I'm thinking Arby's.

Have you been to Arby's lately? I have. I'm a closet fast food lover, and to be honest, I had hoped my significant other would be too. But alas, he is a true believer of *gasp* healthy food. So that is how we live. Healthy Healthy Healthy.

For years Ryan has avoided, at ALL costs, Partially Hydrogenated Oils, or PHO. Not to be confused with the Vietnamese Pho. But in the wake of PHO being banned in New York restaurants several years ago, many fast food places have ceased in using PHO as one of their ingredients. YAY! Is what I had to say....

Sadly there aren't many here in Minnesota, land of the BIG portions, that don't use PHO. But Arby's does. And holy shit do my kids love the curly fries. It is a special SPECIAL day when Ryan says, "let's get Arby's." My kids love it.

So the other day we were out and about, and it was lunch time. We were no where near home, and the kids were blabbing about food, or something like that. And we drove our little selves to Arby's.

Let me start by saying....they are the cleanest fast food restaurant I have been in. They are also, without a doubt, the most customer driven business. I have not experienced anything but unusually courteous service. I mean, not just nice....but way over the top nice. Ryan and I comment on it everytime we're there. It's just amazing.

I have never been to a restaurant where the service workers are so attentive. And it's consistent people. No kidding. They have this bell that encourages you to ring it on the way out if you liked their service. Of course my kids ring it everytime they get the opportunity. But what IS unusual, is all the staff thank us for ringing the bell. Seriously! All the staff.

Anyway...go to an Arby's. Their food probably won't kill you as fast as some of the others out there, and you will be amazed at their service.

I also have to say, I didn't write this for Arby's. I can prove it by saying...shit damn fuck in this post...but I was so surprised....I had to say something. It's weird....I have paid many many dollars for very very fine food, and the service has been ungodly...but pay a few bucks to Arby's and get stellar service....Even if you don't eat the fast food, go there and get a soda or something....seriously!

It's all about the timing, and learning things about others you would never expect.

So last year at this time I was ranting and raving, in a good way, about a new obsession of mine.

I have continued to be mildly obsessed. I have re read those books. I have seen the original Twilight movie twice. It's all I talk to my 12 year old niece about when we see each other. And I have girlfriends who are major Team Edward.

Not that he isn't cute, but at the same time, like my previous post indicated....I'm 36. And Eric the Viking from True Blood....so cute. He's a vampire viking for the love of God!!! Is there really a contest?



Anyway I digress.....

So I was planning on going to see New Moon with a girlfriend I haven't seen in about 9 years. Weird? Not really. She was a good friend in college, and thanks to Facebook, we are friends once again. But...I got the stupid food poisoning Wednesday night and had to seriously recover all day Thursday. So no go on the midnight show. Ugh....and it was gonna be so cool. Standing out in the cold, waiting in line with a bunch of teenage girls and their moms at midnight. Did I mention I was "mildly" obsessed?

Anyway, my other girlfriend H...saw it twice yesterday! TWICE!!!!

Now...the reason I am posting about not being able to see this movie yet is this....

I know with 100% certainty I WILL see this movie at least twice. Once with my BFF when she is healthy enough to have lunch and see the movie, cause it's how we do...and once with my cousin and niece, because I promised, I love them both, and we are joined at the soul by Twilight.

But....I am miffed. I learned today one of my friends , who I never EVER imagined would see this movie or even knew what it was for that matter, has seen the movie. What the fuck?!? Seriously Kelly. I didn't know you were a closet Twi-hard. Even though you didn't like the sparklies? Now I KNOW something is wrong with the land I live in, if you saw it before me. Yeah...I'm jealous. A lot.

I'm 36

Today is my birthday. Yay! I'm 36. I'm not going to lie about my age cause that's just soooo 29 years old. Ha ha.

But this year, I feel 36. I'm not sure what feeling like 36 years old is, but I imagine it's this.

I woke up this morning feeling hot. Hotflash? Then made breakfast for me and the kids. Ate said breakfast and proceeded to get heartburn. I mean really eggs? Heartburn on my birthday? Rude.

On the upside, I don't have liver disease anymore. Thank you Mayo Clinic. And my kids and Ryan gave me really cute birthday cards, and The Beatles Rockband. Cause I'm sick addicted to that shit. (Get ready Jill and Heather!!!) I also get a new stove today! (We had to get all new appliances this last week. And the stove is the last to arrive. Not to shabby.)

I always start a new year at my birthday. Not January 1st. So this year, I decided to get a haircut and lay low. I want to make this year all about being easy, manageable, and relaxing. After this last year, I deserve a year stress free. At least I think so.

So my new sassy hair, is both new, and sassy. And according to Claire, lacking in princess hair. I cut almost all of it off. Miles said we pretty much have the same hair cut. We don't, but it IS damn short.

I'm feeling older then usual today. But my family is trying hard to remind me I don't have time to feel old. Just to feel like mom. So bitching aside.....I'm 36 today. And I am ready for a new and improved year. Don't let me down cosmic bunnies. Or there will be hell to pay.

Halloween 2009...just a tad bit late.

Halloween! I loved it! What a fun night for us and the kids.

I'm not one of those parents who goes all out and dresses up to hand out candy, or to go trick-or-treating with my kids. But I am the kind of parent who throws caution to the wind, takes my kids as far as they want to go, and lets them eat all the candy they can stomach that first night. That way I get to have some too.

The evening started out nice. My parents, and my sister-in-law with her husband and their newly adopted daughter came to trick-or-treat. We had pizza for dinner, pushed, shoved, and wrangled the kids into their costumes, and made my parents stay to hand out candy.

We toured the neighborhood. And went to the local fire department, so the kids could sit in a fire truck and ambulance.

My kids are no fools when it comes to getting free candy. But....they are scared shitless of random dogs running like deranged lunatics to the front door with no screen. After 2 houses with dogs launching their little dog asses out the front door towards Claire, she was pretty cautious at the rest of the houses.

And there was one genius, who when he opened the door, had some kind of gross mask on his face, which freaked my kids out a bit, but they kept going, determined to get the snack sized peanut butter cup. When they politely said "trick-or-treat!" he yelled, "TRICK!!!!!" and sprayed them with silly string, and some kind of liquid. What kind of liquid you ask? I don't know.

Hilarious you say? I do too. But come on dude. Play to the audience. My 3 year old just about had an aneurysm and backed away so fast, if I hadn't been standing on the step behind her, she would have fallen down their steps.

After that, the kids were tired. Done and ready to go home. They didn't care how much candy they had. Miles said he was tired, and Claire kept quoting her favorite cartoon, "don't eat too much candy. It will make your tummy sick." So she decided she had enough to eat and NOT be sick.

We headed home and let the kids spread out the loot. Then about 5 pieces in, they both asked for some water, brushed their teeth and said they were done.

Halloween was fun. I like free candy. I sadly have had more then my fair share. Stupid Butterfingers. They call my name at midnight sometimes. What's a girl to do?

All the kids together

Claire was pretty excited to tell us what kind of candy she got

At the fire department. You can SOOOOO tell that my sister-in-law and Ryan are related. Can't you?

The Bitch is Back

Hide your children. Seriously. Boys....avert your eyes if you don't want to read a brief synopsis regarding THE PILL.

Yes. I'm back on the stupid pill. I hate it. But my doctors think it will help me with my "sickness". We'll see.

I was sporting some major rage-o-hol today. Just ask my youngest sister, who pretty much got the brunt of it. Ugh. It's like a demon has taken me over and I can't help myself.

All I want to do is fight. Then cry. Then fight some more. Verbally fight that is. But fight with whoever pisses me off. Or looks at me. Or even makes one mother fucking peep. I want to rip their heads off with my bare hands, and then play tether ball with it, all the while yelling at the big, dumb, head for looking at me funny.

When I was a younger lass, I was on the pill. It seemed to be the right thing to do. Duh. But I did notice I was a lot meaner. A lot crabbier. And I found it really hard to spend time with other women. Hence most of my friends before the age of 25 were men.

I'm worried, I may lose my shit again. Worried that my poor unsuspecting husband, kids, extended family members, friends, and pretty much anyone I ever utter a word to, is in for a major tongue lashing. For no reason. Or at the very least a major eye roll, cause you probably said something stupid.

To be honest. I'm most worried about those of you who just know me sans pill. I am a generally nice person. Some people call me a "people pleaser". I said SOME, not all. But really, I am usually, an upbeat-go-with-the-flow kind of gal.

When I was TTP (taking the pill) I was a monster. I ran into a girl I knew in high school many years later in life. She told me, when I was in school, she was afraid of me. AFRAID OF ME! Seriously. I am 5 feet tall with shoes. And I probably weighed 95 lbs back then. I guess it makes some sense. I was a senior. She was a freshman. But me...scary? Hysterical.

So....friends, family, I'm sorry in advance if I turn into 18-year-old-monster-bitch-from-hell. I'm worried it may happen. But rest assured, happy, lovely, friendly, laid back ol' me...is still in here somewhere. I just may use more "colorful" language. And give you the stink eye for looking at me. I still love you.

Oh yeah...Halloween photos soon. Too crabby now.

It's happening again

I really need a break from all this crap. Claire of course is at it again. Woke up in the middle of the night, proceeded to kneel in front of the wall, and whisper her damn head off.

Seriously. I have no idea whatsoever, who she is chatting with, but I wish they would stop contacting her at 3 am. It's been going on for almost a year. On and off.

First it was the Man and the Boy, then Diego. And now..who the hell knows.

All I know is, I wake up to whispering. Not crystal clear whispering. Just hazy-please-be-a-dream whispering. Then I look over and Claire is kneeling in front of the wall. KNEELING! Like she is praising some kind of other world being. Ugh.

I have taken to letting the kids "sleep over" in my room when Ryan is out of town. Which as of late, has been a lot. But they have to sleep on the floor in their little fold out sofas. Well when the whispering starts, I just tell Claire to get into bed with me. The first time I did that, the kneeling stopped.

But now....not so much. GAAAHHH!!!! She is kneeling facing the headboard. WHISPERING.

Last night she just kept kneeling, whispering, "So...what should we do next?" Or, "So what were you saying?" She kept being interrupted by dear old me. Politely asking her to stop talking. Really. I was very polite for 4 in the morning. I would say, "Claire, I need to sleep. You are being rude. If you want to blab blab blab all night long, go to your own room. Shut the door. And leave mommy alone."

She would lay down everytime. But shortly there after I would hear..."So that was being rude. Mommy wants me to be quieter."

And so once again....I got nothing. Maybe I should call that show, Paranormal State. Maybe I just don't really want to know. Maybe if I found out, I would have the same face Claire's preschool teacher had when I told her about it.

I had to warn the poor woman that Claire had been up since 3ish and may be a bit tired. I told her what actually happened, because hey, she asked. But when she looked at me, I swear, I saw pure fear. That would be me if I found out what was REALLY chatting up my poor daughter at 3 in the morning. Cause you know it isn't gonna be good. No shit.

Yucky

Not feeling very bloggy lately. Not much has happened. Went to the Mayo Clinic. Definitely not what I expected. But...hopefully things will work out for the best. Nothing to worry about though. At least not now.

Ryan is out of town...AGAIN! I have the most pathetic photo you'll ever see. THIS is how my kids get to see their dad. On the positive, they never would have been able to do this several years ago. So there's that. But I never thought Max Headroom was cool back in the day, and I am sure as shit, my kids would rather have Ryan home.

We were at my parents house tonight to see my sister and my nephew. I got a cute photo of the kids, but it's pure torture getting 3 kids to sit still, and smile at the same time. They can't do it. Even if they try. Someone ALWAYS goes and fucks it up. Case in point. All three really. I mean seriously. Yes yes they're cute and all, but Miles looks totally bored, E looks like he is deranged, and Claire looks like, hmmmmm.....what can I do to destroy you?

Oooh...done being crabby. Here is a photo of some early Halloween goodness. Our local supermarket does a Boo Bash for the kids. My kids love it. I do have to say, I was able to contribute to Miles' Obi Wan Kenobi costume. Although Ryan made the whole thing, Miles requested he be Obi Wan from the FIRST movie. So he needed a rat tail that laid on his right shoulder. Ha ha..I got to braid some brown yarn. My big fat contribution. But at least it made Miles feel super cool. And by super cool...I mean..."SOOOPER COOOOL" Claire was a princess mouse. I just can't do the plain old princess. Ugh...who would have thought, my girl would love princesses.

My BFF

My BFF is sick. Oddly over the years, we have been sick with the same things. Seriously. She gets sick. And then a few weeks, days later I get the same symptoms. Or vice versa. It is a little strange.

When I first met her, she was dating Ryan's best friend. Who was also at the time my roommate. Ryan and his BFF worked for her dad as well. Fixing pagers and cell phones. Yes...Ryan has ALWAYS been a techie geek.

I didn't try to get to know her. And frankly, I think she thought I was a bit too chipper for her taste. And in my defense, I was pretty excited about the Apple Orchard when she called...so there's that. But...we decided we should be friends because our husbands grew up together, were friends, and really were like brothers. So "J" and I became friends.

At first we were "friends". But something changed. We grew to rely on each other for all types of things. Ryan and I are godparents to their kids. And they are godparents to ours.

We have seen each other through babies, loss of babies, sickness, family drama, and just about everything else you can think of.

She is someone I can talk to on the phone everyday about nothing. But when it's important, she'll listen. And we share everything with each other. I mean EVERYTHING. Things our husbands don't want to hear about, and probably things we wouldn't tell them anyway.

Some of my best memories are with her. We laugh a lot. Even when we are sick. We call each other, and laugh about stupid shit. It's what we do.

In the past, there have been times we haven't always "connected" so well. But we are able to be honest with each other and work through it.

I think I'm lucky. I have 3 sisters. And then I have "J". She's closer to me then my own sisters sometimes.

What prompted this mushy love letter to my BFF you ask? Simple. I found this photo today. It was taken years ago on some trip to the Boundary Waters. Some things are just nice to see NOT change.

Oh yeah, she's taller then me too.

My hair

*Inspired by my friend Kelly's Blog*

Kelly recently posted about his new living situation. He has moved in with two women. Good for him you say? Yeah..I guess, but really one of his most recent posts regarding this new co-habitation got me thinking.

He mentioned one of his roommate's hair is everywhere. He has a very lovely photo of it on a white plate. I'm not sure if it was there randomly or if in fact he placed it there for visual and dramatic effect. Either way. It was hair on a plate. Pretty appetizing if you ask me.

I remember long ago, about 11 years ago, when Ryan and I first started living together. He made comments about my hair being everywhere. I am a Korean woman. I had long, thick, black, coarse hair, that fell out all of the damn place.

And now I have short hair, but it is all pretty much the same. Poor Ryan. There is always hair on the floor. In the bed. On the furniture. In the vacuum cleaner. In the car. On him for god's sakes.

And he also now has a Korean daughter, who's hair is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Ha ha ha...it's an epidemic.

I don't think he will ever EVER get used to it. But it will forever be around.

So get comfortable with it Kelly. It doesn't stop unless you shave her head in the middle of the night.

I too, would take a lovely photo of all the hair in our house, but Ryan just vacuumed so it's a little scarce at present time.

Suck it Doctor Paine!

Tomorrow I go to the Mayo Clinic to meet with a "Rare liver disease" specialist. I am looking forward to it. I have been passing on the idea of going there for years, because most of my life, I had the idea, the Mayo was for really sick people. Not for stupid old me and my stupid old liver.

But lately, I have been feeling gross. Sicker than usual. Crabbier than usual. In more pain than usual. So I'm going. New symptoms make me nervous. And the nurse, who checked me in said, "sweetie, you ARE really sick." Not a good start down the road of positive thinking, but I'll work on that. Really I will.

In 1999 I was being treated by a doctor at the University of Minnesota. Dr. Paine. Seriously with that name? I know, right? He told me I would be lucky to make it to my 40th birthday. That asshole. But I was young. And 40 seemed a very long way off and kinda old. So upon hearing that diagnosis, I bailed from his treatment, and have been only followed by Gastroenterologists and my general practitioners.

But with new symptoms, I have no idea if it is A) liver disease kicking my ass. B) Old age. C) 40 years old is NOT that far away now. Shit.

So off to the Mayo. Finally. And they say, the only study they found from the U of M is one done on little ol' me in 1998. So...glad to have a specialist who knows what the hell is going on. Cause I only have 4 years left until 40, and I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. I hope they don't want to talk transplant again. No thanks. Not for me.

The best part, is Ryan and I will actually get to spend our anniversary together. Without kids. It will just be in Rochester MN surrounded by doctors. Meh...no biggie. We've done a lot worse I guess.

I don't sew

I'm not a sewer. I just learned how to hem my pants for the love of God. And for a 5 foot lady, that's kinda stupid to learn so late in life. But I did. I also attempted my first "sewing" project this last spring. Make curtains for the kid's playhouse.

Yeah....did it work out? Not so much. I just ended up buying that iron on stuff that is sort of like sewing. But makes me look cool in the eyes of a 5 and 3 year old.

But this fall, Miles really really wanted to be Obi Wan Kenobi for Halloween. I was not about to spend 40 dollars for a costume that consisted of a brown tablecloth, and ANOTHER fucking lightsaber that he has already. So I said, I'll try. Ha ha...no I didn't try. Not at all. Not one little iota of bit. I'm a bad mom.

Enter....."Super Dad!!!!"

Yep. You read that right....dad. Ryan found, online, HOW TO MAKE a jedi robe and vest. So he carefully crafted it with an old bed sheet, and some pants that aren't fit to be worn, ever. And I have to say, it looks pretty damn good. It drives me crazy that he did it. Only because I pride myself on being the BEST parent. Ha ha ha..just kidding Ryan. But really. I don't sew. At all. Ever.

But to my glee filled heart, neither does Ryan. He used the sticky iron on shit too. I am still #1. Kinda. He did make it. I just watched.

Here is a "rough draft" of the costume. Ryan has since tidied up the edges and Miles now has a belt too. All we need is gray facial hair and a lightsaber.

Claire's costume was easy breezy. My mother bullied me into getting her a princess mouse costume. I miss my tomboy. Hear that Claire?

Miles is a smarty pants.

Tonight we had Miles' first ever Kindergarten conferences. I must say....he is smart!

His teacher looooovvveeessss him. Duh. She said he is doing really well in class academically, and that he is socially a wonderful child. That's right. He's awesome.

It sure makes up for all the crying that occurred that first day of school. When he started school the only thing that he wanted to share with us, was to tell Ryan, "my teacher doesn't wear glasses and is white like you dad." That was it. Very astute I must say, but not very informative regarding what he did in class itself.

Miles is coming out of his shell, making friends, and being his charming hilarious self. I love it.

On the way home, Ryan said to me, "he is so like me." It was like he was sitting at his own Kindergarten conference 30 years ago.

I did warn Miles' teacher, who will without a doubt get Claire in 2 years, that Claire is nothing...NOTHING like her brother.

I will feel like I'm sitting in MY Kindergarten conference 30+ years ago. Yikes. Poor teacher.

I only complain about the weather when it's hot out.

But....what is up with all the rain this month? It's October in Minnesota. It should be crisp and sunny and beautiful with fall colors.

I should be able to go to the North Shore and hike with a sweatshirt and jeans on, but not gloves and a scarf.

It's barely above 40 degrees and it's supposed to *gulp* snow on Saturday morning a bit. I love winter too, but really mother nature? Skipping the most beautiful season?

I barely see any color changes. I didn't make an apple pie yet. I haven't been to the orchard to get apples and a pumpkin. My kids haven't had a runny nose from it being chilly out yet. I haven't crunched leaves under my feet for half a block when walking with the kids. What the hell?!?

I still hold out hope that Halloween will be perfect. If it's not, then well, day after Thanksgiving shopping better be amazing. I'm just sayin'.

This didn't happen in my backyard this year. I'm a little bitter.

What I want isn't asking too much.

I haven't posted in a while. I've been sick. I know I know...big surprise. Not sick H1N1 sick, but really sick. I'm actually headed to the Mayo Clinic on the 19th. Thank God for that....this is not what the post is about.

Here is a list of things I was thinking about over the past few days. I would like a few things to happen. Nothing dramatic. Just a couple of things. Not for any particular reason, but because...I want them to change or be better, or just do what the hell I want.

1. I want my kids to NOT write on each other with markers. They're 3 and 5 for crying out loud. Really? (this one shouldn't even be here. They totally know better, but because I'm too weak to fight them....this is what happens.)

2. I want to have a Dian Friday again. Not soon, but again. Sometime.

3. In an effort to "battle the bulge", I found that becoming extremely sick, eating virtually nothing for 2 weeks, and barely getting water down, is NOT, I repeat NOT the best diet plan out there. Besides, yoga pants are pretty much one-size-fits-all. Learn a new healthy lifestyle. (this one is funny. It really is.)

4. I would love to go to the North Shore with my family and hike in the fall air. It's already fall here. Cold, sunny, crisp, and yells for me to make apple pie. I would like to eat apple pie.

5. I want to do a playdate again. Now the kids have started school, I can't do them anymore. It's disrupting my life. I don't have playdate time. Which means no grown up time with their parents/my friends. *sigh*

Ok....now just somethings the kids have said to me over the past few weeks, that are definitely things I wish I had a video camera to catch.

I asked Miles why he was watching his sister's Barbie princess movies. He told me, "it helps me understand the girls at school better mom."

Claire told Ryan he had "a booger hanging out of his nose, like a monkey hangs out of a tree."

Miles told me he tries to sit with the girls at circle time and they keep moving away from him. I asked him how come. He said, "because they're girls and they don't like me and C (C is his new friend)." I asked him what he did about it. He said, " I told them, "girls I'm done with this business!" and then just ignored them."

Now...I'm going to attempt to make dinner. Dry toast and water. Ha ha...my mom used to tell me that if I was bad when I got older, I would go to jail and they would only serve me bread and water. Apparently you CAN survive on it.

Little Mantrap Lake and Itasca State Park

Our last big trip of the year. We went to my aunt and uncle's cabin in Park Rapids MN.


My uncle built it himself with his own two hands. It's beautiful. My aunt is no slouch at decorating either. It's like escaping to a lodge that we don't have to pay for.



We canoed, boated, and hiked at Itasca State Park. It was so beautiful and relaxing. I certainly didn't want to come home, but sadly, I got sick and here we are at home. Just a few more photos of our lovely weekend.

Food for thought

Ever wonder who really reads your blog? I do. This followers thing is nice. I have gotten to know (as well as one can over the internet) people who are a little like me.

People who make me laugh daily. People who make me think about "stuff" daily. I don't comment on a lot of blogs. Pretty much just a few. And those are people I really know in the "real" world, or can't stand to NOT comment.

My favorite, is when my friends, comment about a post I have written, by sending me an email. It's funny.

If I had one wish regarding with this blog.....it would be.....to know who is really reading it. Everyone. I like to know that stuff. I want to know who you are. Cause I'm a nosey fucker like that.

Oh...if I got another wish, it would be world peace and the destruction of my ex-husband. Oh shit...that's 2 more.

I want a magic fairy

I'm tired. Already. It's the beginning of the school year, and I can't believe how tired I am.

My poor Miles-y is exhausted. He's not used to school everyday. And homework. And the rules that involve doing homework when you get home, and before video games are played. Yesterday he was sitting at the kitchen table, tearing up, telling me "how tired he was." Yet when I asked what he was going to do if I let him leave the table he said play with Legos. Wah wah waaaaahhhh. Sorry pal. If you have energy to 'lego' you have energy to color 5 more shapes.

Then began the lecture about how homework HAS to be done before anything else. He didn't like this. I have to say, I am thankful I have a friend who also puts homework and school first. Miles is used to seeing their oldest be told, "homework!" Almost every Friday night last year. So when I said....."remember how "G" had to do his homework no matter what?" The lightbulb went on. And then dimmed when the realization hit, that he no longer was a "kid" with no responsibilities. Poor baby.

I have also been running back and forth to White Bear Lake which is about 10-15 miles from our house, depending on where I actually am going in that city. But I am doing it a minimum of three times a day, two to three times a week. That is a lot of time logged in the car. UGH. I hate it.

Claire has pre-school there. And I have meetings there for the pre-school. Drive drive drive.

Not to mention the plethora of household things that need to be done. AND Ryan is leaving town AGAIN for 2 weeks. Texas and Florida.

I always loved schedules. I thrive on them. I am a better mom with them. Or so I thought. I realize now, I am good with schedules if I AM THE ONE SETTING THE SCHEDULE. I don't like being bossed around with my scheduling. It actually makes me salty. And not salty delicious. Salty, I-want-to-scratch-someone's-face-if-I-have-to-do-what-they-say salty. But I'm not bitter. I'm just tired. And I have to drive more today. Again. Oh, I suppose I'm having a pity party. Sorry there's no cake and ice cream. That could actually help right now.

I would like a magic fairy who will drive my kids back and forth, clean my house, pack for our trip tomorrow, make dinner, run the meeting tonight at the pre-school, and bake me a chocolate cake with homemade vanilla ice cream. Oh, and also get Miles to do his flipping homework without tears. That's not asking a lot. And I would like this fairy to stay FOREVER. Thank you.

The Fountain of Youth

I watched the MTV VMA's again last night. Even though last year I said I would never do it again.

What can I say? I have a sickness. But to my surprise, I knew about 98% of the award recipients. And most of the nominees. Unbelievable.

I also have to say, I knew pretty much all of the songs. Mostly due in part to my addiction to trashy morning radio, and my personal fave, Perez Hilton.

Just a few notes.

1: This year was to be a tribute to Michael Jackson as well as the VMA's. Michael's video montage was pretty cool. It opened the show. All introduced by Madonna, and winding up with a performance by Janet Jackson. But then for 2 straight hours. No mention of the man. Eh. I like Michael Jackson, but I don't LOVE Michael Jackson. So it was ok with me.

2: Even though Kanye verbally and rudely protested Taylor Swift's win for best female video. He's damn ballsy. Gotta like that.

3: Beyonce or however you spell her name, doesn't have to sing anymore. She just has to have a track playing in the background, wear a sparkly swim suit, and dance around in high heels. All the while her flowing locks are whipping around with a wind machine on her. Sad. And SHE is the reason Kanye protested poor little Taylor Swift's win. Whatev.

4: Never saw Taylor Swift look so.....stunned.

5: Saw an awesome preview for the new MTV challenge. I am sadly SADLY super addicted to that hot mess. I can't even deny it, it's so bad. That dirty little secret is out there.

6: Jennifer Lopez must have some kind of ego on her. She was there at the awards with her husband. All at the same time her ex husband danced around with Janet Jackson, and her ex boyfriend presented. AWK-WARD.

All in all...I feel young again. Or as Ryan indicated....pathetic. The eye roll kinda told me how he felt about the whole show. And so what? When our kids are teenagers, I'll be the "cool" parent, and Ryan will be "that" dad. Tee hee.

WIN for mommy T-Pants.

Kindergarten blues

Well. Not much to report. Miles started kindergarten on Friday.
Miles before school.

Aaaaaaaaand Miles AT school before the flood gates opened up.


I guess if I look real close, I can see the trepidation in his face. I must not have been paying attention.

The day started out fine. Big breakfast of whatever he wanted for the first day of school. Playtime with his sister. Some cartoons. And then lunch. (He goes to afternoon kindergarten) Promptly at 11:45 I said..."let's get going!"

And they were all at the door. That was until Miles said to me...."gotta go poop." That's his "stall" tactic as of late. The kid can spend 45 min just putzing around in the tinkletorium. It just is painful waiting for him. But not this time.

I could tell my ummm....hormones....were gonna kick in as soon as his little smirk and shoulder shrug accompanied the comment. Ugh! So I said, "fine! But hurry up because we have to leave 3 minutes ago!" Which in turn freaked my kid out. My kid who doesn't like to be timed to eat his meal, but that's another story. Let's just say he hates HATES to be rushed. So the tears start.

JESUS!!!!

Well he was able to get it together. We all drive him to school. I took his pictures, and then told his teacher he had to go to the bathroom when they had the chance. I'm new to the whole...public school thing. I have no idea what the rules are anymore. She says fine. As we are leaving, I hear Ryan say, "bye buddy! Have a great day!"

Then...."Mom? I think I'm a little scared?!"
Shit. I thought we were going to be great. But not so much. So I tell him he will be fine. He will have fun. All the stuff you're supposed to tell yourself when you drop your kid off for the first time at the "big" school. And he starts up with the wailing. All I can think is...Shit shit shit!

As we walk away, I can sense Ryan is ready to turn back. He is NOT digging on leaving his crying boy at school. I on the other hand know that is exactly what we are supposed to do, no matter how much it sucks for us. So I drag Claire by the hand and loudly under my breath I say, "KEEP WALKING! KEEP WALKING!! KEEP WALKING!!!" And we did.

Needless to say. Once he got into the building. He loved it. He apparently stopped crying before they got into school. When we picked him up, he told us all about green cards, and how one kid kept laying on the floor and got a yellow card (that's bad I guess), and that he loves school. And can he please take the bus now?

Why couldn't we go back to this? Our last "REAL" summer day. Actually the day before he went to kindergarten but...it was hot so.....


Eh. We do it all over again tomorrow. I hope he will do what he says and not cry again. I'm putting him on the bus.

Side note..I didn't cry about my 'baby' starting school until I knew he was fine. And then it was just.not.pretty.

Three is big!!!

Today was Claire's first day of preschool. She went last year, but it wasn't "the big kid's room!"

And she made the transition exceptionally well. I was really gearing up to be a bit teary, but when she said..."group hug! Aaaaaaaand now bye." I was ok. Because clearly she was too. And couldn't get rid of us fast enough.

This year was very different for us though. She is the first of our kids to stay for lunch at school. Different because I didn't think it was necessary before, but now I need it for timing. I need to drop Miles off at Kindergarten and then pick up Claire. Timing is key in this decision. I hate it. I love having lunch with Claire. She talks about crazy things. Non stop talking. It makes lunchtime feel like some kind of comic relief. Mostly because Miles is taking hours to eat. AND I DO MEAN HOURS.

And Miles will be starting Kindergarten on Friday. I can guarantee tears will spill. There is NO doubt about that.

I have GOT to see this movie.

Yeah....I know.....Ryan said he saw the preview and he really wants to see it.

I have a sick addiction to movie previews. Let me explain. Anyone who knows me and has gone to a movie with me knows, if I miss even ONE preview, I will leave the theater, return my ticket and get one for the next showing. No shit.

Thankfully, none of my friends are crazy enough to test that. Cause I.Will.Leave.

That being said...when Ryan told me about this movie, I ran to my computer, and dug around to find the trailer.

Zombieland

You want to see it too. I know it. And if you go with me, you better get your popcorn early.

Bugs Bunny where are you?

I can't be silent anymore about this epidemic that is taking over television as we know and love it.

Nickelodeon's "Fresh Beat Band" aka "The Jumparounds" aka "My ears and eyes are bleeding now!"

First, look to see what has subsequently ruined my mornings. Skip a head to the 52 second mark. I don't want to torture you more then necessary.

The Fresh Beat Band

Now....I let my kids watch cartoons for a bit in the morning. Primarily because they like it. But also, Miles has to patch his eye for 2 hours a day, and the doctor prefers if he were sedentary for at least part of it, focusing his eye on tv or something. (What doctor recommends tv? Ours does I guess.)

The only channels they can watch is Noggin or PBS. They have been opting for Noggin since we got the satellite tv. I chose these channels because there aren't commercials. I don't want to hear, "mom I want that!!!" all during breakfast.

So Noggin, for those of you who may not have kids, or TV (eh ehmmm, Kelly) Noggin is a Nickelodeon channel. And Nick...has developed this new show.

They promote it incessantly during the morning hours. But the "white rapper, Twist" just kills me. I can't stand him. He's clearly lip syncing his "rap". I know the others are lip syncing, but really...most rappers will at least really rap. Oh, and he's the geekiest rapper I have ever seen. Letter sweater? Oh my god. I'm not saying he should be all "hood", but what I am saying is....well....I don't know what I'm saying. I say it annoys the hell out of me.

My kids know how much I hate it. They laugh every.single.time it comes on and say, "MOM!!! You're favorite SHOW is on." Those little butts. And then Miles is sure to tell me that, "That tall guy is your FAAAAVORITE right mom?" Ha ha ha....little turd.

They did watch an entire episode while we were in Omaha NE in the hotel. I don't think they cared for it, but they soldiered through just to torture me. Everytime they sang on the show, Miles and Claire would look at me like..."see that mom...ha ha ha you hate it don't you? We revel in your misery." I know that's what they were thinking.

Well....that's all I had to say about that. I miss that waskally wabbit.

Oh Joan Cusack..you are one funny lady!

I just watched a "made for Lifetime" movie, 'Acceptance'. Staring Joan Cusack. She is hilarious. I love her.

Lifetime movie you ask? Yep. I may have 2 kids and be a stay at home, but I also have bad insomnia and a DVR. Lifetime movies...well they make me feel a tiny bit better about not sleeping at 3 in the morning. I mean....they are mindless, women-centric, fluff. And it pretty much helps me sleep after a while. I used to watch QVC and HSN to fall asleep, but that didn't help. The people would just annoy me. I've tried reading too, but I find I get so caught up in whatever book I'm reading, it seems fairly counter productive.

Anyway....getting back to Joan.....I find her very very entertaining. She always plays the super quirky, goofy faced sidekick, or "stick in the mud/stick up the ass" teacher/mother/sister/friend. But she does it with much humor.

This movie I watched, it was ok. But that Joan. Hilarious. She plays a rich mother who doesn't know her "troubled" teen and can't relate to her at all. I mean...major teen angst. There is the 'rebel' clothing, the blue hair, the screw-you-world attitude, and of course, with a Lifetime movie, there's some kind of destructive behavior. In this particular movie it's cutting.

Joan is the mother who doesn't get it, pushes her kid too far and then realizes in the end her daughter is a wonderful person who needs help because she and her husband really are the ones who screw up their kid. But she plays it in a way, that I was laughing during most of the scenes she was in. I think it's the way she scrunches up her face. Or looks wide eyed at her kid waiting for her kid to "get it". Or her voice. Hilarity.

The best part about this movie, is the story line. It is touted as a movie about teens and what they do to get into college. And the pressures to be accepted to their #1 college of choice. Stupid really. But it had Joan in it, so I recorded it. If I had Tivo, it would have recorded it for me without my asking. I miss my Tivo. Cause Tivo knew what I liked. Tivo loved me unlike stupid DVR, which I have to program myself all the time. And Tivo just knew what I wanted and gave it to me no questions asked....sorry...side tracked for a sec.

I have often loved the movies Joan does with her brother John too. (This has nothing to do with my re-occurring dream about John Cusack being my boyfriend either. Jump down to #18 ) My favorite being Say Anything. Although she plays that character pretty straight. I would say one of her most out there roles would be in Sixteen Candles. What with the head gear and all....trying to drink from the water fountain....Oh lord.

Clearly I'm tired. Clearly I have overdosed in the land of make believe, if I am writing a post regarding my love of Joan Cusack. Clearly I have a problem. Clearly.

*post written at 4 am* Sad really.

Wahhhh...Boo hoo.......

Today I took Miles to meet his Kindergarten teacher. Just a meet and greet as it were. He has a bit of anxiety about starting a new school and meeting new kids. So I emailed his teacher, and we set up an early meeting.

I have to start off by saying....years ago, I received a phone call from my BFF. She was crying. A lot. Her youngest had just started Kindergarten. I felt bad for her. She was pretty upset, so we chatted until her laughing/sobbing settled. Then when I told Ryan about it, I kinda didn't get it. I said I understood why she was upset, but that I probably won't cry "like that" when my kids go to school for the first time.

Jump ahead several years. Here I am. Trying not to blubber like a kid who dropped their ice cream in the sand. I mean it too. I want to cry. Loudly. Like a baby. But I can't. I don't want to scare the crap out of Miles. And it would. Definitely would.

I just know the first day, when I drop him at the flag pole and his teacher takes him into the school.....Oh....God....

I'm glad Ryan is going to be home that day. And BFF.....you promised to be on call. Even if you DO have a kid going into high school....we can commiserate together.

Baby Miles.

OOOOmaHHHAAAAA!!!

We made it. Well, with the exception of a speeding ticket. Ha ha ha....Ryan and his, "I never get pulled over, and if I do I never get tickets." So much for that theory.

Miles has asked me several times, "can you make sure we don't get pulled over again? It's embarrassing." Hilarious.

Omaha isn't what I thought. Yes there is a lot of corn. And according to my friend Kyle and his 'Google' expertise, I learned it is exceedingly humid here BECAUSE of the corn. Interesting tidbit. Thanks Kyle.

We spent most of the first day acclimating and navigating. Where we are, looks a lot like Maple Grove MN. A lot of outdoor shopping centers. A lot of chain restaurants in newer buildings, but they are still Olive Garden, TGIFridays, Applebees and Famous Daves. I did see an Omaha Steaks Store. (Looks like you'll be getting A steak Jill.)

Today is a zoo. It is such a big deal, that when we got stopped in Iowa, the highway patrol encouraged us to go there. Again with the hilarious. He was super nice. Ryan was super lucky.

That's it so far. I did have some really delicious Scotch Ale at a local brewery last night....yummmy beer.

My cell doesn't work here though. I don't get it. It worked yesterday. But not so much today. Oh well. Ryan is convinced that there is a cellular black hole over Omaha NE.

More later.....

Oh. Claire peed the hotel bed last night. The entire bed was soaked, with the exception of my little 2 foot corner. And I only found out about it because her cold wet little body was smashed up against mine. She NEVER does that. I feel terrible. I guess too much swimming and hot cocoa. They don't mix FYI.

I'm going to Omaha.

So I have put it out there on my facebook page. Anyone who knows what the hell to do in Omaha Nebraska with 2 kids...please I beg you, let me know.

We are venturing to Omaha NE tomorrow. We have decided that if we want to see Ryan at all this month, we must travel with him. And that means we are headed to the beautiful hip happening city of Omaha.

I know I sound so positive about this experience. *Did you hear that sarcasm?* I sound like a city snob. I imagine Omaha has....corn....livestock....and Starbucks. At least that's what Ryan said. And what city doesn't have a Starbucks these days? I think, quite possibly the Amish drink Starbucks. It just takes longer to grind the beans.

My girlfriend told me there was a nice zoo there. *sigh* Aaaaaand....that's about it. I found online that they have a Botanical Gardens in the area. But it's gonna be raining and a million degrees when we visit. I am sure I have made it pretty clear about how much I love heat. So...I will be bringing the umbrellas and some sort of self cooling system. Although the kids will love the umbrellas.

But..whatelse? What the hell do I do? I can only swim in the e-coli infested hotel pool for so long before my skin melts off from all the chlorine. And really? Gross. I am about as much a fan of the swimsuit as it is of me. Even if I WILL never see you again. I don't like it.

Ryan assured me, that where we are staying, is like a fancy suburb. Ugh. Not only will I not know where I am, but I will have to be picked apart visually by parents wearing "Bebe" or "Juicy Couture", Double size 00, and plastic surgery up the wazoo. While I'm "happily" schlepping my kids around in my rolled up jeans and t-shirt. Lost. Cause I didn't check google maps before I left. Meh.....like I said....never gonna see you again anyway. So balls out I guess.

My kids are just excited to stay in a hotel. Like their life isn't "pampered" enough, they want room service too. Hilarious.

I just hope they allow late check out. On the last day Ryan will most likely work until around 5. I have some plans, but the last time we traveled with him, we checked out of the hotel at noon, went to play for a bit, had the kids fall asleep in the car, and I had no where to go. So I sat like a "stalker" in some waterpark, parking lot with the car running, air on, and 2 sleeping kids for 2 hours. Creepy. Don't want to re-live that again.

But.....we will be together. That's what matters. Cause after this trip, when Ryan travels, it will be sans us. School starts, and Kindergarten frowns on taking your kid out of school just to see dad for a week.

She doesn't play by those rules

I was inspired to title this post, as I was complaining to my friend via gmail chat.

My daughter does not play by not just MY rules, but any rules laid out in the parent/child universe. And it really is starting to bum me out.

Case in point...since Ryan has been out of town, Claire is hard pressed to go to bed before....11:30pm.

Now, I am a huge fan of schedules. My kids have to go to bed between 8 and 8:30. With the exception of a few times here and there. I'm not that stringent, but I like to have a set bedtime for two reasons. The first is...it's good for the kids. Second....I like some "no kid" time. Just a little. An hour or two. But unless I have Ryan take them out of my face...it doesn't happen until they go to bed. And as Ryan has been out of town for the past 2 weeks. Well you get the picture.

So as I was saying. There is Claire. Up later then me. I mean it. She is monkeying around until I fall asleep. And then I can only assume she falls asleep at some point.

Last night was the worst yet. She started the day at 8am. Not bad. Then spent the entire day running around at the zoo. In the rain. With other kids. No nap after that, thanks in part to the tornado warnings blowing off every second. And then proceed with the regularly scheduled programming for the night. Dinner with some friends over. Dessert. Bath. Books. Sitting up for bed. And I was hopeful everyone would be out at 8. Nope. Miles? Done at 8:15. Snoring his fool head off. Claire...not so much.

She went to my room. After I put her to bed. Meandered through the bathroom and hallway. Found some peppermint lotion in the linen closet. Shot peppermint lotion throughout my room and on her pj's, (I have no idea but I smelled it throughout the upstairs), and was sitting next to her brother, who was dead to the world, holding his hand. She said she, "didn't want to be alone." Oh for the love! If it wasn't so annoying it would have been darling. But it was 11pm. I was tired. She wasn't, and proceeded to bawl about how she was tingly on her arm and legs. Damn peppermint.

Doesn't the girl know that when grown ups say "go to bed" it really means "go to bed so I can be ALONE for more then 5 minutes?"

Apparently she didn't get the memo.

By midnight, the girl was asleep. And yes I woke her up early. We have to be somewhere this morning. But, holy crap is she chipper this morning too. I don't get it.

Two birthday parties and a tornado

I am finally getting the photos up. It took me so long, because....well....I have no motivation as of late. Oh well...anyway they are here now.

Miles' party was a hit. Lunch, movie theater, and the play time. Star Wars and Legos all around.

Claire's party was good too. Girly tea party. Pink. pink. pink. Gross! Gross! Gross!

I have not posted photos of other kids, as I don't have permission. And I really don't want to have to ask for it from multiple parents. But there were approximately 6 boys at Miles' party and about 12 little girls at Claire's.

It has actually taken me this long to get over it. The parties were taxing.

We are currently sitting in the basement under a tornado warning. Kids under a blanket. Don't ask me why.

Miles' party setup. Very Star Wars.


Claire's party setup. Imagine flamingos vomiting all over my kitchen.


And......the worry warts. Gotta love em'

Barky/Yippy dogs....Grrrr.....

The other night was a lovely night here in Minnesota. It was cool and breezy and not at all humid. Quite a shift from the horrific humid/bring-your-own-knife-to-go-outside-and-cut-through-the-air weather.

And I revel in the notion of sleeping with my house WIDE open. Curtains (if I had them) blowing in the breeze.

But at about 3:00 am I am slapped in the eardrums. No, not from Claire and her Diego adventures. No no...I hear this....woo woo woooooo....woo woo wooooo....woo woo woooo.

Over and over. Non-stop. For 3 and half hours. I know where it's coming from.

Over the past few weeks, it has been too hot to have the house open completely. Well not so much hot as humid. But having the house open, reminded me that, in fact, several yards away, we have a neighbor, who lets their stupid, yippy, yappy, howling, barking dog out at 3 am. EVERY NIGHT. And I swear...that frickin dog is out to get me.

What dog do you know that barks NON STOP for hours. I mean...no breaks...just howling and barking all night long. It's annoying. Other neighbors have said they notice it too. And it drives them nuts. Cause it's high pitched and loud. One neighbor called the police cause it went on for so darn long. But...the dog kept barking.

I don't blame the dog, although by 4 am I am pretty sure I'm swearing AT the dog. But I completely blame the owner. Bad dog owner! And....here's some food for thought....can they NOT hear that incessant barking and carrying on? I can. And they aren't all that close to me. Annoying.

I feel bad for Ryan. He had to get up to leave at 4:30, but he was up at 3 with, "the dog" as we call it. And it's not even ours. Oh and to add insult to no sleeping injury, the kids have both been sleeping through the night.

It is better then the "wild pack" of dogs that once in a while go bonkers in the middle of the night, and sound like they have some kind of wild animal to rip to shreds. That is a sound...I do not like.At.All.

The Sleepytime Gods just don't want Ryan and myself sleeping past 3 am apparently. But I can only assume the weather will turn more in my favor. I will sleep with the house open. And I will probably invest in earplugs....Hmmm.....maybe not a bad idea. Claire is 3 now......she can fend for herself.

Darn you Google!

Recently someone I know, who blogs, was accosted by an anonymous "commenter". She is a little put off by the situation. The problem being, she runs a campground, and the "anonymous" person happens to be staying at her campground. They are verbally assaulting her. She fully acknowledges that she is the one who puts it out there. That her name is on the blog, and she is the one who is publishing it for the internet world to see. However....threats....not cool.

That being said....I definitely try to be somewhat anonymous myself when it comes to MY name. This blog of mine has my initials only. But not because I am big fat chicken who can't handle the criticism that my posts my sometimes incite. No no..it is to remain "private" from my ex husband. Who in my mind deserves a quick swift kick to the groin, among other things. But certainly not a window into my new lovely life.

My Facebook account is completely private. You can't find me unless you know my friends. And people. I AM NOT FRIENDS WITH JUST ANYONE. Numbers on Facebook mean nothing to me. I am not even searchable.

However. Due to the fact I have a crazy ex. (And let's face it, who doesn't in this day and age?) Ryan will do a Google search every once in a while to find my name.

Today....I told him about my friend's "situation". He said..."when you are on the internet, YOU ARE OUT THERE. Anyone can find your stuff. ANYONE."

I assured him...Ha HA!!!!! I am not! I keep my blog pretty private. Well at least I never put my full name. (Try to find me Google!) And I am private non-searchable with Facebook. Other then that, I don't have anything else internet wise.

He promptly entered my name into Google. And BAM! There is was...several sites down...but there nonetheless. AND with a link to this, here, "incognito" blog. Crap. I had at some point commented ON A FRIEND'S blog with my real name. Shit shit double shit! Stupid if you ask me.

So sorry friend....I will have to delete my comment I made on your blog about a million years ago...and hope to god that someone else with my name puts that link in the deep dark reaches of the world wide web.

Google. You are too damn good.

Smoking

Today my friend B came for dinner. He's a smoker. Again. But Miles gave him the disapproving eye and said...."smoking will make your lungs black." When B asked if it was ok to go out and smoke, Miles said, "sure." But with THAT tone.

I told Miles, sometimes I want to smoke too, but I don't. I asked him if he knew why I don't. Here is his response verbatim.

"You know that smoking makes your lungs black, even though black IS your favorite color, you think black lungs are gross."

If you could hear his little, tiny, slow, deliberate voice. It's hilarious. Then he informed me..."he knows these things."

Bet he doesn't know I want to smoke a lot more then just after dinner tonight. *sigh*

*And Kelly, I will often return to your blog to see your smoking photo. Just cause you put it out there JUST FOR ME.*

I got nada.

Ryan is gone.

Claire and Miles are sleeping. They should be since it's 11 pm.

I have spent more time with my girlfriend Anne and her baby in the past few days, we joke we could just get married. Minus the "intimate" details. Our kids get along so well. Miles and Claire love little "P". Claire is going to marry him. I know it.
And since our husbands work together, you know that means they are travelling all over the damn place at the same time. Not together. But they are gone nonetheless. So why not.

I have a semi clean house, only because I haven't been home to mess it up thoroughly enough to warrant real cleaning.

My friend B is coming over tomorrow. We are grilling a turkey. He bossed me around about the brine. And so now I have raw turkey floating in a salt and sugar water/spice solution in my fridge. Sounds yummy. Miles totally won't eat it either. I'm gonna have to grill up some kind of hot dog. ugh.

And that is pretty much it. I have little to no energy to finish thank you cards for the kid's birthday gifts. Which is killing me, cause I am sooo that mom. And I really want to get that darn birthday photo/party post up, cause you won't believe how much pink I allowed in my house for Claire's party. But I am too wiped. Sad and pathetic? Absolutely.

Some days are just a wear-your-helmet-upside-down-and-backwards kind of day

Look what napping gets you

This is what Ryan does when left alone with the kids for 2 hours. They become Ghostbusters. Complete with proton packs, PKE Meter, and ghost traps. Claire even knows part of the theme song, and Miles is going around telling everyone they've been slimed. Seriously! Look at the cabling that is connected to their backpacks. Oh my god.

I married a nerd.

Ryan thinks Tinkerbell is a Bitch.

Tonight is family movie night. We don't have them all that often, but when we do, we have fun. It's a nice "cool down" from the girly tea party we had for Claire's birthday today. (photos of the parties to come later)

The kids have really been into the "Classic" Disney movies. A few weeks ago we saw Alice in Wonderland. The kids loved it. Tonight they chose Peter Pan.

Here are the reasons I don't care for it. And we are only 35 minutes in.

*Tinkerbell sees her ass in a mirror, and worries she is fat. No kidding. She measures her size 00 pixie butt.

*Peter Pan calls Wendy "girl" when telling her to sew his shadow back on his feet.

*Tinkerbell tries to kill, KILL Wendy. And when confronted about it, says yeah so what? Not in so many words, but well...enough for Miles to say..."that's not cool"

*Peter Pan tells the boys and the Lost boys to "go hunt some Injuns."

*The mermaids taunt Wendy and admit they are, "just trying to drown her tee hee." And Peter just laughs and says to Wendy, "see they are just playing." Huh?

That is about all I can handle. I mean...Geez. Must have been made before the Women's Rights Movement. Oh and the Equal Rights Movement.

And Tinkerbell is soooo popular right now. Claire received Tinkerbell stuff like crazy today. God....it's disappointing

I think I am going to stick to the psychedelic Disney movies. Fantasia anyone?

Really? That's a lot of magic wands.

I should have found a way to be a Harry Potter kid.

Happy "BURP" Day

Miles turns 5 today. He woke, less sick then yesterday, which is wonderful. He went downstairs, slapped on his little eye patch, and proceeded to play video games with Ryan, who has taken the rest of the week off in preparation for working out of town for the next 5 weeks. *BOO*

We started the morning with my "world famous pancakes". Labeled so by Miles. They are his favorite. Turkey sausage, grapes, and whatever juice they wanted. (For some reason we have a crazy big array of juices this week.)

Claire decided to break her sausages apart, making them kiss, and tell each other how much they love each other. Then proceeded to eat them. While saying, "ahhhh don't eat me...." In the tiniest of voices too. Miles insisted on announcing it was his "burp" day. Over and over and over. Until his sister was laughing uncontrollably, and his dad burped so loud the windows shook.

Miles' first gift was matching running shorts with his dad. They like matching things.

He got Lego kits, and Star Wars. That's all. And he was sooo happy.

I can't believe he is 5. I'm sad but happy at the same time. Next stop....kindergarten. *sigh*

Claire turns 3

With very little fanfare, my little girl has turned 3. She woke up happy. Got sick. Opened her gifts. And is currently playing with said gifts. Her day is the same as every other day. With the exception of new toys.

For a sick kid, she sure looks happy. Must be due in part to the BBQ sauce she just tried to sell Ryan for $400.

ANOTHER public service announcement that You should all pay attention to damn it!

If your kids are sick. Or have been sick, with fever, within the past 24 hours. Keep them the hell at home! I don't care if you THINK they are ok. They aren't.

When you bring your sick kids around my healthy kids. My kids get sick. On their birthdays. Like Claire is sick today. ON HER BIRTHDAY! And Miles is getting. And will be I am sure of it, by Thursday. Which is his birthday!

And you explain to my daughter why she can't have her tea party with friends on Saturday. Tell her, you didn't care that other people were around, you just wanted to have your fucking fun.

So in conclusion. Pay attention to your kid's health, and start having some consideration for other's who do give a shit about having sick kids.

Thanks. The management. OF TWO SICK KIDS!!!!!

*note....this post is to everyone who has kids. Everyone*

Purple fingers....not a new fashion statement

Last night I SLAVED over Miles' birthday cake. R2-D2. Oh my lord. I am not a cake decorator, despite my baking ability. But I attempted to use fondant.

It was terrible. It was like rolling out a very nice pie crust. However, coloring it? Whole other story.

You have to use this gel food coloring. Fine. Just a little bit and then kneed it into the fondant. Gross. The colors were blue and black. Then I used silver edible paint for the silver part.

My fingers are purple. Under my nail bed? It looks like I was gardening and just didn't give a shit about washing my hands. Ugh.

And to top it all off....when I was done, my almost 5 year old informed me I didn't do a part correctly. He wasn't being a dick. He was being a geek. A 5 year old Star Wars geek. If you have one, you know what I'm talking about. If you ARE one...sorry.

Anyway...here it is. In it's Star Wars glory.

Like I said...I am NOT a cake decorator. But I have a semi happy almost 5 year old.
And for Claire's cake, which needs to be made for next week's "girly birthday tea party"? I will be ordering cupcakes. Shaped into a butterfly. Thank you Super Target.

And yes, I have 2 kids with birthdays 2 days apart. I know you feel a little sorry for me.

*I also hate my kitchen floor. Just putting that out there.*

Lasagna dinner and other adventures

Last night we had the neighbor girl over for dinner. I don't know how it happened. One minute her and her dad were here to play Wii. And the next, she is running off with Claire telling her dad to "go home!" So he did. And she stayed for dinner.

She's 2.

I told the girls dinner was almost ready. We were having lasagna and stuff. They both seemed pretty happy about it. Miles made his regular oh-shit-you-know-I-don't-eat-that face, and our friend Brian just sat on the sofa and drank beer. (He had already eaten. I didn't just ignore him.)

Per usual, Miles got a different dinner, cause I sure wasn't going to sit through another hour and a half bawl fest over lasagna. *note to self.....knock that shit off*
And we all commenced eating.

Now I have been told that our little dinner guest rarely eats, and has atrocious table manners. Uh....at who's house? Certainly not ours. She used her fork, she used a napkin, and said please and thank you. Best I can ask for. And dinner was a go.

Then they started to get a little giggly. But that is ok, cause it's cute. Suddenly Claire busts out with this gem. Mind you, I have no idea how the train of thought went.

"I looooove Pasagna!"
"Pasagna!"
"LaJana"
"Vasagna"
"VAJANA!!!!" "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm eating vaJana!!!!"

Then her little friend said, "hee hee hee hee VAJANA! VAJ!"

Ryan was red faced holding in the laughter.

Miles joined in and threw in the token, "penisJana." I have no idea how it went on so long. I guess it just happened really fast and when I type it out it seems longer. Yeah...that's what I'm going with.

So "mom" had to step in, and say, "Ok girls..that's enough potty talk."

And they were done. For a second.

Little neighbor then announced she needed her booster seat. To which Claire quickly assured her what she really needed was a "booty seat". Loud laughter.

And then, the pièce de résistance, little neighbor girl yells out, and I mean YELLS OUT, "STINKY BUTT HOLE!" Over and over.

I swear to you Miles almost lost his milk. He laughed so loud I was surprised it didn't fly across the table. Now, understand, my kids don't say that. They say other things, but they know for a fact, THEY CANNOT SAY THAT. Why? I have no idea. But for some reason they didn't repeat it, they just laughed their fool heads off.

And that is how my dinner was last night. How was yours?

Un-fricking-believe-able

Ha.....I have a friend who is Vietnamese. She and I have been comparing stories about how people...yes probably even you....assume we are Chinese.

We aren't.

It's quite possibly the rudest thing ever. My friend Sk3tch always tells me I'm Hmong. And he doesn't pronounce it like it should be. He puts the emphasis on the H. So it's more like....Ha mong. But...he's an idiot. That's why I love him.

My girlfriend and I just think it's a joke. Would you go up to someone, randomly, not know them at all, and demand to know if they were a certain ethnicity? I sure wouldn't.

And white people? Really? Please don't do it. It's bad enough when other Asians ask, but it's just as bad when Caucasians do it.

Don't ask us, "WHAT ARE YOU?" with a look of pure disgust. Or....ask the same question with eager anticipation like you're gonna win some fucking prize on a gameshow if you get it right. Again. You won't. Most likely you will receive "the face".

The "face", is a polite, sympathetic, side smile. We tell you very nicely, "no I'm not". I certainly don't think you deserve to know "what I am", and in my head I'm thinking, "you fucking idiot. I should ask if you have a mental defect." But all the while....I'm smiling at you.

Just tired of it I guess. And for the record, I'm Korean. Adopted by Caucasians. Raised in suburban MN in the 70's.

This has been your public service announcement for today. Thanks.

Why I love him.

When Ryan and I first met, we were just friends. Drunk friends. For 2 years we only saw each other drunk. No, we didn't drink for 2 years straight. Of course I can only vouch for myself. We just saw each other at parties. And he was dreamy. But, I was dating someone else at the time.

Fast forward to 13 years later. (We've been together for 11 of those years) I have to say...I'm pretty darn happy with things. He's adorable. And awesome. He loves the kids a ridiculous amount. When I see him I think....hmmm.....yep, lucky girl.

Why am I gushing about my husband? Here's why. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine today, and we were re-hashing some old gossip. It's what we do. And I realized that after 11 years, Ryan is on the same page as me when it comes to our friends. He sees the same shit I do. Especially when it is fucked-up-beyond-recognition-shit. I can't be specific as there are no specifications...but suffice it to say, in the years past Ryan has been what I like to call...."oblivious to social situations". And this particular incident, HE was the one to bring up the "monkey business". I was just thinking it when we got into the car, but Ryan was the one to say..."what the fuck was that?"

See? LOVE HIM!!!!!