So lately....I have found myself craving cigarettes! I mean.....serious craving. To the point, I am ready to go out and plunk down 6$ and one of my children for a pack of American Spirits. I would love love love love love....well you get it. I wanna smoke.
In order to NOT give in to the delicious lovely smoky treats, I have taken to eating. Eating anything I see. Anytime of day. Not so great, but it works for now. And sadly I don't want to eat fruit or vegetables. Of course not. Cause that would just be plain silly. I am eating chips and chocolate. An ex-smokers diet when craving I suppose.
Why have I been wanting to smoke after all this time? Search me...could be stress. Could be the fact that my mother is in the hospital AGAIN, my dad is sick and not the regular head cold way, my 2 year old daughter has pneumonia after just having the stomach flu, and I'm still frick fracking dizzy! I imagine it is just my vice. The one I turn to whenever I feel the need to "escape". I mean I get to spend 5 minutes kid free and alone, in the garage, in the dark, without anyone talking to me or demanding anything from me. The only vice I can turn to at this point in my life, cause drinking until I blackout is kinda out of the question with 2 kids in my care. Or is it? Yes yes it is.....
This is why I have started exercising again. My jeans are a bit snug thanks to stress eating. It's kinda embarrassing if Claire laughs at me when I get out of the shower. It can give a girl a complex. And....if I'm not going to smoke I might as well do something to help my lungs in the opposite way. But....I still want to smoke. Yeah yeah...I've heard it all.....but...I like it.
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