I am SO that cranky old lady

Let me begin by telling you, my neighborhood is chock full to the rim of High school and Junior high kids. I mean we are full up over here in suburbia with them.

Now take a look at my back yard. Disregard the adorable children on the swing, and notice how my back yard opens into about 5 other back yards. It also is the other side of the large cul de sac.



So I imagine you can see the allure of cutting through the yards to keep from having to be seen on the street. Cause God forbid you walk the full distance. And as I am sure you can see. No fences. Makes cutting through easy.

I'm not going to begrudge these kids a short cut. Oh no. I hated that when I was a lazy preteen. I couldn't cut through at all....so I allow leeway.

I however don't allow the following. (And if for some reason you move into my neighborhood and have a tween/teen? Inform your children about my rules and point out my house.) Thanks so much.

THE RULES OF THE TEEPANTS YARD

1: Under NO circumstance are you allowed on my deck or my play equipment in the middle of the night. My homeowners insurance doesn't cover stupid ass kids falling off the monkey bars in the dark. So I would have to pay out of pocket.

2: You are NOT allowed to try and have sex under my deck at dusk. I CAN see you dumb asses. I watch tv downstairs at PRIMETIME and you are right in front of the window. Just because you are under a deck, doesn't mean you can "go at it" like the rabbits who really live under there. Plus, I don't want to explain what you are doing to my kids. And that loud knock on the glass you heard......means get the fuck out!

3: I WILL yell at you to "get out of my yard!" if in fact you are cutting though it, yelling like assholes at each other, in the middle of the night, under my 4 and 6 year olds open windows, in spring/summer/open window times. Didn't your parents teach you ANY manners? Next time I will FOR SURE bring you into my home and make you put my kids back to bed. P.S. yelling like that for an hour and a half once it's past 11 PM, will also get you the same result.

*sidenote: I do however like to hear whispering to each other, IN THE STREET, once I have told you to stay out to, "stay out of that yard you guys."

4: I DO know who you are. If you break these rules, I WILL talk to your parents.

In return, I will watch for the following.

Eggs, Toilet paper, and flaming bags of shit on my front step. But then again....rule number 4 will be in full effect. And most likely, unless your parents are complete donkeys, you will have to clean up the mess.

This concludes my rant.