It's the worst sound in all the land

I read a post from someone recently about how her husband is sick and is snoring like a buzz saw. To make matters worse, he tosses and turns all the live long day as well.

I don't know this person in the "real world". I just follow her blog cause damn it she's funny. And I like funny. I felt compelled to comment. But I don't think it was enough...so here goes.

I hate, loathe, despise, detest, with every fiber of my being, snoring. From anyone. At any time. Whether I am attempting to sleep myself, or if I am wide ass awake. I once dated a fella who snored so bad I had to sleep with ear plugs in. I shit you not! Ear plugs every night for 2 years!!! The sound makes me want to rip out the person's jugular and choke them with it.

I am NOT a violent person by nature, but I swear to you...if I hear snoring from Ryan....something takes me over. I usually will give him a courtesy throat clearing to see if maybe that will do it. But often I MUST resort to this.... *huge shove* "RYAN! YOU'RE SNORING!!!!" To which he mumbles something drowsily and rolls over. But if it continues...I will, yes I will, implement the "angry flop".

It's not hard to do. It requires me to sit up, flop back down, deep sigh and roll my eyes. I don't know why I roll my eyes. The man is sleeping. That piece of it must just be for my benefit. It will usually work for the rest of the night.

So here is the problem. On occasion Ryan will have indulged a bit too much with the libations. Not a problem. Until he starts snoring. At which point, I am verging on yelling in his face to get him to roll the fuck over. I have, since children, just left the room. Why didn't I leave the room in the first place all those years past you ask....easy. I'm not the one snoring. And I LOVE my bed. Which leads me to the other problem.

We have a Tempurpedic bed. You've seen them right? Basically if someone is laying in the bed with you, you can't feel them move at all. And it is in fact true. You don't feel movement. So....I am gonna have to work on the "angry flop". It's moot at this point.

Either way...Ryan has been out of town for the week this week and I was looking forward to quiet nights. But when Ryan goes out of town...the kids and I have a sleep over. They sleep on my bedroom floor in sleeping bags. And GOD DAMN IT if Claire hasn't started snoring!

I gotta find those ear plugs.