Oh Joan Cusack..you are one funny lady!

I just watched a "made for Lifetime" movie, 'Acceptance'. Staring Joan Cusack. She is hilarious. I love her.

Lifetime movie you ask? Yep. I may have 2 kids and be a stay at home, but I also have bad insomnia and a DVR. Lifetime movies...well they make me feel a tiny bit better about not sleeping at 3 in the morning. I mean....they are mindless, women-centric, fluff. And it pretty much helps me sleep after a while. I used to watch QVC and HSN to fall asleep, but that didn't help. The people would just annoy me. I've tried reading too, but I find I get so caught up in whatever book I'm reading, it seems fairly counter productive.

Anyway....getting back to Joan.....I find her very very entertaining. She always plays the super quirky, goofy faced sidekick, or "stick in the mud/stick up the ass" teacher/mother/sister/friend. But she does it with much humor.

This movie I watched, it was ok. But that Joan. Hilarious. She plays a rich mother who doesn't know her "troubled" teen and can't relate to her at all. I mean...major teen angst. There is the 'rebel' clothing, the blue hair, the screw-you-world attitude, and of course, with a Lifetime movie, there's some kind of destructive behavior. In this particular movie it's cutting.

Joan is the mother who doesn't get it, pushes her kid too far and then realizes in the end her daughter is a wonderful person who needs help because she and her husband really are the ones who screw up their kid. But she plays it in a way, that I was laughing during most of the scenes she was in. I think it's the way she scrunches up her face. Or looks wide eyed at her kid waiting for her kid to "get it". Or her voice. Hilarity.

The best part about this movie, is the story line. It is touted as a movie about teens and what they do to get into college. And the pressures to be accepted to their #1 college of choice. Stupid really. But it had Joan in it, so I recorded it. If I had Tivo, it would have recorded it for me without my asking. I miss my Tivo. Cause Tivo knew what I liked. Tivo loved me unlike stupid DVR, which I have to program myself all the time. And Tivo just knew what I wanted and gave it to me no questions asked....sorry...side tracked for a sec.

I have often loved the movies Joan does with her brother John too. (This has nothing to do with my re-occurring dream about John Cusack being my boyfriend either. Jump down to #18 ) My favorite being Say Anything. Although she plays that character pretty straight. I would say one of her most out there roles would be in Sixteen Candles. What with the head gear and all....trying to drink from the water fountain....Oh lord.

Clearly I'm tired. Clearly I have overdosed in the land of make believe, if I am writing a post regarding my love of Joan Cusack. Clearly I have a problem. Clearly.

*post written at 4 am* Sad really.

Wahhhh...Boo hoo.......

Today I took Miles to meet his Kindergarten teacher. Just a meet and greet as it were. He has a bit of anxiety about starting a new school and meeting new kids. So I emailed his teacher, and we set up an early meeting.

I have to start off by saying....years ago, I received a phone call from my BFF. She was crying. A lot. Her youngest had just started Kindergarten. I felt bad for her. She was pretty upset, so we chatted until her laughing/sobbing settled. Then when I told Ryan about it, I kinda didn't get it. I said I understood why she was upset, but that I probably won't cry "like that" when my kids go to school for the first time.

Jump ahead several years. Here I am. Trying not to blubber like a kid who dropped their ice cream in the sand. I mean it too. I want to cry. Loudly. Like a baby. But I can't. I don't want to scare the crap out of Miles. And it would. Definitely would.

I just know the first day, when I drop him at the flag pole and his teacher takes him into the school.....Oh....God....

I'm glad Ryan is going to be home that day. And BFF.....you promised to be on call. Even if you DO have a kid going into high school....we can commiserate together.

Baby Miles.

OOOOmaHHHAAAAA!!!

We made it. Well, with the exception of a speeding ticket. Ha ha ha....Ryan and his, "I never get pulled over, and if I do I never get tickets." So much for that theory.

Miles has asked me several times, "can you make sure we don't get pulled over again? It's embarrassing." Hilarious.

Omaha isn't what I thought. Yes there is a lot of corn. And according to my friend Kyle and his 'Google' expertise, I learned it is exceedingly humid here BECAUSE of the corn. Interesting tidbit. Thanks Kyle.

We spent most of the first day acclimating and navigating. Where we are, looks a lot like Maple Grove MN. A lot of outdoor shopping centers. A lot of chain restaurants in newer buildings, but they are still Olive Garden, TGIFridays, Applebees and Famous Daves. I did see an Omaha Steaks Store. (Looks like you'll be getting A steak Jill.)

Today is a zoo. It is such a big deal, that when we got stopped in Iowa, the highway patrol encouraged us to go there. Again with the hilarious. He was super nice. Ryan was super lucky.

That's it so far. I did have some really delicious Scotch Ale at a local brewery last night....yummmy beer.

My cell doesn't work here though. I don't get it. It worked yesterday. But not so much today. Oh well. Ryan is convinced that there is a cellular black hole over Omaha NE.

More later.....

Oh. Claire peed the hotel bed last night. The entire bed was soaked, with the exception of my little 2 foot corner. And I only found out about it because her cold wet little body was smashed up against mine. She NEVER does that. I feel terrible. I guess too much swimming and hot cocoa. They don't mix FYI.

I'm going to Omaha.

So I have put it out there on my facebook page. Anyone who knows what the hell to do in Omaha Nebraska with 2 kids...please I beg you, let me know.

We are venturing to Omaha NE tomorrow. We have decided that if we want to see Ryan at all this month, we must travel with him. And that means we are headed to the beautiful hip happening city of Omaha.

I know I sound so positive about this experience. *Did you hear that sarcasm?* I sound like a city snob. I imagine Omaha has....corn....livestock....and Starbucks. At least that's what Ryan said. And what city doesn't have a Starbucks these days? I think, quite possibly the Amish drink Starbucks. It just takes longer to grind the beans.

My girlfriend told me there was a nice zoo there. *sigh* Aaaaaand....that's about it. I found online that they have a Botanical Gardens in the area. But it's gonna be raining and a million degrees when we visit. I am sure I have made it pretty clear about how much I love heat. So...I will be bringing the umbrellas and some sort of self cooling system. Although the kids will love the umbrellas.

But..whatelse? What the hell do I do? I can only swim in the e-coli infested hotel pool for so long before my skin melts off from all the chlorine. And really? Gross. I am about as much a fan of the swimsuit as it is of me. Even if I WILL never see you again. I don't like it.

Ryan assured me, that where we are staying, is like a fancy suburb. Ugh. Not only will I not know where I am, but I will have to be picked apart visually by parents wearing "Bebe" or "Juicy Couture", Double size 00, and plastic surgery up the wazoo. While I'm "happily" schlepping my kids around in my rolled up jeans and t-shirt. Lost. Cause I didn't check google maps before I left. Meh.....like I said....never gonna see you again anyway. So balls out I guess.

My kids are just excited to stay in a hotel. Like their life isn't "pampered" enough, they want room service too. Hilarious.

I just hope they allow late check out. On the last day Ryan will most likely work until around 5. I have some plans, but the last time we traveled with him, we checked out of the hotel at noon, went to play for a bit, had the kids fall asleep in the car, and I had no where to go. So I sat like a "stalker" in some waterpark, parking lot with the car running, air on, and 2 sleeping kids for 2 hours. Creepy. Don't want to re-live that again.

But.....we will be together. That's what matters. Cause after this trip, when Ryan travels, it will be sans us. School starts, and Kindergarten frowns on taking your kid out of school just to see dad for a week.

She doesn't play by those rules

I was inspired to title this post, as I was complaining to my friend via gmail chat.

My daughter does not play by not just MY rules, but any rules laid out in the parent/child universe. And it really is starting to bum me out.

Case in point...since Ryan has been out of town, Claire is hard pressed to go to bed before....11:30pm.

Now, I am a huge fan of schedules. My kids have to go to bed between 8 and 8:30. With the exception of a few times here and there. I'm not that stringent, but I like to have a set bedtime for two reasons. The first is...it's good for the kids. Second....I like some "no kid" time. Just a little. An hour or two. But unless I have Ryan take them out of my face...it doesn't happen until they go to bed. And as Ryan has been out of town for the past 2 weeks. Well you get the picture.

So as I was saying. There is Claire. Up later then me. I mean it. She is monkeying around until I fall asleep. And then I can only assume she falls asleep at some point.

Last night was the worst yet. She started the day at 8am. Not bad. Then spent the entire day running around at the zoo. In the rain. With other kids. No nap after that, thanks in part to the tornado warnings blowing off every second. And then proceed with the regularly scheduled programming for the night. Dinner with some friends over. Dessert. Bath. Books. Sitting up for bed. And I was hopeful everyone would be out at 8. Nope. Miles? Done at 8:15. Snoring his fool head off. Claire...not so much.

She went to my room. After I put her to bed. Meandered through the bathroom and hallway. Found some peppermint lotion in the linen closet. Shot peppermint lotion throughout my room and on her pj's, (I have no idea but I smelled it throughout the upstairs), and was sitting next to her brother, who was dead to the world, holding his hand. She said she, "didn't want to be alone." Oh for the love! If it wasn't so annoying it would have been darling. But it was 11pm. I was tired. She wasn't, and proceeded to bawl about how she was tingly on her arm and legs. Damn peppermint.

Doesn't the girl know that when grown ups say "go to bed" it really means "go to bed so I can be ALONE for more then 5 minutes?"

Apparently she didn't get the memo.

By midnight, the girl was asleep. And yes I woke her up early. We have to be somewhere this morning. But, holy crap is she chipper this morning too. I don't get it.

Two birthday parties and a tornado

I am finally getting the photos up. It took me so long, because....well....I have no motivation as of late. Oh well...anyway they are here now.

Miles' party was a hit. Lunch, movie theater, and the play time. Star Wars and Legos all around.

Claire's party was good too. Girly tea party. Pink. pink. pink. Gross! Gross! Gross!

I have not posted photos of other kids, as I don't have permission. And I really don't want to have to ask for it from multiple parents. But there were approximately 6 boys at Miles' party and about 12 little girls at Claire's.

It has actually taken me this long to get over it. The parties were taxing.

We are currently sitting in the basement under a tornado warning. Kids under a blanket. Don't ask me why.

Miles' party setup. Very Star Wars.


Claire's party setup. Imagine flamingos vomiting all over my kitchen.


And......the worry warts. Gotta love em'

Barky/Yippy dogs....Grrrr.....

The other night was a lovely night here in Minnesota. It was cool and breezy and not at all humid. Quite a shift from the horrific humid/bring-your-own-knife-to-go-outside-and-cut-through-the-air weather.

And I revel in the notion of sleeping with my house WIDE open. Curtains (if I had them) blowing in the breeze.

But at about 3:00 am I am slapped in the eardrums. No, not from Claire and her Diego adventures. No no...I hear this....woo woo woooooo....woo woo wooooo....woo woo woooo.

Over and over. Non-stop. For 3 and half hours. I know where it's coming from.

Over the past few weeks, it has been too hot to have the house open completely. Well not so much hot as humid. But having the house open, reminded me that, in fact, several yards away, we have a neighbor, who lets their stupid, yippy, yappy, howling, barking dog out at 3 am. EVERY NIGHT. And I swear...that frickin dog is out to get me.

What dog do you know that barks NON STOP for hours. I mean...no breaks...just howling and barking all night long. It's annoying. Other neighbors have said they notice it too. And it drives them nuts. Cause it's high pitched and loud. One neighbor called the police cause it went on for so darn long. But...the dog kept barking.

I don't blame the dog, although by 4 am I am pretty sure I'm swearing AT the dog. But I completely blame the owner. Bad dog owner! And....here's some food for thought....can they NOT hear that incessant barking and carrying on? I can. And they aren't all that close to me. Annoying.

I feel bad for Ryan. He had to get up to leave at 4:30, but he was up at 3 with, "the dog" as we call it. And it's not even ours. Oh and to add insult to no sleeping injury, the kids have both been sleeping through the night.

It is better then the "wild pack" of dogs that once in a while go bonkers in the middle of the night, and sound like they have some kind of wild animal to rip to shreds. That is a sound...I do not like.At.All.

The Sleepytime Gods just don't want Ryan and myself sleeping past 3 am apparently. But I can only assume the weather will turn more in my favor. I will sleep with the house open. And I will probably invest in earplugs....Hmmm.....maybe not a bad idea. Claire is 3 now......she can fend for herself.

Darn you Google!

Recently someone I know, who blogs, was accosted by an anonymous "commenter". She is a little put off by the situation. The problem being, she runs a campground, and the "anonymous" person happens to be staying at her campground. They are verbally assaulting her. She fully acknowledges that she is the one who puts it out there. That her name is on the blog, and she is the one who is publishing it for the internet world to see. However....threats....not cool.

That being said....I definitely try to be somewhat anonymous myself when it comes to MY name. This blog of mine has my initials only. But not because I am big fat chicken who can't handle the criticism that my posts my sometimes incite. No no..it is to remain "private" from my ex husband. Who in my mind deserves a quick swift kick to the groin, among other things. But certainly not a window into my new lovely life.

My Facebook account is completely private. You can't find me unless you know my friends. And people. I AM NOT FRIENDS WITH JUST ANYONE. Numbers on Facebook mean nothing to me. I am not even searchable.

However. Due to the fact I have a crazy ex. (And let's face it, who doesn't in this day and age?) Ryan will do a Google search every once in a while to find my name.

Today....I told him about my friend's "situation". He said..."when you are on the internet, YOU ARE OUT THERE. Anyone can find your stuff. ANYONE."

I assured him...Ha HA!!!!! I am not! I keep my blog pretty private. Well at least I never put my full name. (Try to find me Google!) And I am private non-searchable with Facebook. Other then that, I don't have anything else internet wise.

He promptly entered my name into Google. And BAM! There is was...several sites down...but there nonetheless. AND with a link to this, here, "incognito" blog. Crap. I had at some point commented ON A FRIEND'S blog with my real name. Shit shit double shit! Stupid if you ask me.

So sorry friend....I will have to delete my comment I made on your blog about a million years ago...and hope to god that someone else with my name puts that link in the deep dark reaches of the world wide web.

Google. You are too damn good.

Smoking

Today my friend B came for dinner. He's a smoker. Again. But Miles gave him the disapproving eye and said...."smoking will make your lungs black." When B asked if it was ok to go out and smoke, Miles said, "sure." But with THAT tone.

I told Miles, sometimes I want to smoke too, but I don't. I asked him if he knew why I don't. Here is his response verbatim.

"You know that smoking makes your lungs black, even though black IS your favorite color, you think black lungs are gross."

If you could hear his little, tiny, slow, deliberate voice. It's hilarious. Then he informed me..."he knows these things."

Bet he doesn't know I want to smoke a lot more then just after dinner tonight. *sigh*

*And Kelly, I will often return to your blog to see your smoking photo. Just cause you put it out there JUST FOR ME.*

I got nada.

Ryan is gone.

Claire and Miles are sleeping. They should be since it's 11 pm.

I have spent more time with my girlfriend Anne and her baby in the past few days, we joke we could just get married. Minus the "intimate" details. Our kids get along so well. Miles and Claire love little "P". Claire is going to marry him. I know it.
And since our husbands work together, you know that means they are travelling all over the damn place at the same time. Not together. But they are gone nonetheless. So why not.

I have a semi clean house, only because I haven't been home to mess it up thoroughly enough to warrant real cleaning.

My friend B is coming over tomorrow. We are grilling a turkey. He bossed me around about the brine. And so now I have raw turkey floating in a salt and sugar water/spice solution in my fridge. Sounds yummy. Miles totally won't eat it either. I'm gonna have to grill up some kind of hot dog. ugh.

And that is pretty much it. I have little to no energy to finish thank you cards for the kid's birthday gifts. Which is killing me, cause I am sooo that mom. And I really want to get that darn birthday photo/party post up, cause you won't believe how much pink I allowed in my house for Claire's party. But I am too wiped. Sad and pathetic? Absolutely.

Some days are just a wear-your-helmet-upside-down-and-backwards kind of day

Look what napping gets you

This is what Ryan does when left alone with the kids for 2 hours. They become Ghostbusters. Complete with proton packs, PKE Meter, and ghost traps. Claire even knows part of the theme song, and Miles is going around telling everyone they've been slimed. Seriously! Look at the cabling that is connected to their backpacks. Oh my god.

I married a nerd.

Ryan thinks Tinkerbell is a Bitch.

Tonight is family movie night. We don't have them all that often, but when we do, we have fun. It's a nice "cool down" from the girly tea party we had for Claire's birthday today. (photos of the parties to come later)

The kids have really been into the "Classic" Disney movies. A few weeks ago we saw Alice in Wonderland. The kids loved it. Tonight they chose Peter Pan.

Here are the reasons I don't care for it. And we are only 35 minutes in.

*Tinkerbell sees her ass in a mirror, and worries she is fat. No kidding. She measures her size 00 pixie butt.

*Peter Pan calls Wendy "girl" when telling her to sew his shadow back on his feet.

*Tinkerbell tries to kill, KILL Wendy. And when confronted about it, says yeah so what? Not in so many words, but well...enough for Miles to say..."that's not cool"

*Peter Pan tells the boys and the Lost boys to "go hunt some Injuns."

*The mermaids taunt Wendy and admit they are, "just trying to drown her tee hee." And Peter just laughs and says to Wendy, "see they are just playing." Huh?

That is about all I can handle. I mean...Geez. Must have been made before the Women's Rights Movement. Oh and the Equal Rights Movement.

And Tinkerbell is soooo popular right now. Claire received Tinkerbell stuff like crazy today. God....it's disappointing

I think I am going to stick to the psychedelic Disney movies. Fantasia anyone?

Really? That's a lot of magic wands.

I should have found a way to be a Harry Potter kid.

Happy "BURP" Day

Miles turns 5 today. He woke, less sick then yesterday, which is wonderful. He went downstairs, slapped on his little eye patch, and proceeded to play video games with Ryan, who has taken the rest of the week off in preparation for working out of town for the next 5 weeks. *BOO*

We started the morning with my "world famous pancakes". Labeled so by Miles. They are his favorite. Turkey sausage, grapes, and whatever juice they wanted. (For some reason we have a crazy big array of juices this week.)

Claire decided to break her sausages apart, making them kiss, and tell each other how much they love each other. Then proceeded to eat them. While saying, "ahhhh don't eat me...." In the tiniest of voices too. Miles insisted on announcing it was his "burp" day. Over and over and over. Until his sister was laughing uncontrollably, and his dad burped so loud the windows shook.

Miles' first gift was matching running shorts with his dad. They like matching things.

He got Lego kits, and Star Wars. That's all. And he was sooo happy.

I can't believe he is 5. I'm sad but happy at the same time. Next stop....kindergarten. *sigh*

Claire turns 3

With very little fanfare, my little girl has turned 3. She woke up happy. Got sick. Opened her gifts. And is currently playing with said gifts. Her day is the same as every other day. With the exception of new toys.

For a sick kid, she sure looks happy. Must be due in part to the BBQ sauce she just tried to sell Ryan for $400.

ANOTHER public service announcement that You should all pay attention to damn it!

If your kids are sick. Or have been sick, with fever, within the past 24 hours. Keep them the hell at home! I don't care if you THINK they are ok. They aren't.

When you bring your sick kids around my healthy kids. My kids get sick. On their birthdays. Like Claire is sick today. ON HER BIRTHDAY! And Miles is getting. And will be I am sure of it, by Thursday. Which is his birthday!

And you explain to my daughter why she can't have her tea party with friends on Saturday. Tell her, you didn't care that other people were around, you just wanted to have your fucking fun.

So in conclusion. Pay attention to your kid's health, and start having some consideration for other's who do give a shit about having sick kids.

Thanks. The management. OF TWO SICK KIDS!!!!!

*note....this post is to everyone who has kids. Everyone*

Purple fingers....not a new fashion statement

Last night I SLAVED over Miles' birthday cake. R2-D2. Oh my lord. I am not a cake decorator, despite my baking ability. But I attempted to use fondant.

It was terrible. It was like rolling out a very nice pie crust. However, coloring it? Whole other story.

You have to use this gel food coloring. Fine. Just a little bit and then kneed it into the fondant. Gross. The colors were blue and black. Then I used silver edible paint for the silver part.

My fingers are purple. Under my nail bed? It looks like I was gardening and just didn't give a shit about washing my hands. Ugh.

And to top it all off....when I was done, my almost 5 year old informed me I didn't do a part correctly. He wasn't being a dick. He was being a geek. A 5 year old Star Wars geek. If you have one, you know what I'm talking about. If you ARE one...sorry.

Anyway...here it is. In it's Star Wars glory.

Like I said...I am NOT a cake decorator. But I have a semi happy almost 5 year old.
And for Claire's cake, which needs to be made for next week's "girly birthday tea party"? I will be ordering cupcakes. Shaped into a butterfly. Thank you Super Target.

And yes, I have 2 kids with birthdays 2 days apart. I know you feel a little sorry for me.

*I also hate my kitchen floor. Just putting that out there.*