Sometimes just being there is enough

Yesterday I brought my friend to her chemo appointment at the Mayo clinic. It's easy for me to bring her because I go there for my own brand of poking and prodding. I know my way around and I can just take control of where we're going and she doesn't have to think.

I love my friend. She's a neighbor, and a wonderful woman. Her kids are my kids' friends. Our husbands are friends. We're close. Very close. And she's had lymphoma for 12 years.

Now...I want to be clear that I'm not looking to be told I'm "such a good friend." Blah blah. It's stupid. I take her because I love her. We spend all day there. From 8am to 1am. We laugh, nap, talk, watch bad movies, eat bad food and just be. I try to make chemo as fun as it can be. And let me tell you, it's not that fun. We joke with the nurses. They remember us. Boy oh boy do they remember us. They come in and say, "OH! You two are back!" I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. But hey, they laugh with us so....win?

But last night was a bummer. She got sick to her stomach for the first time on this chemo med. It really sucked. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there in the parking ramp at 11PM, in below 0 weather, telling her to breath deep. Our friend M was with us too. She had the mints ready. But...it was sucky to have that happen. In the almost 14 times I've taken her to chemo, that has never happened. And it freaked my friend out. She cried. And then I cried. And then we got our shit together and I drove us home the hour and a half.

I hate cancer. Cancer took one of my dearest friends a few years back. He was an amazing friend, father, husband, man. And I see his wife and kids on the regular, and it still breaks my heart. His wife and I often end up cry/laughing. Crying because it's sad, laughing because we usually end up crying in public places and so we laugh because we KNOW we look ridiculous! It's what we do. Because just being there for her, and listening to her, and letting her know I feel the loss still too, is kind of what is needed sometimes. And I feel the loss. I can't stop myself from tearing up as I even type this. He was my friend.

So yeah. My friend/neighbor has cancer and I took her to chemo. And I'm sad about having to do it. But she's still alive. And I'm thankful for that. Basically this post is about how I hate cancer. Cancer sucks.