WHY LORD? WHY?

Every once in a while, Ryan and I get some "alone" time. It's right after the kids go to bed. But before one of them inevitably wakes up and wanders into our room.

When I say "alone" time I am pretty sure I don't have to elaborate. Right grown ups?

So "alone" time is rare these days. The kids are old enough to say, "What are you doing?" But young enough to just barge right in without even knocking.

Anyway...last night was one of those lucky nights. And then during, yes yes during, we hear Miles FALL OUT OF BED. Weird. He never falls out of bed. Mood breaker. So Ryan went in, put him back in bed, and then came back....well you know.

Then we hear...*clunk*. I just start laughing at this point, cause really God? Really?

Skip ahead about 3 hours and sure enough...Claire comes bounding in. I'm not sure what was the reason. She just came in, laid down on the floor with pillow, blanket and her kitty, and proceeded to whisper her to herself. Oh yeah, and kick her legs around for hours. Oh for fuck's sake. She has this little down comforter, so all we heard was.....whisper whisper whisper, clunk clunk clunk, rustle rustle rustle.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So after threatening bodily harm, (in my mind people in my mind) I said to her, "Claire! You have got to stop kicking your legs or go back into your room!"

You know when you are so tired. And all you want to do is sleep. And there is a noise that is just driving you to think all kinds of murderous thoughts? Well that was it for me last night. Truly. I know the poor kid was trying to settle herself down, but she couldn't. It was a classic case of, I have to do what you just told me not to cause now it's in my head and I can't get it out.

So off to her room she went. And she did put a fight. That girl knows what to do. But I'm on to her. She pulled out all the stops. First she cried. But quietly. Then she said, "Mom, but I will be alone." Sob sob. I know, kind of makes you feel bad a little. Unless you hear it a lot. Then the correct response is this.....

"You're not alone. Go to your room!"

Come on. I'm not heartless. It was 3:43 in the morning and she knew what she was doing. So I followed her into her room. Asked her if she was ok and then realized she had leg cramps. She was kicking her legs all over the place once she laid down. So I gave her tylenol, explained that sometimes girls get crazy legs, kissed her, and said goodnight.

AHHHHHHhhhhhhh......it worked.

Until 4:12 am when she came running in. I had fallen back to sleep for sure and of course, she whispered to me. "Mommy." It scared the shit out of me like I have said it does. She just stood there. Looming. Looking at me. So after I grabbed my heart out of my gullet, I said, "good night Claire I love you." Kissed her again and off she went.

She slept until I woke her up at 8am. Too bad Miles was up at 5:45.

The moral of this story is...don't try to do it with your husband unless you don't want to sleep. At all. Ever.

*note*
When I read this to Ryan, Miles heard it and laughed. I omitted the language of course, and Miles said to me, "Mom! That blog is so hilarious!" All the while laughing and slapping his knee. Weird kid.