I would kill for this right now.

Yeah. I'm dreaming of cupcakes. The plain, good ol' fashioned, yellow cake with delicious chocolate buttercream. Not the shit in a box and out of a can. The real-honest-to-goodness-kill-someone-to-eat-these-fresh kind. And I would kill.

In a previous life I like to call BNS (before no sleep ie: kids) I was a baker. Not trained at a culinary school mind you. But I loved to experiment with different flavors and I loved to bake. And...Ryan can't eat PHO, Partially Hydrogenated Oils. Well, can't is not really true. He just won't. And I don't blame him.

Either way, Ryan has this inborn thing about desserts. All the "teepants" family has to have their sweets. So in an effort to make my husband love me even more *not possible* I began baking. It was also a huge career change for me. I was working in the Vocational Rehab field for years. And at the time I left it, I was working with felons. Mostly sex offenders. And needless to say, Ryan preferred my change of career.

I say career cause, my baking turned itself into a small teeny tiny little business. I made cakes and tarts. All my own recipes. And sold them to a restaurant in the cities. Ryan worked for a large financial internet company back then, and I would bring samples to his team, get their feedback, and start to sell. Nothing like getting a bunch of super rich techies to love my baking. I was able to provide desserts for the company functions as well. So. My baking wasn't terrible. It didn't kill anyone. And it kept me busy waiting for my little Miles.

I even won an award for a tart I developed. Yes, 'toot toot'. Horn I own tooted, but God damn! I was able to sit at my kitchen table, figure out a dessert, test bake it, test run it, submit it, and win $2500 to Kitchenaid.com. I liked it. And I was in some kind of chef publication. Dessert and recipe done and done. Oh...it was a dark chocolate mousse tart with fresh raspberries. I know. Yummy.

I had some really good ones too. Have I made even one of them in the past 5 years? Nope. Not even the thought of it. I have made the chocolate cake. But.....that's about it.

So every once in a while. I dream of yummy homemade stuff. I happen to be on a cupcake kick right now. But for some reason I have little to no motivation to make anything. Could be lack of sleep, but I venture a guess.....I just want someone to do it for me. Or if I go really deep into the recesses of my mind.....I want to have that 'alone' time I was afforded then. Just me, my stand mixer, and some 80's tunes. Oh lovely day.