A Teepants Christmas

Christmas this year was good. The kids had so much fun. We got stuck at my parents house over Christmas Eve night. The four of us slept in a tiny room. And my mother had a Santa hat that was so ridiculous it was unbelievable. Not to mention, my uncle put it into a context that was just....well....inappropriate.

First and foremost...the gifts.
Miles got himself a DS. He loved it until he realized it wasn't like other videogame systems, and proceeded to tell us, "Maybe I'll like it a lot when I'm 6." Not likely. He just kept playing if for a while and was finally comfortable with it.

Claire on the other hand....LOVED her gifts. Her favorite was this Sleeping Beauty Vanity that I stood in line for, no shit, 3 hours to get her. Ugh. Just the memory of that gives me the shakes and the sweats. But the girl sat in front of it, no kidding, for 2 hours admiring herself. Watching herself eat an apple. Putting makeup on herself. Watching herself watch television. It was absurd. And now it's in her room. She keeps it very tidy. And her grandparents gave her a fake princess CD player. She set it on the edge of the table and now has music whilst primping. Oh brother.

We did some cookie baking with friends and family.


We got snowed in at my parents house....(there was a blizzard here, or what some call a blizzard.) We totally could have made it home, but it was useless to try. We just had to turn around the next morning and head back to my parents house, so we stayed.


And Miles made sure I called Santa to leave a message as to where our location would be. He didn't want Santa to be confused. Well Santa WAS in a complete state of holy-shit-I'm-exhausted-and-can't-stay-awake-one-more-second-Oh-wait-I-gotta-fill-those-stockings-where-is-Santa's-fucking-helper-RYAN?
And OF COURSE we had Diego with us. Can't go anywhere without that spooky little shit.

The topper was my mother's Christmas hat. I don't have a photo of it, because only video would do it justice. Let me just tell you, it was a Santa hat, that the point of it moved around. Side to side, up and down. And it wiggled around. Erect. Oh my lord. It was hideous! My mother was just pleased as punch with it. I couldn't figure out what it looked like. I loathed it. That much was for sure. And then my uncle came in, saw it, pointed, laughed, and told my mother, "It looks like something for penile enhancement! You have a penis pump on your head!!!!" And he proceeded to double over in laughter.

I love this time of year. Family, friends, cookies, gifts, sleepovers, and penis pumps. Happy Holidays!