way....suffice it to say I need to be close to home.

Poor Miles. He is just healthy as can be right now. (yes of course I am knocking on wood, throwing salt over my shoulder, avoiding black cats and ladders..all that stuff)He has a day full of Star Wars Legos and Star Wars movie marathon. Only because none of us has the energy to do anything but sit and be. Oh and blog apparently.

So back to Claire.....she has the schmotz as I have said previously. Gross since she isn't potty trained yet. She went through two pairs of PJ's last night all in an hour. And before she went to bed. Ryan, in his barfy stupor, went to check her around 3 am. He said...the smell in her room almost made him run for the bathroom again.

Yep...she crapped in her sleep and had been in it most of the night. At least that was the indication as it was dried all over her, the bed, pj's and whatever else was in a 2 foot radius of her ass.

So...we bring a sleeping baby into the bathroom, blare on the lights and proceed to clean her up. All the while she is yelling..."I don't like showers!" Poor kid. Then Ryan ran to the bathroom downstairs.

I called our garbage company today to see how much it would be for them to haul out her mattress as it can't be salvaged. AT ALL. Poor lady. I had to tell her the whole story and she told me she would have to call in "a different truck, one that deals with bodily fluids." Gaaaaahhh!!!!!

At this point, Claire is lethargic, crabby, and super sad. But hydrated!!! I am a Nazi about that business. Her Pediatrician said the stomach flu has been lasting 4-5 days. Hmmmmmm......guess that means Ryan and I are in for a fun next few days.

I wonder how we are going to take care of 2 kids under the age of 5 while lying on the sofa half passed out? Oh did I mention I called my parents and asked them to bring by some Gatorade, Ginger Ale and Soda crackers. But just to leave them at the front door and make a run for it.

I'm not doing a very good job.

I was on facebook this morning. Nothing new there. And noticed that many of my friends have current photos of their kids. I said...CURRENT. I have none. And...to put me more to shame, some have videos. Oh Jeez. I mean not only did they take the time to record these moments, but they also had the where with all to post them.

I used to be all over that business. I took piles of photos of Miles when he first was here. I loved my camera too. It was the old Sony Mavica. It had mini cds to put the photos on. I loved loved loved it! But then we got a new camera and Claire. The new camera, you would think, would be so much more convenient being it is one quarter the size of the old camera. It is a Sony Cybershot. I hate it. Most of the indoor photos are blurry. Don't know why. I have done everything I can to figure out why, but they just keep coming out grainy. Could be, just a thought, I'm not a photographer.

But that being said...I have really slacked on the good mom photo job. Ryan has said we need a new camera. Again. This announced after he got to some dude's blog, all photography. I have to say....it was amazing. He photographed his beautiful kids and the most creative settings. I loved it. It was very.....commercial worthy. But at the same time super super inventive. http://www.fredmiranda.com/forum/topic/722109

Seriously!!!!!! Check out those photos and drool like I did.

Blah blah blah......Either way...I suck at documenting all the great things my kids are doing. I did however get a photo of Claire in her Run DMC T-shirt. She's pouting of course. Nothing new.

I will resolve to do a little better. Either that or have Jill do all the photo taking in my family's life. Thanks Jill....you do have an awesome camera!

ANNOYIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

This morning as I was enjoying my hash brown, bacon and egg breakfast, in my yoga pants and TOO big sweatshirt, I was flipping through the Target ad. (Oh FYI I don't do yoga either, but they are way more fashionable and way less frumpy-stay-at-home- mom then sweat pants.)

Annnndddd.....I saw it. I could feel and hear myself gasp in agony. The bane of my existence. SWIMSUITS.

There, on the happy pages of the Target ad were pretty, skinny, happy-go-lucky girls wearing swimsuits. Those anorexic bitches!

Son of a bitch! It's freaking 7 below right now. And I have my "winter weight" on. Which never really goes away, but it is nice I have a season to explain it away.

God damnit! Swimsuits. I DO NOT heart you inventor of the bikini!

FRICK!!!!!!!

Our weekend down the drain.

Last night started out the weekend. We always get together with the Dian's and as of lately the Breymeier's. Friday nights are Dian Friday. We have dinner then let the kids play while the grown ups chat and sometimes play games. It's a nice way to de-compress from the week.

Then...today we have friends from out of town coming over in the morning and a birthday party to go to in the evening. I am also not feeling great so I was going to do the best I could to hold it together.

Tomorrow, we were going to "Rock the Cradle" at the Minneapolis Institute of Art with friends. Apparently that is a whole day thing.

And.....NOT SO MUCH.

Claire woke up at 6:45 this morning puking. Poor little baby. I mean the girl is 2. She was in our room sleeping in her Dora bed on the floor, and I hear the cough that all mom's know. The gurgly cough that says....get that damn kid to the bathroom STAT!

So I ran her in. She had no idea what was happening, but I heard it....in her belly. Then.....blurp! There it was, and she was crying. I never thought I would have to hold my daughter's hair while she puked. It was so so sad.

I have a friend who's daughter is 8 and has some kind of CVS. It sucks. I never knew how it would be if my kids were sick like that. I mean...I definitely have sympathy for them when dealing with it, but.....now.....seeing a toddler throw up is really sad. My kids thankfully never do. Until now.

So goodbye active weekend. Hello sofa and movie weekend.

When does it end?

I woke up this morning....feeling yuck. Stupid virus in my stupid inner ear. Making me stupid sick to my stupid stomach and stupid dizzy all the live long stupid day!

How is it that I can feel pretty much like my old self again for a week or two then....BAM! Hello feeling like shit again. AAARRRRGGGHHHH....puts a cramp in the day. *sigh*

Stupid old run down body! Stupid.
Claire always tells me, "stupid is a naughty word."

I say.....stupid!


If you are wondering about the new photo on my page, didn't you know I married Christopher Walken and had Christopher Walken kids?

I'm a 13 year old girl trapped in an old lady's body

So what if I like reading all the Twilight books? So do lots of women my age. It hearkens us back to the easier times. The first love times. The flutter in your belly times.

So what if I like Amanda Bynes? She is so darn cute. With her sassy little self and her almost crossed eyes. She is cute and funny and I heart her show, What I Like About You. I also, just the other day, watched her in some movie on the Oxygen Network with Colin Firth. Don't know what it was called, but because she was in it, I had to watch it.

I also have found myself, much to my dismay, enjoying that new Taylor Swift song. Taylor Swift? I don't even know who she is, but I heard her song on the radio and it is kinda catchy. Crap. Something about Romeo and Juliet. Just cute bubble gum pop.

And just ask my friend Brian S. I loved for a long time the Disney Channel original series, That's So Raven. HA HA HA HA HA. That Raven Symoné . She is so so funny. Just funny. In a, I wish I was that funny in high school, or college for that matter. But I would laugh my fool ass off at that show. My friend has been witness to this and in turn would laugh HIS ass off. I'm not sure if me laughing just made the show funnier for him or if he was laughing AT me.

So yeah....I am just like a teenager. Ask my parents. They just were annoyed with me today about something "like super out of my control!"

Quick post for BPB

You know who you are....


Fodder:

Main Entry: fod·der
Pronunciation: \ˈfä-dər\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English fōdor; akin to Old High German fuotar food — more at food
Date: before 12th century

1: something fed to domestic animals ; especially : coarse food for cattle, horses, or sheep
2: inferior or readily available material used to supply a heavy demand (fodder for tabloids)

Something AWESOME to think about

Today is an historic day. Nope....Claire isn't potty trained yet, and Miles hasn't given up Star Wars for shopping and cleaning up after himself.

It's the day Barack Obama becomes our president. I have not been all that political here because this is the first time in many many years that I have even bothered to care. I mean...not just here in my blog, but at all. I am not by nature a political person. Just ask anyone who knows me and who has yelled at me about "not doing my part as an American" by voting, or otherwise. I just didn't care to follow everything, and why the hell would I make an UN-INFORMED choice. That's much worse in my opinion.

However. I followed. I read. I learned and I studied. I made a choice and I am happy.

Talking to Ryan today, we are so excited for our kids. They will never think in their life that a non-white president is a big deal. I like it! I am thankful I was able to be around for it. Suffice it to say...I am happy for me, for you, and for our kids that change is here.

Not just the change that will come with new Administration, but change in the mindset of American people.

You may not agree with me, and hey....that is ok......we are allowed to disagree. But I will be just a bit happier today. If not only for the notion of something new coming, but for the fact there are NO cartoons on today and the kids are fine with it. As Miles says, "Yay! Barack Obama!"

Creepy shit going on over here.

Last night was a doozie.

Claire has been getting up in the middle of the night and coming into our room. In the past she would come into bed with us, but after my post about the "family bed", I felt it was time to change that hippie business.

So she sleeps on this Dora fold out sofa next to my bed. See.....not IN my bed. She loves it. When she does wake up, she just comes into our room, announces she is there and lays down and goes right back to sleep. I have slept better then ever before.

Last night..not so lucky. Claire came into our room. Stopped by her Dora bed and just stood there. Then she tried to climb into bed with me. WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!!!! So I, as gently as possible at 1:24 am, encouraged her to go into her Dora bed. She reluctantly did. But I looked over and she was all squished up in the corner of the bed. Weird right?

Then about 30 minutes into it, she stands up, pulls the blankets back and climbs into my bed. I say..."Claire...you should sleep in your Dora bed." She says without hesitation, "There is a man and boy in my bed."

HUH?

So I let her lay with me for a bit. She kept looking over to her little EMPTY bed on the floor and then covering her eyes. So I just said...."man and boy you need to leave Claire's bed so she can go to sleep. We are all tired!" And with that...done and done. Or so I thought. As soon as I was about to tell Claire they were gone she said, "it didn't work mommy. They are still there. They not moving."

Now, my daughter is only 2. She isn't old enough to be THAT manipulative. Right? Or at the very least she isn't quite that clever yet. Suffice it to say, Ryan was scared shitless. He said it is too many of those Korean Horror movies he watches. Cute little Korean kids who see creepy ghosts and whatnot. He jumped about a mile when Miles woke up to pee. Ha ha.....but all went quiet about 4:30 this morning.
Yes...you read that right. 4:30 am. We were up dealing with the man and boy that whole time. Creepy assholes not letting me sleep. ARGH!

I lost a follower.

I am sad. I lost someone who followed my blog. She is part of the reason I started blogging in the first place. But alas....she has moved on to greener pastures.

I, however am not ready for change. Now...it is kinda sad seeing only 7 followers and not 8. Not that it really matters, but she was the first to follow and the first to leave.

I'll miss ya T. But....I will follow you to your new and improved blog. It's pretty nice. And thanks for checking back with me once in a while. I'll see ya at school.

Faking Facebook.

So a very good friend of ours who comes over every Thursday night for dinner and Must See TV thinks Facebook is ridiculous. His sister is addicted as am I and several other friends.

Ryan and I keep threatening him that we are going to make him a FB page, host it, and just run it for him. He thinks we won't do it. We think it would be pretty easy.

Status updates would include:

BS is going to work
BS is at the Teegarden's
BS is watching the fights
BS is still not smoking.

I think it would be easy breezy. He would have tons of friends because he is just that kind of guy. And he would have no idea whatsoever!

LOVE IT! Look out BS. It's gonna happen. You won't know when, or how, but you WILL have a FB page. The only way you will know is when people actually talk to you and say...."hey you finally got on Facebook!"

MWWWAAAHHHH ha ha ha ha ha...........And yeah...that is maniacal laughing going on over here. We are also rubbing our hands together.

Joe

This post is about my brother in law Joe. He married my sister Sara many years ago and they have 6 year old boy Lincoln.

I have only met Joe twice in my life. And possibly spoken to him a few times on the phone. They live in California.

The first time I met Joe was when my sister had Lincoln. A friend of mine and I flew out to LA to see them. It was the first time any of the "sisters" had met Joe.

Joe was a nice guy. We bonded over My Life With the Thrill Kill Cult. And I lectured him about not sharing finances with my sister. He took us to all of his favorite places in Hollywood and all the "hip" places in LA. Sara took us shopping. We met his lovely family. All in all it was a nice trip. I liked LA but it was stinky and expensive. But I digress.

So then the following year, Sara, Joe, and Lincoln came to MN for Christmas. This was the second time I had seen him.

We took them Downtown Mpls for lunch. Sawatdee. Yummy right? And then we heard him talking to his family on the cell about how we took him "downtown" for lunch and then he laughed. Apparently he thought our downtown was laughable. I am sure it is, but it is what we have. And then he told them I lived in the country. THE COUNTRY! I live about 5 miles out of downtown St. Paul. Hardly the country.

Here is the best part. Ryan and Joe went to a movie. It was 45 degrees that day. Odd for December, but it was. When they got home, Joe was practically in tears because it was "so cold! Down to the bone cold!" And then he was baffled that Ryan didn't wear a coat. He vowed then and there he would never NEVER NEVER come back to MN in the winter. He thought it was too damn cold.

I was talking to Sara today and said to her....
"you know we are almost 100 degrees colder then you guys today!"
True story by the way. It is almost 90 in LA today. We laughed at the notion of Joe here in MN. 24 degrees below zero with a windchill of -45. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I said to Sara if he got off the plane I imagine he would just break into pieces with the cold, like someone had poured liquid nitrogen on him and then tapped him with a hammer. Poor Joe.

I told her I don't mind the cold. Once it is below zero it doesn't really matter if it is 5 below or 45 below. It just all feels the same. The only difference being how many times do I sniff in before my nose welds itself shut.

"Oh! Today is a 1 sniff day!" Cold. Poor Joe.

Do over!

Today is just a shit day. It actually started out shitty yesterday, but....strap in folks...here goes.

Yesterday at 3:15 Ryan called me on his way home from work. Flat tire on 394. Sucky. He had to pull over and put the spare on. Then he found out that he needed a new tire and new rim. Goodbye 500$ Oh and to top it off...goodbye feeling in the tips of his fingers. Yep...frostbite.

This morning was just a whole pile of monkey shit business. Yep...new phrase I just now put together. Money shit business. I had my "specialist" appointment today and all was put into place for my parents to pick the kids up from school. The kids preschool is in White Bear Lake and my appointment was 2 blocks from the house. So I was going to drop them off in WBL and then high tail it back here for the appt. NOT SO MUCH.

Because Ryan is out a car...his plan was to borrow his parents car (which is in WBL)for a bit while they "winter" in Arizona. Good plan. So....we both were going to drop off the kids, get the car, get to the doctor appt, and then get the kids...blah blah blah.

Once we hit the road we were no more then a block from the house and the highway was bumper to bumper both ways. NO GOOD. I only had 45 min to do all the driving and it would have been tight on a good traffic day. So we U turned it and I drove the car with the spare to the doctor. Ryan took the kids to school and waited until they were done.

Me...the doctor....let's just said her "bedside manner" had much to be desired. I warmed up from her chilly attitude once I got outside. Yep....no shit. She told me I had a virus, no extra fluid in the inner ear. Diagnosis.....damage to the inner ear. No cure and I will be dizzy like this forever. The only thing I can do is train my brain, yep that's right, train my brain to deal with the imbalance.

I say WHAT THE FUCK! So one more test and much occupational therapy to learn how not to fall. The up side...should ONLY take several months. Yes that is also right...not only have I dealt with this crap for 2 months, but I have several more to go. And apparently the therapy makes me uber dizzy. So I need to find a ride to and from in addition to having someone watch my kids.

AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

In other "do over" news my BFF and her husband have not one but two cars that are totally crapping out. Really? What the hell did we do? And as Nick said....we need a Mulligan.

The best surprise

Today I am feeling great. I woke up not too sick. Yay. And of course it is the day before I go to the specialist. Figures.

But I got to sleep in late. The kids slept a little bit late too. They are now playing TOGETHER without fighting. Well without fighting each other. They are on some kind of mission with guns, swords and maps. I don't know what the hell they are, but Claire is "gonna get me".

Yesterday I shoveled the snow and had the kids outside for about an hour. I figured it would be the last of the outside they would see for a while. At least that they would see for longer then the seconds I toss them in and out of the car. But of course I shoveled before the plow went through.

So last night Ryan and I were discussing who was gonna shovel the end of the drive and the subsequent snow accumulation that fell AFTER I shoveled the first time. I told him I would do it while the kids played in the house. I knew it would be chilling to the bone today and was not looking forward to doing it first thing in the AM, but I do like to shovel....so I got ready.

When I went outside....I was baffled. Perfect snowplow marks ran up and down my driveway. (We don't own a snowplow by the way) The sheer bliss that I felt at that moment was indescribable. Our 24 year old neighbor, whom I HEART a lot today, had cleared our drive BEFORE he went to work today.

I don't know about you...but when I was 24 I could have given two shits less about helping out a neighbor in below zero weather before I had to leave for work. Unless it was life or death. Really. And I don't think that is selfish at all either to feel that way. But.....let's just face it..he is a better man then I. I think I will dub him...."Mr. Plow" Thanks. The Teepant's Heart you today.

Do I offend?

Last night a certain man who shall remain nameless told me....I insulted him in my blog.

He reads it and is a follower of it, but was highly offended that I "gently teased" him about certain things close, VERY close to his heart.

I apologize friend. Or should I say Bro, as you so eloquently stated we are ALL family now cause we blog together.

Hopefully a family that blogs together stays together.

To others who may possibly, (I have no idea how as you all pretty much know me and my sassy potty mouth)be offended...I say...hmmmmmm. Think of this as my "Parental Advisory Explicit Content Warning." Deal with it. Love it. And damnit, I can be funny on occasion.

And friend, I mean Bro...you know you are going to be fodder for this blog from now on. Keep your secrets hidden. And...I am so tempted to post that Zubaz photo cause you look so so pretty. I mean....kick ass.

Miles and Youtube.

A while back, Ryan had shown Miles Star Wars Lego videos on Youtube. They are all stop animation with Legos. He loves it. They will re-enact scenes from the movies. And Miles will sit and watch them like nobody's business.

He has, as of late, been allowed to choose his own videos. Ryan will set him up on the computer with the first video and then Miles will scroll down after each one to find a new one. All the time, Miles has adult supervision.

At some point, he had found new ones. They are the same type of videos but they are Batman, Indiana Jones, or Harry Potter. He also loves these.

But the other day I noticed that Ryan had left the room and Miles was watching the videos. Then I heard all kinds of swears, dirty talk, and serious laughing from Miles.

Now.....just so you all know....I try not to use bad language around my 4 and 2 year old. But they DO know what the bad words are. And they really know not to use them.

I had to shut down the computer. Miles looking very befuddled, asked me why I did it. I told him it was bad language and kinda not ok for younger kids.

He told me...there were no boobs, vaginas, or other private business. Then he began humming the Star Wars theme song like it would convince me otherwise.

Or maybe he was using the Force.

Either way....we have been VERY cautious with his Youtube viewing. He is only 4 you know. But apparently you can never get enough Star Wars. Appropriate or otherwise.

It really isn't that difficult considering......

There are 2 boys who live in my house.

There are 2 bathrooms in my house. One for boys and one for girls. The girl bathroom is all mine since my 2 year old WON'T potty train.

My son goes to the bathroom in MY bathroom when he wants to, which is most of the time. He misses a lot. What is up with that? The boy can put together the tiniest of legos, play with teeny tiny guns that go with his Star Wars action figures, and find the smallest piece of parsley on his potatoes. But can he hit a HUGE WHITE PORCELAIN bowl? Of course not.

That goes for his dad too. The man can put together whole mother boards on a computer and mess with all those tiny micro chips, but he also has very minimal accuracy.

Is it inborn? Is it a learned behavior? Either way.....BIG WHITE BOWL. Hard to miss. And a pain in the ass to clean up after other people.

My addiction to Internet gossip

Perez Hilton is awesome!

He feeds my gossip needy soul. I find that if I have a few minutes between this and that I will get my laptop, take it out of standby, ctrl/alt/delete, enter password and then.....hello browser and url...perezhilton.com!!!!

I can breathe a little easier knowing that Mickey Rourke no matter how messed up he is, is SO messed up he can't put a cigarette into his mouth the right way. And Donna Martin is back bitches!

I love that Perez and his cronies draw little penises on the faces and bodies of the celebs they talk about. They also draw cocaine noses, drooly faces, and miscellaneous other bodily functions/fluids on people. I think it is justice at its best. Why not? They are asking for it with their behavior at times. The best part is when they write on someone that they are....a MESS or have a conversation balloon over their head (usually used for celeb babies) that say....SAVE ME or HELP ME. Very Exorcist of them. It makes me laugh a big hearty belly laugh.

I get to catch up on what is going on with my favorite movies, books, music and television without all that pesky "real news" stuff added in.

My BFF and I are always saying..."Did you see Perez today? This happened to so and so!" We are kinda pathetic, but kinda awesome at the same time. Pathetic that we actually waste time reading this stuff, but Awesome I mean really AWESOME for admitting such a thing. Because let's face it.....WE ARE AWESOME!

Everyone should read it. Go there, you will love it and be addicted just like me.
perezhilton.com

Don't say I didn't warn you.

*I am also on my dizzy meds right now. Just an FYI and probably clarification for those of you who don't know me very well*

What goes through my head in an MRI tube.

1- Thank god I am not claustrophobic!
2- Am I supposed to feel tingling in my hands like the magnets are pulling me?
3- Hmmmm....this sounds like Japanese anime ray guns shooting
4- Oh....now it sounds like 80's pop electronica.
5- I wish I could fall asleep.
6- Are those two technicians making out? It is late in the evening.
7- I wonder what they will find?
8- They said it would take 30 min. Good thing 25 have passed already. Thank god for that clock.
9- Ooohhh...there is a count down up there. I'll watch that.
10- Nope not making out. Just talking closely.
11- Why are they talking so close? Is it my brain?
12- Holy shit this is loud.
13- Crap my back itches.

Well.....no results yet. I should find out in the next few days. I am hoping for crazy glands being swollen, and nothing else. Then hoping for the blood tests to say I have a virus. That would be AWESOME! I don't have time for anything else at this point.

Like I said before....35 sucks. I think for my birthday this year I should have been able to trade in this old run down body for a new svelte healthy one. Is there a store for that? And do they make exchanges? If you know of one please forward all information to me. Thanks for your cooperation!

My kids rock!

Today I went to the doctor. Again. And good news...he scheduled blood work, MRI and all the other tests you can think of to figure out what is wrong with me. He is concerned. Blah blah blah...

My post today is about my kids. Today was Miles' first day back to school, but because of my dr. appt he had to miss it. He was a little bummed, but said..."I want the doctor to find out why you are sick and make you better." Love that kid.

Claire just wanted to make sure I brought her with me.

Ok..so 1 hour in the clinic. The actual clinic not even waiting. This was nurses and the doctor visit. Who knew? Both kids sat quietly. Yes...I said quietly, reading their books. Chewing gum. Shushing each other when one would forget to be quiet. Then off to the lab. Blood work to be done. Miles and Claire were fascinated that I didn't cry when they gave me a "shot". Amazing. Mommy is amazing. Then down to the other end of the hospital to make the MRI appt. No complaining. Just holding hands and singing down the hall. Great acoustics at this Woodwinds location.

So.....all in all my kids rock. They totally get McDonald's for lunch.

It's new to me

So I woke up this morning feeling about the same. Barfy and dizzy. Then....something new. My neck AND jaw completely aching. It was....like......swollen or something. Gross I know. But it's a new thing. I have been having to write down all the monkey business going on with me before I see the specialist. Add this shit to the list.

But now after breakfast....no dizzy or very little. Maybe the virus that is "supposedly" in my inner ear has moved out and into my sinuses. Is that possible? And would it feel like this? I feel like someone punched me on the left side of my face. But only when I turn. So apparently turning to the right is out for a while. Should make driving the kids to pre school tomorrow interesting.

I don't know why I am bitching about it here, but oh well....I am.

Also, no I'm not having a heart attack. Trust me. But.....it has been 2 months of feeling like shit. Lord help me.

I was telling Jill I needed that all over body scan that tells you everything that is possibly wrong with you. Then they can fix it all in one shot! I think it would be awesome for me. Ha ha....I am not a hypochondriac. I hate Doctors, and I hate being sick. I will postpone going to the doctor because I hate it so much. I will pretend nothing is wrong with me because I hate it so much. But it just gets to a point where I can't stand it. Then I finally go in. And like I said before, they never have an easy answer for me.

Hey!!!!! Maybe that is my problem. I wait too damn long and it gets real bad. Hmmm.....epiphany. Nah....I'm going with the tiki lamp. Wrong damn window this last time I bet.

Things brought to my attention

1: People on my facebook page are always telling me that my kids look just like me.

This is comical to my BFF cause she knows they are adopted. And they really don't look all that much like me. They especially don't look like their white as white can be daddy. But I have had to clear it up a little. I usually don't tell people they are adopted, because well.....does it really matter? But I just tell my friends...."I guess it's true that all Asians look alike." ha ha.

2: One of my friends wants to keep my children.

I have been able to hang out with a "new" / "old" friend the past few weekends. She is awesome. The last time I saw her she was 10 years old. Now she is a grown up with a 13 year old boy. I told her I would tell everyone how she tries to have my kids go and live with her almost every time she sees them. She really does. Miles and Claire always say no. I know it's a joke, her wanting my kids. But I told her I was going to call her out on it. So....you have been called out lady. Your secret is exposed. You, as blonde as you are, want to have 2 Korean kids. It's ok though....like I said before, Ryan is blonde and he couldn't resist a good Korean.

3: My son will play with anything Star Wars. And be engrossed in it no matter what.

The past 2 times we have gone to the Dian's house Miles has been obsessed with playing with their Risk Star Wars edition. It is full of little clones and a big emperor and ships and droids. I mean tons of them. They are tiny. He lines them up, spaced perfectly. He doesn't care to play the game Risk, he just wants to have his own imaginary battles. It is kinda funny, kinda sad. He just plays it. Focuses on nothing else unless he is hungry, thirsty, or needs someone to battle with him. Well...he is focused. Let's just say that.

4: Claire is the biggest flirt I have seen since High School.

Whenever there are new people around Claire can really turn on the charm. She was really amping it up last night with Jeff and Nick. I can't believe her flirty flirty. We are totally screwed when she gets older and figures out what she can do with that. She already has Nick and her dad wrapped around her chubby little fingers. And yes....plural fingers.....they are that smitten by her charm. Yikes.

5: I like talking to old friends.

Facebook has opened up an old world for me. Not only do I get to keep up with people I talk to on a regular basis, but I also get to chat with old friends from way back in the day. Not just high school, but also college. People I never thought I would talk to again. Some people have changed, others haven't. I really love talking to the people who I grew up with and are still the same. You know I am talking about you Amy and Jill H.

Plus now that I'm older, I really don't give a shit if these people like me or not. So much less pressure. Like I told my friend Jill in Miami......if you don't like 'em or if they start acting weird, just delete. Wish it were that easy in high school.

6: Jill really DOES want me to blog everyday.

It's tough to do. I don't do enough to warrant blogging everyday anymore. But you will have the occasional double or triple blog on any given day. I just have been feeling so yucky, it's been hard to be.....ME. I will work on it, but don't hold your breath.

7: Jill announced last night that 6th grade girls and 8th grade boys are the same developmentally. And they will pretty much suck thanks to hormones.

I think it is kinda entertaining watching my friends with pre teens/teens right now. I think about what it was like when I was that age and just think...ha ha ha. That sucks for them. After hearing what Jill had to say last night...I think...not so funny. I will have a 6th grade girl AND an 8th grade boy at the same fucking time. And my daughter is already a sassy pre-teen and she's only 2.

8: Last but not least...a friend of mine (male) loves 90210 the old school version as much as any girl I know.

This is a man's man. He wears Zubaz. He loves his Coors Light. He watches sports like it is his life line. But......he loves 90210 on soapnet. I guess he watches it religiously. He loves Nick Lachey and knows most lyrics to songs. And last night I saw his David Archuletta CD in his house by the "boom box".

All these things have been brought to my attention last night. Not that they weren't there before, just not all in one night.

Free babysitting and monkey business

Happy New Year!

Last night was fun. We were at the Dian's for the festivities. The Breymeier's, Elias' plus one, A couple of Wallek's, Aman/Burge's, and the female Ackerknecht's were there. There was far too many appetizers for anyone's good. Drinks flowed freely, and the kids were happy happy happy.

At least my kids were happy thanks to Allie, Sam and Layla. Claire didn't let go of poor Sam's hand all night. I kept asking if it was bothering her and she would always say no. I wish that girl lived closer. She is getting to babysitting age! Crap.

As the night progressed, there was much monkey business. Some guitar hero was played, but Jill couldn't figure out how to play bass and sing at the same time. I guess there was too much to look at. But she tried and it was awesome. Good thing she is well endowed to hold that microphone.

Nick and Ryan were yelling something about 1 shrimp making Ryan's ear red and swollen. Ryan won't eat any seafood. "Nothing from the water!" He always says that. But it went on all fucking night.

There was a football game on that not one female enjoyed watching. But for some reason Dave couldn't stop butching it up yelling like a drunk frat boy about it. Too bad he kept asking if they made a home run yet. I love ya Dave. I know you know the difference.

And Jaime and I hijacked Jill's iphoto booth on her iMac. We must have done at least a dozen or so photos. Just to see. I mean Jill is in LOVE with it and Jaime and I thought....why the hell not? It sounds really lame, but it was pretty funny with many drinks. And you can really mess yourself up with it.

As predicted, there was a lot of stupid facial hair. A lot of stupid stroking of facial hair. And even a facial hair comb. Sad. I hate mustaches. And to be honest, they did really look like meatheads!

The night ended with us all wanting to go to bed. Holy shit are we old. The ball dropped and we were out of there. I think we got home around 12:30. The kids were asleep by the time we hit the highway, but they made a good showing. Must have been that 45 minute nap they had.

Thanks Dian's for hosting the night. Next year, Pajamas will be in order for all.